“Did you see the little boy dressed as the Grinch who had the wiener dog with the antlers?”
“Yes. Maybe I should do a holiday costume contest or something.”
“Might be too late for that this year, but it’s a good idea for next. We could have a whole holiday schedule next year. Incorporate Hanukkah and Eid if the calendar is right.”
“I’ll start jotting down ideas and put them on the idea board in the office.”
“Okay, cool.”
Emmie finished her coffee and tried not to wiggle with glee. Her best friend was inching closer and closer to a permanent move to Metlin. Her shop was breaking even, which at this point was really all she could hope for. She had a boyfriend she was head over heels for. Emmie had all these future plans for the shop and for her life in Metlin, and Ox and Tayla were in all of them.
“Stop,” Tayla said.
“Stop what?”
“I can practically hear you planning my life out for me in three-year increments for the next thirty years. Just stop. I’m young and flexible. I’m thinking of staying here for a while. Don’t get ahead of yourself.”
“Of course not.”
“Bullshit. You already have me and Jeremy married with three brats.”
Emmie groaned and fell toward her. “Come on. You know you’d be adorable together.”
“Why don’t you daydream about how you’re going to get your boyfriend to not be exhausted all the time? He can’t keep this schedule up, not that it seems to be putting a damper on your nocturnal activities.”
Emmie blushed. “Sorry.”
“No worries. Ox got me a very nice pair of noise-canceling headphones last week. I could live with him as a roommate.”
“It’s a little soon for that, don’t you think?”
Tayla raised an eyebrow. “With his schedule, having him move in might be the only way to guarantee you have any time alone.”
She couldn’t help but think of Tayla’s words the next day when noon rolled around and Ox still wasn’t in the shop. Ginger came by again, and Emmie tried to pay as little attention as possible to the woman.
“Ox here?” she asked Emmie.
“Nope.”
“Let me guess, out at the ranch?”
Her tone actually sounded commiserating rather than sneering. Emmie looked up. “Yeah. You heard about his mom?”
“Uh-huh.” Ginger shrugged. “Trust me, it’ll always be something.” She put a piece of paper down on the counter. “Here’s the info for the guy who wants the Celtic piece. Says he’s been having trouble getting ahold of Ox. Might have to remind him to give the guy a call.”
“I don’t do his bookings for him.”
“Good.” Ginger gave her a wry smile. “I’d definitely try holding your ground on that one. Later.”
And that was that. No profanity. No bitchy comments. Just a warning that echoed in her wake.
It’ll always be something.
Emmie was lying next to Ox that night, stretched out on the couch with a car documentary on the television. She was reading. Ox was sleeping. He’d lasted all of five minutes before he nodded off.
“Ox.” She nudged his foot. “Were you planning to stay here tonight?”
He snored. Emmie took that for a yes. She closed her book and set it on the coffee table before she crawled over to him and kissed his lips.
Ox started awake at the feel of her lips on his. “Hey.” He rubbed his eyes. “Sorry.”
“Don’t be sorry. Let’s go to bed.”
He didn’t get up. He reached for her and wrapped her in a hug, rolling her onto his chest as he took a deep breath and hooked a leg over hers, effectively trapping her.
“I hate them so much,” he muttered drowsily.
Emmie frowned. “What?”
“Cows.”
She smiled and rested her cheek on his chest. “So why are you spending so much time with them?”
“Can’t let Melissa do it all,” he muttered. “Not fair.”
Isn’t it her ranch?
Emmie didn’t say anything. She didn’t have any siblings, and most days she was jealous of Ox and Melissa’s relationship. She’d love to have a brother who cared about her that much. She did feel like Melissa took Ox for granted though. It wasn’t as if Ox was asking his sister to be an unpaid employee at his business. But Emmie didn’t feel like she had a right to say anything about it. That was between Ox and Melissa.
