He left Reed alone to get his shower. He needed to put the last touches on dinner, which he’d delayed until Reed returned home. He knew Reed didn’t care if Lyle ate without him or not, but Lyle preferred to wait. He’d spent plenty of years eating alone already. Not that he had a problem eating alone, but it was nice, now that it looked like he had his soulmate, to wait to eat with Reed.
He was definitely worth the wait.
In more ways than one.
Chapter Eight
The people I’ve met through the Suncoast Society munches and through Venture have become the kind of friends I wish I’d had all throughout my adult life. Still, I have to keep a distance. Work, for starters. Not that I’m worried about my job security so much, but who knows if or when I’ll run across someone and it becomes an uncomfortable situation.
I also don’t want Nessie caught up in this. I don’t know if she’d understand, and as her brother, the last thing I want to do is add stress to her life. Maybe there will be a day when I can start broaching the subject to her, when I find a like-minded kinky partner I want to settle down permanently with, and who I can’t hide from her, or her from them.
Especially if it turns out to be a man instead of another woman.
No doubt, then I’ll have to have some conversations with her, hint around, so she isn’t totally caught unaware.
And if they don’t like Nessie, or she doesn’t like them, I won’t be making that mistake twice. I will not let anyone keep me from my sister.
They’ll also have to pass the Carlo sniff test. :)
For now, there’s no reason to lay this burden on her when things are going too well. It’s a secret that’s no problem for me to keep for now. It’s not hurting anyone. And the last thing I want to do is needlessly hurt her over something that…
Trip number four through Tony’s journal was more like a type of emotional masochism. She fought the urge to pick out every little time he’d put her before his own needs, even though she hadn’t realized it at the time, and chastised herself for being a sucky little sister.
Late Friday afternoon, Vanessa still wasn’t sure what to wear. A text to Jenny gave her the easy answer—comfortable.
She opted for a loose gypsy skirt and a blouse. They’d been a combo that Tony always said looked magnificent on her, so it felt right to wear the outfit. She wouldn’t be partaking in the class itself, although she thought she might stay to observe and be there with Jenny, if nothing else.
She’d spent the afternoon avoiding Tony’s laptop. She used his phone to get Facebook updates about the plans for the service, which it looked like would be the following Saturday, not tomorrow. That meant plenty of time for people to find out about it and for the organizers to secure a venue.
That would give her time to get word to his coworkers.
Former coworkers.
It also meant time for her to pull herself together so she hopefully wouldn’t fall apart during the event.
She’d gone back on her own computer and looked up the club again, sending the address to herself so she could pull it up on her phone for the GPS directions. She’d created herself an account on FetLife that morning, picking NessieR_FL as her handle.
Nessie had been his nickname for her. In big-brother-teasing-speak, sometimes she’d been the “Loch Ness Monster.” But never in a mean way.
Tony had never been mean to her. Ever. Even his teasing of her had borne love, affection. She’d never felt belittled or demeaned by him.
She’d listed herself as Tony’s sister on her FetLife profile, and she’d logged into his and listed her as his sister on his.
It had hurt, but in the good way. It felt like big brother was still looking out for her, in some small way. And, as he had done, she fudged her location as Antarctica, and posted the same profile pic Tony had: a bottle of hot sauce.
Again, it felt like the right thing to do.
She’d also listed herself as not applicable where it asked for her D/s role and sexual orientation. In the looking for section, she listed friends. For the information section, she went for simplicity.
Grieving sister looking for peace and solace and to connect with my brother’s friends. Nothing more.
It was the truth.
She hadn’t had the heart yet to change his profile to indicate his passing, but she would tomorrow. At least, that was her plan. Hopefully the people she met tonight would be as kind and welcoming to her as Tony had thought they were, and as friendly as Jenny had assured her they would be. If not, she’d delete her account and his and not look back.
After walking Carlo one last time, she headed out, her stomach a tight knot of nervous tension making it impossible for her to eat anything.
Jenny had suggested she go see her doctor and ask for a prescription to get her through the next few weeks, at least something to help her sleep, if nothing else.
Sleep wasn’t her problem, though. It was the lonely waking hours without Tony. Returning to work on Monday would be the next big hurdle, getting through the rounds of condolences, any cards, all of that.
Then coming home to an empty house that first night.
Tony had almost always been home before her, unless he had to work a rare late shift for some reason. He usually started his morning a couple hours earlier than her and returned home shortly after five. All the stores in the area that he supervised were less than an hour from their house in any direction.
Depending on her schedule, and where she had to drive on any given day, she might be home shortly after him, if she worked locally for the day, or return home late that evening, if she had to drive down south to one of those stores.
He almost always cooked for her, or made sure there were leftovers for her.
Another thing she’d miss, that he’d always had something healthy ready for her. When he’d moved in with her, he’d been appalled by her mostly TV-dinner diet. Yes, she had lost a few pounds since he’d lived with her, and her time working out had helped convert some of her fat to muscle, but she’d never be skinny.
Then again, she had hardly any appetite now. If she looked at the scale, she’d probably be shocked to see she’d lost a few pounds.
