Colonel Charlebois takes a big breath, as if he were about to blow out all eighty-five candles that will be on his birthday cake this December. “I think it’s a terrific idea!”
A cheer goes up. High-fiving all around.
“What shall we call our B&B?” The colonel looks around the room.
“I know, I know!” Cari raises her hand, but she doesn’t wait to be called on. “Let’s call it Tía Lola’s B&B.” She puffs out her little chest with pride at being the first to come up with the best name in the world.
Tía Lola thanks Cari, but she cannot accept this great honor. “It is Colonel Charlebois’s house. It must be ‘Colonel Charlebois’s B&B.’ ”
But the colonel disagrees. “Sounds too much like a military barracks. No one will want to stay here. Don’t you see, Tía Lola? Your name adds a touch of exoticism—”
“What’s exorcism?” Cari wants to know. After all, the name was her idea, so she wants to understand what kind of touch her suggestion is adding.
“Ex-o-ti-cism,” Colonel Charlebois pronounces. “It means something out of the ordinary, exciting, and enchanting.” The children’s faces light up, but Tía Lola keeps shaking her head.
Victoria steps in. “We’ll settle it with a vote. How many for ‘Tía Lola’s B&B’?”
Everyone except Tía Lola raises their hand. Valentino barks his agreement.
“ ‘Tía Lola’s B&B,’ it’ll be!” Victoria announces. Everyone except Tía Lola is on their feet cheering.
Cari suddenly remembers. “Doesn’t Papa have to vote, too?”
It’s as if someone has thrown a big bucket of icy water on their fired-up heads and hearts. They all let themselves slowly back down into their chairs.
“I guess Papa does have to vote.” Victoria is nothing if not fair.
“Well, that’s the end of that solution,” Essie says in a gloomy voice. “You know Papa, and how he doesn’t want to impose on Colonel Charlebois.”
“This is my house!” Colonel Charlebois reminds her. “I can do what I want here.”
“Try telling that to Papa.” Victoria sighs. Valentino, who understands the language of sighs, comes over and licks her hand.
It’s as if a glove has been flung in challenge at the old soldier. “I will tell him. If I want to turn my house into Tía Lola’s B&B, you better believe I will, no matter what Víctor Espada has to say about it!”
They’re all back on their feet again, high-fiving and cheering. Which is why no one hears the front door open or the footsteps coming down the hall toward the room where there’s quite a commotion going on.
Papa is at the door, arms folded, looking disapprovingly at his daughters. “Girls, you need to keep your voices down. This is Colonel Charlebois’s house.” For some reason, his reminder brings on a renewed round of loud laughter.
“Would someone care to tell me what is going on?” Papa asks sternly.
The children all raise their hands.
But Colonel Charlebois pulls rank. “I’ll do the explaining here,” he says. “After all, this is my house.”
How the Parents Came Around and Around and Around
Papa’s first response to the idea of a B&B in Colonel Charlebois’s house is no surprise. “Absolutely not!”
“But, Víctor, you say yourself you are unhappy practicing law because people are always arguing,” Tía Lola reminds him. “What you love is making people happy.”
“Where did you get that idea?” Víctor asks. The question is addressed to Tía Lola, but Papa is looking pointedly at his three daughters as if he already knows the answer.
“I’m sorry, Papa.” Victoria knows her father’s change of heart is a family secret. But Miguel and Juanita are like a brother and sister, and Tía Lola is like a special aunt and second mother rolled into one.
Papa can’t deny being pleased that his daughters have formed such a strong bond with Linda’s children and aunt. But what good will that do him if Linda breaks up with him? And who could blame her for getting cold feet at the prospect of marrying an unemployed man with three young daughters?
“This will be an opportunity to make people happy, to make yourself happy.” Tía Lola goes on to describe the many guests who will come to their B&B, the happy times they will have, the oodles of money these guests will spend. “They will shop at Estargazer’s store; they will eat at Rudy’s café; they will get gas at Johnny’s Garage and buy pet supplies at Petey’s shop. You will be helping us all by agreeing to this plan, Víctor.”