She rested on his chest for a few more minutes but forced Ox awake before his breathing turned deep. He was way too big for Emmie to move, and he’d get a backache if he slept on the couch. They stumbled to Emmie’s bedroom, and Ox fell into bed while Emmie got ready and turned off the lights in the living room. Tayla was still out, so Emmie left the kitchen lights on for her.
Sometime in the middle of the night, Ox sat upright in bed, jolting Emmie out of her sleep.
“Ox?”
“Did I close the gate before I left?”
It wasn’t the first time he’d talked in his sleep. Emmie rubbed his arm. “I’m sure you did. You always do.”
Ox blinked at her. He wasn’t really awake, but the look he gave her was so painfully tender it nearly made Emmie cry.
“Don’t drive in the fog.”
Emmie pulled him down next to her. “I don’t have a car, remember?”
“Don’t drive in the fog, baby.”
Emmie’s heart turned over. “I won’t.”
Ox wrapped his arms around her in a nearly suffocating hold. “Love you. Can’t lose you.”
“I won’t drive in the fog, Ox.”
“She cries at night.”
Emmie had to blink away tears. Then she started to feel guilty for ever resenting Melissa or the time Ox gave her and Abby.
“She’ll be okay,” Emmie whispered. “And I’ll be okay. I won’t drive in the fog.”
“I love you.”
“I love you too.”
He was breathing deeply a few seconds later, but it took Emmie a lot longer to fall back asleep.
“Why so serious?” He bent down a grabbed a kiss as she poured a cup of coffee.
“I’m just glad you’re taking the day off from the ranch.”
He rubbed his lip and scratched his cheek. “Well…”
Emmie put her mug on the counter. “You’re not taking the day off.”
“I don’t have any clients this afternoon. So I thought I’d spend the morning with you and then go to the ranch this afternoon. Stay the night out there and come back tomorrow.”
Emmie nodded. “Okay.”
“Are you mad?”
She turned to him. “I’m not mad. But I know when you stay out there you end up getting up at five in the morning to do chores. And then you work six plus hours before you come here and work another six hours.”
“I know.” He put his hands on her shoulders. “And I want to spend more time with you. I know we haven’t gone out for weeks now. But Melissa has like a month before harvest starts and she’s—”
“I’m worried about you. You’re not sleeping enough. You’re going to burn out with this schedule. And yeah, I’d like to see you more. All we do is work and sleep. And so far it seems like Melissa doesn’t have a plan for getting more help. She’s just relying on you and…” Emmie stopped and pressed her lips together. “Never mind. It’s not my business.”
His face was tight. “It’s my family. I can’t ignore them if they need help.”
“But you have your own business now, and if you’re always tired because you’re helping out there—”
“The ranch comes first.”
Emmie fell silent.
The ranch comes first.
His tone made it clear it wasn’t open for debate.
“Right,” she whispered. “Got it.”
He’ll always pick them over you.
Emmie’s heart plummeted as Ox filled up a travel mug with coffee and kissed her on the head.
“I’ll go out this
morning,” he said. “Try to finish so I can spend tonight with you.”
“It’s fine,” she said. “I’m fine. Go do what you need to do.”
Ox turned at the door. “I really hate it when you say fine.”
Emmie shrugged. “I don’t know what else you want me to say.”
“Say that you understand how important my family is to me.”
“I totally understand that. But is the ranch your family?”
“Kinda.” He rubbed a hand over his face. “I don’t know. I know you’re right, okay? I can’t keep up with this schedule.”
“I’m not asking you to choose between your business and your family. That’s a shitty thing to ask. I just…” Emmie took a deep breath. “I invested everything in this shop. I sold my car. I used my savings. And I need to know that it’s important to you.”
“I’m going to pay my rent this month, okay?” His jaw set in a stubborn line. “Don’t worry about getting a check.”
“I’m not asking about your rent! I’m asking if I can depend on you to be my partner like you said you’d be and…”
“And what?” His eyes burned her.
