Read I Am an Emotional Creature Page 5


  GIRL FACT

  Girls between thirteen and eighteen years of age constitute the largest group in the sex industry. It is estimated that around half a million girls below the age of eighteen are victims of trafficking each year.

  I HAVE 35 MINUTES BEFORE HE COMES LOOKING FOR ME

  Sofia, Bulgaria

  I am sixteen.

  I am trembling.

  I am always trembling.

  The trembling is like

  a body flinching after

  it’s been shot.

  I am dead inside.

  He will come back.

  I must speak quickly.

  I hate my hair.

  I was sold two years ago.

  I can’t get out.

  I am meat.

  I am an animal.

  I am sixteen.

  I am owned by them.

  They do what they want.

  I am tall.

  My legs are long.

  There are burns.

  I am an ashtray.

  A garbage pail.

  My hands trembling.

  Sometimes they refuse to use condoms.

  If we refuse them, we are beaten.

  Look my back

  There are gashes

  I was twelve.

  My father always drunk.

  Always angry.

  His friend, his best friend

  who was forty started raping me.

  Whenever he saw me.

  He threatened to ruin me if I told.

  He threatened to tell my father.

  Two years

  I did what he wanted.

  He gave me syphilis.

  This is herpes on my mouth.

  I hate my hair.

  (She stands up.)

  What, what?

  Are you sure he doesn’t know?

  Are you sure he isn’t coming in?

  (She sits down.)

  We got caught. My father’s

  best friend. Someone walked

  in when he was raping me

  against a wall.

  He told my father I put him

  up to it.

  My father believed him.

  My father beat me with a

  wooden piece of furniture

  and threw me out.

  I could not walk for weeks.

  But I was on the run.

  17 minutes

  My father exiled me,

  and my mother,

  because she was with him

  twenty-two years,

  did not speak up.

  Fourteen, no place to go,

  on the streets,

  a man took me in.

  Then my brother

  my only friend

  turned his back on me.

  Then the man started

  beating …

  No place to go.

  No way out.

  Next to the police

  Went there for help

  A stolen wallet

  A young one with a

  crew cut

  told me he knew of a job.

  He brought me in. He sold me to them.

  If I try to leave

  they will kill my family.

  I still love them.

  The police

  tied me to a bed

  for seven hours

  handcuffed my hands

  made me naked

  and six of them …

  I am a garbage pail.

  I am a receptacle.

  I have been sick

  There is no time

  5 minutes

  I don’t know why I was born.

  I do not feel pleasure

  I am only vulgar

  Only flesh

  If someone could see my heart

  they would see it isn’t there

  I hate my hair

  I haven’t heard from

  my mother in a year

  This is not a choice

  You go to the police to protect

  You go to

  Your father

  Your mother

  Your brother

  Your boyfriend

  I am sixteen

  I am an animal

  I am property

  I am a receptacle

  I am trembling

  I am found on the streets of Paris

  I am Bulgarian

  I am from the Philippines

  I was taken from Sierra Leone

  I am Russian

  I am from the killing fields

  Sold in Tel Aviv, Amsterdam, Atlanta

  I’m from Kosovo, Bombay, Ghana, Lebanon

  I am a raped opening

  I am about to become extinct

  There will be nothing left of me

  Elephant

  Eagle

  Girl

  GIRL FACT

  Barbie was based on a German doll called Lilli that was sold as a sexy novelty for men.

  FREE BARBIE

  Kwai Yong, China

  Hello, my name is Chang Ying. I wish I could write you a proper letter, but I’m in a factory and I work twelve hours a day and if I’m late or I complain they will throw me out. Even thinking these thoughts could get me in trouble ’cause I could mess up and get my hand caught in the machine.

  They hate it when we hurt the machines. They hate it when anything happens to us ’cause it slows everything down. That’s how LiJuan died. There was a fire one day and she was scared to leave her station ’cause she needed the job to feed her family and she was burned too badly.

  But I can’t lie, I couldn’t really write you a letter ’cause I can’t read. I’m thirteen and I have been working since I was a kid. I speak good Chinese, I just can’t write it or read it.

  But I have a lot to say and I think I can help you.

