Janna continued, “You’re afraid he might break your boyfriend’s legs.” After what seemed like years, I started to breathe again. That was way too close.
“Janna, layoff, okay? This isn’t funny. I’m sorry we brought it up, Jess.”
“Yeah, I’m sorry too, Jess,” Jody apologized, “You’ll tell us when you’re ready.”
“Is his name Aaron? Andy? Bill? No? How about...?”
“Knock it off, Janna, Jody hissed, “I mean it.”
Well, there it is, I thought. I had always imagined that somehow Jessie and I could find a way to be together. If she was in love with someone else that meant she wasn’t in love with me. At least he didn’t return the feeling. Maybe if I found some way, maybe she’d still settle for me. I knew that was insane, but I was having a hard time being rational. Jessie’s in love – thankfully unrequited so far, but still, it’s basically over, just over. I might as well kill myself.
Godammit! How I wished that I could! It was bad enough that she was orphaned, and then lost Mom. I’m still her brother, and even if she did hate me she’d be devastated. I was cursed, and the weight was unbearable. My life was hopeless. At least if I was alive I could still watch out for her. But who was it? Crap. It could be anybody. How could I find out?
Steven wasn’t the one, though – I could scratch him from my potential enemies list. And it wasn’t Billy, it was a boy who didn’t like her. Who doesn’t like Jess, though? There were a couple guys who I knew had said racist things, but they seemed unlikely… A junior or senior, maybe? One of the guys in her karate class?
“Maybe he doesn’t even know I’m a female.” Jessie sighed. “Look at me! I’m so sick of being a little girl!”
“Ha, yeah! You’re like auto insurance, girlie, triple-A!”
“Don’t worry, Jess. You’ll catch up.”
“Easy for you to say, Little Miss C-Cup.”
Jody said, “No really – I started late that way, too. It’ll be okay.”
“But Jody, you have those hips and stuff. I’m almost sixteen and I’m still flat as a board. I look like a nine-year- old.” There were giggles. I felt bad that Jessie didn’t like her body; I couldn’t understand it. It was a shame she couldn’t see herself through my eyes.
“Are you kidding me?” Janna was, in the context of the conversation, the most generously endowed. “I’d kill for your figure. You can eat whatever you want and never gain an ounce. Be careful what you wish for, skinny girl.”
The furnace blower turned on, drowning out the conversation, but I was done listening.
Jessie was in love; there was nothing else that I cared about.
I was mopping the kitchen floor as the girls were leaving.
“See ya Janna. Bye, Jody – nice parka.” It wasn’t like me to be sarcastic, but fluorescent pink? “Hey, Beth, can I talk to you?”
“What’s up, Cory?”
“How are you doing? How’s Dave?”
“Dave’s good. He’s taking guitar lessons. Do you still play? I never hear you anymore.”
“A little. Look, I heard that Jess’s interested in some boy. Is that true?” Beth looked very uncomfortable. “I need to know who it is.”
“Why?”
“I just need to.”
“Look, Cory, you’re a really nice guy, except when it comes to your sister. You just want me to give you a name so you can threaten some guy who likes her, and scare him away. Everybody knows what you said to Billy.”
“So who is it?”
“No, Cory, I’m not going to be in the middle of this. I can’t tell you.”
“Can’t or won’t?”
“Both. Even if I knew who it was, I wouldn’t tell you. Your sister’s right. You really can be an asshole.”
I don’t know what made me angrier, the thought of Jessie with some boy or how badly I just screwed that up.