Another Romeo was told by a girl if he wanted to sleep with him. For few seconds he was speechless. Before he got her composer back, she gave a card with her phone numbers along with rates per hour.
Those are the moments when the street Romeo murmurs those sentences to himself.
Few tips to damsel to force the street Romeo utter those sentences.
Try to find the name of the Romeo and next time you call him by name. If you are able to know the name of his mother / father that will give you added advantage.
Address him by ' my dear brother'.
Let him know you are the only daughter of a senior police officer.
Let him know that your brother is an IPS officer.
Tell him that you are the adopted sister of the local don.
Let him know that your God father is the senior most police officer of the district.
Tell him that you are a member of Gulabi Gang (a woman organisation who believes strong women empowerment).
Tell him that you are the current National Tawikendo Champion.
Tell him that his sister is your student.
Tell him that you are his elder brother's girl friend.
And finally tell him to marry him as you are carrying his baby (he may faint also)!
Chapter XIII: Teacher and Student
A teacher has to utter these sentences quite frequently when a particular student or a group of students give an absurd explanation for not doing homework or writes something absurd against a reasonably easy question in an examination.
Let me share an experience my father had gained when he was about a thirty year old young teacher of an 'only for boys' school'. My father was sent to a school 'only for girls' school' for an examination duty. Being a father of mine, he must have also an extreme soft corner for the girl students, whom he had to meet for a week or so only, wanted to help a girl student who might be very weak in drawing maps. While drawing a map of India, she had drawn the map of Sri Lanka as well. The poor girl's map of Sri Lanka appears to be the shape of a bottle guard. My father commented in a lighter vein, 'Sri Lanka does not look like a bottle guard; but looks like a round guard!' So far so good!
My father was given examination papers of few classes on different subjects. While checking paper, he was about to faint with the utterance of the sentence, 'this girl has killed me!' He saw the girl made the map of Sri Lanka similar to the image of a round guard. She even had drawn the ribs of round guard on the map of Sri Lanka.
My father learnt a lesson that while doing the duties of an invigilator of any examination, one should not utter any sentence, even on a lighter vein.
A few tips for the students to extract those sentences for a teacher:
Give a knick name for your teacher and let him/ her know about that through another teacher who has a rivalry with him/ her.
Bunk his / her class and let the other teacher who has no talking terms with this teacher.
You score a low marks and fight with the teacher saying that he/ she is against her and that is why marks have been deducted without proper justification.
Tell the son of a teacher that he / she does not know how to teach.
Complain about your teacher to the principal that she / he is given corporal punishment to you as you are upright in telling your teacher that he/ she does not know anything about teaching.
Spread the rumour that your teacher was once rusticated in her college days due to copying in one examination.
Sprinkle red ink on lady teacher's chair in her absence.
Put some sewing gums on the chair of your class teacher.
Propose your English teacher who is beautiful and a spinster.
Chapter XIV: Boss and Subordinate
Before introduction of legislation for protecting female workers from the roving eyes of some over enthusiastic (loose character) bosses, many bosses used to utter to their lady personal assistants, 'Today you have a killer dress!' At least some of those ladies also like those statements. One of our senior had that bad habit. His PA also took full advantage of weakness of her boss. Whenever he used to utter those sentences, she used to say, 'Thank you sir. Sir, will you permit me to go home little early today, as I have an urgent work at home.' The poor boss had to allow every time he praised her dress/ look. (My comment: Many people are happy with the gravy, whereas real connoisseur of chicken/ mutton/ any red meat, will always go for the meat only. My senior falls in the first category.)
Few tips to kill your boss by your looks and actions:
If your boss is a traditional person who believes one should come to office with formal dress, you come with a funky dress at least once in a weak. If he/ she asks about dress code, you request for a written order on that. If she/ he dares to do that, you ask for your transfer to another unit where the other boss is more liberal in dress code. If however, your super boss who is more interested for output and not serious about dress code etc. he/ she may snub your boss and advise him/ her to concentrate on his / her own work. Next day when you are with a funky dress, he will murmur, 'This boy/ girl is going to kill me one day!!!!'
If your boss (male) likes you (female) in short and tight dress, do not wear short and tight dress on all the days. Dress those skimpy dresses only on the day when you want some favour from your boss. The moment your boss utters those sentences, you demand your wish. There is almost cent percent chance that your wish will be full filled.
Suppose your boss is a workaholic one. You submit your leave application when he/ she is doing a time bound urgent work, he/ she cannot but utters those sentences. Or you may send a sms to your boss telling that you are not coming to office when your boss told you on the previous day to come early for an urgent piece of work.
