I put my seatbelt on, kicking off my sandals and putting my feet in the seat, curling up. My heart was pounding a mile a minute, excited and nervous. I’d only been to Silas’s apartment building once, and I hadn’t seen the inside. I wasn’t sure what to expect.
Silas’s strong arm flexed as he gripped the gearshift, putting the car into reverse, and pulled out of the drive. He focused on the road as he pulled his seat belt around his body after he’d already started down the road. When he’d clicked the belt into place, he leaned forward, pulled his cell phone out of his back pocket and fiddled with it with one hand as he drove.
“You shouldn’t text and drive,” I warned him, my head against the headrest as I looked up at him. As if I could tell him what to do.
He flashed a smile at me. “I’m not texting,” he said, and put the phone to his ear. After a couple of seconds, he started talking. “Kota? I’ve got her. She’s coming home with me. House is locked up.”
“Hi Kota,” I said.
“And she says hi,” Silas repeated. He slipped the phone over to me, holding it out. “Here, he wants to talk to you.”
“Hi Kota,” I repeated into the phone as I pressed it to my ear.
“Hi Sang.”
“Are you still working?”
“Yes.”
“Is this a thing where I go to someone’s house overnight and when I come back, there’s a new pink couch and a security system and laser beams?”
Silas’s laughter boomed, almost masking Kota’s laughter in the phone.
“No,” Kota said, “although remind me about the laser beam security system. I might look into it.”
“Where are you? Are you coming?”
He sighed. “Sorry, sweetie. I can’t come see you. But behave and listen to Silas.”
“Okay.” I had to smile at him thinking he had to tell me to behave.
I hung up the phone, holding it back out for Silas. We were on the main road now, heading for the interstate.
He waved his hand at me. “Hang onto it for me.”
Hang onto it? Without thinking, I slipped it into the other cup of my bra. It felt awkward now, as it was a habit to tuck my own phone on the side over my heart and never used the other one. Still, when the phone was between my breast and the bra fabric, it was like it disappeared.
Silas caught me doing this, and a broad grin stretched across his mouth as he turned onto the interstate.
I blushed, unsure if I should have done that. I glanced out the window, watching the wall of trees on either side of the road fly past.
“So what did Kota say?” Silas asked, flipping a dial on the dashboard to lower the blast coming from the air conditioner, quieting the car.
“He said he might get laser beams and that I had to behave.”
Silas’s booming laugh rattled my bones. “You? Behave? I’ll believe it when I see it.”
“Hey,” I said, pushing a finger to my lower lip as I gazed back at him. “I’m always behaving.”
“Mmm hmm,” he smirked. “Until we ask you to do something. Then you’re questioning us at every step of the way.”
“I don’t do that,” I said.
“Oh yeah?” he asked, giving me a side glance as he changed lanes to pass a car. “I can’t get you out of your own house without you asking me why we’re going.”
“I wasn’t expecting it! It was just a surprise.”
“And what about when we ask you not to get into fights, and you jump in?”
“That’s different.”
“And when Gabriel tells you to leave the house when you’re held hostage in the closet?”
I folded my arms against my stomach, frowning. I didn’t really have an excuse for that. He was lecturing me about it now?
“I trust you,” I said, fully believing I did. “Sometimes I just see things differently than you do and I just... Like when I was in the closet. You guys didn’t know what I knew. So I did what I had to do to make Gabriel listen so we wouldn’t have to involve the cops at all.”
“That was dangerous,” Silas said, focusing his eyes on the road, his grip on the steering wheel tightening.
“But it worked,” I said. “Maybe I’m not the only one who needs to learn how to trust. Don’t you trust me?”
Silas’s lips twisted. “Let’s start now,” he said. “Give me some faith. When I say run, start hauling your pretty ass.”
I smirked at him, blushing at what I wasn’t sure was a compliment. “And if I asked you to run?”
He laughed. “Sweetie, you better believe if I have to run, it’s going to be me chasing after you.”