Initially, Víctor dismissed the idea because he feared imposing on the colonel. But now it seems that by agreeing to a B&B, Víctor will actually be saving the small town of Bridgeport from bankruptcy.
This is how Víctor comes around.
But by the next evening, Víctor has changed his mind.
“Sorry, guys,” he tells the group around the table. He and his daughters are having dinner with Linda’s family at the farmhouse. “But it really is too much of an imposition on Colonel Charlebois. We have to remember the colonel is not a young man. How old did you say he was going to be?” he adds, glancing over at Linda.
But before Mami can answer, Essie has raised an outcry. “Papa, you heard him yourself, Colonel Charlebois wants to do a B&B!” Essie is close to tears, which is not like Essie at all. “He really did,” she assures Linda. “Right?” Tía Lola and the kids all nod.
Linda is looking torn. She doesn’t want to disappoint any of the children, especially Víctor’s daughters, whose mother died three years ago. Víctor has been raising them on his own. Mami herself lost both her parents when she was a little girl, even younger than Cari. She was so lucky that Tía Lola stepped in to raise her. These girls need that same kind of lucky break. “A hotel takes a lot of work,” she tries to reason with them. “You’re all going to be super busy with school. And Tía Lola is teaching Spanish this year.”
“I only teach twice a week,” Tía Lola points out. “Our B&B will open just on weekends.” They decided this back at Colonel Charlebois’s house. Start slow. See how it goes.
“We want to start slow, see how it goes,” Victoria says, ever the peacemaker. “And Papa isn’t working. In fact, the whole reason …” Victoria catches herself, as her father is beaming a big red stop sign at her.
Thankfully, Linda doesn’t seem to notice. “Remember, your father will soon have his hands full with cases and clients.”
This is the moment when Papa should confess that he doesn’t want to practice law anymore. Instead, he casts an apologetic glance over at his brood and runs his hand through his black hair, which is what he does when he is feeling confused as to what to say or do.
“I just don’t get why Papa won’t tell her the truth.” Essie looks over at Miguel and Juanita, as if they should know the answer just because Mami is their mother.
The children have gathered up in Tía Lola’s room after supper to discuss the situation before the Swords head back to town.
“Víctor is probably afraid of disappointing Linda,” Tía Lola explains.
“But Mami would understand.” Juanita is sure of it. After all, her mother is a psychologist. People confess stuff to her all the time.
“I think you’re right, Juanita,” Tía Lola agrees. “But Víctor knows how hard a time your mami had when she was married to your papi. There was never enough money.” The way Tía Lola explains it, Juanita and Miguel don’t feel like their aunt is blaming either parent. Just explaining why their mother might not want to marry a man who isn’t earning any money.
“But if Víctor runs a B&B, he will be earning money!” Juanita throws her two hands in the air. How can Mami not understand something so simple? Juanita is only in fourth grade, but sometimes she feels a lot smarter than her own mother.
Suddenly—or are they imagining it?—the room is growing brighter! But the light is not coming from Tía Lola’s bedside lamp, but from the brilliant idea inside her head.
“The thin edge of the wedge,”
Tía Lola says mysteriously.
“The what of the what? It sounds like a sandwich, Tía Lola.” Juanita giggles.
Tía Lola explains. “You know how sometimes we can’t open a jammed door? So what do we do? We squeeze the thin edge of a wedge into the crack and pry the door open.”
Five young faces are looking expectantly at Tía Lola, waiting for the great illumination to come to them. What on earth does an unstuck door have to do with their B&B and convincing Mami and Papa?
“The B&B idea is stuck, no es verdad?” Isn’t this so? Yes, they would all have to agree that this is so. “It’s too big and scary an idea for Mami to agree to.” Now Cari is really nodding. She understands about scary things. “And Víctor is stuck, too, as he isn’t ready to confess he doesn’t want to be a lawyer anymore. But what if we were to suggest just starting with a guinea-pig weekend?”
“But we don’t know any guinea pigs who want to go to a B&B,” Juanita says, being silly.
