I’ll Be Okay
By Mugdha Mittal
Copyright © 2016 Mugdha Mittal
***
All characters and events in this publication, other than those clearly in the public domain, are fictious and any resemblence to real persons, living or dead, is purely coincidental.
Dedicated to my family, for supporting me throughout.
Contents
Prologue
Chapter 1
Chapter 2
Chapter 3
Chapter 4
Chapter 5
Chapter 6
Chapter 7
Chapter 8
Chapter 9
Chapter 10
Chapter 11
Chapter 12
Chapter 13
Chapter 14
Chapter 15
Chapter 16
Chapter 17
Chapter 18
Chapter 19
Chapter 20
Epilogue
Prologue
July 31st, 2013
The frosty forests lay before her, the white of the snow reflecting off the sunlight. She stared ahead, her black eyes focused - there was no looking back now. A tear dropped down her eye, leaving a stain on her pink cheek. She wasn't a person to have regrets, but somewhere deep in her heart, she knew she would regret this.
Only if she'd be alive to feel the regret. She stood at the edge of the cliff, counting her last breaths, lost in the memories of her gone life. She wasn't very old, but there was nothing left in her life any more. Her gaze was fixed on the snow topped trees, the serenity and calmness filling the air with peace. The cool of the atmosphere seemed inviting - the trees ready to engulf her in their green arms, forever.
She took a step forward, and spread out her arms. This is it, she breathed. Her mind raced back to the few happy memories she had left. Happiness was rare. She was scared of happiness, because the moment she had a smile on her face, life seemed to be bent on knocking it off. She remembered all the time she'd passed on this earth - the friendships, the fights, the fame. And then, the downfall. She remembered the beginning of this all, two years ago. She'd been a mere teenager, and had an acceptably normal life. She had faced the basic problems almost every kid of her age faced, and she'd had the basic happiness most teens owned. She just didn't know that two years were all the life she had left.
She bit her lip anxiously, sweat beads forming on her forehead though it was snowing, as she inched ahead. A voice inside her went insane, screaming at her to back off - a voice that had remained so silent for months. But it suddenly came to life, as she edged closer to her end.
She passed a glance to her watch, a silver Armani. It was one of her most prized possessions, for it was a gift from her best friend. The watch told her that perhaps she still had some time left to live. It was her birthday today. Only that she believed there was still some time to go. She was born on 31st July, at sharp 7 in the evening. It was only 6 PM. She wanted to be 19 before she died - and in true sense, there was still an hour to go.
She moved away, her footsteps tracing their way back to the tree under which they had spent the entire afternoon. She whisked off fresh snow that had fallen over the tree roots with her mitten, and settled down on the wood. She curled up into a little ball, her arms hugging her knees. She loved this position. It made her feel tiny and unnoticed by the accusing eyes of the world. And this was perhaps the last chance she would get to be like this, all by herself, no one caring about who she is, what she's up to.
An hour more to go and I'll be 19. And I'll be dead. She sighed. She was scared - not of dying - but of the myth that she might have to start over, as another kid. She didn't really believe much in the superstition that the soul switches body after death, but it did scare her. What if it was true? There was only one way of finding out, she knew that. Dying. If it turned our right, then she'd have to re-live all these years, and probably all these problems too, maybe even more of them. She didn't want to do it, but staying alive was no longer an option. She was scared that staying alive would only lead her to destroying the earth. She was sick and tired of life, and these were perhaps the last of her thoughts.
She looked at her watch again, and groaned. It had been just two minutes since she'd last checked the time. Great. She sighed, let her head droop over her knees, and closed her eyes.
Her mind gently led her back to the start of it all - that day, around two years back. She had turned 17 the week before. She was a happy, bubbly girl back then, full of life and joy - and yet, incredibly shy. She had loving parents, and people to call her friends. But all those were things of the past. She didn't know anything anymore - who to trust, who to love.
It all started on that one day, two years ago...only if I hadn't gone.
