I crossed my arms over the folder and staggered back, almost tripping over the stupid cement piece I had stepped on. Rhett tried to catch my fall.
“Don’t.” I shot out a hand to stop him and glared. “I’ve got myself.”
“Ava, I know this is a lot to handle. Please, let me help you. How do you think I felt when I found this?” Rhett’s tender voice did nothing to soothe me.
I shook my head fervently and scoffed. “You don’t know me. Everything is a lie. For all I know”—I jabbed a finger at each of them—“you’re all ISAN. Or maybe ISAN is the good guy, and you made this folder to make ISAN look bad. Lies.”
Rhett extended his arms, reaching ever so slowly for me. “There’s no good ISAN, but we can change it. That’s what we are trying to do. You’re such a skeptic. You’d never believe me without evidence, so I didn’t want to reach out to you until I had something solid. You have no idea how much I’ve missed you. It took me six freakin’ torturous months to find something. You’re special, Ava, and you know that. Don’t deny it. Embrace it and use it for good. Just don’t tell anyone. You can’t trust anyone but us. We can change what ISAN stands for. Your twin and your father might still be alive.”
Hearing they might still be alive should’ve helped to calm me, but I shook with rage. I didn’t want to believe any of it and make a liar out of my mom. Yet something tugged in my gut, and the rational part of me knew Rhett was right.
“Where’s the rest of this?” My words cut sharp as I wiped my tears.
“That’s it. I swear. But here’s more proof the second child he wrote about is you.” Rhett reached into his backpack and handed me a phone. “When I found this, it was connected to a charger. Smart move. That type of phone doesn’t exist anymore, and you can’t find a charger like that since everything is done by solar power. Ozzie rigged up a power source for it.”
I didn’t waste a second. Touching the screen to activate, I pressed the picture icon. There were baby pictures of a female child and my mom, but there were none of my dad or the first child. I scrolled again and recognized the younger version of me. The more I saw, the harder it became to contain my emotions, especially when it came to the pictures of my mom.
“Mom.” My lips quivered, unable to fight the pain crashing through.
I ran my finger down the screen as if I could touch her. Uncontrollable tears streamed down my face. Seeing a photo of her, even after all those years, reopened old wounds.
It didn’t matter how much time had passed, and it didn’t matter how hard I had shut out the ache, I lost my mother again with every photo. Hating the vulnerability, I wiped my tears and clicked on the video.
Why didn’t you tell me the truth, Mom? Why?
“Hello. My name is Dr. Hunt. What’s your name?”
I heard his voice, but he only recorded me. My ragged hair brushed my shoulders. For a thirteen-year-old, I was thin and short. The Ava on the screen shifted nervously, but held her chin high.
“Hello, Dr. Hunt. My name is Ava. What kind of doctor are you? I need a doctor to fix me.”
“Why do you need to be fixed?”
Young Ava scuffed her shoes on the ground. “Sometimes I see things in my mind, like a map, and sometimes I hear voices and no one’s around.”
“Ava, you’re too young to understand, but you have to know you’re special. Doctors can’t fix you.” He paused, as if to make sure she understood.
“You gave me no choice,” I cried to the man in the video. “You took my life from me. I’m not special. I’m damned.”
I didn’t want to listen anymore, but I had to know the truth. There were so many unanswered questions.
“Can you do me a favor?” he asked.
After Young Ava looked around to see if anyone listened or watched her, she nodded.
“Please don’t tell anyone what you can do. They will think you’re crazy. You’re not crazy, do you understand? When these things happen and you don’t want them to, close your eyes and count to ten. Take long, deep breaths and think of something frightening. It will go away. Fear will make it go away. When you’re too scared, your special ability shuts down. It’s active right now because you’re going through changes, but eventually it will become dormant.”
Young Ava’s eyebrows pulled together. “I don’t understand. My mom told me to think of happy thoughts. I don’t want to think of something scary.”
“It’s okay, Ava. Try both ways and see which one works. Will you promise me that?”