“Valentino can pretend to be a guinea pig, right, Valentino?” Cari volunteers him. Valentino, always a good sport, half raises himself from Tía Lola’s flowered rug. Of course he’ll help out any way he can.
But Tía Lola says they need human guinea pigs. Some guests to stay at the house—for free, since this is a trial run—to prove to Mami that it can be done with minimum hassle to Colonel Charlebois and the Espada family. Meanwhile, once Papa gets a taste of running a place where he can make people happy, he’s going to feel confident enough to confess to Mami.
“Tía Lola”—Essie is shaking her head—“you are absolutely the most incredible genius I have ever known.” Excepting Essie herself, of course. But it would be immodest for her to say so.
They troop downstairs to present the thin edge of the wedge to Víctor and Linda. And how can Mami and Papa resist the determination, the reasoned arguments, the barking pleas, the excitement and enthusiasm of the assembled group of five children, one aunt, and a dog ready to turn himself into a guinea pig to convince them to give the idea a try? They all go down on bended knees, even Valentino, which is not so easy for a four-legged animal.
Mami is having a hard time trying not to smile. “Just one weekend,” she agrees tentatively. One weekend is nothing, a mere two days. The kids will get it out of their system, and Víctor and Colonel Charlebois will be rid of this B&B lunacy. “So who will you recruit for your first guests?”
They have all been so intent on convincing Mami and Papa that they never discussed who to invite to be their guinea pigs.
This time it’s Miguel who comes up with the solution. Papi and Carmen are driving up next weekend to celebrate Juanita’s birthday. Instead of staying at the B&B down the road, they can stay at Tía Lola’s B&B instead.
“Well …” Mami looks over at Víctor. “If it’s okay with you?”
Miguel can almost hear the creaking of a door being slowly wedged open.
Now that two parents have come around (and around), it’s time to ask the third parent to join them.
Since it was his idea, Miguel calls up Papi. “We want you to be our gue—guests at Tía Lola’s B&B this weekend.”
“Wait a minute, mi’jo.” Papi stops Miguel. “Mi’jo,” “my son,” is Papi’s affectionate term for Miguel. Sometimes when his father calls him that, it makes Miguel wistful, thinking of how it used to be living with Papi under the same roof. “Let me get this straight, your mother and Tía Lola are turning the house into a B&B? What about her job at the college? And isn’t Tía Lola still teaching Spanish at the school?”
“No, Papi, listen. Tía Lola’s B&B is actually over at Colonel Charlebois’s house. And it’s just on weekends.”
“I see,” Papi says, but Miguel can tell that Papi is still confused. “How about Abuelito and Abuelita? They want to come, too, for Juanita’s birthday.”
“There’s plenty of room at Tía Lola’s B&B.” Miguel is sure of it. Three whole bedrooms on the second floor, to be exact. In fact, there’s even room for Juanita and Miguel and Tía Lola up in the attic. “We’re staying over to help run it.”
“We were just going to ask your mami if we could crash at the farmhouse again. No offense, but that B&B down the road …” Papi hasn’t wanted to complain, but the owner is not a very pleasant person.
“But this’ll be so awesome, Papi. We can all be together right in town.” Except, of course, for Mami. But Miguel gets to live with his mother year-round.
“I guess.” Papi pauses, considering. In the silence, Miguel hears another door being pried open. “If you really think Víctor and your mami are cool with it, sure. Tía Lola’s B&B it’ll be. So, oink oink. We’ll be your guinea pigs.”
Miguel can’t help laughing. Papi doesn’t mind being a guinea pig one bit. It reminds Miguel of the old days, when Papi lived with them. His father could always make him laugh. “Love you, Papi,” Miguel blurts out, a phrase he’s usually too embarrassed to say—even to his parents—now that he’s in the sixth grade.
Tía Lola and all the kids set to work preparing the second floor to be a B&B. “A temporary B&B,” they add when Papa or Mami is within earshot.
“That’s a lot of trouble for temporary,” Papa remarks. Since he and Linda agreed to a trial weekend, there has been a tremendous amount of scurrying around and rearranging furniture and moving belongings upstairs to the attic rooms of the colonel’s house.