Chapter 1
August 7th, 2011
She stood shivering in the aircraft, miles above the ground. She didn't want to do this. She wished she had never even come.
"Come on Kim! It's going to be fun!"
The person who said that earned a scowl. Kimaya, just any normal 17-year-old, was petrified of heights - a terrible case of acrophobia. It was the one thing that freaked her out to the core. Kimaya Verma, called Kim by those who were close to her, wasn't much of an outgoing person either. She was pretty much what you could call 'anti-social'. Except for her family and a particular group of friends, she barely ever talked to anyone. No one bothered about her - she liked to be left alone. Kimaya was overly shy; scared of what people said, whether they'd like her at all.
Her school had taken the students to a little trip to Mysore, a city near Bangalore, where Kimaya lived. Bangalore was the technology base of India, situated in the peninsular part of the country. Along with the many attractions of Mysore, there was skydiving. The teachers were reluctant, but the students, full of ebullience, had insisted, and finally the management gave in. Kimaya was probably one of the only ones who had campaigned against skydiving; but she was a minority, and was dragged by her friends into this insanity of jumping off an aircraft and risking your own life.
A voice shook her out of her thoughts.
"Look, there's no way out. You have to jump."
Kimaya turned to face Tashanna, one of her only true friends.
"You know I hate heights!"
"Bad luck, you have to jump now." This voice came from another person. Kim frowned. Reha, according to her, was the most irritating person on earth.
"I hate you!"
"I love you too!" It's a known fact - saying you love a person when they're already pissed of makes them more mad. And Reha, being the tiresome girl she was, knew just when to use this tactic.
Tashanna sighed. She was used to these mini fights between her best friend and Reha. "Stop it, you two! Kim, what's wrong in trying? I mean, it's like a once in a lifetime opportunity."
"Yeah right, you may never get out alive." Kimaya muttered.
"I heard that."
Oops!
"Tashanna, let this baby be. She's probably going to ask the pilot to drop her off to her mommy when we've all jumped off this plane and had a blast." Reha smirked.
Kimaya gave her an evil look, a look that could kill. "Get lost."
"Sure," giggled Reha. And she jumped off the plane, yelling in excitement.
"Kimaya, for God's sake, go! You don't want to be the last one to jump."
"I am NOT jumping!"
Kimaya snuggled into a corner of the aircraft, too scared to move.
"Get up Kimaya."
Kimaya sighed. She had enough of forceful friends. And within seconds, she had four girls around her, trying to pull her up from her cozy corner. Kimaya was quite strong, but at 5'5" and 120 pounds, she was not really capable of defeating
the whole group of her friends. Reluctantly, she gave in and got up.
"You might have me up, but I'm never going to jump."
"You're useless." And with that, another of the girls took off from the plane.
Tashanna pushed Kimaya towards the exit door.
"You're next." She whispered.
Kimaya tremored as she clutched at the side bars, her knuckles white with the intense pressure she put on them. She stood there timidly, hardly a few inches away from the clouds. The wind was ferocious at this height, and it blew her dark brown curls off her heart shaped face. Kimaya took a deep breath, trying to remember how exactly had Reha and her other friend jumped off.
"Kimaya, hurry up!" Tashanna was clearly frustrated with her best friend. "You don't have all day! God, if you're seriously not going to jump, then move aside, let me dive instead."
And then, she jumped off. No, not Tashanna. Kimaya jumped off. She was not pushed; nor did the wind play a role in her departure from the plane. Kimaya had jumped off on her own, without a single scream, without the slightest trace of fear on her face. She dove like a professional skydiver, a figure of grace and beauty amidst the clouds; with satisfaction on her face as she flew towards the earth, the wind both soothing her and striking her face with the utmost velocity. Kimaya spread her hands out wide, enjoying herself as she soared down towards land.