Scratching her nose, Young Ava nodded. “My mom is dead.” She blinked her teary eyes. “I live with foster parents, but they’re not nice to me.”
“I’m so sorry, Ava.” His voice sank low and his shoulders curved inward. “It’s not the life I would have wanted for you.” He faltered, choked up. “Your mom loved you very much. She’ll always live in your heart. Hold on to her memory and hold on to her love. Days will be brighter. I promise.”
“Are you my mom’s friend? How do you know her?”
A long sad sigh exhaled from his lips. “Yes, she was my friend.”
“Then does that make you my friend, too?”
“Yes.” He chuckled lightly. “We are friends.”
“Can you take me home with you? I don’t like where I am.” Young Ava folded her arms and tears spilled onto her cheeks.
“I can’t take you with me. You don’t know how much I wish I could. Hang in there. You won’t be with them much longer.”
“How do you know?” Young Ava wiped her tears.
“I just do. Can you hold onto that, knowing you won’t be there long? It’s a temporary situation. Be strong, Ava. Be brave. It will get you through.”
“My mom told me to be brave and be someone important.” Young Ava raised her chin, looking proud.
“That’s right. Remember those words. I have to go now. Please don’t tell anyone we had this conversation. Dr. Hunt doesn’t exist to you. Do you understand?”
The screen went dark.
It was the moment of clarity, but not the clarity I wanted. Seeing myself at thirteen made me relive how much I’d missed my mom and how much I’d hated my foster parents.
My dad’s sweet, loving voice broke me. Sounds I never knew I could make escaped my mouth. My wails were pain, death, and seeing my whole life taken from me in one second. The room spun with flashing white dots, my knees weakened, and acid filled my stomach.
Why couldn’t I recall this interview? Dr. Hunt doesn’t exist to you. Did my father make me forget? Was it even possible? And if so, how?
While I held onto my father’s journal and phone, I kicked the debris and knocked the bottles and remaining items on the dusty table, bellowing.
“It’s a lie. Everything’s a lie. I hate you. I hate you. I hate you.”
“Ava.”
Rhett’s voice seemed distance away.
I heaved and clasped my arms around my middle to stop the shaking. It had been too much to bear. Everything they told me still seemed like a lie, but denying it had become futile. I wanted to scream again and punch the walls. I wanted to run away fast and far, far away from ISAN, Rhett, and even myself.
I didn’t know what my twin’s life was like, but if it was anything like mine, they had it rough, too. Though in my dad’s journal he said the first child was well taken care of, I didn’t believe it. It wasn’t fair. I should’ve lived a happy childhood with a family who loved me and treated me well. But my family was a lie. Instead, it was one messed up nightmare.
Dad’s recorded voice buzzed in circles in my head: Be strong, Ava. Be brave.
That was all I ever did.
I stumbled back from lack of air as nausea swept through me again.
“I’ve got you.” Rhett caught me before I fell.
I flung my arm out to push him away. I wanted to hurt him for giving me so much grief. But when his eyes pooled with genuine tears, I realized he was not my enemy.
With the folder and phone clutched to my ches
t, I crushed my body to his as if he was the only solid thing in this world and sobbed until there were no more tears to shed. His warm embrace made it easy for me to feel vulnerable, to need him. The strength and the grip of his strong arms gave me comfort, a solid foundation to my crumbling self.
I hated who I was, hated I had to kill. And worse, I hated I was special.
Memories can be erased, but you can never forget emotions. Rhett’s words sprang in my mind.
At that moment, I knew I had felt that raw pain before and had found comfort in someone’s arms, but I just couldn’t recall whom or why. I remained in his embrace until the sun shifted and the flashlights threw my shadow on the wall.
I finally wiggled out of his arms. Sure, I’d just had the shock of my life, but everyone inside ISAN was a victim. Brooke, Justine, and Tamara all had hard luck stories, and I wondered if their pasts held twists and lies. My father suspected Mom had been murdered. Maybe ISAN had wanted us cut off from people who cared. We were all victims, even the guy who held me.