“I’m starting to think I can’t. I’m starting to think that if it comes down to our business or your sister’s ranch, then I’m going to be the loser.”
He opened his mouth. Closed it. Then he shook his head and walked out the door. When it slammed shut behind him, Emmie heard the echo of a hundred different doors.
It’s an important gig, Marianne. You’re thirteen now, not three.
I hope you’re not too invested in this little business.
It’s just not working with your mom and me. We’ll still be friends. I promise.
I won’t always be here to hold your hand, Emmie.
It’s a spelling bee. What’s the big deal?
Emmie took her coffee to her room and managed to set it down on the dresser before she started crying. This was why getting involved had been a bad idea. It had always been a bad idea. She’d just ignored her common sense. Ox leaving would have always hurt, but it wouldn’t have hurt this badly. If she hadn’t fallen in love with him, his abandoning her would have been a sting to her budget but not a rip to her heart.
Emmie gave herself approximately ten minutes to wallow before she cleaned up and got ready for work.
She had to get ready for work. No matter what else was happening in her life, the shop had to open. The coffee had to be made. The books wouldn’t sell themselves. Ox might have been able to cancel on his customers and head back to the ranch, but Emmie’s only backup plan was herself.
That’s the way it was. That’s the way it had always been.
Chapter Thirty-Four
Ox slammed the posthole digger into the ground just as the steer butted into his hip, sending him into the barbed wire and tearing up his gloves. He kicked at the steer and yelled, “Fucking piece-of-shit bovine asshole!”
The steer snorted and turned, trotting off and leaving a trail of shit behind him.
Ox turned in place, surrounded by mud and new grass and fucking cows and rocks and broken fences, and wondered how the hell he’d come back to this place. How the hell was he still doing the shit that had brought him and his grandfather to blows when he was seventeen?
He dug the posthole digger into the ground again, tearing up his hands so badly he knew he’d be in pain when he went to work on the second half of Clyde’s cover-up the next night.
Fucking cows.
Fucking mudslides.
Fucking ranch.
He heard the hoofbeats a moment before Melissa crested the hill. It was too muddy for the quad cab to make it up to the north pasture, so they were both riding that day.
“You need any help?” she called. “I’m done with the oranges for today.”
“Good.” He took a deep breath and tried to calm down. It wasn’t Melissa’s fault his life was shit. She didn’t ask him to help. It was just something he had to do. “I’m almost done with this hole. Then I need to restring the wire.”
“You don’t have any clients today?”
“I told you it’s been slow.” It had been slow because he told his clients he needed to work less hours and he wasn’t getting any walk-ins, but Melissa didn’t know that.
“I’d really feel more comfortable with you working all these hours if you let me pay you,” Melissa said. “I told you, we have the money—”
“It’s not about the money, okay?” He wasn’t going to take money from his sister that she needed for Abby. He threw the posthole digger to the side and went for the new post. “That’s not why I’m doing this.”
Melissa was silent as he fixed the new post in place and restrung the wire, looping it around the far fencepost and twisting it in place before he secured it with pliers. The fix hadn’t taken as long as he’d feared, but he was still frustrated, angry, and in pain.
“Why are you doing this?” she asked.
“What?” He tore off his gloves once he was done and stuffed them in his jacket pockets. His hands stung in the cold, damp air.
“Why are you doing this, Ox?” She saw his hands. “You’ve torn up your hands.”
“Yeah, one of your asshole steers shoved me into the fence.”
She threw out her hands. “Why are you doing this?”
“Because I need to.”
“Why? You’re an artist and you’re tearing up your hands? That’s just stupid.”
“Glad to know you think I’m stupid.”
“Oh, shut up!” She slid off her mare. “You know that’s not what I’m saying. You couldn’t wait to escape this place, so why are you doing this? You were finally going after what you wanted. What changed?”
“I’m the only one left!”
Melissa frowned. “What are you talking about?”
