“How did you expect me to tell you?” I asked, and hated that there were tears streaming down my face. I was positive that if it hadn’t involved a guy somewhere in that house, I wouldn’t have been crying. “That isn’t something you tell your boyfriend!”
“Maybe not right away, but . . .” Declan hesitated, and I watched his shoulders sag. “I don’t know, Rorie. I don’t know. Honestly, I don’t even want to know. If it’s driving me this crazy to know that I only met you because you went back to find another guy, then I don’t want to know the rest.” He walked past me, headed toward the door leading to the hall, but stopped before he left the room. “I had a life before I met you, and I know you would never hold it against me. But to find out from Taylor the way I did, to see the look on both her face and yours—like you’d been keeping something from me . . .” He rolled his eyes. “Now I have so much unfounded rage for something that happened before I even knew you, and it’s killing me. And at the same time I have no idea why I’m even upset.” With a sad smile, he left the room, shutting the door behind him.
I hadn’t been able to decide between telling Declan the truth or not, but I knew from the ache I’d heard in his voice and the pain I’d seen on his face that I couldn’t. If just the idea of me with someone else had this effect on him, then knowing who it was would surely destroy him.
Jentry
My hands fisted over and over again on top of the kitchen table late that night, and it seemed like the more I tried to relax, the harder my jaw clenched. I shut my eyes and blew out a harsh breath, but all I could hear were her pleasured cries and pleas . . . and they’d stopped a couple of minutes ago.
Each one had fueled my anger, and I’d felt myself spiraling down into this person I’d fought so hard not to be. Each one had sent a memory of her crying out underneath me through my mind—all of them so vivid it was like I could feel her. And each one made me want to tear my own heart out. Because out of all the shit I’d done in my life, nothing had felt like this. This agonizing mixture of guilt, hatred, and jealousy I currently felt for one of the only people I’d ever truly considered family was driving me insane.
I’d heard of her, of Declan’s Rorie. How could I not? It was all he wanted to talk about ever since I’d come back from my last deployment. But I’d been so focused on just getting adjusted to life back in the States that I hadn’t absorbed the specifics he’d told me. I hadn’t asked for the right details about her. I hadn’t had a fucking clue what I was walking into tonight. That I would finally come face-to-face with my Aurora again only to find out she was also Declan’s Rorie.
I’d waited for it . . . for the moment Declan put it together. Because he would eventually put it together. And with his frustration and Aurora’s inability to speak or look at me when we’d first gotten back to the house, I’d put money on it happening sooner rather than later.
But as the night had dragged on, Dec had remained oblivious as the four of us hung out and I’d acted as though I weren’t being assaulted by memories of a night with his girl. His frustration eventually cooled and Aurora loosened up, and soon they were curled up with each other while I forced myself not to pull her away from Dec and claim that she should have been mine.
Should have. Because I’d had her first and let her go. Something I’d regretted every day since. Every time those dark blue eyes of hers found mine, my mind and body went wild as I fought to control that same mixture of emotions that was flooding me now, and just savored the fact that she was real and she was here.
I had convinced myself that I would never see her again . . . and now I would give anything to just be able to touch her again.
Instead I’d had to listen to my best friend, my brother, fuck the only good I would ever dare touch.
There were girls who stayed with you for different reasons. Body, face, lay . . . whatever it may be, good or bad. Then there were girls who destroyed you for anyone else after that, because they were so far from your world that having them again consumed you.
Aurora had destroyed me, and I’d welcomed every minute of it.
She’s perfect, I thought to myself again when I came back to stand in front of her, and took in her naked body lying on the bed, waiting for me. I gripped the still-wrapped condom in my hand as I forced myself to warn her one last time, “Last chance.”
Her eyes were such a dark blue that they looked violet in this light, and they were now studying me while unknown questions swam through them. She didn’t look real, and I wondered if I would wake up tomorrow just to find that all of this had been a dream.
Her gaze briefly ran over my body, and when she finished she held my stare. “Should I be scared of you?”
If anyone else had asked that, it might have triggered something: a fear in myself that I was doing something I’d spent my life burying and running from, or flashbacks from a lifetime ago. Some distant part of me thought it was funny that this girl who didn’t know me knew the exact question not to ask. But at the same time, coming from her, I didn’t care.
Because anyone could see just by looking at this girl that she was good down to her soul, and the guy I’d spent years becoming would protect this kind of good—not harm it. That didn’t mean I should be allowed to have it.
I shook my head once as I crawled onto the bed and hovered over her. Again, I wanted to beg her to consider leaving when she looked at me with complete trust, but the words that came out instead shocked me and embarrassed her. “No, but a guy like me shouldn’t be allowed to stain your good.”
“I’m not a vir—”
“That’s not what I meant, but good to know,” I said quickly, cutting her off and enjoying the way she blushed too much. Placing a hand on her chest, I watched her closely as I clarified, “This.”
Her eyes widened and full lips opened slightly as she realized the weight of what I was saying. She nodded absentmindedly and whispered, “Let me worry about my heart tomorrow, and stop trying to give me reasons to leave.”