In the plane, Kimaya's friends' jaws dropped open. They saw her go down, without a single yell. It was like she had forgotten her fears - like she had transformed into a brand new person. They knew that she would have to dive at some point, but this was not the least expected. They had expected that she would have had to be pushed, and she'd have gone screaming all the way to earth. But Kimaya had proven them wrong. She had not screamed even once. It was only when her toes touched the ground that a shriek escaped her lips - unable to believe what she'd just done, astonished at the sudden change in her.
Kimaya stood where she landed, unable to process the recent occurrences; unable to believe that she had just skydived, and had actually enjoyed it. Soon enough, all of Kimaya's friends were gathered around her, like ripples that form around a pebble which falls into water. They wanted to know what had caused this abrupt conversion in her. What Kimaya had done was astounding - it was absolutely astonishing.
"Umm, excuse me, but are you Kimaya's twin or something? Because she is so not capable of doing such a thing," said Reha, incapable of holding back her smirks.
Kimaya stayed silent, not yet recovered from her shock.
"Hello? I am talking to you!"
No answer.
"KIM!" Reha shook her violently.
"Get off me!" Kimaya yelled, as if she was suddenly awakened from a trance.
"Well, at least I got you to talk."
"Oh... Sorry."
"Now come on. Spill your guts. Who are you? And why didn't Kim tell us about you?"
Kimaya glared at Reha. "You very well know I'm an only child."
"Then HOW did you manage to do something like THAT?"
"Stop screaming!" Kimaya rubbed her ear. "I don't know, okay? I guess... Tashanna, did you push me or something?"
"Of course not!" Tashanna protested.
"Jesus Christ, I don't believe this! I mean, how could I just jump off like that?"
"Because, my love, you've probably gotten over your fear of heights," said Tashanna. That did make sense. But---
"All of a sudden? How on earth is that possible?"
"Well, you weren't on earth at all!" Someone joked.
"It sure is," continued Tashanna, "nothing is impossible in the human brain!"
"Oh no, there you go again. You and your psychology."
"Well, you get it from a psychiatrist for a---" Tashanna's voice trailed off. She sighed in pain. "---for an... Umm, ex-father." She smiled weakly as she finally completed her sentence.
Tashanna's parents had separated over a month back. Her father had been having an affair with another woman. Tashanna had been devastated when she found out that her happy little family would soon be destroyed. Her mother filed for a divorce, and in no time, Tashanna found herself living all alone. Her father moved out with her brother, and her mother busied herself in work to forget the pain. Soon, Kimaya was the only one left for Tashanna to talk to. A tear dropped from Tashanna's eyes as she remembered how her parents' marriage broke down, how her small family was torn apart.
"Hey, Tashanna... Don't cry sweetie. I'm always there for you!" Kimaya gently put her hand on Tashanna's shoulder.
"Yeah," said Tashanna, wiping of her tears, putting on a brave face. "I'm fine." She smiled at Kimaya. "Anyway, all I wanted to say is, you've gotten over your acrophobia, Kim."
Kimaya was still doubtful about that, but she supposed it was true. Nothing else seemed to make sense anyway.
"What are you looking at? Let's go, the teacher must be wondering where on earth we are."
"Yeah let's go." Reha said.
Soon, they were all heading off to the meeting point where they'd find their teacher waiting. Kimaya was still in shock, but she was also crazily happy, amazed at her achievement. The teacher too, was amused to know that Kimaya had actually done it. Soon, they were off to their hotel, to get some food, and catch some sleep.
The girls were divided into pairs, and could choose their roommates. Kimaya and Tashanna were obviously together. At night, as they were getting into bed, Kimaya's phone rang. It was an unregistered number. Sleepily, she lifted the phone.
"Kimmy?" A voice spoke on the other end.
Kimaya's eyes flew wide open. "OH MY GOD!"
Chapter 2
Kimaya
I was talking on the phone for a whole hour. Tashanna stared at me with amusement for some 15 minutes, and then fell asleep. Even I was sleepy as hell, but who cares! I mean, I was hearing this person's voice after years. I couldn't help my excitement!