Rhett and his friends had kidnapped me. My instincts said I should run away or beat the crap out of them. Instead, I felt solace in their presence, a sense of belonging I couldn’t explain.
Rhett brushed my hair back as his eyes set tenderly on mine. “I’m sorry, Ava. You can hate me all you want, but I’d rather you know the truth. You don’t have to say anything. Let it soak in tonight. We need to get going.”
I nodded, sniffling.
“Can you walk?” he asked.
I nodded again, wiping the last tears I planned to allow. Crying meant weakness. Crying meant they had won. I’d fight until my last breath.
“Can I take these?” I held up the folder and the phone.
“Yes, you can. I’ll put them in my backpack. You’re going to need both hands. We’re not going back the way we came.”
“Why didn’t you just take it with you when you first found them?”
Rhett shoved the folder and the phone inside the backpack and zipped it before meeting my eyes. “In case he came back. Your dad didn’t write daily or monthly toward the end of his journal. The last time he wrote was the seventeenth year—not that long ago. You’re seventeen. I hoped he’d come back and write more. But maybe it’s safer in our hands, in case one of ISAN’s people get a hold of it or the Remnant Council bombs this place.”
“Okay, thanks. We can go now.” My words barely left my mouth as my body drooped from exhaustion.
So tired. I was so tired. Tired from crying. Tired from inconceivable new-found revelations overwhelming me.
“So bossy.” He rolled his eyes playfully. “You’re lucky I’m not making you jump for that, Ms. Scared of Heights. I’ll make you drop instead.”
To my surprise, I let out a soft laugh. Laughing through the shock made me feel better. Later, I’d block it out and move on. It was the only way I knew how to be strong, to be brave. If I let all of it get to me, then I had already lost.
I’m an assassin for crying out loud. Get a hold of yourself.
I glanced around, sensing the ghost of my dad’s presence. He’d been there, writing in his journal, living with the drifters. But for how long?
I had held the journal he’d touched. Somehow that made me feel close to him. He’d been there the first time I’d done a mental mission. He watched me. He stood a touch away. Knowing what his voice sounded like, he became real to me. I felt his love through the journal and the video, but most of all I felt his pain.
How frightening it must have been for him, always looking over his shoulder, running from his past. It’d be nice to meet him, but I didn’t love the man on that video. How could I love someone I didn’t know, who I’d thought hadn’t existed all those years, and especially the person who had experimented on his own children? I had no memories of what he looked like or any traits we shared, but I wanted to.
The possibility of reuniting with my dad and my twin enticed me. Who had he asked to look after me? Did I have a brother or a sister? I had so many more questions, but no one could tell me the truth except my dad.
I inhaled a deep breath. Be brave, Ava. Be someone important. As my mother’s last advice echoed, I caught Rhett’s attention.
“Let’s go.”
Purple and pink painted thin streaks across the sky, backed by thick clouds. The sun made its last stretch before heading to the other side. I took a moment to enjoy the view and then watched Ozzie looking down. Rhett wasn’t kidding when he said, I’ll make you drop instead.
Reyna swung a rope tied from a steady steel rod. She pointed, letting me know that was my ride down.
Oh, hell no.
“Ready for your first drop?” She snickered. She didn’t seem as angry. Perhaps she felt sorry for me.
I frowned at Rhett. “You’re not serious, right? You were joking, trying to make me laugh. Right?”
I turned to Ozzie for support, but he deflected me with information.
“This is the fastest way down, unless you want to go back the way we came, and that’s a long way from here. Plus, it’s getting dark, and I don’t know if you knew, but our glider works on solar power. We have battery backup, but we don’t want to use that unless it’s extremely necessary. Unless you want to spend the night here with the possibility of drifters wanting to touch you, I suggest you drop.”
I was just about to tell Ozzie to stop talking when several red lights flashed across space, cutting the rope. My heart thudded out of my chest. It happened so fast, it took me a moment to register Rhett had wrapped his arms around me and thrown us behind a broken wall. I felt no pain, only discomfort. Rhett’s body had cushioned the impact.
“Drifters have Tasers?” Ozzie roared, crawling to us.