Your boss is like our----- sir, who is known for his artistic and colourful character who prefers only ladies with lot of extracurricular activities as his subordinates and luckily you are one of them. You come with a dress who resembles with a night dress and comb your hair in such a way that those are looked as if not combed, do your facial make up as if you have washed it cleanly after a deep sleep and finally your eyes should have an appearance for an intense sleep. You boss will stand up and yell those sentences.
Suppose your current boss is a lady and you are also a lady; but your expectation is same (you were taking lot of undue advantages from your earlier male boss) from the current boss. As soon as you put up your note/ draft very casually like you did earlier, you hear the scream of your boss, 'you are going to kill me. Do you know I am a hyper tension patient.' Then you smile back, as you did to your earlier boss. This time you will see your boss put both of her hands on her head and then drinks a glass of water and gestured you to get out of her room. Then you come out of the room triumphantly.
Recently, an officer was about to faint after coming to know that his subordinate of five years was extremely good in drafting. The officer was in the impression that, his subordinate was not good in drafting, as he had been pretending to avoid work so far. The officer commented before his boss, 'Sir, this man would have killed me!'
Now let us talk about the bosses.
There are some bosses who think they know everything, they attract those sentences from the subordinates when a boss committed some blunder and pass on the blame to his subordinates.
There are some bosses who think they are the only honest persons God has created, they attract those sentences from the subordinates whenever they submit some genuine claims and their boss asks for thousand irrelevant queries.
There are some bosses who think they are created by God to rule, they attract those sentences from the subordinates for their arrogance. They fail in all arguments with their subordinates in technical matters and administrative matters and then use their trump card, 'you have to agree with me as I am your boss'.
There are some bosses who think they may have genuine problems and they have the right to take leave and not to be punctual, they attract those sentences from the subordina
tes when they give lectures on punctuality and reject leave application of a subordinate who has some genuine problems. I know once one boss rejects his subordinate's leave application on the ground that there was a conference to be arranged by his office. Do you know, what was the reason for applying leave by his subordinate? His mother diagnosed with cancer. The boss asked him two simple questions, whether he was the only son and whether he was a doctor (he knows he was not a doctor). Now that boss is a retired person and last year he asked some favour from the very subordinate whose leave application was rejected few years back. When same was not granted the ex-boss commented, 'these juniors do not know how to behave with the retired persons and forget the favours they used to take from me when I was in power.' His subordinate did not forget anything about his ex-boss, that is the problem! I am doubtful whether, the boss has remembered that very incident or just he is pretending to forget. Or, he thought whatever action he had taken when he was in power, were emanated from the Divinity!
These are few examples when boss or ex-boss try to extract those sentences from his/ her subordinates.
Few tips for the boss to force his/ her subordinate to utter those sentences are placed for consideration.
Reject all leave applications irrespective of merit in the applications.
Tell your subordinates to improve the draft; but never tell them how.
Reject leave application of your subordinate as you will be on leave during that period on the same ground.
Let them work day and night for your foreign visit.
Give them a grade which is below bench mark for their promotion.
Deny all the facilities to the subordinate for which they are entitled and you take all the benefits.
Chapter XV: Friend to friend
Normally this statement is used casually between two friends referring to a third person, both in good and bad sense. I try to share some examples which are gender neutral and then some examples which are gender specific.
A friend told father of a friend with an honest intention, 'Why he did not attend tuition class yesterday?' His friend's intention was to ask the welfare of the friend. But the real reason for not attending class by his friend was enjoying a movie without permission from parent and the tutorial class teacher. Now, when he was confronted by his parent, he kept mum. But when he talked with a third friend he told him, 'He killed me by asking my father, why I did not attend tutorial class yesterday.'
When a friend tells about his bad habits to his girl friend, the friend has no alternative but to utter those sentences.
Similarly, if a friend discloses something confidential to his friend's parent with or without a bad intention, the friend utters those sentences.
Now let me suggest few tips for all the friends to attract to utter those sentences.
Tell your friend's secret to his girl friend which may vitiate their relation.
Try to influence his girl friend to sever her relation with your friend.
Take his car to take your girl friend for a ride and return his car after neat two hours from the promised time.
Take his bike and leave the bike after hitting someone on the road.
Borrow his car to visit your girl friend who happened to his ex girl friend, without telling him the real reason for borrowing his car.
Finally, you are smiling to your friend with his (artificial) teeth!!!!!!
Chapter XVI: Audience and Bar Girl
All the customers use same kind of statements, 'you are looking gorgeous' or 'you look so beautiful, you are going to kill me' or 'your legs are awesome' etc. to the bar girls or to the call girls without iota of genuineness. The lady also replies with a plastic smile to those comments, unless she expects some additional amount from that customer. Here statements have no real value for either side. Both sides use these sentences in abundance without any miserly attitude.