  You may not think some poor girl who only makes a few cents an hour has anything to teach you. But I know a lot about Barbie. I am one of the people who makes her head. I actually see what goes into it.

  As you can tell by now I have found a way to get this message to you. It isn’t a letter or Internet or phone. It’s what I call Head Send. Can you feel it? It is very strong. I started doing it when I was five. You have to think a thought very very intensely and then you have to imagine someone receiving the thought and then you close your eyes and concentrate and your head sends it.

  Because I make Barbie’s head I Head Send my thoughts into each one of her brains. So whatever girl gets her will hear my thoughts.

  I have made many, many heads so my message is in a lot of places. If you listen very closely to your Barbie—put her head to your ear like a shell—you will hear what I have to say.

  Many, many of us girls are needed to make Barbie because three Barbies are sold every second. They told us this the first day of the job. They said girls like me were working in a lot of countries to make Barbie perfect. Her body comes from Taiwan. Her hair gets stuck on in Japan. Then she comes to China to get clothes and get her head put on her body. They said that 23,000 trucks a day go back and forth to the harbor crammed with Barbies so they can all sail to America and get packaged in pink and sent out.

  They told us what we did here in China was the most important part and that we had to do it fast or we would not keep up and then little girls couldn’t get their Barbies.

  At the beginning I used to worry about this and I would always be very nervous. I cut my hand a few times in the machine.

  Then I saw a picture of Barbie’s dream house and it made me start thinking about where I live. I live in a nightmare house. It’s not even a house, a dormitory. It’s like prison Barbie, all us girls shoved into one ugly place. I started thinking about how one Barbie costs 200 yuan, but I work here where it is so hot, all day, six days a week, and I don’t make that much in a whole week.

  I have never been anywhere else but I do not think anyone really looks like Barbie. She is so skinny, I heard she can’t even get her period. And my cousin who lives in America
told me that Barbie makes the girls who own her stop eating because they try and look like her.

  I started thinking about how it’s actually hard to love Barbie the way she is now. She is very tough, so much plastic. She’s not cuddly at all. She can’t even put her arms around you. You have to do things for her: worship her, dress her, buy her things. She wants everything. She is very greedy and needy. That’s how they get you to spend more money.

  Listen, it’s not Barbie’s fault, she doesn’t even have a chance. So many people control her—from the first plastic mold to her final accessory. In many ways she has less freedom than even me. She has no ability to walk away. Her legs probably wouldn’t hold her up anyway. So many people abuse her. You know, there is a whole group of Barbies—here at the factory we secretly call them the unfortunate ones—they get sent to Barbie headquarters in Los Angeles and a room of Barbie experts throw them and kick them and bite them to see if they can take it.

  My cousin also told me that many girls love their Barbie at the beginning and then when they get older they turn on her.

  They cut off all her hair or even her head or put her in the microwave oven.

  The people who are in charge make her say really stupid things. They put words in her mouth:

  Will we ever have enough clothes?

  I want to go shopping.

  Math is hard.

  I know Barbie doesn’t really want to say any of this ’cause I know what’s going on in her head. She talks to me. She’s really angry. She’s really hurting. She is really guilty. She hates shopping and feels bad about all the girls who are starved to make her and are starving to be like her. She’s actually very messy and surprisingly loud. She is not at all polite and she hates being shoved into really tight clothes and pointy high uncomfortable shoes.

  Barbie isn’t who you think she is. She’s so much smarter than they will let her be. She’s got great powers and is kind of a genius.

  There are more than a billion Barbies in the world. Imagine if we freed them. Imagine if they came alive in all the villages and cities and bedrooms and landfills and dream houses. Imagine if they went from makeover to takeover. Imagine if they started saying what they really felt.

  Let Barbie speak.

  Head Send:

  Free Barbie!

  Head Send:

  Free Barbie!

  Free Barbie!

  Free Barbie!

  Ow! I just got my hand caught! It hurts. It’s bleeding. They are going to be very angry.

  Head Send:

  Free Chang Ying!

  Head Send:

  Free Chang Ying!

  Let her out of this dirty sweaty factory.

  Head Send:

  Please.