“First it was Grandpa and then Calvin. And now Mom’s sick too. She’s not gonna be around forever. If we hadn’t gotten her to the hospital, then what would have happened? She could have died.” His voice caught. “And then I’d be the only one left to take care of you and Abby. We’re all we have left, Lissa. Of course I have to be here.”
Melissa stood staring at him, not saying a word.
Ox cleared his throat and sniffed. “I’m the only one left. You won’t ask for help from anyone else. Not when you really need it. So it’s just me.”
There were tears in Melissa’s eyes. “You hate cows.”
“But I love you and Abby.” He shook his head. “I shouldn’t have started my own business. It wasn’t fair to Emmie. I worry every day I’m away from here. And I worry about Emmie taking care of everything in the shop when I’m away from there. But you’re my family, and I have to take care of you. I hear you crying at night. I know I’m not Calvin, but I don’t want you to be alone. I don’t want you to have to do this by yourself.”
Melissa walked toward him. “Because you are the biggest softie in the world regarding your niece—don’t argue with me, hard-ass, you know you are—I will excuse your bullheaded macho assumption that I am not capable of running this ranch on my own. Of course I miss Calvin. I miss him every day. And every day I get up and I feed the goats and check the fences and order the parts for the tractor. Because the ranch is what I want. It’s what Calvin wanted. It’s what keeps me sane. That and Abby.”
“I know.”
“But this is not what you want. It never has been. And… you’re right.” She squeezed her eyes shut. “You and Cary are both right. I’m too stubborn about accepting help. There are a dozen out-of-work cowboys who could be doing what you’ve been doing, but I’ve been too distracted to hire any. I’ve been using you here as a crutch, and that’s not fair to you.”
“I’m your brother. You can always ask me—”
“If it’s an emergency, I will call. I promise you. But this isn’t an emergency.” She looked around the pasture. “This is a job. And it’s not yours.”
He crossed his arms. “So what are you saying?”
/>
“I’m saying you’re fired. And you should go get cleaned up and head back into town to your real job and apologize to your girlfriend for being an asshole for the past few weeks and probably take her out for a very nice dinner.”
Ox’s face fell. He couldn’t stop thinking about his fight with Emmie that morning. She’d been right. The ranch was not his family. His mom, his sister, and Abby were his family. The ranch was a business, and he’d been putting his sister’s business before the promises he’d made to Emmie. He’d told her she could depend on him, and then he’d failed.
He’d fought with her, and then he’d walked out the door.
Ox grabbed his head in his hands and cursed a blue streak.
“What did you do?” Melissa asked. “You idiot, what did you do?”
Ox knocked on Spider’s door as soon as he made it into town. He’d called Daisy for the address and she’d told him, but she’d also told him not to bother calling because Spider was with a client until two and wouldn’t pick up the phone even if she called. Ox also had to listen through an impassioned bitch session about the man refusing to get a cell phone. Since Ox had a sister, he knew when to make the right sympathetic noises and when to shut up.
He then managed to tease enough information out of Daisy to confirm that a very grand gesture was called for. He’d fucked up big time. It wasn’t so much the fighting, he realized now, it was the walking out.
That was the big mistake.
Ox heard movement in the house, then a rustle in the curtain beside the door. Multiple locks unlatched and Spider opened the door.
“Hey, man. What’s up?”
Ox looked around. “Your house looks like Leave It to Beaver.”
“’Cause my wife is a fucking goddess, so don’t track mud on her carpet. Why are you here?”
“Because I finally figured out what I want. Then I really fucked up.”
Chapter Thirty-Five
Emmie was going through the motions at the shop. Luckily it was a busy day. Like insanely busy. She was already considering another cookbook order and another big order of contemporary romances. Books were a very popular gift this year, but so were the notebook-and-pen sets Tayla had ordered and the selection of ironic book T-shirts Emmie had finally gotten in. She was wearing one of them this morning. Boys in Books Are Better.