Read I Won't Let You Go: Selected Poems Page 24

she’d heard a poet’s own humming of kajari chants.

  Trees thrilled by densest downpour’s drumming,

  in flesh and spirit at one with one’s leman:

  came such a night, with the same Srabon abundance. –

  My mind kept saying: Impossible, it’s impossible!

  On I drifted in the darkest deep of night,

  the rain playing sky’s music on my veins.

  A honey-whiff from a jasmine grove, wind-borne,

  the tidings I used to get from chains on her braids:

  it rose again, the fragrance of those flowers. –

  My mind kept saying: Impossible, it’s impossible!

  In a reverie, I wandered by thought’s error

  to the window which had so often beckoned me.

  I heard a sitar playing a musical air,

  a song of mine, twined with a hint of tears.

  You left the poet, but kept the poet’s honour. –

  My mind kept saying: Impossible, it’s impossible!

  [Santiniketan, 16 July 1940]

  FROM Rogashajyay (1940)

  No. 22

  In the noontide between sleep and wake

  perhaps in a dream I saw

  the sheath of my being slip

  and fall in the stream

  of an unknown river,

  carrying with it my name, my reputation,

  all of a miser’s heap,

  shameful memories signed by

  delicious moments.

  Glories and infamies

  floated away on the waves,

  couldn’t be brought back.

  Then did I, ego-less, argue within myself:

  of all my losses

  which one hurt me the most?

  It wasn’t my past, with which in joys and sorrows

  my days and nights had passed.

  It was my future,

  which I’d never had,

  in which my desires,

  like seeds within the earth’s womb,

  had, with their sprouting hopes,

  dreamt through the long night

  of the light that hadn’t arrived.

  [Santiniketan, 24 November 1940]

  No. 38

  When the god of death gave the command for annihilation,

  men took on themselves the task of self-destruction.

  Depressed, I’ve thought: why doesn’t a sudden disaster

  hit this errant planet which has veered from its course,

  so we all die together, in one big blazing pyre?

  But then I reflect: if through suffering on suffering

  sin hasn’t rotted, its seed will surely sleep

  in the ashes of the holocaust, and on the breast

  of a new creation

  once more raise its thorns.

  [Santiniketan, 5 December 1940]

  FROM Arogya (1941)

  No. 7

  Silently comes the fierce night, batters down

  the sapped body’s enfeebled door-bolt,

  enters within, commences to ravish

  life’s glorious loveliness, till the mind,

  under darkness’s attack, acknowledges it’s beaten.

  When the shame of that defeat, that infirmity’s ignominy

  have done their worst, suddenly upon the horizon

  appears the day’s banner, drawn in golden rays,

  and as if from some far centre of the firmament

  arises a clamour – ‘Lies! All lies!’

  In the morning’s serene light I see myself

  as one who has conquered suffering, on the tower

  of the exhausted body’s fortress.

  [Santiniketan, 27 January 1941]

  No. 9

  In creation’s vast field

  the play of fireworks in the skies

  with suns and stars

  is on a cosmic scale.

  I too came from the invisible without beginning

  with a minute fire-particle to a tiny spot

  of space and time.

  Now as I enter the last act, the lamp’s flame

  flickers, the shadows reveal

  the illusory nature of this play.

  Joys and sorrows, dramatic disguises,

  slowly become slack.

  Hundreds of actors and actresses through the ages

  have left their many-coloured costumes outside the door

  of the theatre. I look and see

  in the greenroom of hundreds of extinguished stars

  the king of the theatre standing still, alone.

  [Santiniketan, 3 February 1941]

  FROM Janmadine (1941)

  No. 28

  This life of mine’s been nurtured by a river.

  In its arteries flow

  the gifts of mountain-peaks.

  Its fields have been shaped by many alluvial layers.

  Mysterious vital juices from diverse sources

  have spread themselves in harvests upon harvests.

  From the east and the west networks of song-streams

  lull its sleep and wake.

  Ambassadress of the cosmos, that river,

  she who brings the far near, bids us greet

  the unknown at our doorsteps, – it was she

  who wove the day of my birth. And for ever

  on her streams, untied, my mobile home

  drifts from bank to bank.

  I am an outcast. I am a vagabond.

  Boundless bounty piles my birthday plate

  again and again with food, making no bones about it.

  [Santiniketan, 23 February 1941]

  FROM Shesh Lekha (1941)

  No. 5

  One more time, if I may,

  I would like to find that seat

  on the lap of which is spread

  a caress from a foreign land.

