Scratch that, not just hot sex but hot, wild, sweaty sex with someone I’ve been in love with my whole life. That takes the concept of sex to a whole other level.
But what does it mean? a quiet voice says from somewhere deep inside me.
I don’t pay it any attention, not now, not while I’m riding this high, feeling this joy like I’m made of champagne bubbles and sunshine. I’ll worry about reality another time, that I can count on.
I practically skip into the kitchen and kiss my mother on the cheek goodbye, then leave her startled as I go out the door to Rachel’s truck.
“Where’s Riley?” I ask her as I get in.
“She’s meeting us there. I think her and Mav are a bit, well, tied up.”
I roll my eyes though I can’t keep from smiling. “Oh, those two.”
“I know, right?” Rachel says, then she squints at me. “Did you do something different? You look great.”
“You mean I normally don’t look great?” But I’m still grinning from ear to ear. “So, you must be excited.”
She cocks a brow at the subject change but lets it slip. “I am. Actually I’m nervous. Not about getting married, don’t worry. It’s just…I don’t know. I kind of wish that we had just eloped.”
“Your mom would have killed you. I would have killed you.”
“I know, I know,” she says, kneading the steering wheel as we head toward downtown and the bridal salon. “It’s just so much to think about, you know? I swear my mother keeps adding to the guest list, even though we’ve already given the final number in to the caterer. So what are they going to eat? Dick says he can make some of his famous ribs but that’s going to be a disaster. Ribs at a wedding? All that sauce over all those clothes.” She takes in a deep breath. “Then there’s the fact that my father won’t be there, which is why I think my mom is inviting so many people over, to prove that we both are doing fine.”
Rachel’s father used to be the town Sherriff who sexually, physically and emotionally abused both Rachel and her mother. He’s been in jail for a long time but the scars he left on them both, even on Shane, the whole town, isn’t something that will ever go away.
“I know you’re stressing out but everything is going to be fine,” I assure her. “It will work out, even if the whole town comes. Your mother is just proud of you, that’s all, and I am too. You and Shane…you have a real life love story going on. A love that battled the odds. You found your way back to each other no matter what wrench life threw at you. You’re fated.”
She steals a glance at me with big blue eyes. “You’re awfully sentimental today.”
“I’m always sentimental,” I say with a shrug. “So I know it’s hard, but don’t stress. Today you’ll get to try on that dress for the last time before the wedding. You won’t have these moments again so live in the present and enjoy them. Be grateful that you get to marry your best friend. You have no idea how lucky you are.” I think normally I would get sad reflecting on how I don’t have that, but considering what happened with Fox last night, my mind is not going there for once.
She pinches her lips together and nods, her eyes getting watery. “You’re right. I know I’m lucky. I just want to be married to him, that’s all, and forget all the rest.”
“You’re going to have an amazing time at the wedding, believe me. How can you not? All your friends and family on the ranch, it’s going to be one big wild party.”
“Hopefully not too wild,” she says, smiling. “I better get Riley to keep an eye on Maverick. He’s the best man and all and the person most likely to start doing a striptease on top of the table.” She pauses, looks to me. “You know what would make the wedding even better?”
Her tone is serious. I brace myself. “What?”
“If you could talk to Fox about Shane.”
Oh. “What…what would I say?”
“I don’t know. I just…you know how it is between them and this is a new chapter in Shane’s life and I think he just needs the closure. The two of them, they need to talk shit out, whatever problems they have with each other, they need to put it to rest for once and for all.”
I twist in my seat to face her. “First of all,” I say, checking off my fingers, “every time I’ve tried to talk to Fox about this, he clams up. Second of all, I’m just friends with Fox and he doesn’t necessarily listen to me. I have no sway over what he does. Third of all, you’re going to be Mrs. Nelson soon and Fox will be your brother-in-law. You are family. You should be talking to Shane and if that doesn’t work, you talk to Fox.”
“You think you have no sway over Fox?” she asks, ignoring everything else I just said. “Man, you both are so damn blind.”
