‘You did what?’ He burst out laughing. It wasn’t the reaction I’d expected. I started laughing too.
‘Yeah, it was pretty stupid. But she deserved it. Anyway, after that, everyone pretty much avoided me. They thought I’d actually chucked it, that it had been in my hand. You would, right? I got into trouble. But I didn’t care – I was just utterly amazed that I could do this, this thing. So I started to practise. You know, with pencils and books and small things. It took ages to get a grip on it. I thought maybe it was all in my mind at first, that I was imagining it, and then, it was a bit like riding a bike, I just got it one day. Moving things without, um, actually touching them, was like the most natural thing in the world.’
I didn’t mention that it was a bit like riding a bike with no brakes, down a very steep hill.
‘And does it have anything to do with why you came here? Did you really get mugged?’
‘Yes. That was the truth. I just didn’t tell you the whole story.’ I paused; Alex was looking at me with a face like thunder. ‘I – I didn’t hurt them.’
‘What did they do to you?’
I realised he wasn’t angry with me, he was angry with them. This was good – anywhere his anger could be directed other than at me was good.
‘Nothing. Well, I mean, they were just trying to take my bag. But they held a knife to me and, I don’t know what happened, but the next second I was holding the knife. Well, not holding it exactly. It was—’ I couldn’t accurately describe it, so I stopped.
Alex put his head in his hands. I hadn’t thought it was that bad. Oh God, he did think I was a sociopath.
‘I didn’t mean to do it. I didn’t hurt them. I know it was bad. I tried to stop. I did stop. I promised myself I wouldn’t do it again. Then all this happened and . . .’ I ran out of steam.
He looked up at me with an expression I really couldn’t read. Like someone had told him his motorbike had been stolen.
‘Will you tell Jack?’ I asked.
His expression settled. ‘I think he needs to know.’
‘Why?’ I didn’t want to tell Jack. I knew he’d make Alex’s reaction look like a peace meditation.
‘Because, Lila, you’re his sister. And I have to get you out of the country and I need his help to do it.’
I threw off the blanket and stood up off the bed. ‘But he’ll hate me, he’ll look at me like you just did. Like I’m some kind of monster, something awful. Like the people who killed Mum.’
Suddenly he was on his feet. ‘Lila, that’s not what I think. I told you I don’t believe it. It’s not what Jack will think, either, once we explain.’
‘But you’re still not sure about me – I can see the doubt. And the way you’re looking at me now . . . it’s obvious.’
‘No – no, that’s not it. I’m angry now, for sure. But not with you. I’m furious with those kids for mugging you. I could kill them. You had far more self-control than Jack or I would have done.’
He sat back down on the bed, facing me. ‘I’m sorry about last night, and today. The way I’ve been treating you,’ he said. ‘It was a shock.’ He paused, trying to think what to say. ‘It’s what I was trying to tell you before. For the last three years I’ve been programmed to think of you, of people like you, rather, as something less than human. As all bad. It was as if the gene that triggers this was a rogue gene, like a cancer, wiping out all the good in people – and then I see you . . . It was, it was a bit like losing gravity.’ He ran his hands down his face, pressed his fingers into his temples. ‘Everything’s changed. I no longer know what to think or who to trust.’
I stared straight at him. Did he trust me? The silence started to thump like it had its own heartbeat. Neither of us moved or said anything for a long time. I was trying to reconstruct the whole night from this new perspective.
‘Is that why you almost killed Key too? Because you thought he was like me?’ Was their automatic reaction to try to exterminate us on sight?
‘What?’ His eyes flashed, his voice was low but angry. ‘I almost killed him because I saw him dragging you out of the house.’
‘Oh.’ I sank down onto the opposite bed.
‘I had no idea who he was – I just saw him with you and—’ He looked up at me apologetically and I felt my heart do a little jump. He’d been trying to save me. Put like that, it was swoonworthy stuff, though I doubted Key’s face agreed.