Reyna yanked him down as a light hit the spot where he’d been a second before.
“Thanks, that was close.” Ozzie took his Taser out of his backpack and positioned it to aim.
Rhett reached over the boulder and shot. “They’re not drifters. Even if they could get a hold of Tasers, they’re not this aggressive. They’re ISAN guards.”
ISAN guards? Confusion filled my mind. How did he know? No ISAN symbol displayed anywhere on their suit. But then again, ISAN wouldn’t want to be identified.
What was I supposed to do? Which team was I on? My mind told me to run to the guards, but my heart told me to stay with Rhett. Too late. Again, no time to plan, just do. Clearly when the guards shot at me the decision had been made for me.
Reyna shot a man wearing all black and a mask. “What are we going to do?”
Rhett ducked. “We’re going home, that’s what we’re going to do. There’s about twenty of them. Reyna, take the second rope out of your backpack and get it ready. Ozzie and Ava, come with me.”
Holding my Taser in front of my chest, I readied to shoot when Rhett stopped me by placing his hand on my shoulder.
“Do you remember what you read? What your father did for you? You’re special, Ava. You don’t need Helix to be strong or be brave. It’s already in you. You just have to believe in yourself. You’ve been trying to reject this all your life. It’s going to take time. If it doesn’t work for you today, then fine. We’ll find a way. Now ... ready?”
I nodded, thanking him silently for his pep talk, but I still trembled. I might freeze up, and then I’d be useless.
“Let’s go. On my mark. Three ... two ...”
Rhett never got to say one. I flipped over the boulder and landed with one knee down, and then shot the man in front of me. The lights flashing from behind me came from Ozzie and Rhett, behind the wall on either side.
“You have a bad habit, Ava. You didn’t let me say one.” Rhett growled, shooting another one. “But that was awesome. Some things never change. You’re still the same stubborn, feisty, brave, Ava.”
I ducked low behind some debris to escape a shot, and then got back up to stand behind Rhett.
“Miss me already?”
He pressed his body into mine before I could say s
omething back. The chunk of the wall where he’d stood a second before blasted into pieces. Debris and smoke swirled around us.
“Rhett. Ava.” Ozzie’s voice thundered, filled with concern.
“We’re fine.” Rhett coughed, switching from Taser to gun. “Ava is trying to make out with me.”
I ignored his comment and shot a guard who emerged from the shadows. Too close.
Rhett ducked and gut-punched the guy who came for him and then used the guy’s body as a shield. “You want to know why you called me Sniper, Ava?” Rhett pointed his gun away from the targets. “You’re about to find out.”
“You don’t have good aim, Rhett.”
“That’s what you think.” Rhett’s body jerked after he pulled the trigger.
The bullet hit the edge of the chipped ceiling, dropped to nick a piece of the thick rod on the ground, and then flew right between the target’s eyes. The thumping on the ground confirmed he went down.
“Sniper ... that’s what I can do. Perfect aim, all the time.”
“Nice shot, Rhett. You’re my hero.” Ozzie fired his Taser.
“I never miss, right, Ozzie?” Rhett placed the gun back, took out two Tasers, and shot with both at the same time. “Ready, Reyna?”
“Just in time, Rhett. I’ve re-tied it. It’s ready. I’m going first.”
“Wait for us down there. Keep safe.” He shot like a madman. “Ozzie, you’re up. Go. Ava, go after Ozzie.”
I did as instructed, but I kept an eye on Rhett. Ozzie and I continued to shoot while heading for the rope. Dust and chips from the cement flew about, making it difficult for me to aim for the target.
“It’s easy.” Ozzie ducked a bullet, chips of debris blasted like small fireworks. “Pull your sleeve like this and go down. I’ll catch you from the bottom. Please don’t be afraid of heights. We’re running out of time.”
Easy for you to say. “Okay, Ozzie. You go first, and then I’ll go.”
As I watched him descend and land, I pulled my sleeves over my hands and grabbed the rope. Taking deep breaths, I told myself I could do it. My life depended on it, but I couldn’t move.