“We have to really turn it into a B&B for the weekend, or how can we know what it’s like to run one?” Sometimes Essie has to explain the simplest things to her father. Just like Juanita with her mother.
“And just think, Papa, it’ll be a way to make our rooms even nicer, if we move back down,” Victoria points out. This argument is sure to convince her father, who has gotten very strict about keeping their rooms tidy since they moved in with Colonel Charlebois.
Cari is having the best time of all. It’s like playing house with a real house and with everyone participating. Usually Cari can’t get anyone to play what Essie calls her “baby games” with her. Except Valentino.
Víctor shakes his head at his daughters’ combined persuasive powers. They should all three be lawyers! But he joins in the effort of setting up Tía Lola’s B&B with more gusto than he expected of himself. This is fun, he keeps thinking.
Colonel Charlebois is having fun, too, enjoying all the life that has flooded back into his house. But Mami still worries that all this upheaval is an imposition on the kindly old man. In order to spare him the commotion of a guinea-pig B&B, she invites him to stay with her this weekend. She’ll be all alone, as the kids and Tía Lola will be sleeping over as part of the staff at the B&B. Although the colonel has been looking forward to the excitement, he cannot resist the chance to stay at his childhood home for two days.
The Swords are soon relocated to the attic, where each one has a tiny room. Now it’s time to tackle the three vacant-looking bedrooms on the second floor.
“I think we should have themes,” Essie suggests. “You know, a baseball theme in one room, a tropical theme in another.”
“I can really help with that one,” Juanita offers. After all, she and Tía Lola turned her own bedroom into a tropical paradise. Her four-poster is painted to look like palm trees, with fronds forming a canopy above her mattress. A parrot piñata hangs from the ceiling. Just being in her room is like going on a Caribbean vacation.
“I have extra posters and stuff,” Miguel offers for the baseball room.
“Maybe your father can paint a field of dreams on the walls, you think?” Essie recalls the beautiful painting Miguel’s father did of a baseball field. It was quite the sensation when Papi unrolled it at the first big game that Miguel’s team played this past summer.
“Now, hold on there, Essie.” Her father has come around to liking this B&B idea. However, painting the colonel’s walls with murals is out of the question.
But Colonel Charlebois is all for Essie’s “brilliant suggestions.” They are two peas in a pod, always delight
ed by the crazy ideas the other one comes up with.
“We’ve got the baseball theme and the tropical theme. What about the third bedroom?” Victoria asks. She’s got that clipboard out again and is making lists of what sorts of things will be needed for each room.
“Well, this is New England; we should consider a colonial theme,” Papa proposes. They could go over to Fort Ticonderoga and visit the gift shop. “They have some authentic memorabilia.” Oh no, Papa is about to ruin everything, the big history buff. He’ll soon turn the room into a museum with a velvet cord across the doorway.
“I really think we should have one room that’s kind of … you know … sort of …” Victoria knows if she says “romantic,” Essie will stick her forefinger in her open mouth and pretend to be gagging. Papa has told her that it’s an offensive way to show disagreement. But that’s never stopped Essie from being a repeat offender. “I mean, what if a newlywed couple want to come for their honeymoon?”
“They’d come to our B&B?” Papa is doubtful.
“I would,” Victoria says brightly. “Not that I’m getting married any time soon,” she adds, because Papa is looking at her with that look, like she’d better be careful, or he’s going to padlock her in one of these rooms until she’s at least twenty-one.
By Friday afternoon, Tía Lola’s B&B is ready to receive its first guests. The lush, colorful tropical room is reserved for Abuelito and Abuelita, who will feel like they’re back home on the island. Tía Carmen, as the Sword girls affectionately call their father’s former colleague, will absolutely adore the bridal bedroom, especially with her own wedding to Papi coming up sometime soon. (They have not yet fixed a date.) Meanwhile, Papi is going to love his baseball room. Although he does not play the sport, he is a huge Yankees fan. But the best part of his room will be the inflatable mattress beside the bed, where his son, mi’jo, will sleep, both under the same roof just like the old days.
How the Guinea-Pig Weekend Almost Met with Total Disaster