I stopped. Then gave both of us every reason to want to stay even though I knew I wouldn’t.
Allowing myself to darken the good that burst from her had been inevitable. I gave her every chance to run from me because I hadn’t been able to leave her. She was like my own personal siren—calling to me, pulling me closer with those hypnotic eyes and that good. It was like a drug that I couldn’t refuse, and one I’d never forget even though I knew I could never taste it again.
My eyes lifted slowly when I heard her soft footfalls, and my hands clenched again at the sight of her messy blond hair as she walked through the darkened house. She was so lost in her own mind that she never looked up or saw me sitting there when she entered the kitchen and started rummaging through cupboards.
“Aurora.”
She sucked in a startled gasp and tripped over herself as she turned to face me. Through the single light in the kitchen, I watched as heat filled her cheeks. “Jentry.” My name was a breath as her hands went up to clasp the top of her robe together—not that anything had been showing before—and I had the sudden urge to open it.
The thin, satin material ended at the tops of her thighs and was tied together at her tiny waist with a thick belt that fell slightly longer than the rest of the robe did. I blinked away thoughts of taking the tiny piece of material off her when she started stumbling over her words.
“You—we—I thought—why aren’t . . .” Her eyes were wide, and a dozen emotions flashed through them as they darted over my still form. “I thought you were asleep.”
I lifted my hands just barely off the table as if to prove I wasn’t, then let them fall. “I don’t sleep much.”
“Did you . . .” She trailed off, then shut her eyes. “I have to go.”
I stood slowly from the table and walked toward her. My lips tilted up when she met each of my steps with one of her own, taking her deeper into the kitchen instead of out of it, until she’d backed up against the counter.
Placing my hands on
the counter on either side of her, I pressed close and my smirk grew when she inhaled softly.
“Jentry . . .”
My name from that mouth with her body pressed to mine after so long had my blood heating. I wanted to hear it again as I slowly opened the top of her robe and studied parts of her that I already knew so well. I wanted to place her on the counter and remind her what we were like together. I wanted to go back to that night and refuse to let her go. I wanted so many things that also made me want to die.
She belongs to Declan, I reminded myself.
The parts of me that wanted to push her away and pull her closer fought as I splayed my hand across the small of her back and pressed her harder against me. I felt the shiver that moved through her body like it was my own, and it took every ounce of self-control to say words I knew would piss off my little siren instead of ones I had wanted to say for so long.
“Tell me,” I began, and bent to whisper in her ear. “Are you always that loud with him, or was that performance for me?”
Her body stilled against mine. “Excuse me?”
“If you were trying to remind me what it’s like to be with you—”
“You asshole,” she said through gritted teeth as I continued speaking.
“—I can assure you, Aurora, I never forgot.”
Her chest rose with a sharp breath. Seconds passed before she placed a hand on my chest and pushed. The movement only caused her to arch back. Regret and longing danced throughout the anger and embarrassment in her darkened eyes when they met mine.
I brought my free hand up to trace the tips of my fingers over her soft skin. I told myself to stop, but watched in fascination as they continued down until I was cradling her slender neck in my hand.
She whispered something too soft for me to hear a second before another shiver moved through her body. When my eyes found hers again, all that was left in those depths were the longing and regret.
“I thought you were asleep.” Her voice was still soft, whether out of fear of being caught, or that anything above that felt wrong right now. I didn’t know. I didn’t care. She was fucking here.
“I wish I hadn’t been here at all.”
She loosed a ragged breath at my honest response, and her head shook. “I need—I need you to let go of me.”
“Aurora . . .” I trailed off, unable to settle on one thing to follow. Ask if she remembered that night—if she thought about it? Tell her that I hated every piece of myself for wanting her, and for hating Declan because he had her? Beg her to let me keep holding her—this good I never should’ve had and had thought was lost forever?
I released her and took a step back, but she didn’t move, and that just made me want to pull her back into my arms.
“You told me to call you Jay.”
I lifted a brow at the accusation in her tone. “First letter of my name, not really that much of a reach. And you don’t have a lot of room to talk when I’ve been dreaming about a goddamn fairy-tale character for over ten months.”
“You—” Her eyes widened before dropping to the floor. I watched as she swallowed roughly, and her head tilted to the side like she wanted to push my words from her mind. “That’s my real name, but no one calls me that. I never let anyone call me that.”
“And yet—”
“You can’t call me that,” she said firmly, cutting me off. “I’ve never once let him or anyone get away with calling me that. If Declan heard you . . . you just can’t.”
She was insane if she thought I would stop.
“I haven’t been punched yet, so I’m going to guess you haven’t told him.”
When she looked back up at me, those eyes that edged on violet were full of panic. “I can’t. He would—he would . . .”
“I know.” She didn’t have to tell me how he would react, because it was the same way I would.
It wouldn’t matter to him that it’d been before they met; it would soon be all he thought about—because it was all I had thought about since Dec had pulled her into his arms at the restaurant tonight. That’s all it had taken for a jealousy unlike anything I’d ever known to surge through me. And I only had a memory of her . . . Declan had her.