I smiled at this. “By the way, did you know you were running for homecoming king?”
He rolled his eyes and shook his head. “I’m not running.”
“Someone said you were.”
“I didn’t sign up for it,” he said. “I just got voted in.”
“Oh,” I said. “What happens if you win?”
“I’m not going to.”
“Why not? You could.”
Silas smiled as he sped up to pass a car. “I don’t want to and I don’t have the time. I shouldn’t take it from some other guy who wants it.”
“It’s not fun?” I didn’t think I’d like to participate, but shouldn’t Silas have a chance if he had the opportunity? Isn’t it a big deal to be voted for homecoming king?
“It’s a lot of pictures and shaking hands and kissing babies,” he said. “And even after homecoming is over, I’d probably get asked to do a few more things. I’m not really interested in it. And I’ve got football, school, the Academy...”
“Would you want to if you didn’t have the Academy stuff to worry about?”
He was quiet for a long moment. “Probably not.”
“Why not?”
He looked over at me. “Not really the type.”
“What type are you?”
He laughed. “Apparently not homecoming material. You have to be enthusiastic about that sort of thing.” He reached over, patting my leg. “Don’t worry about it. I’m not missing out. I appreciate being voted in for it but it’s not what I really want to do with my time.”
I fell quiet, watching the scenery pass by. Every once in a while, I stole glances at his face as he drove. His broad lips and nose and Greek features were incredibly handsome. He was starting to be popular at school, especially with the football team. The other Academy guys were friendly, but Silas was the one making an effort to fit in. Wouldn’t being homecoming king help?
. Maybe he was right and didn’t want to, so I shook off the idea. It oddly made me feel better about it.
The Life of a Korba
Silas took an exit, pulling into a sprawling apartment complex I remembered from the first time I ever met him. The lawns were freshly manicured and the front office building had new paint. There was a large pool behind the office. The top of the pool was covered in a tarp, as it was too late in October for swimming now. A larger building stood behind the pool with wide windows, but the glare from the sun made it impossible to see what was inside.
“What’s that?” I asked, pointing to the building. “What’s in there?”
Silas ducked his head to check out the window. “Meeting room and business center, fitness center...I think there’s a hot tub and couple of saunas in there somewhere.”
“A hot tub in a fitness center?”
Silas laughed. “Looks like I’m going to have to teach you about hot tubs. Did you bring your bathing suit?”
“No,” I said. “I left it at Nathan’s house.”
“We’ll figure it out,” he said, making turns around the apartment buildings.
He pulled into a parking spot near the stairs of the last building. I hopped out quickly, my skin tingling in the crisp air, the adventure of getting out of the house, and being with Silas. I was finally somewhere else, and didn’t have to worry about my parents, about the school, or even the Academy.
Silas collected my bag, h
itting the button on his keys to lock the car doors. He marched over to the sidewalk and waited, holding a hand out for me. “Coming?”
I smiled, dropping my hand into his. His strong fingers enclosed mine and he held on to me as we moved together toward the stairs. He didn’t let go until we were on the top floor in front of the last door to the right and he had to fish out his keys.
This was it. Silas territory. I was bouncing on my toes, from one foot to the other; excited, intimidated, curious.
Silas glanced back at me as the door swung open, catching me out as I was moving. I stopped short, falling back on my heels, blushing. He grinned, nodding toward the open door. “Kalo̱sórisma.”
“What does that mean?” I asked, stepping into a short entryway, a beige carpet meeting my feet. My eyes needed a moment to adjust to the dark rooms after being in the sunlight. Was no one else home?
Silas stepped in behind me, hitting a switch that turned on a light further in. “Welcome,” he said.
There were two hallways leading left and right. My fingers found my lip and I pushed it to my teeth, unsure which direction to go. I stepped to the side, near the wall, looking back at Silas.
He shut the door behind us, dropping his keys back into his pocket, and reached for the hand at my face, pulling me toward the right hallway.
