His self-control disappeared and he couldn't stop himself from gathering her into his arms.
He wasn't angry anymore. How could he be?
"I'm sorry, Dianna," he said softly against her hair.
A short while later, she said, "I am, too," and when she moved out of his embrace, letting her go was one of the hardest things he'd ever had to do.
Dianna was relieved that they had found this place of mutual understanding. They'd been too young, too naive to have acted out of malice. They'd been confused kids, plain and simple.
There was no way of knowing where she and Sam would go from here, or if they would ever be willing to risk their hearts to each other again, but something told her that whatever choice they ended up making, it would be the right one.
For both of them.
"Thank you for being so honest with me," she said.
His answering smile took her breath away. "You're welcome." He nodded toward the rock. "How about you and me scale that wall?"
She forced a nod, hoping she looked braver than she felt.
"Let's get this on you," Sam said, picking up her gear again, and she made herself step into the leg holes of the harness that she assumed was supposed to hold her in the air. Sam's hands came around her waist, snapping the waist belt shut.
"You're going to be fine," he said softly.
If there was any possible way she could avoid climbing up a wall into thin air, she would stop the madness right here, right now. But with a rock wall standing between her and finding April, she had no choice but to climb it.
He leaned in even closer, his mouth brushing against her earlobe. "I'm going to be right behind you. I won't let anything happen to you."
The memory of another time he'd said those words to her--right after they made love for the first time--smashed into her. She lost her balance and had to reach out for the rock to steady herself and refocus.
"If you start to fall, here's what you do."
She watched him twist the ropes around his arms and waist as if her life depended on it. It did.
"You're going to lead the climb. I'll bring up the rear."
For the umpteenth time, she tried to project a confidence she definitely didn't feel. That first year she hosted West Coast Update, she'd done the very same thing. No one had known that her knees were knocking together beneath her dress. And Sam didn't need to know that she was practically having a coronary just gazing up at the rock face.
Yet again, he was an excellent, extremely patient teacher, as he directed her on how to screw the metal bolts into the rock face, then how to clip her carabiners into them.
The first few feet weren't so bad, and she was able to tell herself that if she fell, she'd possibly break something, but she'd walk away pretty much unscathed. Still, with each new hand-and foothold, her breathing grew increasingly labored. Sam told her where to put her hands and feet and she did exactly what he said.
Until she made the mistake of looking down.
Her stomach roiled and she froze in place. Minutes felt like hours as she clung to the rock. All of the weight was on the tips of her toes, and her muscles started spasming.
"Dianna? Talk to me."
"I can't get my legs to stop shaking," she admitted through dry lips.
Sam moved closer to her on the rock and unclipped her backpack so that he could transfer it to his own shoulders.
"Lean into me for a second."
She didn't hesitate to take him up on the offer.
"Everyone gets sewing machine leg on their first climb."
The fact that he was talking to her as if they were sitting in a coffee shop rather than clinging to cold rock a hundred feet in the air helped snap her out of her panic. She needed to follow his lead, keep the conversation going, pretend she was shooting a live show.
"There's a name for what my legs are doing?"
"You bet. It's perfectly normal."
He didn't offer to help her down off the rock and she appreciated how well he knew her. Even though she was scared spitless, she couldn't turn away from helping April.
"I want you to trust me, Dianna. Tell me why you're afraid of heights."
She was so surprised by what he was asking that for a moment, she forgot she was hanging on to the edge of a cliff with her fingertips.
"I just am."
He laughed softly, the mellow sound running through her veins like a sedative. "Nice try. Now what's the real reason?"
God, she didn't know. She'd just always stayed away from ladders and rooftops. But before she could say this to Sam, a picture flashed through her mind and she gasped.
"What is it?" he asked, holding her steady with his body.
Her breath came fast again. "I think I saw a man fall when I was a little girl."
"Who was it?"
She closed her eyes, tried to place his face. "I don't know."
But something told her he was important, especially when she thought about the way her mother had behaved later, crying and raging at Dianna.
"I think it was one of my mother's boyfriends."
In a soothing tone, Sam said, "The man fell, Dianna. Not you. It wasn't your fault. You were just a little girl who saw too much."
Amazingly, her heartbeat began to slow. Was he right? Could she have developed a phobia because of what she'd seen happen to someone else?
"Do you want to talk about it some more?"
Her heart swelled, knowing that he was no longer angry at her, that at the very least they could get through this as friends helping each other.
"No, I think I'm okay now."
"Good. Then let's try doing this a different way. We're going to climb up together."
God love him, he made it sound so easy.
"How?"
"Like this, with you cradled against my body. I'm going to strap your harness through mine. Every move you make, I'll make with you."
Again, instead of making her feel like an idiot for diving into deeper water than she could possibly swim in, he was putting his own life on the line. Then again, hadn't he jumped into this rescue mission without a thought for himself from the very beginning?
"I can't let you do that, Sam. I could kill us both."
The low rumble of his laughter blew across her earlobe again. "Don't worry, babe, I won't let you do that."