“We are not,” I practically snap, then quickly add, “And anyway, the point is, this is something they both have to sort out on their own.”
“Yeah right. You know how stubborn they both can be. Plus, they’re men. Nothing would ever get done if it wasn’t for their women setting them straight.”
“I’m not Fox’s woman,” I say and look out the window watching the colorful storefronts go past as we pull into the parking lot of the bridal salon. A tiny smile creeps up on my lips. I may not be Fox’s woman right now but I was for sure last night.
The memory of him floods my brain, creating a hot flush from my cheeks and down over my chest. I can almost feel the way he slid inside me, the way I parted for him, took him all in with no hesitation, as if it was something that was waiting to happen, that needed to happen. That look in his eyes as they burned into mine, watching me come, the quick, hurried way he fucked me, barely speaking, just making those beautiful little noises like he’d die without getting his fix.
“Hello? Del? We’re here.”
I snap out of it and notice the truck has been parked and Rachel is already half-way out the door. We head inside.
Riley still hasn’t shown up yet so Rachel goes ahead and gets changed into the dress.
When she steps out, she takes my breath away.
“Isn’t she darling?” the tiny old seamstress says, clapping her hands together. “You’re going to make such a beautiful bride, my dear.”
The dress is strapless with many flowing layers, reminding me of a cake, with intricate beading along the hem. Rachel gathers up her black hair high above her head to mimic the way her hair will be styled and the seamstress hands her a short veil.
“I still haven’t decided, veil or no veil,” Rachel says, trying on both in the mirror. I think she looks gorgeous either way so I’m no help.
The bell above the shop’s door rings and Riley appears, bottle of champagne in one hand, three glasses in the other.
“I’m sorry I’m late!” she yells and with an apologetic grin raises the bottle in the air. “But I brought champagne.”
“Then all is forgiven,” Rachel says, turning around to face her.
“Oh my god,” Riley exclaims, stopping in her tracks. “Rachel you look gorgeous. That dress! Shane is going to fuck you senseless on your wedding night.”
The seamstress clears her throat and looks away but Riley pays her no attention.
“And oh my god,” Riley says looking at me now, pointing the bottle accusatorily. “You had sex.”
“What?” Rachel says. “Del?”
The seamstress clears her throat again, mumbles something about counting stock and disappears into the back room.
“Yeah what?” I say to Riley, putting on my best poker face. “What are you talking about?”
The thing is, I’m not purposely trying to lie to them. It’s just that I don’t know how to make heads or tails of what happened last night. I mean, this is huge. This is bigger than huge. My life was following one specific path and I just derailed it, putting it on another track and I’m not sure where it’s going or what the outcome will be.
If Fox will be a part of it.
So the plan was, until I figured out how I felt about everything, until I talked to Fox and found out where we still st
and with each other, I would just keep it to myself. Even if it kills me.
Too bad Riley is amazingly perceptive.
She narrows her eyes and inspects me. “Well, you look different. Like, happy. Relaxed. Your eyes have got that spark. Basically you look like me all the time. Thoroughly fucked.”
“Ugh.” Rachel moans. “Must you always work how much sex you have with Maverick into every conversation? He’s like a brother to the both of us, we don’t want to hear it.”
“Whatever,” she says with a dismissive shake of her head. “So who is it Del?”
“Nothing, no one,” I say quickly, trying to laugh it off. “I just had a good sleep, that’s all.”
“So you mean nothing happened after we left Fox at the bar with you?”
“You were with Fox last night?” Rachel asks me.
“Yeah, nothing unusual about that.”
“It is when he was just dumped by his girlfriend,” Riley points out, sitting down in one of the waiting chairs and peeling the foil off the top of the bottle.
“Julie dumped Fox?” Rachel says, wide-eyed. “When? I mean she was just over for dinner.”