Not the healthiest way to lose them, sure, but she’d take the win.
It was the only one she had so far.
* * * *
There were already a few cars in the parking lot when she arrived at the club. Steeling herself, Vanessa walked in and was shocked to realize the office looked nothing like she’d imagined it would based on the books she read. Except for the BDSM implements for sale, it would have looked…
Boring.
A woman sitting behind the desk gave her a friendly smile. “Hi. Are you here for the class?”
She nodded. “I’ve never been here before.”
“No problem. First thing, I need to see a photo ID.”
Five minutes later, after filling out a liability waiver, Vanessa was ready to enter the club as a guest. Before she walked inside, she admitted something else. “My brother is…was a member here.”
“Was?”
She nodded. “That’s actually why I’m here tonight.”
“Oh. Will he be coming?”
“Um…no.” She finally broke the news to the girl, who looked sad. “Oh, I’m so sorry. I didn’t know him personally.” She seemed at a loss. “Would you like me to note that on his membership…” She trailed off, obviously unsure what to say next.
Vanessa saved her. “Yes, please. Thanks. I wasn’t sure what the protocol was.”
The girl turned to her computer. “We really don’t have one. We just highlight their name in the spreadsheet and add it to the notes section. Fortunately, we don’t have this problem very often. I’m really sorry.”
“I wanted to meet his friends and tell them in person, you know? I didn’t want to just post it on FetLife without having a chance for people to learn about it firsthand.”
The girl nodded. “I understand. I’m sure t
hey’ll appreciate that. That’s very kind of you. A lot of relatives wouldn’t be so understanding or sensitive.”
She sighed. “My brother wouldn’t want me to be anything but.”
Walking inside, again she was startled. It wasn’t what she thought a “dungeon” would look like. Certainly not the lavish surroundings suggested by romance novels. The house lights were up, and there wasn’t a single naked person in sight. If it hadn’t been for the bondage furniture off to her left, she would have thought she’d walked into a American Legion hall or something.
The books she’d read were flat wrong.
Figures.
Maybe they were lying about happily-ever-afters being out there, too.
She must have looked lost, because a woman smiled and walked over to her. “Hi, I’m Tilly. You look a little overwhelmed.”
“I am.” They shook. “Vanessa.”
“Never been to a rope class before?”
“Never been to a dungeon before.”
“Ah. Come on over and have a seat. We were just talking. I’ll introduce you around.”
“Thanks.”
Vanessa got settled and after the intros, she dove in. “Look, I need to admit something. I’m not just here for the class.”
Tilly, who’d remained standing, said, “You’re not?”
“No. I’m here because my brother was supposed to be here. And…I’m sorry to say this, but Tony died. I wanted to tell everyone in person.”
That seemed to grab everyone’s attention in a way she hadn’t expected. The room literally fell silent, the few people who hadn’t been sitting at the table now gathering close around it, shock and grief plainly evident on their faces.
Tilly finally spoke. She looked gut-punched. “I…I don’t know what to say.” She sounded like she might be sick as she slowly shook her head in stunned disbelief. “I can’t believe Shay didn’t call someone. Is she okay? When did this happen? What happened?”
Vanessa was still lost at the earlier part of Tilly’s question. “Who?”
“Shay…you know. Shayla. His wife?”
Vanessa frowned. “Who? Tony was divorced, not married. And her name was Kelly.”
Now Tilly frowned and started to say something when the door to the office opened again and a man and woman walked in.
The gathered group seemed to let out a relieved sigh all at the same time, some of them even breaking out into laughter.
Tilly’s head swiveled to take in the newcomers, then swiveled back to her. Her tone changed, too, now sounding wary. “What’d you say your name was, again?”
“Vanessa. Vanessa Riddick.”
Tilly clapped a hand over her eyes. Another tone change, this time to apologetic. “Okay, for starters, let me profusely apologize in advance, because I’m an idiot. Secondly, I’m truly sorry for your loss. And third, who, exactly, was your brother again?”
The man and woman walked over. “What’s going on?” he asked.
Tilly still had her hand clapped over her eyes and blindly gestured toward him with her other, then back to Vanessa. “Tony, meet Vanessa Riddick, who was just about to tell us more about how her brother, Tony, died.”
She finally dropped the hand covering her eyes and looked at Vanessa. “And as I’m sure you just guessed, you can see where my confusion stemmed from. This is our dear friend, Tony, and his wife, Shay.”
Vanessa felt slightly horrified. “Oh, my god, I’m so sorry. I didn’t mean to confuse you. I guess I should have told you my last name at the start. I wasn’t sure if anyone would know his real first name, much less his last name. He went by the name Basco on FetLife. Guess I should have called him that. Sorry.”
Now several of the people’s faces transformed from amused relief to grief again, including the two new arrivals.
“Basco died?” Tony asked. “Man, I’m so sorry.”
The woman with him clung to his arm and started tearing up, her gaze dropping to the floor.
Tilly’s expression turned somber. “Fuck.” She seemed to catch herself. “Sorry. Wow. I haven’t seen him in nearly a month. I’m really sorry. He was a nice guy.”