The hallway opened up to an expansive living room, until I realized that the furniture was spread out, utilizing the space meant for a dining area. There was an L-shaped sectional couch against the far corner with a big wide-screen TV hanging on the wall opposite of it. A big brown coffee table sat on top of a busy multi-colored rug that covered the majority of the dark wood floor. There was a kitchen off to the left, cut off from the living room by a half wall with a light brown marble countertop and stools tucked under it. The kitchen tiles reminded me of sand.
The air was thick with scents I didn’t know, of additional colognes that mixed with Silas’s, bleach and cleaning detergents, with a thin layer of tobacco smoke, faint but distinct.
Two large leather Lay-Z-Boy chairs sat off to the side, close to the couch and aimed toward television. Out of everything in the room, the chairs drew my attention and I wasn’t quite sure why until we stepped deeper into the room. One looked almost brand new and a fine layer of dust coated the brown material. The one next to it had heavy creases from years of use, with a tear in the seat. They were the exact same chairs, though.
Silas let go of me, avoiding the big armchairs to drop my book bag and his keys onto the coffee table. He fell onto the couch, sitting back and rubbing his hands over his eyes.
I wanted to ask if he was tired, but I’d lost my voice the moment I’d stepped into his space. I tiptoed to the couch, sinking down a foot away from him at the corner. I watched him at first as he had his face covered but when his hands moved away, I moved my eyes to the television, the coffee table, to anything besides his face.
This was worse than going to Victor’s. We were alone. There was no one else to distract us. My stomach tripped over itself, twisting. What was I doing here? How was I going to survive the night when in this moment, I felt I could hardly move at all? And why did I suddenly feel so shy and awkward?
His eyes bore into my face. “Aggele?”
I flitted my gaze to him, locking only for a moment onto his deep dark eyes. My heart stumbled over itself again and I couldn’t stand it. I scanned my eyes around the room, memorizing the details of his apartment over and over again. Remotes on the coffee table. Plain, white-faced clock on the wall over the counter in the kitchen. A collection of mail on the side table. “Yeah?”
“What do you want to do first?”
First? I wanted to run away. I didn’t want to, really. I wanted to be with him, but suddenly it felt like this wasn’t him at all. This wasn’t the Silas that slept in my bedroom to protect me from my stepmother. He wasn’t the Silas that sat behind me in biology class. He wasn’t even the same Silas that picked me up less than an hour ago at my house. This was too close. This was Silas Korba, raw and overwhelming around me. I wanted desperately to understand it and get used to it, to have the old Silas I knew outside of this place.
“Um...I don’t know really,” I said, my finger pinching my lip into my teeth. “Whatever you want to do.”
His head tilted as he gazed at me. He sat back again, putting the arm closest to me around the back of the couch, beckoning to me with his other hand. “Come here.”
I inched closer, unsure where he wanted me. When he curled his fingers again at me, I moved until I was a breath-width away from my thigh touching his. I swallowed and steeled myself against the desire to shiver.
Silas scooped his arm under my knees, dragging my legs until they were hanging over his thigh. He left his palm warming the side of my bare knee. My shoulder met with the back of the couch, and his hand moved down, and splayed out over my collarbone. His eyes met mine, locking on me, wordlessly beckoning and yet he remained still.
My heart spasmed. His skin on mine electrified my entire body. My core trembled. Was he going to kiss me? Did I want him to? I wanted to sink into him, to sit in his lap like I’d done before, but whatever before was, this was something on a different level. Why was touching him so different here? I was completely terrified.
Then there was Nathan, who had kissed me and intended to date me. In his bedroom he’d proclaimed we’d run away together. He hadn’t spoken about it since, but he did kiss me, in secret, away from everyone else.
The others, though, continued to hold my hand, hug me, and kiss my cheek. North once asked me to trust the boys to know what they were doing, but it still left me confused.
“So what did you do today?” he asked.
I couldn’t remember. My mind whirled and all I could think about was his fingers on my collarbone, my legs hanging over his. “Not much.”
