Read I Love a Broad Margin to My Life Page 5


  You’ve heard, always heard: China’s

  changing. China’s changed. China gone.

  Old China nevermore. Too late.

  Too late. Too late. Too late.

  Voyage far, and end up at another

  globalized city just like the one you left.

  Vow not to stop until you can alight

  in green country. Country, please remain.

  Villages, remain. Languages, remain.

  Civilizations, remain. Each village

  a peculiar civilization. The mosh between

  cars did empty. You got to sit

  in the seat you’d paid for. Hillsides

  streaming by on the north; on the south,

  a river. Arched doors built into

  slopes of hills. Cry “Open sesame!”

  and enter the good earth. People walking

  the wide, pathless ground, placing on the thresholds

  flowers and red paper, wine and food,

  incense. Ah, altars, doorsills of graves.

  Ah, Ching Ming. All over China,

  and places where Chinese are, populations

  are on the move, going home. That home

  where Mother and Father are buried. Doors

  between heaven and earth open wide.

  Our dead throng across the bourn,

  come back to meet us, eat and drink with us,

  receive our gifts, and give us gifts.

  Listen for, and hear them; they’re listening for

  and hear us. Serve the ancestors come back

  to visit. Serve them real goods. If

  no real goods, give symbols.

  Enjoy, dear guests, enjoy life again.

  Read the poems rising in smoke. Rituals

  for the dead continue, though Communist Revolution,

  Cultural Revolution, though diaspora. These hills

  could be the Altamont Pass, and the Coast Range

  and Sierras that bound the Central Valley. I

  have arrived in China at the right time, to catch

  the hills green.

  And where shall I be buried?

  In the Chinese Cemetery on I-5?

  Will they allow my white spouse? We integrate

  the cemetery with our dead bodies? It’s been my

  embarrassing task to integrate social functions.

  Can’t even rest at the end. Can’t

  rest alongside my father and mother.

  Cremate me then. Burn me to ashes. Dig me into

  the peat dirt of the San Joaquin Valley.

  Dig some more of me into the ‘aina of Hawai‘i.

  Leftovers into the sipapu

  navel at the bottom of the Grand Canyon, and more

  leftovers at the feet of oaks in Oakland

  and redwoods in Muir Woods and eucalyptus

  in the Berkeley grove, and around Shakespeare’s

  plants in Golden Gate Park. All my places.

  Yosemite. The Sierras. A few handfuls of me

  off the Golden Gate Bridge, which I skated across.

  And my last ashes on Angel Island, where

  my mother was jailed on her way to my father and America.

  Thinking about death and far from home, Wittman,

  a skinny old guy with nothing to eat, looked

  lonely. Chinese cannot bear

  anyone being lonely. Loneliness is torture.

  (What’s the word for lonely? “Nobody,” they say.

  “I have nobody.”) Passengers this side and that side

  proffered food. Buns, bow. Pickled

  vegetables. Candied vegetables. Chicken fingers.

  Beef jerky. They said, Eat, la. Eat, la.

  Chinese can’t eat unless everybody eats.

  “Daw jay,” he said, “Dough zheh. Jeah jeah.

  Je je nay. Je je nee.”

  Thanking in variations of accents and tones.

  An old lady (that is, a person

  of his own age), wiped the rim of her vacuum

  bottle cup, poured, and with both hands

  handed him tea while saying, “Ngum cha.

  Ngum, la.” Being given tea,

  accepting tea, you drink humbly, but think:

  I am being welcomed, honored, adored. Out of all

  who exist, we 2 tea drinkers

  together. Be ceremonial and mindful, we

  are performing Tea, performing the moment of eternity.

  The tea woman, in the facing seat, held

  a box in her lap. The size of a head.

  The Man Who Would Be King’s head.

  Pointing with his chin as Chinese do,

  Wittman impolitely asked, “What

  do you have in there?” Can’t be nice with small

  vocabulary. She answered, or he understood

  her to answer: “I’m a-train-riding

  with my husband, carrying my old man home,

  ashes and smashed bones.” “Aiya! How did he die?”

  “Martial arts killed him.” Or “Bitter work

  killed him.” Kung fu. Kung fu.

  “Aiya-a-a,” chorused the Big Family.

  Everyone listening, the widow told her life.

  It went something like this: “Not so

  long ago, a loon time, an era

  of loon, this man, this very

  man now ashes and bones, swam at night

  from China to Hong Kong. A boat family,

  who harbored in the Typhoon Shelter, gave

  him bed on the water, and shared him 2 meals.

  Day, they rowed him to a station for signing up

  to live in a safe place / haven / sanctuary /

  refugee camp. I.I.” Illegal Immigration.

  “Aiya-a-a.” “O, Big Family,

  hear me. For loon years, he—I too—

  I was I.I. too—lived

  up on top of the barbwired hill.

  We met at the fence at the farthest edge. He

  looked off the shores toward his lost country.

  I looked off toward my lost country.

  His was that dark mass that looms right there

  forever across the Straits. Han Mountain.