Astrid Anderson was my best friend, back in London. She was my love, my friend, my soul sister. The one person I could trust with my soul and heart, the one person I knew would never turn her back on me. When I lived in London, I had slept in Astrid's house more than my own room. Our parents were the best of friends, and we both had grown up together. Astrid used to be my neighbour in London, and we used to be with each other all the time. We would play, laugh, jump, tease, joke, and study. We would pull the other's hair and then chase each other across the house to reciprocate the pull. We were the best of buds, sisters by heart, if not by blood.
My family had moved to India when I was just seven years old. I had cried rivers at being separated from my friend, but nothing could be done. Dad was in the real estate and traveled a lot, but this time he needed to shift. For the first two-three years of our separation, I and Astrid would talk once in a while and mail regularly. We still kept in touch through mail, but time and geography had taken their toll. Our mails decreased slowly as we got caught up in our teenage lives, and the last time I had talked to Astrid was over a year back back. I didn't even remember when we'd last mailed. A month or two ago maybe?
So obviously, last night when Astrid called, I was shocked beyond limits. And one of the main reasons was that the number through which she'd called was Indian. If Astrid was calling, I would expect to see an international code before the number. But it was Indian. So hers was the last voice I expected to hear. She sounded pretty matured, compared to the last time I heard her voice. But when she said Kimmy, I knew it was her. I didn't let anyone else call me Kimmy. Honestly, I didn't like that nickname at all. But Astrid was special. She had seen me in my weakest moments; she had seen me in my extreme happiness. She knew me; I knew her. And so, I let her call me Kimmy, though I wasn't really a fan of that name. When she'd call me Kimmy, I'd call her Andy. She didn't seem to mind the name, only that she felt like she was being addressed by her surname, seeing that Andy was a short form of her surname. But we never cared. We'd call each other whatever came to our mind, and we would laugh together.
&nb
sp; Astrid's voice was like a soothing sensation to my soul. I felt so happy to talk to her, because our friendship was falling apart through the past few months. And then I realised that if Astrid was calling from a local number, she had to be in India. We hadn't met since when I'd left London, and that meant that it was almost ten years since I last saw Astrid.
But the real shock came to me when she told me the big news. The Andersons were shifting to India. What more, they were shifting to Bangalore. I screamed when she said that. I screamed so loud, that Tashanna, who had almost drifted off to sleep, jumped up, wondering what the hell was wrong. I chuckled at her reaction and talked to Astrid in a soft voice for some time so that she could fall asleep. Astrid's parents were doctors, and had apparently visited the country a few months ago for a couple of days due to a patient who needed their help. But they soon fell in love with the place, and decided to permanently move to India.
Astrid and I decided to meet up once I'm home. I would be back home at midnight today. Since my school was ready to give only one extra holiday after the trip, we decided to catch up that afternoon or something. I was incredibly excited at the thought of meeting her. Oh, and her sister! Abigail! I missed her too. She was extremely sweet and loving. Abigail and Astrid helped to fill up the gap of my missing siblings, something I otherwise wouldn't have. Abigail took care of me readily when I fell ill, and would always get me nice stuff. I smiled at the thought of meeting them.
"Kimaya, for how long are you going to look at yourself in the mirror and smile?"
I heard Tashanna come up behind me. I laughed. I couldn't help it, I was too excited. Tashanna threw her hands in the air, pretending to be annoyed.
"This Astrid made my best friend forget me. I don't like her! Come on Kim. For God's sake! It's the last day of the trip - you've got to give time to me!"
I grinned at Tashanna. She could fake all the anger she wanted, but she was a nice person at heart. "Sure Tissue," I said, sticking out my tongue at her. I had made up that name for her, but I used it only to irritate her. "Let's go grab some breakfast!"
Tashanna scowled at me before stepping out. We got out of the room and locked it. Tashanna tossed the key into her handbag as we walked towards the dining area. The room was flooding with the students. Tashanna frowned. "We're a bit late. I wonder if they left us any breakfast."