Of all the insane places to be hot for a guy, this one took the cake, stuck on the side of a rock, wrapped up in ropes. It struck her, then, that he'd done the impossible. He'd eased her fear enough for crazy desire to come rushing back in.
Slowly, inch by inch, they climbed up together. She couldn't see the ground around his large body, which was a very good thing given what had happened the previous time she'd looked down. She focused all of her energy on the peak, and although rock climbing ranked as one of the most difficult things she'd ever done, before she knew it, she was actually making it up the side of a mountain.
"We've got it under control," Sam said.
Safe in the curve of his large body, Dianna almost believed him.
The muscles in her arms and legs and stomach ached as she hugged the wall. Even the rest periods where they held on to a small ledge so that she could catch her breath were hard work. And then, after what seemed like an eternity, but was probably only twenty minutes or so, she was gripping the edge of the rock and pulling herself up to the top of the cliff.
Standing at the peak brought an unexpected smile to her face. She couldn't believe how powerful she felt after facing down one of her biggest fears. Her first climb safely behind her, she was able to see what a huge adrenaline rush it had been. It was a new sensation, totally different from the rush of taping a live show for millions of viewers.
She'd assumed she'd be a complete wreck after climbing up the rock, but the reverse was true. She felt invincible, ready for any challenge that came her way, which was good because the challenges were lined up before her, one after the other.
Why, she suddenly wondered, had sh
e been afraid of heights for so long?
And what else was she afraid of that she shouldn't be?
They donned their heavy packs, and when they hit the hiking trail Sam said, "You set the pace. If my coordinates are right, we should be there in about thirty minutes."
She led the way up the narrow deer trail, moving steadily, and she was actually grateful for the hard physical labor, for anything to focus on besides her worries about her sister, which only increased as they hiked closer to the commune.
Constantly looking at her watch, the minutes ticked down. Twenty-five, then twenty, then fifteen as they traversed a steep switchback, until suddenly, Sam grabbed her arm.
"We're here."
She looked around and saw nothing but tree stumps and bushes, but she knew the GPS on Sam's watch was accurate. He motioned for her to give him her pack and when she did he slid both of their bags into the bushes. "Are you ready to do this?"
Dianna's heart jumped into her throat, but she said, "I'm ready."
CHAPTER FOURTEEN
"I'M GOING to take the lead now," he told her quietly. "If anything looks dangerous, if it looks like we're in any kind of danger, I want you to get the hell out of here."
She shook her head. "You shouldn't even be here. April's my sister, not yours. And no matter how dangerous the commune is, I'm not leaving without you."
His expression was harder than the granite they'd just climbed. "I can take care of myself and I will find your sister. But I won't let you risk your life. And I won't let you get hurt. Promise me you'll go for help if something happens or we aren't setting one foot onto the commune."
"Okay," she finally said, accepting that Sam couldn't shed his protective instincts. He needed to hear her say it. "I promise I'll go for help."
Slowly, they moved through thicker and thicker brush until they reached a chain-link fence. She wasn't sure what she'd do if they came upon someone with a gun. The only ones she'd ever seen were the ones who moved in with her mother's boyfriends and, fortunately, moved out when they left. No one had warned her not to touch them as a kid; she'd just known.
"Who are you?"
The high-pitched voice startled her, and she jumped against Sam. He put his hands on her shoulders and she was thankful for his reassuring strength.
A short, plump girl with dreadlocks and bad skin stood in the bushes. "This is private property. Go away."
Dianna was surprised by the hard words out of the baby voice. But she was relieved to see that, as far as she could tell, the girl didn't have any weapons on her. Based on what Will and Sam had both said about the suspected drug-related activities on the commune, Dianna had almost expected armed guards.
"I'm looking for April Kelley. I'm her sister."
The girl's eyes widened before she shifted into a sneer. "You must be the rich celebrity, huh?"
Dianna was taken aback by the stranger's vitriol and it took her a few extra seconds to find the words, "Is she here?"
She held her breath as she waited for the girl to reply, never having been able to let go of that small shred of hope that her sister would be alive and well on the commune when they arrived.
The girl looked at her like she was extremely slow. "Of course not. She went to see you."
The crushing blow came too quick for Dianna to deflect it. Fortunately, Sam was right behind her with an arm around her waist.
Picking up the questioning, he asked, "Has anyone heard from her since she left?"
The girl shook her head. "When she didn't show up for chores this morning we figured she'd decided to head back to San Francisco without telling anyone."
"No," Dianna said, finding her voice again. "That's not what happened. She called me yesterday. She's in trouble."
Dianna didn't know what she'd expected. A little panic on the girl's part might have been nice. Instead she just shrugged.
"I'm sure she's fine."
Something told Dianna that this girl didn't care for April much. She wanted to know why--and if it could have something to do with her sister's disappearance.
But before she could give her the third degree, Sam said, "Could you show us where she's been living so we can see if she left any clues as to where she went?"
The girl looked wary. "We don't normally allow strangers onto the Farm."
"I'm not a stranger. I'm her sister."