All of a sudden, none of it mattered anymore. The whole of last night could be rewritten in my head. He wasn’t angry with me. He didn’t hate me. Now all I needed was for him to tell me he was coming with me.
‘Where am I going to go?’
His eyes met mine. He really looked so tired. Like he didn’t have the energy to stand. He hadn’t slept yet. ‘I don’t know yet. I’m thinking about it.’
A thought bubbled to the surface. ‘What about my dad? What will we tell him if I just disappear?’
‘We’ll make something up. You can see him again when this is over. When it’s safe.’
‘You know he’s not going to be that happy about me missing my exams.’ It seemed ridiculous to be worrying about tests when I was potentially about to be killed, but I knew how my dad’s mind worked.
‘Yes, I realise that. I’m sorry. Maybe you can take them in a few months’ time.’
‘Hmmm. Maybe.’ I didn’t mind. Not taking exams and heading off into the sunset with Alex was a pretty amazing deal. I’d take it every time.
A thought was scuttling around my head, though, and I couldn’t shake it. I heard myself voice it quietly. ‘Are you coming with me?’
He took a while to answer, then he said, ‘You think I’d let you go alone?’ My heart leapt.
Alex stood up and came towards me and then knelt down in front of me. ‘Lila, when you asked me earlier why I was helping you and I told you I had no choice I meant I have no choice because you are—’
The trilling of a phone interrupted. I hung on to the last words, I am what? I am WHAT?
He was gone, though, over to the table, where his phone was vibrating.
‘Hello . . .? We’re good. Where are you? Did you find them?’
It had to be Key. There was a pause.
‘OK. OK. No, that’s good. Yes. I’ll call him later. We’re going to be gone in twenty-four hours. Is that long enough?’
‘Yes, I promise. Yes – I will be.’ A pause. ‘No. Not on her own.’ Another pause. ‘Yes. And Key – thank you.’
He hung up and turned towards me. I waited. He put the phone down on the table.
‘He’s followed them. They’re in San Diego. They’re trying to find us there. The Unit are closing in. They think we’re with them.’ He stopped and I caught the worry on his face. ‘I hope he doesn’t get caught. There’s not much I can do from here.’
I felt all the air come out of me. So we were safe for the moment. The fear wasn’t gone but it was muted. No one was about to come racing through the door. Apart from maybe the police but I was sure that Alex could handle them. He probably had some gadget in his bag that would persuade them to put their guns away and leave us in peace. For the first time in almost twenty-four hours, I felt myself relax, and my muscles started to scream as they uncramped.
‘I need to call Jack.’
My head jerked up. ‘Now?’
No, he couldn’t call Jack now. He needed to finish his sentence. I was what? He seemed to have forgotten our conversation, though. Instead, he crossed over to the chair where the holdall was still sitting and started rifling through it. He pulled out a small metallic-looking object and crossed to the phone that sat on the table between the two beds. He lifted the phone and attached the metal thing to the wires at the base. Then, glancing at me quickly, he dialled a number.
In the ten seconds it took for the call to connect, I held my breath, drawing my knees to my chest. My eyes didn’t leave Alex’s back.
‘Hey, Jack – no, listen, listen. Yes, no, don’t worry – she’s here – OK,
here . . .’ He turned and held the phone out to me. ‘Tell him you’re all right.’
I clutched the phone. ‘Hi, Jack, it’s me.’
‘Jesus, Lila, where the hell are you? Are you OK? Where have you been?’
‘Er—’
Alex snatched the receiver back and I was grateful. I hadn’t been sure where to begin on that one.
‘We’re fine,’ I heard Alex say. ‘No. I can explain. It wasn’t Demos. We’re not with them.’ There was a pause.
‘Flank two.’
Flank what?
‘Seriously. They came to the house. I had to get her away and I couldn’t take her to the base. It wasn’t safe – the alarm – yes, I know. OK – how close are you?’
My breathing caught like it was snagged on barbed wire.
‘Right. Good. That’s good. Keep on them. Keep them south.’
Another pause. I could hear Jack’s voice getting louder.