“Yesterday,” Riley tells her, now wrestling with the cork and gripping the bottle between her thighs. I know I work out but Riley’s somehow both curvy, lean and muscled, her biceps are looking fierce in her tank top. No wonder her and Maverick are always fucking. They storm up the mountains to save people and then storm each other in bed. “Poor guy ended up at Altitudes of all places, drinking alone. Mav and I had to go get him.”
“And you brought him to The Bear Trap?” Rachel asks, putting on the veil once again and eying herself in the mirror.
“We wanted to bring him home but he was insistent we go there. He said he needed to talk to Del,” Riley says just as she pulls the cork off with a loud pop.
Rachel lifts up the veil to look at me. “What did he want to talk to you about?”
I throw out my arms. “Beats the hell out of me. This is the first I’ve heard of this.” And that’s true. I didn’t know that Fox made them bring him to the bar just so he could talk to me. Because, honestly, we didn’t do a lot of talking.
Now they’re both looking at me expectantly.
I swear, I’m this close to confessing what happened. I know I should talk to someone about it. But I think I need to talk to Fox first and because of that I somehow manage to lock this secret in.
Then, like serendipity is meddling with me, my phone beeps.
It’s Fox.
Can u come over?
That’s it. That’s what he texts me. I have no clue what that even means. Come over when? Now? Why? For a booty call? To talk?
I quickly text back, aware that that both Riley and Rachel are staring at me.
What’s up?
Three flashing dots.
I need to talk to u. Can u come over?
That doesn’t help me at all and now my insides are twisting, not sure what’s going on.
I’m with Rachel getting her dress fitted. I can come over after.
I wait, but there’s no response yet.
“What is it?” Riley asks, pouring the champagne into the glasses. “Shit, was it rude of me to bring only three glasses? Do you think the shop lady wants one?”
“It was Fox,” I tell her and crane my neck to look toward the backroom. “And I’m pretty sure she’s okay with skipping the champagne. In fact, I don’t think she’s coming out until Rachel asks her to.”
“What did Fox want, how is he?” Rachel asks, stepping away from the mirror and plucking a glass of champagne out of Riley’s hand.
“Yeah is he okay?” Riley asks, leaning forward to hand me my glass.
“He just wants me to come over. I’m sure he’s doing okay.” I raise my glass to Rachel. “Enough about that though, here’s to you Rachel. The beautiful bride-to-be.”
“Here here,” Riley says.
We clink our glasses against each other’s and I’m reminded how I did this with Fox last night, how I didn’t look him in the eye and how that alone made everything else that followed spiral out of control.
“You okay?” Rachel asks before she takes a sip of champagne.
I blink and straighten up. “Yes. Yes.” I have a few gulps, the bubbles tickling my nose.
I’m not sure if they believe me.
After we’ve finished the bottle and Rachel packs up her dress to take home I ask her to drop me off at Fox’s. I know I should probably go home first and take my own car but since I’m apparently giving off weird vibes today, I’m pretty sure my mother will be able to deduce what happened if she gets a chance to talk to me.
“Are you sure you’re okay?” Rachel asks again as she drops me off in front of the chalet.
I glance up at the house and see Fox on the balcony above, dressed in grey sweatpants and a white T-shirt, watching us. “Yeah I’m fine,” I tell her, opening my door. “I’ll talk to you later.”
“Okay,” she says warily before she drives off. I have a feeling she’s eyeing us in the rear-view mirror the whole time.
“Hey,” Fox says from above. “Come inside.”
Oh shit. Not only am I now nervous to be alone with him but he’s wearing grey sweatpants and I now know he has a big dick. That’s a dangerous combination.
I hurry through the door and once inside take in a deep calming breath through my nose. Even though I’ve been over here a million times, everything looks different to me, feels different. There’s anticipation in the air, a change.
I go up the stairs to the main level and see Fox leaning against the entry to the kitchen with a cup of coffee in his hand. He’s not smiling but he doesn’t look annoyed either. And, I know, why should he, he’s the one inviting me over. But you just never know what you’re going to get with him sometimes.