Narrowed eyes scanned her, top to bottom. "Whatever. I guess, since you're her sister and all. Although I'm sure Peter will kick you out soon enough." But rather than lead them inside the gates, she turned to Sam. "Who are you?"
"Friend of the family. You lead the way."
It was a barely masked command that the girl couldn't help but obey.
As she motioned for them to follow her through the brambles, Sam whispered, "Let's see what we can learn from April's friends before we jump to any conclusions. They probably know more than they think they do."
She wasn't sure she believed anything he was saying, but it didn't stop Dianna from sending up a silent thank-you that he was here with her. She'd need to siphon off his strength until she could relocate her own.
They stepped beyond the fence and the thick vegetation and Dianna was surprised to find that the commune was extremely clean and orderly. Neat rows of fruit trees and plots lush with vegetables grew to the west of the low-roofed barns. There was even a white house with a porch at the top of the meadow, which looked down on the land below.
Even more surprising, there was a faded baby stroller at the entrance of one of the many huts that cropped up along the edges of the meadow where the tall trees began again. She heard laughter and saw children playing with a cute little puppy who was lying on its back while they rubbed its belly.
Had April been telling her the truth when she'd said it wasn't a bad place?
"This is the Farm," the girl said, waving her arms across the rolling open hills.
It was an incredibly beautiful valley, surrounded by high mountains on all sides. A low, distinctly nonhuman sound bellowed at them and she jumped in alarm. Sam motioned to his left and she realized they were standing beside a sheep's pen. Pigs and goats were in separately fenced sections, and even though she had no livestock experience whatsoever, the animals' pens looked pretty darn tidy.
And yet, a chill passed through Dianna that had nothing to do with the light breeze rustling the leaves on the tall aspen trees. She'd grown up in a dark and scary place, and although her eyes couldn't find anything scary about the bucolic scene before them, the fact that her sister was missing kept the same dark presence hovering over it all.
Crossing between vegetable patches, they followed the girl over to a small shack, no bigger than a ten-by-ten garden shed.
"This is where she lived?" Dianna asked, instantly aghast at the lack of heat, running water, kitchen, or toilet.
"We live as simply as we possibly can. April really embraced it."
Was that true? Would April have embraced a surrogate "family" even though she'd pushed her own flesh and blood away?
The shed was clean and simple and yet, almost as soon as she stepped into the building, Dianna found that she couldn't spend another second inside April's primitive room.
Ever since moving out of her mother's trailer for good, she'd never done well in small spaces and absolutely hated feeling trapped, which was why she'd bought a condo with floor-to-ceiling windows, and every room had a spectacular view of the Golden Gate Bridge. It made her feel like she could escape at a moment's notice, gave her the illusion of not being held down, of not being trapped.
In so many ways, even though it was much cleaner, this little cabin felt like the trailer she'd grown up in. She'd sworn she and April would never live like this again.
How could her sister have made this choice? Especially given all of the opportunities that Dianna had worked her butt off to provide?
If only she and April had been able to see eye to eye. Then maybe none of this would have happened.
She p
ushed past Sam to get back outside and he gave her a look that seemed to say, "Everything is going to be okay."
But she wasn't sure that it would be, especially not when she saw three men--two so huge they looked like giants flanking the third--waiting for her outside April's shed.
------
Sam heard Dianna cautiously call his name.
Damn it, he chastised himself as he walked back outside and saw that Dianna was standing in front of three men. What had he been thinking to take his eyes off her for even a second?
Moving quickly to her side, he slid his hand through hers. Touch her and die was the message he wanted to come across loud and clear to their new friends.
"And who are you?" the regular-sized man said to him.
"Sam MacKenzie," he replied, not bothering to hold out his hand in greeting.
"My name is Peter Cohen."
The man didn't bother to introduce his two large friends, whom Sam quickly deduced were the palace guards, which seemed to mean that Peter was the man in charge.
"As I just said to your friend, Dianna, welcome to my Farm."
Sam knew he and Dianna weren't the slightest bit welcome. They were intruders. But he'd come here to find April. He wasn't going to let some smarmy cult leader get in his way.
Cutting any further bullshit off at the pass, he said, "April's disappeared. Do you know where she's gone?"
Peter's expression didn't change, save for a shifting of his dark eyes, which were too intelligent for Sam's liking. Sam felt like he'd known men like this before, men who had volunteered to be hotshots for a summer, not to save trees and houses and lives, but simply for the chance to be called a hero.
Sam was going to watch Peter Cohen very carefully. If there was any chance that he had staged April's kidnapping for his own profit--or to try to get at Dianna, who was both famous and rich--Sam was going to stop the motherfucker before he could make it to the next square on the board.
Without answering Sam's question, Peter commanded, "Come with me."
They followed Peter and his guards past the rows of crops, across an open field where children played, and up a set of stairs to the attractive white house that overlooked the commune's many acres.
Moving silently, a woman in Peter's house filled three cups with something hot and set the cups before them before backing silently out of the room.
Sam had no intention of drinking whatever it was and he sent a silent signal to Dianna that she shouldn't either.