Halo scoffed. “Danton says? Did Danton tell you he is part of the committee? No?” He registered her shock and it made him angry with Danton. It was a dick move to get her to talk to him and confide in him without telling her he was on the committee that would be deciding her fate. The next time he saw him he was going to smack him around a little, he thought.
“No, he didn’t,” she whispered.
“Don’t you get it? You can’t trust a vampire. We’re only out to protect ourselves. Humans mean very little to us in the grand scheme of things. You’re food. Period. You have no value otherwise.”
In a sense it was true. Maybe he didn’t see it that way, but most other vampires did. Only, what he wasn’t telling her was that it was part of vampire law to protect humans from sycophants and lawless vampires. They were a food source it was true, but they were also a more delicate race that needed to be protected overall. Perhaps much in the same way the ASPCA protected the lives and well-being of animals…so it was that vampire law was meant to safeguard humans. Also it was a matter of protecting themselves from humans learning of their existence. Because when it came down to it, humans outnumbered vampires by a thousand or more to one. No one had really ever done the math. If they learned of vampires and decided to eradicate them from the face of the planet, it was no doubt going to be easy for them to do so just by sheer force of numbers.
“I don’t believe that. Vampires aren’t as cold as you make them out to be. They’ve been nothing but kind to me. They could have rejected me, refused to protect me from Roth, but they didn’t. They took me in.”
“And we’ll continue to protect you.” Rafe spoke up from behind Halo. Halo ground his teeth. Rafe wasn’t making this easy for him. He was interfering in something that was none of his business. Still, it was comforting to know that Rafe planned on offering the protection of the vampire nation to Felice even after Halo was gone, even after Roth was gone.
“Okay, fine. All the more reason you don’t need me. Don’t embarrass yourself by begging me to stay,” he said, holding up a sharp hand to deter her from doing just that. “You’ll be fine without me.”
“I don’t want to be without you,” she said softly, her voice full of tears.
“Too bad. You don’t have a choice.”
“Why are you doing this? Even you aren’t this much of an asshole,” she said bitterly. “Are you being mean to hide your true feelings? Are you afraid of them?”
Halo refused to let her words impact him, even though they rang all too true. He didn’t like to admit to fear of anything, but his feelings for her scared the hell out of him. He was afraid. He was afraid of not doing right by her. He was afraid of not being able to protect her as he should. He was afraid that if he was in her life she would always be in danger.
“Count yourself lucky,” he said softly. “As long as I’m in your life you’ll be in danger. Without me you can go back to your simple, quiet life and your store. You couldn’t possibly fit into the vampire world. You’re not made that way. You have a life. Friends. Family. All the things you’d have to put at a distance for the sake of protecting vampire secrets and upholding vampire law. It’s very rare that a human has what it takes to integrate the vampire world into their own. Most find it difficult to lie to their loved ones. To keep secrets from them. Think of how lucky you are not to have to manage that.”
“Don’t tell me what I am and am not capable of,” she said with hard determination. “That’s up to me to decide. I am perfectly capable of integrating the vampire world into my own. I can’t go back to doing what I was doing before, simply running a shop in ignorance of the war going on between vampires and sycophants. I want to help. I want to do something.”
Halo scoffed, even as panic infused him. “What could a weak human like you have to offer the powerful vampire nation?” he asked her. He had to make her see. He had to make her want to keep herself safe from the war between vampires and sycophants. He had to make her go back to her innocent life where she would be safe.
“I don’t know. But I’ll figure it out. We can figure it out together.”
She held out her hand to him, the hope in her eyes that he might reach out and take it killing him softly.
“You’re an idiot. Only a moron would purposefully insert themselves into a war that has nothing to do with them. I’m not going to stand here and watch you commit what amounts to suicide.”
He turned sharply to leave the room, only to find himself face-to-face with Rafe. He could see the censure in the other man’s expression…and something else. Pity. Rafe was feeling sorry for him. “I’m out. There’s nothing here to keep me. I’m not the keeping sort.”
“I don’t believe you!” Felice cried stubbornly. “You’re braver than this. You’re stronger than your fear!”
He wasn’t. Not in this instance. Her bravery astounded him—impressed him—but it also scared the hell out of him. How could he make her go back to her world? Her safe, comfortable world.
“You need to go,” he said harshly. “We don’t want you or need you here.” He glared at Rafe. “Tell her. Tell her she needs to go. It’s what’s best for her.”
“It would be safer for you,” Rafe said in agreement as he looked at Felice. “There’s nothing you can do about this war. You’re not cut out to fight in it, that much is clear. You are too gentle a soul.”
“There. See? See some sense. We don’t want you here. Get better and leave.”
Halo stepped around Rafe and headed out of the door. But as he crossed the threshold she called out, “I don’t care what you say. You need me. I can fight this war just by being with you. By giving you strength and comfort and support I can help you fight this war.”