“Did you work at the diner today?”
“Yes,” I said, part of my memory returning at the mention of it. “For a little while. And then there was a secret Academy meeting in my bedroom when I got home. That’s when I sent you the text. I don’t think I was supposed to, though.”
Silas laughed, it echoing through the emptiness of the apartment. “Mr. Blackbourne mentioned I may have to be careful how I respond next time you try that.”
“I’m not usually sure what I’m supposed to be doing with the Academy,” I said. “
“You aren’t supposed to be doing anything with us. Officially.”
I twisted my lips and then started to pout. I had gotten mixed in with a couple of their assignments, after all. Kota didn’t want me involved, but a few of the others thought I should join, they just didn’t know how. Part of it was that the work was dangerous, but I was starting to learn, it was more complicated than that. They kept me in the dark for my own safety. The problem was, I really wanted to be a part of it.
He chuckled. “Don’t make that face. Unofficially, you’re there. Maybe things will change soon.” His palm slipped down my leg and he tucked two fingers into the edge of my sandal. “Do you want to keep these on?”
I bit my lip, shaking my head. I was being honest. What I wanted was to curl up on the couch with my knees to my chest and I couldn’t do that in shoes. It felt inappropriate to do in someone else’s house.
As Silas’s fingers traced the edge of my heel, and slid over the curve of my foot to remove one sandal, and then the other, tossing them to the floor, an involuntary shiver rumbled through me. The touch was much more intimate than anything I’d felt from him before. How, I wasn’t sure. It was an intention, a sense rippling from Silas.
His head swung back as he looked down at me. I couldn’t focus on his eyes so I watched his mouth, and the coarse facial hair shadowing his chin. The smile that lingered on his lips was full of promises unspoken and urges I couldn’t identify. He leaned into me, his lips finding my ear, tracing my lobe as he whispered. “What would you like to do, Aggele Mou?”
It was the second time he’d a
sked me and I had no better answer for him now than I did a moment ago. It also sounded like a completely different question. His inflection suggested there was a specific answer he had in mind, but he was waiting for me to say it out loud. I had a feeling I knew exactly what he wanted and my lips would never utter those words, not right now.
I knew the boys weren’t supposed to kiss me until I said it was okay. I was too intimidated to even start. “I don’t know,” I said in a quiet voice that didn’t sound like me.
His gaze lifted to my hair, and then traveled along different parts of my face. The corner of his mouth inched up, just as his fingertips traced the outside of my calf back up my knee. “Aggele,” he breathed out, bringing his face close, the tip of his nose nudged mine. He paused, hovering over me, waiting.
This was it. Silas was going to kiss me. How I knew that’s what he wanted, I wasn’t sure. He was so close, his eyes so intense. I wasn’t sure if I was ready. I wasn’t sure if I should at all. My mind flashed images of North biting at my neck. I thought of Victor’s arms around me as he kissed me. I thought of sleeping beside Nathan, his arms wrapped around me and holding me in the night. Kota’s green eyes. Luke’s warm smile. Gabriel’s fingers in my hair. Dr. Green’s kiss.
I wanted to make them all happy. I didn’t want to disappoint any of them.
What scared me the most was that despite the thoughts, I still wanted to kiss Silas. I also really liked him. I found him attractive. I wanted him to like me. I wanted to know what he felt like in that way. Yet it still felt like a betrayal to the others, and the guilt was overwhelming. I wasn’t sure what I was doing, and I knew I needed to trust the boys, but this wasn’t normal.
Silas’s face tilted again, his lip brushing across the crest of my cheek. “Tell me.” His voice was strained now, pleading.
As I contemplated what he meant, an arrow of pain struck me in the chest, hard enough that my eyes blacked out. I fell back into the couch. My hand sought out my breast where I’d been shocked. I couldn’t breathe and thoughts emptied out of my head except confusion. “Holy... bejeezus... ugh,” I gasped out, gripping at the device that I realized had emitted the shock.