Few tips to the audience are given below.
Every time a bar girl approaches, you show two hundred Rupee notes to her and give one. Every time she approaches you give the half of the amount you have shown to her.
You show a five hundred note and give a fifty Rupee note and tell her that the Five Hundred Rupee note is reserved for the best girl!
Praise her lips and ask her whether she is willing for a French kiss.
Praise the other girl!
Show notes, but do not give till the end of the show!
And finally ask the girl whether she is free after the show.
Few tips for the bar girl are placed for their consideration.
Tell the bespectacled customer to remove his spectacles as he looks better without those.
Open one button of your waist coat before your customer and telling him that you are feeling hot as soon as she approaches him.
Put one hand on the chest of your customer and try to measure the heart beat.
And finally ask your customer whether he is free after the show.
Chapter XVII: Service Provider and Public
Whenever any member of the public utters this statement, he or she utters the sentence with disgust. On the other hand, in response to those sentences, the focal point of the service provider, behaves as if she/ he has not heard anything like that. It infuriates the person who made the statement and forgets the real issue which makes the service provider happier.
But some of the old fellows are also intelligent enough to force the service provider to scream those sentences and look for shelter. My wife sometimes boasted that some service providers have to shed tears (virtually) after my wife starts talking to them over the telephone. My daughter also certifies her mother's acumen-ship in this regard.
First let the service provider take these tips.
Ask questions on the product one by one for first few minutes and tell the customer that it is not your domain and give another number to call.
Always blame the customer for not using the product (if it is product base) properly.
Tell the customer that since he / she is lack of intelligence, he/ she could not understand about the nitty-gritty of the services he/ she is entitled to get.
You promise to help but do not send the person to meet the requirement of the customer and wait for the next angry call from the customer just tell that he/ she has to register his/ her complain afresh.
You tell that the aggrieved party that the service asked for is out of warranty clause and will be a paid service only even though you know that it is well within warranty clause.
Call a customer to pay an amount for a particular service for which the customer has already paid.
As customer you can also raise the hair of the service provider if you follow my few advices.
The customer care officer asks you a relevant question; you abuse him and say something completely irrelevant.
You understand the all the terms and condition and pretend not to understand at all.
You tell the call centre attendant to join for a lunch.
The call centre girl, who asks you if you are interested to purchase a holiday home package will be shocked if you asks her whether she will accompany if you purchase one.
He/ she promised to help you out, but unfortunately he/ she could not, abuse him/ her without hearing any explanation from him/her.
And for any further tips as a customer, you may contact my wife!
Chapter XVIII: Politicians and Public
Here one is a predator and other is a pray, here there is no offender and no victim. There is no sin when a pray is killed by a predator. Similarly, a politician has the divine right to hoodwink the public. Public is like a woman who bore seven children who has developed a habit to swear not to bear any more child after her first child. Common people are promised for delivering the best services but always short of their promises by miles. But public are becoming habitual pray of uttering those sentences. But the public forget those sentences and again burdened with false hopes and scratch their hair with despair o
f helplessness once promises are not met.
Am I qualified to give some tips for the politicians to attract the public to utter those sentences? Sorry, I am not that qualified and therefore, I avoid suggesting any.
However, as public we may ask some uncomfortable questions to these politicians at least once in five years.
How many promises you have fulfilled in the last five years?
Any of us could not increase our property even two folds in last five years, how you have increased your property more than hundred times?
Your father was a school teacher, how you become a billionaire after joining politics?
For every job in the country there is minimum qualification to be qualified for the job, but why there is no minimum qualification to hold the post of a minister?
For a Government servant, if he has two wives he has to relinquish the job, why it is not applicable for a minister?
But before asking these questions to a politician, you have to be at a safe distance for your safety, as they are mostly above law in most of the countries including our own mother land.
Chapter XIX: Society and Individuals
Society is a necessary evil. Without society one cannot survive and one has to face lot of problems due to be a part of a society. Society is for the powerful and for bearing the burden of the morality / justice, society needs the weak. All social dictums are for the weak and dictums are phrased by the powerful.
Society as a whole is most insensitive about the individual problems, individual sentiments. Many powerful members of most our societies believe that they are authorized by God to attract those sentences from the vulnerable groups of people. Now forget about some extreme serious matters, let us discuss some semi serious matters.
Suppose you are father of an eligible daughter for marriage, whenever you attend a marriage party, any acquaintance may pose this question, 'How long you will take to arrange marriage party of your daughter?' A more insensitive person may ask publicly, 'How long you will keep your earning daughter away from her marriage?' Or another more piercing question to the father may be waiting.