She hesitated, and he wanted to make her believe anything was possible. He wanted to prove to her she was capable of more than she gave herself credit for. She could fight for anything if she only put her mind to it. He wanted to be something she would put her mind to, fight for with all of her heart and soul. And he didn’t know what else he could do to convince her to do so.
“I’m never going to be easy,” she warned him.
“I know.”
“I…I might not ever want to have children, either. Bringing babies into a dangerous world…”
“That will take care of itself. I am not looking for heirs, Asia. I’m only looking for you.”
She nodded slowly, trying to search her mind for more reasons why this was a bad idea, and finding she simply couldn’t come up with any more. The fact was, he was the best man she had ever known. He was the one and only to ever have gotten this close to her. He was the closest thing she had ever known to being in love.
And maybe—just maybe—it was more than just being close to it. Maybe what he was looking for already existed. The very idea made her breath come quick and her heart pound. When had she come to feel so much for him? When had he managed to get under her skin so deeply? God, she would be so stupid to fall into this without caution. She had to be careful. If she wasn’t careful he could…he could have the power…
…the power to truly hurt her. The ability to strike her underneath the protection of years of armoring. She had tried so hard to keep him outside of it, to protect herself.
“I’m really, really scared,” she confessed suddenly, the emanation of the emotions she was feeling so powerful he could taste her fear on his own tongue.
“Because?”
“Because you scare me. You tease at something I have no control over. You want me to love you and you make it so compelling. I’m afraid I’m just leaving myself open to nothing but trouble!”
Julian knew it was important to focus on what she was saying, but the wave of emotion he was feeling just then, the pure energy of it told him exactly what she wasn’t able to say aloud. It floored him, made him utterly speechless.
Whether she was ready to admit it or not, the feelings were there. She felt for him more strongly than she cared to. She had already let him in, he just hadn’t realized it because until that moment, she hadn’t realized it.
She was in love with him. Just as much as he found her precious and was unable to relinquish her, she was unable to relinquish him. What she feared had already come to pass, and now she was afraid of the power it gave him over her.
“I’ll never let you go,” he promised her soft and swift, reaching to kiss her lips with a long drink of passion. “I’ll never cut you loose to flounder on your own. I swear it, Asia. You’ll always have me. And I’ll never once take for granted the precious gift you’re giving me. And I know that if I ever do, you’ll take me to task for it and make me remember these promises. You’ll never sit by and let me or anyone else hurt you. If you have faith in the power of yourself, then you can have faith in this. I’ll fight for it, just as you’ll fight for it. Together, zini.”
She couldn’t speak, emotion choking up her ability to use speech, so she could only nod for him as he came to kiss her again. For the first time they kissed with utter freedom of emotion and spirit, and they both felt the synergy of it deep down to their souls. They finally both knew what the true reciprocal influence of kind was meant to feel like.
There was nothing else they could do but come together. Julian kissed her so deeply and so passionately that it touched her frightened heart, strengthening it, making it beat with a rhythm that was strong and proud and much less afraid. That was when she began to see the source of strength that he would be to her. All this time she had resisted and fought, thinking this would be a weakness, but now she saw the truth. Together they would be insurmountable. Nothing could defeat Asia and Julian. Nothing had. It had tried time and again, thrown one thing after another at them, trying to tear them down and tear them apart, and time and again they had come through victorious. This thing, this feeling of love and, yes, of need, was going to be the most prevailing skill she had ever learned.
“Julian,” she whispered, telling him in strong emanations of emotion what she was realizing, what she was coming to understand. It overwhelmed him, brought him low and brought him high all at the same time. It was the most glorious thing he’d ever known.
His hands were on her in the next instant, touch becoming like the taste of a starving man. He needed everything about her and he needed it now. And the minute she put fast and eager hands on him, he knew she was feeling exactly the same way. Finally. They were both feeling exactly the same way.
There was no time for finesse, and there was no need for it; every touch was an arousal in and of itself. Every time fingers found bare patches of skin, it was the ultimate in foreplay. Asia rolled on top of him, straddling his hips and rising up to strip off her shirt. She reached then to pull his shirt over his head, baring his fine chest to the sweeping strokes of her hands. Julian drew his hands up under her skirt, skimming over and along her legs and straight to the heart of her. But instead of taking her invitation as she lifted up to give access, he reached to unfasten his pants, shove them down and away from himself, kicking free of the denim even as he grabbed hold of her hips and settled her down against himself. He couldn’t believe how hard she made him so quickly, the feeling taking his breath away.
He was grateful to find that she was already coated in a light layer of moisture, a way to alleviate the coming friction as he dragged her up and down his hard length. She braced her hands on his chest, her fingers curling and her nails scraping over his flat nipples. It made him growl soft and low in his chest, the determined look on his face telling her he was in no mood for delays. And since she was of a similar mind, she smiled at him in invitation. She raised up, her powerful leg muscles keeping her above him as she reached beneath herself to take him in hand. She directed him, hovering when he was just on the brink of entering her body under her guidance. She hesitated only a moment, just long enough to meet his eyes and make certain their gazes were tightly locked as she began to lower herself onto him. As she took him slowly into herself in several soft undulations of her hips, he held on to her hips, the lock of his hands all too brutal as he tried to control the lash of heated need that was riding into him.