‘The truck? Yeah, that was the idea. I’ll explain when I see you. The car? Yeah, I’ll explain that later too . . . No. No. It’s fine.’
Uh-oh.
‘No, I think it’s best we stay as far away from San Diego and the base as possible. Can you meet us? Alone. You need to come alone – any more of you and they’ll suspect something. You come alone and let the Unit take care of business. I’m serious, Jack. Don’t even tell them where you’re going. Demos is getting intel from the inside. I can’t tell you over the phone.’
Alex dropped his voice, shouldering me out. ‘I need to talk to you face-to-face.’
There was a hugely long pause and I started to fidget. Alex’s shoulders were tensing, I could see that even from behind. He was running his hand over his close-cropped hair. I remembered how it had felt; soft, like dandelion quills. Wow, I really needed to focus.
‘Just her passport. And some papers for you and me.’
Both of them?
‘When’s the earliest you can meet us?’
‘OK. Eight a.m. Near Palm Springs. I’ll call you and tell you where to go.’
I glanced at the clock. It was flashing 23.13.
Alex hung up and turned to me. My face was expectant. His lips were pursed.
‘What did he say about Demos?’
‘As Key said, they’re in San Diego, the Unit are on them. They thought Demos had us both. It caused a major panic. The whole Unit deployed after them.’
‘But I thought you said they wouldn’t do anything if anyone from the Unit got taken?’
‘It’s not about me,’ he said, looking at me pointedly.
I continued staring at him.
Alex carried on, ‘He wanted to know about the car.’
I bet. I didn’t want to be nearby when Alex told him the truth about that.
‘And flank two?’ I asked. ‘What does that mean?’
He smiled. ‘Just a code word, to let him know we’re not under duress.’
‘Why did you say Demos was getting intel from the inside?’
‘So he wouldn’t tell anyone what he was doing and would come alone.’
Oh.
I frowned. ‘So we’re meeting Jack tomorrow?’ It felt suddenly like the night before an exam. I was sweating fear. ‘Are you sure we have to tell him? I’m not so—’
‘Yes, we have to tell him.’
I glared at him. ‘Why?’
‘For lots of reasons. Mainly because I need him to know the truth.’
‘What about me? I don’t want him to know the truth. Does that count? Don’t I get a say in this?’
‘Lila, it’ll be fine. It’s Jack. I’ll talk to him – he needs to know.’ Alex was deploying the tone he usually used to defuse situations, soft and smooth and stomach-flipping.
Great. Well, I hoped wherever we were going was in public so Jack couldn’t do anything to me without witnesses.
Alex seemed subdued once more, wrapped up in his thoughts, and I wondered whether they were about how to tell Jack about my ability without him killing or containing me.
‘Come on, let’s both get some sleep while we can. We need to be up before dawn – I need to steal another car.’
He crossed to the second bed and flopped onto it, pushing his gun half under the pillow with his hand resting on it. He was on his side, his eyes already closed.
I stood stranded, knowing I needed to go and lie down on the other bed but wanting so much to crawl into his bed and curl up against him.
‘Can I sleep with you?’ I asked. My hand flew to my mouth. It had just come out. A bit like my ability just came out when I was tired or otherwise emotional.
Alex opened one eye and gave me a long, guarded look but then finally he lifted his arm and I went and slid under it.
21
I was lying on my side and Alex’s arm was wound tight around me, the weight of it across my waist and hip. I opened my eyes a crack and saw his hand on the sheet in front of me, the gun cradled in his palm still. I could feel the warmth of his chest radiating against my back, although he wasn’t pressed against me – there must have been a centimetre of two of space between us – and I fought hard against the temptation to nudge myself back and close the distance. I concentrated on keeping my breathing steady.
I turned slowly, shifting my weight, trying not to wake him, I didn’t want to risk having him remove his arm or twist away from me. Once I was lying on my back, his bare arm fell across my stomach. I glanced through my lashes. Alex in sleep was even more beautiful to look at than awake. I had never been quite this close to him before, or seen him asleep. Sleepovers at seven didn’t count. And then he’d been in the top bunk.