  He’d say, ‘They can see us. They can see us better

  than we can see them.’ Hong Kongers

  are rich, they waste money on electricity,

  keep lights open all night long.

  I could not see my country, Viet Nam.

  Too far, and China in the way.

  We married. We wrote: ‘We marry.

  Free or in prison, forever, we marry.’

  If only we could write ‘legal immigrants,’

  and be legal immigrants.”

  Why always

  Illegal Immigration? Oh, no one

  ought be made alien to any country.

  No more borders. Nosotros no

  cruzamos la frontera; la frontera

  nos cruza.

  The Vietnamese Chinese

  woman addressed tout le monde, including

  her husband, a ghost, who was standing behind

  Wittman. He was a ghost in the listening crowd,

  and he was the ashes and bones in the box.

  “You were a good man, Old Rooster.

  You worked hard. A farmer works hard.

  He’ll always work hard, his life hard,

  though he leaves the farm. Though farm /

  ground / earth / floor be taken from him.”

  The chorus intoned: “Aiya. Hai, la.”

  “Taken by the government.” “Taken by business.”

  “Taken by brothers.” “Deem the land.” “One

  day mid-harvest, a middling harvest,

  you, Old Rooster, gave up the fields,

  and went to ‘seek your fortune.’ ” She said

  in English, “seek your fortune.” A generation

  had learned the language from fairy tales broad-

  cast by loudspeakers across the commune

 
agricultural zone, across orchards,

  furrows, paddies, dairies. “Farewell,

  dear Father. Farewell, dear Mother.

  The open road beckons me.” “Farewell,

  my child. Go forth. Win your fortune.

  Make money, my son. Find love.

  Marry the princess.” The widow spoke addressing

  her husband, telling him his own story.

  “Following the waterways, you walked and swam,

  swam and walked from duck pond and streams

  and rivers to the Mouth of the Tiger. You had no

  Permit To Settle. All through nights,

  lights beckon Hong Kong Hong Kong

  red red green green. Liang

  liang. Ho liang. You swam

  for those lights, and came to the ten thousand

  sampans, the floating town gone now.

  Free and safe for a night and a morning. Boat

  people fed you and let you sleep, gave you

  bed on the water, fed you twice, supper

  and breakfast. JAWK!” She hit the box, caged

  it with fingers and arms. “They CAUGHT him.”

  Wittman jumped. She laughed; everybody

  laughed. “Don’t be scared, foreign

  Chinese person. They did not

  torture my husband to death. He got

  hit a few times was all. You know

  the Chinese, they hit to teach you a lesson.

  I saved him out of I.I. I got

  out of jail because China and Viet Nam

  became normal. Han and Viet same-same.”

  “Hai, law. Hai, law.” Her American

  listener chimed in: “Hola! Hola!

  In California, we, Chinese and

  Vietnamese, together celebrate Tet.”

  Sing dawn. Tet nguyen dâ.

  “I took you, my Chinese husband, by the hand,

  and we left prison. I’m the one,

  freed you, you Old Rooster. Woman

  is better at living than man is. We

  went to live in public housing just

  like everybody else, the sampan

  people, everybody. I made

  money. All I do, each meal,

  I cook enough for more than 2—

  2 people eat very little.

  The extra, I sell on the street. A hungry man

  always comes along; he’ll buy

  breakfast or lunch or dinner or suey yeah.

  Life is easier on a woman. Your abilities,

  my good Old Rooster, were to swim and to farm.

  In the city, you had to sell your lick.

  Ladies and gentlemen fellow travelers, he

  sold his kung.” His strength, his labor. “You

  rode a water-soldier boat out

  to one of the warships from all over

  the world. I watched you be lifted and lowered

  by ropes. You hung from ropes down the side

  of the ship’s mountainface. Using rags,

  you painted the gray ship gray,

  ashes, ashes, gray on top of gray.

  Fields of gray above you and behind you, you

  and the cadre of painters—many women—women,

  who adore flowers—oozed gray everywhere

  you touched. Metal doubled the sun’s heat,

  and baked you, baked lead paint into

  your skin. You could’ve let yourself

  fall backward into air and water. But you,

  everyday you went to Pun Shan Shek

  and toiled for me. For me, you caught yang

  fever. You breathed poison. Skin and lungs

  breathed poison, sweated poison. We

  could not wash the gray paint out of you.

  It was painting warships killed you. That work

  so dangerous, the foreign nations don’t order

  their own water soldiers to do it. Old One,

  I thank you for your care of me. You are / were

  a good hardworking husband to me.

  I’m sorry / I can’t face you, my gray

  Old Rooster, we never had a son.

  Okay. We’re each other’s child.

  I take care of you, and you take care of me.

  I bring you home. I’m sorry / I can’t

  face you, I have taken too long

  to bring you home. Stacks and stacks of caskets

  and urns wait to get out of Hong Kong.

  I pulled you out of the pile-up. We’re on

  our way home. You’re a good man.

  You worked hard. Jeah jeah jeah.