It was all so different. So much sharper. So much purer than before. For the first time he felt as if they were coming together from the exact same place, and the feeling of wholeness it left behind was outstanding.
When she finally took a firm seat with him deep inside her, they both exhaled in strong, passionate gusts. Hearing one another made them laugh.
“Good to be home?” she teased him.
“Good that home is still here,” he said. “I’ve never been so happy as I am when I am seated inside you. I never want to lose that. Just the idea of it brought me to my knees.”
“You know,” she said, feeling the waves of strong relief that came with the remark, “I have a feeling I’m missing something.”
“Not as much as you think. And that’s not here in this moment. In this moment I just want to take pleasure in you. Can I do that?”
“I don’t know. Can you?” she asked impishly as she slowly rose up on her knees, letting him slide nearly free of her body before taking him back with a fast, situating movement.
“Very much so,” he said nearly through his teeth as pure pleasure rippled over him. She was as tight as a fist, a true object of decadence. It felt like a guilty pleasure. Like something he should savor every single second of. And he planned to do exactly that.
Bracing his heels into the mattress, Julian pitched his pelvis forward just a little bit, changing the pressure of the seat she had on him as he helped lift her into another thrust. Her surprised gasp was heartily satisfying. Her hands lifted away from him and her palms came to rest flat and low on her belly.
“My God, that went right through me,” she said as she hastened to repeat the motion. She gasped again, her head falling back, her long hair tickling over and between his thighs as she did so. Her suddenly restless hands stroked over her belly, her fingers curling with every inward stroke. As if they had the same thought, they both brought their hands up to her breasts, cupping them and shaping them together. She urged him to pull tightly at her nipples until she released a wild little groan. This time it went right through him.
Feeling her walls flex around him as she was stimulated made him more than a little light-headed. Suddenly he didn’t have time for anything resembling focus. His hands went back to her hips and he watched her as they worked to ride her over him. She was so blatantly aroused, he could feel it coming off her like an exotic perfume. Everything about the way she looked, about the way she touched herself and moved over him, only served to make him harder inside her. It was at the point where it felt like a beautiful pain, the pleasure of it riding him just as gloriously as she was.
“Soon,” he warned her on an out-of-control breath. “Very soon, sweetheart.”
“Mmm, I can feel it,” she assured him breathlessly. “It’s coming off you like a breath of hot wind on a scorching day.” She laughed and looked at him. “See, you’ve made a poet out of me,” she accused.
“And a beautiful one at that. Look at you. You’re a work of art. You have to hand it to the human race, you have a hell of a gene pool.”
“Flatterer.” She chuckled.
“Seductress,” he countered. “Come. Enough. I need speed and depth.”
It was all the warning he gave her before he threw her over to the side, rolling with her until he was on top of her. Now it was his knees that braced into the bedding as he gained the depth and speed he had been searching for. He hilted hard and deep time and again, hastening his pace when he knew he was running out of time. He was in no mood to come before he had seen her do so. He poured all of his focus onto her, seeking out the heart of her mind that he knew responded so very well to his.
“Oh, it’s so not fair when you do that,” she gasped, her legs suddenly wrapping around his waist as if she could somehow hold him to the promise he was making to her body.
“Then let me be unfair,” he requested of her, reaching to take her nipple into his mouth with a brief but potent sucking. She came free with a sound of suction and it made her already singing nervous system go wild with sensation. He felt how close she was, and teasing her mind with the promise of pleasure and the devotion of love, he sent her sailing over the edge. She writhed up hard off the bed, trapping him deeply inside her body as she burst apart in a devastating orgasm.
And still it wasn’t enough for him. So he gathered her back up—all the pulsing, flying pieces of her—and spun her back around onto herself.
“Julian!” she cried out, her bucking body now too much for his sanity. She was begging him to join her, and just as he put himself hard to the task of thrusting into her, she did a most miraculous thing. She traced back along the connection he was using into her mind and found his mindheart. Just the act of breaching that most private place was enough to send him off into a rushing orgasm that had no finesse, no rhythm, but all of the heart in the world.
He held himself inside her as he exploded in jetting liberation, the clawing release coming from so deep inside him that he shouted out in coarse relief. And all the while she clung to him with long, clutching legs and a body wet with passion.
Her hands were suddenly in his hair, pulling his head down to her breasts as she gasped to find her breath. He took the gesture of comfort for what it was, her need to hold him to her heart bringing sharp tears to his eyes.
“I love you,” they said.
Chapter 19
Julian and Asia appeared in Justice Hall within hours. There they found the entire panel of Ampliphi sitting in state and waiting for them. Once again, every member of the panel was fully flesh and flushed with the satiation of energy. It was a damning situation for them if they were thinking of passing a hard judgment on Asia or Julian for their attacks on Kloe and Greison. They really couldn’t afford to lose the power of a couple connected as kind. And they couldn’t afford to see an injustice go unpunished. In a society as tenuously in control as theirs was, order and control were essential.