“What happened?” Tony asked.
This was the story she hadn’t wanted to tell but knew she had to. Despite her parents and her friends telling her she had nothing to feel guilty about, she still did. The people’s reaction quickly turned from relief to grief again as she told them about what happened, why she didn’t inform people sooner…
That she’d found out about his kinky side and wanted to personally meet the people who’d shared this side of his life with him.
Wanted to thank them for helping him enjoy and really live the past several years, for being there for him. To tell them her appreciation in person.
When she finished, more people had arrived, filled in with whispers by others on the fringes, and Vanessa realized she was sitting in the middle of over thirty people, including Jenny and her boyfriend, who’d slipped in toward the end of her telling it.
She took a deep breath. “So, that’s why I wanted to come here tonight.”
Tony cleared his throat. “Well, I think I speak for everyone here when I say we’re honored to have you here, and we’re truly sorry for your loss. Of course you’re welcomed here. If you have any questions, please, don’t hesitate to ask any of us. I think it’s very generous of you to come seek us out like this, and to be so understanding. You shouldn’t blame yourself for what happened. He was an adult. He held responsibility for his own actions. You can accept the blame, but it’s not yours to carry, and it’s an unnecessary burden you shouldn’t be shouldering in the first place.”
“If you want,” Tilly offered, “I’ll be happy to stick with you tonight. I’m alone tonight, anyway. My guys are on a business trip to their LA office.”
“Thank you. I’d appreciate that.” Despite the initial rocky start, Vanessa sensed Tilly felt badly over the clumsy way she’d handled Vanessa’s introduction to the group.
“Well,” Tony said, “let’s get started.”
“You’re the teacher?”
“I’m the teacher.” He offered her a kind smile. “Obviously, under the circumstances, I don’t expect you to participate. But feel free to ask any questions you’d like.”
“Did Tony—Basco. My brother. Did he do rope stuff?”
She’d have to get used to speaking of him by his scene name, not as his real name. Even though she’d given him the nickname in the first place, she’d usually called him Tony, and had since they were teenagers and she didn’t want to embarrass him in front of his friends.
She surely didn’t want to scare anyone else with the false alarm.
The truth was heartbreaking enough.
“He’d developed an interest in it, yes. He liked to be tied. I never suspended him, but I’m pretty sure Kel did, and possibly Scrye. I’m not sure if Scrye’s coming tonight, but I know Kel will be here later for the open play session, if you’d like to talk to him.”
“Thanks. I’d appreciate that.”
As she settled in to watch, she realized she felt far calmer than she thought she might. Someone had brought her a box of tissues at one point, but other than her initial tears, there was a…reassuring, calm energy in the room. Sad, but also filled with genuine compassion and friendship.
If that, for nothing else, she’d stay.
To not feel totally alone for a little while. To try to imagine how Tony had felt amongst these people.
To hope they’d accept her as a friend the way they’d accepted her brother.
Chapter Nine
Lyle was doing his best to make up time without getting a ticket for speeding or losing his temper at Reed. His partner couldn’t help it that he’d returned home later than usual.
“I’m sorry,” Reed quietly said.
Again.
“Please, stop,” Lyle said. “It’s okay. I just didn’t want to be late and I wanted a few minutes to talk to her before class started. Yo
u couldn’t help it.”
Reed stared out his window.
“I’m not mad at you,” Lyle insisted.
“I’m mad at myself. It’s like this day’s been shit from the minute my feet hit the floor. And got worse from that point onward. As if it wasn’t enough I had to drop money on emergency repairs yesterday, and then the mess this morning, but tomorrow’s charter cancelled. Not just a morning charter, either, but an all-day one.”
More unexpected mechanical problems, this time a fuel line splitting. Fortunately it happened before he’d pulled out of his slip, and an easy enough fix, but a helluva pain in the ass to clean up. It delayed the start of his morning charter by nearly thirty minutes as he had to scrub gasoline out of his boat and then change clothes so he didn’t smell like it all day.
Lyle reached over and patted his partner on the thigh. “It’s okay.”
“It’s not okay.”
“They paid the cancellation fee, right? That covered your repairs.”
“It’s the principle of the matter. You know I hate having to dip into savings.”
Yes, Lyle knew. His partner was far from poor, and was a damn good money manager. He imagined it was this same kind of dedication to his job that had made Reed good at his previous profession, before he walked away from it.
But any time an unexpected expense came up, especially if it was an emergency like this, Reed always had this same reaction. It would be endearingly funny, and a worry that Lyle would usually fuck right out of Reed’s brain, except for the circumstances.
They both felt sad about Basco, and they both felt nervous about meeting his sister.
As far as they knew, Basco hadn’t currently been involved with anyone more seriously than as play partners, which was why he and Reed had talked about asking him if he was interested in becoming more. Basco didn’t whore around like some people did, so he was not only a handsome and fun choice, but a safe one, too. And drama-free, which was an added bonus.
What was that about missing a hundred percent of chances not taken?