“The night you met Declan, why did you go back?”
Her expression fell at the reminder, but she didn’t look away. After a second, her brows pinched together. “You know why,” she mouthed, like she was afraid to admit it too loudly.
“I told you I could only give you a night, Aurora. I meant that.”
“Literally. You literally meant that. I didn’t think you were flying halfway across the world. I thought it was just a line you used on girls. And I didn’t care! I told myself all I wanted was a night, but you . . . you consume my mind!” Her confession sounded like an accusation, and she hurried to correct herself. “Consumed.”
“Well, it definitely didn’t take you long to move on.”
Hurt flashed through her eyes. I hated that I was the reason for it, but knew it was for the best. Hurting her meant she’d want to stay away from me. Like that first night, I needed her to be the one to leave, because I didn’t know how to.
“It’s not like I went there to meet Declan, and what did you expect? It was a night with you.”
My eyebrows pulled down low over my eyes as the pain I had just seen on her face tore through me. “A night?” I asked calmly. I wrapped my arm around her waist again and held her stare as I pulled her close. My memories of her were always vivid, like I was back at that night again. But with our chests now brushing against each other’s with each breath, and with her body pressed against mine, those memories seemed like hazy pictures.
The softest whimper escaped Aurora’s lips when I dipped my head to slowly trail the bridge of my nose along her jaw. Her hands fisted against my shirt, weakening my already frail resolve, and my entire body shook with the need to taste her again. She trembled when I stopped with my mouth hovering over hers, just a breath away, but I forced myself not to move closer to her. Not to take what I had thought was gone.
Leave, Aurora. Leave because I can’t.
As soon as her eyes slowly blinked open again, I curled my lip and released her. “Yeah . . . a night sounds about right.”
Her breath came out in a hard rush as she seemed to deflate on herself. She took a hesitant step to the side, away from me, and then another. With one last look, she dropped her head and hurried from the kitchen.
7
One Month Ago
Aurora
Taylor and I were cleaning our dishes from our late lunch the next day when the back door of the beach house opened and the boys’ voices filled the house.
“Dec?” I called out, and waited until he came into view of the kitchen.
He was shirtless from his and Jentry’s run on the beach, and instead of appreciating the view in front of me, I tensed in preparation of seeing Jentry the same.
Declan’s green eyes brightened when he saw me, then searched the kitchen quickly. “What are you doing?”
My brow pinched. “Doing dishes . . .” I said, letting it sound like a question since it was obvious and he seemed confused by it.
“Did you eat?”
Taylor suddenly stopped cleaning the plate she was holding, and set it in the sink as she waited for me to answer. Her eyes bounced between Dec and me, then dropped to the floor. “So I’m pretty sure I have somewhere to be.”
“No, you don’t,” I argued.
“You ate? I thought we were going out to dinner.” Jentry’s voice met us before he entered the kitchen, and my relief was minimal seeing him shrug into a shirt. Having him near at all was too much for me to handle.
“Didn’t your mom say anything when you passed her on the back porch?” I laughed awkwardly when their silence gave me my answer, and hissed a curse at Taylor as she backed out of the kitchen with an apologetic expression. “Uh, it was kind of suggested that she wanted this to be a family weekend. A few times. Maybe more than that.” I
turned to set my drying towel down, and kept my eyes from Declan’s when I said, “Family dinner was emphasized enough times for us to understand that your mom didn’t want us to go. Not a big deal.”
Declan’s face had fallen by the time I turned back around. When he finally spoke, his voice was a hard mixture of irritation and disbelief. “Are you fucking kidding me?”
His frustration surprised me, causing me to jerk back subtly. “Dec . . .”
“Did you remind her that you’re my girlfriend, and that this had originally been our weekend, not a family weekend?”
“It’s not a big deal. They want to have dinner with the two of you. Taylor and I will be fine.”
He ran a hand through his hair, his movements jerky from his agitation. “You should have told her to get over it.”
I blinked slowly as I tried to understand where this was all coming from, and reminded him, “Declan, she’s your mom!”
“Yeah, and I don’t know why you try so damn hard to make her comfortable. The decorating, the cleaning . . . this. She’ll be fine if something isn’t exactly how she wants it just once, Rorie. She acts like this because you let her and never try to give her any resistance. Lately she acts like you aren’t fucking there because you’re always so embarrassed around her now. She’d get over what happened if you’d just act normal around her.”
“Dec.”
My shocked gaze darted to Jentry at his small warning in time to see him shake his head once at Declan.
Declan looked like he was going to argue his point again, but closed his mouth tightly and turned to leave. “I’m going to take a shower.”
I didn’t try to stop him. I was too embarrassed and stunned to. We’d hadn’t brought up the way Linda hardly acknowledged my presence ever since that day she’d walked in and heard me moaning and screaming Declan’s name. I’d figured it was because her reaction was understandable, all things considering. I hadn’t known that Declan thought I was causing it. And he’d never mentioned the cleaning or the decorating. He’d never even shown a hint of annoyance over it until then.