Halo ignored her, although it was the hardest thing he’d ever had to do in his life. He strode down the corridor away from her, all the while trying to convince himself he was doing the right thing. But it was difficult when such a large part of him wanted to go back to her, wanted to take back all the hurtful words he had said to her. A large part of him suddenly couldn’t imagine what life would be like without her.
No. Damn it, no. He had had a good life before he’d met her. It had been easy and carefree. He had not had to worry about anyone but himself and that was just the way he liked it. He didn’t need support and companionship and all the things she was offering him. He didn’t need love and comfort in his life. He got along fine without it.
He reached the elevators just as the word “love” floated through his mind. It made him hesitate, his finger hovering over the buttons to the elevator.
Love? Who said anything about love? Certainly she hadn’t. So where had the word come from? It wasn’t a word from his usual vocabulary. Not one he took out all that often. If ever. He simply saw no use for the emotion. He was unencumbered by it. Free from it. It had always seemed a little needy and juvenile to him. He had grown far past the need for love and such other such imagined affectations of the heart. Love was simply a state of mind, a trick played on the brain by out-of-control hormones.
So then why did he feel the lure of it now?
Why in hell was he bothering to examine his feelings at all, he thought angrily as he punched the button to the elevator. He didn’t have feelings. He didn’t waste time with them. He was better off without them.
Just look at what they were doing to him in that moment, he thought painfully.
The elevator arrived and Halo stepped inside. As the doors closed he put aside all of his roiling thoughts and emotions. He would continue on as he always had. He would be free. Unencumbered. A hunting machine with nothing on his mind but the hunt for prey.
And he knew exactly who was topping his list of prey.
Draz.
Chapter 20
It was nearly two weeks later before Felice worked up the courage to step outside of the vampire building alone. She was grateful to Danton and Rafe and all of the other vampires who had taken the time to sit with her as she healed and give her
comfort and support as her heart writhed with the pain of Halo’s rejection, but she needed to step out into the world by herself.
She was mostly healed of her physical wound, her arm once again being made useful. She had some physical therapy to go through before she could count herself a hundred percent healed, bur that would come in time.
Healing her internal wounds was something else entirely.
Felice didn’t know when it had become so essential to have Halo in her life. She didn’t know when she had started to feel like she couldn’t live without him. She simply knew that she couldn’t…and that she didn’t care what he said to her, she knew in her heart and in her soul that he felt the same way. He was simply too afraid to admit it.
She had to confess to a small amount of fear of her own. Inserting herself in his life meant inserting herself into the middle of a war. It meant putting herself purposely in the line of danger. The next time she was threatened, she wasn’t likely to be kidnapped and toyed with. The next time she might find herself dead.
However, she trusted Halo to keep that from happening. If anyone could protect her it was Halo. She also believed in her heart that he would be the most motivated.
It scared her to feel this way for a man. The last time she had imagined herself protected by a man it had been with Michael. But Michael had been the illusion; Halo was the reality. He would lay down his life to protect her, just as he was now. He was putting aside his own feelings in order to keep her at a distance, hoping that distance would afford her protection and keep her safe. Combine that with his fear of attachment and she had a lot of work ahead of her. He would not make this easy for her. He would fight her with every dirty trick in the book and she had to be prepared for that. However, she had a few dirty tricks of her own.
She had spent the past two weeks brushing up on vampire law and exposing herself to the vampire world. She had met the committee. They had told her point-blank that Halo had met with them already and given his recommendation that she have her memory wiped and then be sent back to her safe human world. That had stung, but what had she expected really in his present state of retreat? He was using every method he could to put distance between her and the vampire nation.
Well, he would have to physically excise her from his life if he wanted her gone. She supposed that was what he was trying to do, using the committee like a surgical instrument to cut her out of the vampire world. However, it had been a cowardly thing to do behind her back…and the easy thing. If he put it in the hands of others then he wouldn’t have to face her again.
Well, she wasn’t going to make it that easy for him.
She glanced down at her new phone, the other having been taken from her during her kidnapping, and reviewed the map directions Rafe had plugged into it for her. She flagged down a cab and gave the driver the address. It wasn’t to Halo’s apartment or anything. Rafe didn’t know where he lived—or even if he lived anywhere in particular. Most vampires lived in vampire central. Halo did not. But Felice figured he had to have an apartment. Somewhere to rest his head and keep his things. Even if it was a rented room somewhere.
Apparently he got around via motorcycle. She had smiled at that discovery. It suited him. Felice had to wonder at herself. She had never gone for the rough-and-ready types. She had always preferred some sophistication in her men. But look where that had gotten her with Michael. It had gotten her nothing but grief and pain.
She was glad he was dead. She had no qualms about Halo having killed him. She had thought she might be squeamish about it—after all, it was a life and capital punishment was harsh. However, after all she had been through…and who knew what other crimes Michael had committed under Roth’s sway. She wouldn’t have put it past him to take a life. He had certainly shown no regard for hers. He had wanted Halo to devour her, to suck out all of her energy and leave her dead on the floor. She shuddered at the thought. He had tried to kill the man that Halo was in order to sway him, in order to orchestrate the death of the queen. That would have made him an accessory to murder at the very least.