  Runaway dreams from the past

  may flock there yet again

  and with their inchoate hummings

  build a nest for me once more.

  Resurrecting the happy hours,

  it may make my waking sweet

  and to the flute that has fallen silent

  restore the melodious airs.

  At the window, arms outstretched,

  it may waylay the scents of spring

  as the great silence’s pacing

  is heard in the midnight universe.

  It will lock for ever in my ears

  the whispers of that beloved woman

  who has spread this seat for me

  with her love from a foreign land.

  It will keep for ever unsleeping

  that message, so sad, so tender,

  of that woman whose language I did not know

  but whose eyes were eloquent.

  [Santiniketan, 6 April 1941]

  No. 11

  On Rupnarayan’s bank

  I awoke

  and knew the world

  was no dream.

  In blood’s alphabet

  I saw my countenance.

  I knew myself

  in blow on blow received,

  in pain on pain.

  Truth is hard,

  and I loved the hard:

  it never deceives.

  This life’s a penance of suffering unto death,

  to gain truth’s terrible price,

  to clear all debts in death.

  [Santiniketan, 13 May 1941]

  No. 13

  When existence first manifested itself,

  the first day’s sun asked:

  ‘Who are you?’

  There was no answer.

  Years passed.

  The day’s last sun

  put its last question

  on the shore of the western ocean

  in a hushed evening –

  ‘Who are you?’ –

  but got no answer.

  [Calcutta, 27 July 1941]

  No. 14

  Time and again the obscure night of suffering

  has knoc
ked at my door.

  Its only arms, as far as I’ve been able to make out,

  are the tortuous poses of pain, grotesque gestures of terror –

  in brief, its role as a conjuror in the darkness.

  Each time I’ve believed those horrid masks to be true,

  disastrously I’ve lost.

  This game of winning and losing, life’s false jugglery,

  nightmare that clings to our steps from childhood on,

  replete with torment’s jests.

  Fear’s variety show on film –

  death’s smart artistry projected onto the dark.

  [Calcutta, 29 July 1941]

  No. 15

  Your creation’s path you’ve spread with a magical net

  of tricks, enchantress,

  laying with expert hands the snares

  of false beliefs

  for life’s innocents.

  With this trickery you’ve stamped human greatness:

  for such a one you haven’t left veiled nights.

  The path that your stars

  show him

  is his inner way,

  ever transparent,

  ever illuminated

  by his simple faith.

  However crooked outside, it’s straight within:

  that’s his pride.

  Others say he’s been deceived,

  but he receives

  truth within, bathed in his inner light.

  Nothing can cheat him:

  he carries his last reward

  to his own storehouse.

  He who easily endures your tricks receives

  from your hands

  a lasting claim to peace.

  [Calcutta, 30 July 1941]

  Songs

  All the songs can be found in Gitabitan, the standard collection of Tagore’s songs, which is available separately or as part of his collected works. Any other work where a particular song occurs is mentioned along with the place and date of composition. If there is an uncertainty about the date of composition, any information available on its first publication is given. Several new songs have been added in the present edition. All the songs are arranged in a chronological sequence as far as possible, except that the bunch of songs from Gitanjali have been kept together for convenience and presented in the order intended by the poet, as indicated by their serial numbers.

  1.

  O beggar, you’ve made me a beggar,

  what more do you need?

  My mendicant, what’s this beseeching song

  you sing as you walk by?

  Every morning with riches new

  to please you was my heart’s desire,

  my mendicant!

  Alas, in a flash I placed all at your feet;

  nothing’s now left.

  O beggar, you’ve made me a beggar,

  what more do you need?

  With my own breast’s cloth-end

  I’ve clothed your nakedness.

  For your pleasure I’ve

  emptied my universe.

  My heart, my mind, my life’s springtime

  already lie in your cupped palms,

  my mendicant!

  Should you want more, give me something first;

  then can I hand it back.

  [Potisar, 27 September 1897. In Kalpana (1900).]

  2.

  I live with so little

  that what I lose, I lose.

  A particle goes

  and ‘Woe is me!’ cries my soul.

  Like a river-bank, in vain

  I try to grasp the passing flow.

  One by one they knock against my breast

  and then they move away – the waves.

  Whatever passes and what remains:

  if I could surrender all to you,

  then would nothing perish

  but everything awake

  in your resplendent greatness.