“Julian,” Christophe greeted them, “I see Asia has come through unscathed.”
“Not fully.”
“No thanks to you all,” Asia muttered.
“Asia,” Julian hushed her gently. They had agreed that he would be the one to handle the Ampliphi since she had no recollection of how she had come to attack Kloe in the first place. She could not serve as witness in the matter. Although, after having to visit Kenya in the clinic, she knew she would defend her again if needed. “Before we take this any further, I demand Kloe be held responsible for her actions. Her vindictive nature has damaged my colony, put lives in the balance. Lives we cannot afford to spare. No life in this society can afford to be lost, and yet she toys with them like…like…”
“Like ants at a picnic,” Asia supplied.
“Slander!” Kloe burst out in violent emanation, unable to sit still any longer under accusation. She even lurched to her feet out of her chair. Julian quickly sought out Shade, who was standing at Gisella’s shoulder as usual. Then he glanced at Kine, who stood behind Sydelle. They had talked before coming there and it had been agreed by them all that Kloe would never be allowed to hurt Asia again. They would do whatever it took to see to that.
“I won’t sit still for this,” Kloe swore. “Who are they to accuse the Ampliphi?”
“He is Magistrate of the colony you are supposed to be serving, Kloe. The colony is not supposed to serve you. I think you have forgotten that,” Christophe said in dark, strident tones. “I will hear you out, Magistrate,” Christophe said to Julian.
“Since she stripped me of her mark, she has not fed a single soul in my colony. Children hovered on the brink of starvation because of her petty anger at me for finding my kindra and leaving her service. I thought that if I found another to serve her quickly enough we could appease her, but Asia made me realize that it should not be about what appeases the vanity of one woman, Ampliphi or no.”
“Vanity!” Kloe shouted. “You think it is vanity that affects me when you disrespect me like this? You have no regard for the power that sits before you! You think you are above this body!”
“I think you think this body should be above criticism, and I think your behavior is deplorable! Not just you, but those who indulge you! Do I believe the Ampliphi should be the ultimate authority? Yes. But only if they do what is necessary to deserve it!” Julian turned eyes of green fire onto Christophe. “You have a duty to hold yourselves in check. If you do not see to that, then the colonies have no choice but to do it for you.”
“This is…true,” Christophe conceded, checking glances with other Ampliphi who were nodding. Rennin clearly did not agree, but he was the only dissenter besides Kloe. “So speak for your colony. Make your accusation.”
“If you will indulge me, I have a witness,” Julian said, holding a hand out to call forward his witness. Kenya nervously stepped into the Hall and came to stand before the Ampliphi. “Tell them what you told me.”
“Ampliphi Kloe got all up in my sister’s face, pushed her, and disrespected her, and then, to prove how powerful she was, she began to push me around. When she threw me so hard against a wall I blacked out, I can only imagine that my sister naturally went nuts on her obnoxious ass.”
“She lies,” Kloe hissed. “It was her sister’s own uncontrolled rage energy that injured her sister. Let her accuse me herself if she knows otherwise.”
Kloe’s smug little smile told her accusers that she was well aware Asia could not remember the incident in question. How she had found out that information, Julian did not know. But he had only told Shade and Kine about it. The idea that one of his trusted friends might have betrayed
him sickened him. But since he could not be certain, he turned his focus to the task at hand.
“As Ampliphi Kloe clearly already knows, Greison’s assault on Asia has robbed her of all memory of the incident. It’s only by the grace of God and a testament to Asia’s strength that more was not lost.”
“Magistrate, I beg you to understand. All I saw was your kindra attacking a member of this body. Kloe sent out a summons for help and I was the closest. I only did what I thought I had to do,” Greison said grimly. “It is against the law to attack a member of this body. It is a capital offense. It deserved a capital punishment.” He paused for a beat. “However, I did not take the time to find out what instigated the attack or who struck whom first, and that was wrong of me. I am glad you were not permanently damaged, Asia, and I ask your forgiveness for my unthinking haste.”
Asia was frankly surprised to hear such a gracious concession from a member of the implacable Ampliphi. It immediately served to soften her opinion of the others. Just because there was one bad egg in the bunch didn’t mean they were all bad. Greison had just proved that.
“We have a witness, albeit a biased one,” Christophe observed of Kenya. “Were it not your sister’s life on the line, I would take you at your word, Kenya, but you can see why I need corroborating information. As it stands now it is a matter of she said/she said.”
“Does it matter? You witnessed it for yourself, Christophe. Not only did this one attack me,” Kloe said pointing to Asia, “but her mate attacked Greison.”
Greison sat up quickly. “Given he knew what I was about to do, I do not hold blame against Julian. I have no desire to see him punished for trying to protect his mate. The issue should be solely what is to happen to Asia.”
“Very well,” Christophe said, turning to Asia with a frown. “As I see it, there is only one way to settle this matter.”
Julian felt his heart leap into his throat. He had been counting on Christophe. He prayed the leader of the Ampliphi would not let him down.