She couldn’t imagine why anyone would want to kill the queen. Rafe had introduced her to Simone. Felice had felt so gauche and awkward in the face of such grace and beauty and power, but she had liked the queen nonetheless. Simone was a kind woman. An understanding one. She had been the one to convince Rafe to give Felice the address she was going to. Rafe had preferred to protect her, to keep her clear of more hurt at Halo’s hands. Simone had seen otherwise. She had seen Felice as an opportunity to bring Halo deeper into the fold. To give him a connection other than himself.
Well Felice wasn’t about to let the queen down. She was determined to be that connection. She would become Halo’s true north. She would be his anchor in this world. Something he was in terrible need of.
When she arrived at the bar, she alighted from the cab and looked into the parking lot. There were several motorcycles there and she was encouraged. Rafe had told her this was where she could expect Halo to be tonight. How he knew that she didn’t know. Still, in the wake of being caught and kidnapped, Halo might have changed his location already.
At least that was what she hoped wasn’t the case.
She entered the bar and was enveloped by the dark atmosphere immediately. It wasn’t a very big place, but it wasn’t small either. Big enough to hold a few pool tables and private booths. Over by the pool tables there were smaller tables and stools dotted about. Even though it was barely dark the bar was doing good business. Many seats at the bar were taken by patrons. Halo was not among them.
She moved farther in. She reached the last booth right before the bar opened up into the pool-playing area. There, with his arm draped over the shoulders of a woman, was Halo. He had a bottle of tequila in front of him, but she noticed there was only one glass and the woman had her hand around it.
She was an average-looking woman. A washed-out sort of blonde. Her blouse was too low and her skirt was too short. She wore her makeup heavily and her years even more so. Hard living had not been kind to her looks.
Halo noticed Felice long before she reached the booth. She knew it because his reaction was to pull the woman closer to his side. She eagerly complied, draping herself over his body. She kissed him on the side of his neck and Felice felt a white-hot flash of jealousy rip through her. But she put it aside. This was a show for her benefit. For the benefit of everyone in the room, including Halo himself. Felice had seen his expression during the brief moments before he had realized she was there. He had been pensive. Lost in thought. Anywhere but in the moment. She took heart in that. She took heart in the fact that prior to her entrance he couldn’t have cared less about who was in that booth with him.
He watched her approach with wary eyes. She took in the tableau before her and said sharply, “Honey, what are you doing here? The kids miss their daddy. Little Suzy has been waiting for you to come tell her a bedtime story!”
The blonde immediately perked up. “Kids?” she asked Halo. “You got kids?”
“I do not have kids,” Halo growled.
“How can you say that? Little Suzy is such a daddy’s girl,” she said directly to the blonde. “And I’m the jealous type. So if you know what’s good for you, you’ll take a hike, sister.”
The blonde was poised in hesitation, looking from Halo to Felice in confusion.
“You never said anything about kids and a wife!” she exclaimed.
“Because I don’t have kids and a wife,” he said roughly, but there was a light in his eyes. Something like admiration or amusement. She couldn’t tell which.
Felice leaned in and put a hand on the table, looking the other woman dead in the eyes.
“I like to pull hair and gouge with my nails.” She rapped her fingertips on the table, the sound of her nails clicking an added inducement.
The blonde ripped away from Halo and got to her feet. She was unsteady, drunk, and luckily not the aggressive type. Felice would have been happy to fight for Hal
o but was glad she didn’t have to. As the blonde tottered away on her ridiculously high heels, Felice took her place in the booth, effectively trapping Halo within it. It surprised her that he would allow himself to be contained like that. She would have thought he would remain on the outside where he could move more quickly to escape the confines of the table. But she figured he was confident in his ability and it didn’t make a difference to him.
“Now that wasn’t very nice,” he drawled to her.
“I’m not a nice person,” she said.
He snorted and gave her a look.
“Well,” she amended, “I’m not nice to women who are draped all over you like a winter coat. As I said, I’m the jealous type.”
“You can be jealous all you want. It’s not my responsibility.”
“Oh, but it is. You are very much responsible for how I feel.”
“What are you doing here, Felice? We’ve said everything that needs to be said.”
“No. You’ve said everything you think needs to be said. I have a completely different view on the matter.”
“Your delusions aren’t my responsibility either,” he said sharply. “Go home, Felice. Go back to your life and leave me with mine.”
“I will…if you can tell me in all honesty that I mean absolutely nothing to you. No covering up. No lies. If you’re the man I think you are under all of this…this bull crap, you’ll tell me the truth.”
He shifted in his seat, reached for the tequila bottle. He didn’t take a drink, merely picked at the label. She knew he had not taken a drink all night. He probably wouldn’t allow himself to do so ever again. He learned from his mistakes. He wasn’t willing to dance with darkness again. His dissolute living had almost cost him everything. She knew that better than anyone. Certainly better than the nameless blonde.
“What do you want from me, Felice? If you think I’m the key to some kind of happily-ever-after, then you’re just kidding yourself.”