I was glad my arms were bound by the dead weight of his arm because otherwise I would have moved my hand right now to stroke his face, trace his eyelashes, follow the line of his lips. I tried very hard to still my frayed breathing. His body seemed to tense for a second, then relaxed again. His breathing stayed even and I stayed staring at his lips thinking about what they’d feel like if I moved an inch and pressed mine to them. It really was like leaving a feast in front of a starving man. I even began licking my lips in anticipation.
Then suddenly Alex’s eyes were open. One second he’d been sleeping and the next his blue eyes were boring into mine. I drew in a breath. We stared at each other in the closing gloom of the room. I was lost. Gone. No hope. I could feel my heart stammering jagged beats and was sure he could hear it too.
Then, just like that, Alex moved his arm from my waist. Where the weight had been was now just empty space. I felt unfettered, like I might float up to the ceiling. I waited for him to roll away but, very slowly, very gently, he laid his hand on my cheek, his thumb near the corner of my mouth. If I’d thought his arm across my waist was electric, this was like shock therapy. My brain went blank, just aware of an intense pulsing beat in my cheek. He kept his eyes on mine, his gaze unblinking, and I stared right back into the blue. He moved almost imperceptibly and in the space between a heartbeat his lips touched mine.
The whole world opened up. It was like it exploded, drawing me down into a black hole where nothing was solid or real anymore. I felt boneless, weightless, free. Lights were beginning to flash in my head. Probably from the lack of oxygen. I had a desperate urge to feel Alex’s skin against mine. All those times he’d been within reaching distance and I’d not been allowed to touch him, all those hours I’d daydreamed through lessons about being this close to him – I was making up for them all now – and then some.
The real thing was so much better than all those daydreams, infinitely, incredibly better. My hands slid up under Alex’s T-shirt. It was such an overwhelming desire I couldn’t have stopped myself if I’d tried. The T-shirt was lifting without me even touching it. Wonderful, useful power, I thought. And then my fingers were against the warm flatness of his stomach. I could feel the ridges of muscle beneath my hands and I heard my breathing pick up a pace.
Then Alex froze, his hand suddenly gripping my wrist, and he started tugging it away.
> I opened my eyes. The flashing lights hadn’t been a figment of my imagination or due to lack of oxygen. The room light was blinking on and off repeatedly. It stopped as soon as I noticed, leaving us in darkness, with just the dim light from the street shining through the crack in the curtains.
‘I’m sorry,’ he said, letting go of my wrist and rolling away from me.
His words spun around me, pinging off my skull, my brain disconnected, the synapses still firing around other parts of my body. I felt the flames flicker out.
Alex sat up and swung his feet to the floor, putting his back to me. I drew myself onto my knees and tried to shake the feeling back into my body.
‘Why are you sorry?’ I asked in a shaking voice. My hand hovered over his shoulder, too uncertain to close the distance and touch him.
Alex stood up and walked away. ‘Lila, this is not right.’
Not right? Was he kidding? It was so right. So, so, so right.
‘What are you saying? I don’t understand. Is this about my ability?’
He’d stopped kissing me because of the light. I could see how it might be a little off-putting, but it wasn’t like I’d fired his gun at the ceiling rodeo-style.
Alex whipped around. ‘No. Don’t ever think that. It’s nothing to do with that. Whatever you can do, whatever ability you have, you’re still Lila. It’s part of you – who you are. And I wouldn’t change anything about you – other than maybe your proclivity for running off,’ he added as an afterthought.
My hand dropped. I swallowed hard. Then reached forward slowly to take his hand. He stepped back out of range and panic started to weave through my limbs like poison, deadening them. Without looking at me he walked into the bathroom and closed the door. I heard the sound of the lock turning.
I sat on the raft of the bed wondering which way to paddle to safety. My hand was pressed to my lips. I was trying to commit to memory the pressure of his lips, the way he’d tasted. I stared at the bathroom door speechless, my brain trying to compute what had just happened.