  Daw jeah. Thanks thanks thanks.

  Big thanks.” No verb tenses,

  what is still happening? What is over?

  Yet refugee camps? Yet piles

  of unburied dead? Yet coolies painting

  ships with lead? All that’s happened always

  happening? “I too am walking mountain,”

  said a man dressed Hong Kong styly,

  expensive suit, expensive shoes, expensive

  luggage. “I’ll sweep the graves, I mean, fix them.

  Find my people’s bones, and bury them again.”

  (Oh, to say “my people.”) “Cousin

  was mad; he dug up Po and Goong.”

  Mr. Walking Mountain laughed—heh

  heh heh heh. Chinese laugh

  when telling awfulness. “Cousin dug and cried,

  dug and cried, ‘Out the Olds! Out

  the Olds! Out! Out, old family.

  Out, old thoughts. Out! Out!’

  He dug up our grandparents and scattered

  their bones—ha ha ha—because

  I was rich in Hong Kong and did not

  send money—heh heh heh—

  did not feed him, did not make good,

  did not make good him.” Chinese

  laugh when pained. “I return. I shall

  walk mountain, and follow li. I’ll

  make good the ancestors.” Jing ho.

  Make good. Fix. “Dui dui,”

  said the Big Family. “Dui dui dui.”

  Oh, to hear dui dui dui

  to whatever I have to say.

  The listening world gives approval, dui

  dui dui dui. The train stops

  at stations in built-up places. Where’s

  open country? The planted fields, water

  and rice, rice and water, are but green

  belts around factory-villages. Those are

  50-gallon drums of something rusting

  into the paddy. That apartment and that

  factory is a village. Legs of Robotron

  stomp through the remains of the old pueblo.

  Gray pearlescence—marshes and lakes,

  mists and skies mirroring mirroring. Beautiful,

  and alive. Or dead with oil slick? Mist

  or smoke? Why are Wittman and I

  on journey with the dead, and escorts of the dead?

  Toward sunset, there swung past

  a series of pretty villages, yellow adobe

  houses, almost gold in the last light,

  almost houseboats, wood railings

  on the river for laundry and fishing. Half

  the homes hung on either bank. Make

  up your mind, Monkey, get off the train,

  see the rivertown, enter its symmetry.

  Paddle the river straight down the valley;

  stream with the sun’s long rays. Walk

  the right bank and the left bank. Get

  yourself invited into those homes. Sit

  on the balcony facing the river and the neighbors

  on the other side, everyone’s backs to mountains.

  Upon Good Earth, lay the body down,

  open the mouth wide, let song rush through.

  RICE VILLAGE

  At the next station, Wittman, nobody else,

  got off. The moment his feet touched ground,

  the Chinese earth drew him down


  to her, made him fall to his knees, kowtow

  and kiss her. Gravity is love force. It bends

  light and time and us. Mother pulls us to

  her by heart roots. I have felt Great Spirit

  before: Touching the green wood door

  of Canterbury Cathedral. Hearing the air

  of Hawai‘i singing ‘Aina. Standing in the fire

  zone, where my house and neighborhood were burning.

  Lofting great balls of pink mana

  at the White House and Bush, and Iraq.

  The interested traveller walked along the railroad

  tracks, then up on path atop bunds.

  In the San Joaquin Delta, we walk and run

  and bicycle upon dikes too, call them levees.

  Many kinds of plants. Crop diversity.

  Rice in all stages of growing and going

  to seed. All seasons happening at once.

  Plains and terraces, levels and hills, greens

  dark and light, blues, and straw, are dotted

  with moving red—the farmers are working dressed

  in red. They can see where one another are.

  They are seen; they are lucky. It’s beautiful

  and lucky to dot red on anything—cookies,

  buns, baby carriers, envelopes, white

  chicken meat, white dogs. On one’s self,

  who blesses the earth good and red.

  Wittman got to their village before they did,

  nightfall ere home from work. The yellow

  adobe pueblo was one conjoined structure.

  Neighbor and neighbor lived with common walls

  this side and that side. Each life impacts

  every life. You’d have to live carefully.

  You’d watch your moods. And your actions.

  Curious Monkey entered through an opening

  in a wall and faced another wall,

  decided to go right, right being

  the right way, usually. The next doorway

  took him to an alley; he could look-see

  into courtyards, like outdoor kitchens

  and laundries and pantries and even bedrooms.

  An old squatting grandma was stirring a wok.

  Another was washing vegetables. They paid no

  mind to the stranger shadowing by. Kitty

  cats and a big pig and chickens—swine flu,

  bird flu—slinked, lumbered, scratched,

  came and went into and out of houses.

  That alley jigjagged into another

  alley that opened on to the public square.

  La plaza at the center of the pueblo. And at the center

  of the plaza was the waterworks, not a fountain

  but two porcelain troughs with PVC

  pipes above and below, and faucets in rows.

  Cupping water in worship-like hands

  (turn off tap with elbow), quaff

  as if welcoming myself with ceremony,