  In you are so many suns and moons:

  not a molecule, not an atom’s lost.

  Will not my crumbs of lost jewels be at your feet?

  [1900/1901? In Naibedya (1901).]

  3.

  I want, I want, I want with all my strength,

  and you save me – by denying me what I crave.

  My life’s a garner of your mercy’s duress.

  All that you’ve given me without my asking for them –

  this sky, its light, this body, this mind, life’s pulse –

  daily you see to it that I deserve such precious gifts,

  delivering me

  from the crisis

  of too much desire.

  I am sometimes forgetful, and sometimes I walk

  on the track that leads in your direction.

  And you are cruel: you move away from my sight.

  That this is your kindness – I know, I know, alas!

  You send me away because you wish to receive me.

  You are filling my life so it deserves union with you,

  delivering me

  from the crisis

  of flagging desire.

  [Calcutta, 27 June, 1907. No. 2 of Gitanjali (1910).]

  4.

  So many unknowns you made me know,

  in so many homes allotted me some space!

  What was far you made near, friend!

  and gave the stranger a brother’s face.

  When I leave a familiar dwelling-place,

  I panic, wondering ‘whatever’s coming next?’

  That you abide in all that’s new to me

  is at that moment from my mind effaced.

  What was far you made near, friend!

  and gave the stranger a brother’s face.

  In life and death in this wide universe

  wherever your fancy takes me,

  surely you, whom I’ve known all my life,

  will yourself introduce me to each face!

  Once you are known, there are no strangers,

  no interdictions, no scary dangers.

  Uniting all, you remain watchful:

  may you always be in my gaze!

  What was far you made near, friend!

  and gave the stranger a brother’s face.

  [1906-7 (1313)? First published in the rainy season of 1908 (Srabon 1315). No. 3 of Gitanjali (1910).]

  5.

  ‘Save me in danger!’ is never my prayer to you:

  I would rather be unafraid of danger.

  If you can’t comfort me in sorrow, never mind:

  it’s sorrow itself I would like to conquer.

  If there’s none to support me,

  let my own strength wake,

  and if in this world I face loss

  or heaps of deceit,

  may my own mind never concede defeat!

  ‘Redeem me, please!’ is never my prayer to you:

  I would rather have the strength to cross over on my own.

  If you can’t lighten my load, never mind:

  may I have the strength to carry it myself!

  In happy days with deep humility

  I’ll get to know your face,

  so that in nights of sorrow

  when the whole world seems to cheat,

  I don’t doubt your grace!

  [Calcutta, 26 June 1907. No. 4 of Gitanjali (1910).]

  6.

  Sunshine and shadows play hide-and-seek today

  in the paddy-fields!

  These white cloud-rafts soft-floating in the sky’s blue –

  who has set them adrift?

  Today the bees forget to gather nectar:

  they just fly about, they’re blind drunk on light!

  And why are pairs of chakravaka birds

  milling on the river’s sands?

  Listen, mates, we ain’t going home today –

  no! not indoors!

  We’ll smash the sky and plunder

  what’s outdoors!

  Like crests of foam on tidal waters

  laughter scuds along the wind t
oday.

  We’re gonna skip work

  and play the flute all day!

  [Bolpur-Santiniketan, Bhadra 1315 (post-rains 1908)? No. 8 of Gitanjali (1910), and also in the play Sharadotsab (September 1908).]

  7.

  A soft wind stirs the white sail without a spot.

  Never, never have I seen such navigation.

  From which shore does it bring its alien riches?

  My mind wants to glide with it,

  leaving on this edge all wanting and all getting.

  Water drips behind. Low thunder calls.

  Clouds give way. On a face the red rays fall.

  Who are you, pilot? Whose beloved are you?

  I wonder, but have no answer.

  In which mode will you tune your instrument?

  What are the magic words you’ll intone?

  [Bolpur-Santiniketan, 19 August 1908 (3 Bhadra 1315). No. 12 of Gitanjali (1910) and also in the play Sharadotsab (1908).]

  8.

  Clouds have gathered on clouds,

  darkness descends.

  Why do you keep me sitting alone

  by the door?

  In working days, busy with different chores,

  I keep the company of diverse men,

  but today I’m waiting to have a rendez-vous

  with you, only with you!

  Why do you keep me sitting alone

  by the door?

  If you slight me,

  if you don’t show yourself,

  how will I pass such a