  SKY SKY SKY

  Ramallah, Palestine

  Dear Khalid,

  I keep touching my hair

  A kind of pastime

  Running through

  Running through.

  It was thicker before.

  Now it is water.

  Something has left me.

  I am not sure what it is.

  Dear Khalid,

  When I stood by your grave

  I imagined them assembling

  the pieces of your body like a puzzle.

  Always this missing piece

  and your hand

  I kept thinking about your hand

  gripping mine when you believed

  in something enough

  to die.

  You would get excited.

  Not happy excited like receiving a present.

  More like determined.

  No one was going to take your future away from you.

  I kept thinking about the pieces

  of your body

  and how I loved each piece

  but never separated before like this.

  Dear Khalid,

  Later I realized it began as a fever, the rage.

  Two weeks after they threw the dirt on you

  and gave me the scarf you wore for good luck.

  I thought it was one of those illnesses

  that we get from the bad water

  from the lack of light

  when there is no bread

  when there is no baby’s milk

  when everything gets shut down and off

  when we are forced into one broken room for weeks,

  months sometimes.

  I thought it was an illness.

  I was burning and I could not stop.

  I wrapped myself in the fabric of your scarf

  in your smell

  thinking it would hold me in

  or keep things out

  but it didn’t.

  Dear Khalid,

  It was simple

  the voice

  when it came to me

  so perfect, so clear:

  Suicide bomber.

  I said it out loud

  in front of my friends

  in the café

  and the fever finally broke.

  Dear Khalid,

  They told me not to think about it.

  They told me I’d be a hero.

  They told me I’d join you in paradise.

  They spoke too quickly.

  They moved too fast.

  I needed to take time.

  There was a boy who would go with me.

  I could tell he was afraid.

  He was sweating.

  He had acne.

  Someone or something had sent him there

  and like me he was trying to catch up.

  Dear Khalid,

  Maybe if they had sent a car that had lights

  or a car that wasn’t broken or rusty.

  Maybe if they hadn’t rushed me so fast.

  Maybe if they had let me dress like myself

  but the idea of dying

  in a tank top with my belly exposed

  the idea of dying in their jeans

  the way they were rough and squeezed me in …

  Dear Khalid,

  It could have been your baby

  I was carrying against my skin

  strapped on like that

  sucking life out of me

  but it was a bomb

  the size of a torso

  extending now, like an overgrown tumor

  sucking the life

  there could have been

  little fingers instead of nails

  something

  we created out of tenderness

  but it was something to blow

  people up.

  Dear Khalid,

  In the plaza

  where they play backgammon

  we were sent to our places

  like we were bad in school

  to stand

  to get ready to explode, to die

  in our places.

  I knew the boy wanted to turn back

  but he was a boy and had no choice.

  Then suddenly the plaza became

  faces

  faces, faces.

  My mother, my father, my aunt, and you,

  Khalid, were there in those Israeli plaza

  eyes.

  I looked up then

  It was blue

  Life-giving blue blue sky

  bigger than the plaza

  or Palestine or the Jews

  or even you, Khalid.

  There was sky sky sky

  and I couldn’t do it

  and I turned as his body exploded

  his boy head

  shattered and now

  there were more missing pieces.

  Dear Khalid,

  I do not understand why

  they are keeping me here.

  I changed my mind.

  I turned back.

  You would think they’d appreciate me.

  You would have to imprison every Palestinian

  for having bad fantasies or thoughts.

  How else would we survive?

  I don’t really mi
nd being in prison.

  At least I no longer have to pretend I’m free.

  I do not have illusions.

  I do not have hate.

  I do not have a boyfriend.

  I cannot go home again,

  I am older.

  My hair is water.

  THE WALL

  Jerusalem, Israel

  My friend Adina takes me to the other side of

  the West Bank wall.

  I am surprised at what it’s like over there.

  It somehow seems taller

  You would need a helicopter to get over it

  Hard mean cement dividing energy, houses,

  land, and friends

  I go back.

  I hear more stories.

  No water on this side,

  No wells

  No pomegranates or figs

  No jobs

  No way out.

  I protest on Fridays

  with mainly Palestinian boys.

  They do not understand what an Israeli

  girl is doing there.