The summer we were fifteen we went back to the ranch. I told Dad I’d rather stay and take some summer classes, but he insisted. When we came home I was tan and toned, and looked less like a scrawny plucked chicken.
Dad looked way different, too – he’d completely shaved his head and his beard! It was awful. We begged him to grow it back. I couldn’t help staring at him, but he did the same to me. I’d catch him studying me.
He took the week before school off to spend with us. The late summer days were still warm and sunny, and Jessie begged Dad to let her get a bikini.
“When have you ever asked my permission to buy clothes? You’re fifteen, Bug, old enough to choose for yourself. Just remember that you might have to wear it in front of me all afternoon if we go to the beach.” Despite that threat she picked out a style that left almost nothing to the imagination. I was happy to see that the scars from the fire were fading.
But she never wore it to the beach. Some afternoons she’d sunbathe in the back yard. A couple times when Dad was at work, she even laid face down with the top straps undone, and that drove me nuts. She said she didn’t want tan lines, and made me promise not to tell him. Yeah, like I’d mention that! Another time she asked me to put lotion on her back. I was smart enough to turn down that opportunity.
The closest that I’d get was when she asked me to braid her hair. That was one of my favorite things to do. It was nice to touch her, to smell her skin, but stand where we didn’t have to make eye contact. When I was done, I sometimes bent down to kiss her head like I used to, but always caught myself just in time.
One morning Dad had me drive him to the big drug store in Marquette. He waited in the truck while I went inside. This was my fourth time buying condoms, and instead of being embarrassing, it felt kind of cool and grown-up. It helped my ego that I’d graduated from snug-fits.
On the way back, Dad said, “You know, Cory, you really like working with your hands. What would you think of transferring to the vocational high school this year?”
“Uh, gee, I think it’d be fun, but maybe not a good move for getting into college. Besides, I really enjoy the academics. I think I’d get bored.”
More to the point, I wanted to stay where I could keep an eye on Jessie.
“Yeah, I guess you’re right. So, do you have plans for the last weekend of the summer?”
“Nothing special.”
“Maybe you should get out of the house, you know, go see a movie or something.”
“Nah, Spaz is at his Dad’s, and I don’t want to go alone.”
“You could ask your sister’s friend Jody to go with you. She’s liked you for a long time, and I’m sure she’d be thrilled if you offered.”
“I know, Dad, but I don’t think that’s a good idea.”
“Are you nervous about asking? Because…”
“It’s not that. She’s a sweet girl and I like her, but not the way she likes me. I wouldn’t want to lead her on; it wouldn’t be fair to her.” I checked my mirrors.
“I wasn’t suggesting that you propose to her, Son, just take her out for the evening. You might actually enjoy it.”
“I really wouldn’t be comfortable doing that.” I needed to change the subject. “Maybe you should go on a date sometime, though.”
“Me?” he laughed. “I wouldn’t do that; I’m still married to your Mom. A man doesn’t date people if his heart belongs to another.”
We rode in silence for a few miles. His forehead had that pondering look and he kept glancing at me.
“So, what’s going on between you and your sister?”
I tried not to put Dad’s truck in the ditch.
“Um, what do you mean?”
“Ever since you guys came back from the ranch you look at each other differently. What’s up?”
Terror gripped my throat. I took a deep breath and willed myself to stay calm.
“Differently how?”
“I’m not sure… intensely is the best word I can come up with.”
“Things have been tense between us for a long time, Dad.”
“Why’s that?”
“We’ve just grown apart.” I shrugged. “Kind of like the two of you have, I guess.”
“It seems like she’s angry. Did something happen between you?”
“Nothing specific,” I lied. I kept my eyes on the road, knowing that he probably caught it anyway. “She went through that phase where she was fighting and breaking things, and we just never reconnected. I think it’s just part of her being a teenager.”
“You’re sure it’s not more than that?” I could feel him searching my face, reading my posture.
“We aren’t close anymore. I miss that.”
“You seem to miss it a lot.”
“I guess. There’s not much I can do about it.”
He sighed. “You can talk to me, remember. About anything. No judgments.”
Yeah, right, I thought.
“I know. Thanks, Dad.” I was so relieved when he didn’t press it further.