“Coffee?” he asks.
“Sure,” I say, reaching for his cup.
But he holds it far away from me. “Let me get you a fresh one.”
He walks into the kitchen and I admire his ass in those sweatpants and the firm muscled plane of his back and those gorgeously sculpted shoulders and it hits me once again that I know what all of that feels like under my hands. I dragged my nails down his back last night. In fact, the more I stare, the more I think I see faint pink marks I made.
My face flushes. The reality of what happened is now between us like something real and big and palpable.
He pours me a cup and hands it to me, then asks, “So how was the dress fitting?”
His voice is easy, his eyes are holding mine like they always do, curious and inquisitive and like…nothing has changed.
“Uh, it was fine. She looks great.” I chew on my lip, wondering if he’s going to bring it up or if I should. You know, the whole best friends fucking on a pool table thing.
“I’m sure she’ll be a beautiful bride. I can only hope I make the wedding,” he says, taking a sip of his coffee. I catch a whiff of it. Somehow it smells more abrasive than mine.
I frown, bringing my attention back to what he said. “Why wouldn’t you be able to? You’re able to schedule work off, aren’t you? I know you’ve been able to before.”
“I am usually. Sometimes. But it’s not like a normal job, you know that. I have to leave tonight.”
“Tonight?” I grip the coffee mug tighter.
“There’s a fire just south of the border, near Wenatchee. They’ve been fighting it for a few days now but it’s out of control and big as fuck. They need us to come down. That’s why I asked you to come over.”
“Oh.” I see.
“I need you to take care of Conan. I spent the morning setting everything up so it’s easier for you.”
“Okay,” I say, kind of wishing I hadn’t agreed to this whole thing. I mean, I love all animals, even squirrels, but this is so not part of my job description.
That said, there is something completely adorable and captivating about watching Fox try and care for a baby squirrel. I f
ollow him into his room and he starts laying out all the supplies and essentials next to the cage, going over everything and meanwhile I’m staring at his bed and trying to reconcile the memories of last night with the reality of us right in front of me.
He’s acting like nothing had happened. I mean, he did remember how deep he was inside me, right?
He did remember the words he said, the way he kissed me, the way he looked at me, like he was too hungry to make up for lost time that he could barely control himself…right?
“Of course I understand if this is too much for you and you end up taking him to someone else,” he says as he turns to face me, one arm leaning on the cage.
“I’ll play it by ear,” I tell him. “So, you think you might not be back in time for the wedding?” Shane’s going to be crushed if Fox doesn’t make it and will take it way more personally than perhaps he should. Or maybe he has a right to take it that way.
“I’m going to try my best. Believe me, I don’t want to miss this. I’m hoping our team will be in and out fast. No longer than two weeks. But it’s a big fire and so many aux crews are fighting some of them in California right now.” He closes his eyes, scrunching up his forehead.
Without thinking I reach out and delicately touch his forehead. “Are you okay?”
He nods slowly and opens his eyes one at a time. “Yeah. Migraines or something. Anyway everything is so fucked right now. The world is just spiraling out of control.”
Actually it sounds like his thoughts are spiraling out of control and I remember what he said last night about how I bring him peace. I wonder how much of that was really true, how much was drunken Fox speak. I don’t see him open and vulnerable enough to really draw any conclusions.
“This doesn’t have anything to do with last night, does it?” I ask. Point-blank. Because, shit, someone had to bring it up. I couldn’t go on pretending even if I wanted to.
He stares at me, frowning. “What? My migraine?”
“Your whole world spiraling out control thing,” I say, wishing that I didn’t feel so awkward in bringing it up.
He shakes his head. “No. Del, that’s just…that’s just the world now. Don’t you see that? Feel it? It’s like…the very bedrock beneath our feet is in flux. Fires are breaking out more and more, they’re getting more extreme. Even California has a year-round fire season now. There are no off-times anymore. The planet is getting angry and violent and she’s fighting back against us.”