CHAPTER FOUR
Banix literally threw the gang (together with Nance) over the sofa, and then bolted. He used his sensors to track Ian's movements, and found him loitering down a dark alley.
"What took you so long?" Ian hissed ungratefully.
"Time and geography," Banix replied gravely.
Ian scowled.
In the school basement, observing the thousands of boxes of spot cream, Wilburts made a decision and activated his walkie-talkie.
"Oh, crap!" Ian swore as his watch-phone beeped, hurriedly activating it. "Yes, what is it?" he hissed.
"Commander Wilburts here."
Ian frowned. "Now's not exactly the best time, Commander!"
"For me neither," Wilburts acknowledged. "In fact, you could say... I appear to be in a spot of bother right about now."
Wilburts' phrasing caught Ian's attention. "Did you say a spot of bother?"
"Yes," Wilburts replied. "I did."
Ian sighed. "I've a feeling we might be in the same spot of bother ourselves, if spots are indeed the bother you're in."
"They are," Wilburts confirmed. "Mind-controlling extra-terrestrial acne, by the look of it. You too, eh?"
"I'm afraid so," Ian noted. "The gang's been taken over. Everyone but me and Banix - and he's looking a little worse for wear himself."
"Oh, I don't know," Banix examined his shiny metal exo-skeleton. 'It's really quite liberating, actually. Like being on a nudist beach. I would - er - imagine," he added hastily.
"Shut up," Ian told him. "Where are you?" he addressed Wilburts.
"Maltby High basement," Wilburts told him. "Looks like all the students have been taken over, teachers too probably, the Headmistress definitely."
"Of course!" Ian exclaimed. "No one would pay attention to all the spots! I should have realised..."
"There's something down here that's quite interesting, mind you," Wilburts demanded.
"The decor?" Banix suggested hopefully.
"No, not the decor!" Wilburts exploded. "You remember all those hijacked truckloads of spot cream?"
"How could I forget?"
"Well, they're down here," Wilburts told him.
"What, all of them?" Ian exclaimed.
"All of them," Wilburts confirmed.
"But why would alien bodysnatchers hijack truckloads of spot cream?" Ian wanted to know.
"Maybe these aliens don't just resemble our own natural spots; maybe they actually bear some organic/chemical similarity..." Wilburts suggested. "In which case..."
"Spot cream would kill them just as it would ordinary spots!" Ian cried. "Wilburts, you're brilliant!"
"I have my moments," Wilburts acknowledged dryly.
"So what do we do?" Ian inquired.
"Get some empty fire extinguishers and meet me down here," Wilburts told them. "Then we can fill 'em up with spot cream and take the fight to these goddamn alien pimples! But hurry!"
"We're on our way," Ian told him, shutting off the phone. He turned to Banix. "I don't know," he sighed, "but sometimes I think our cases get sillier by the week."
Ian and Banix collected as many fire extinguishers - emptying them along the way - as they could, many of them hanging off various sharp points on Banix's exo-skeleton, and high-tailed it to the school as fast as possible. Their hitherto good luck, however, ran out as they reached the school gates.
"There they are!" a voice squeaked.
Ian and Banix whirled to see Nance and the gang storming toward them. "Come on!" Ian urged Banix. "To the basement - hurry!"
Ian and Banix made it to the school basement just as Mona Jarrett and her spotty army spied them.
"You!" Jarrett's spots squealed. "What are you doing here?"
"Clearasil Emergency," Banix quipped. "You called?"
Ian looked at him. "What, are you trying to fill in for Matthew or something?"
"Personality Modifier is one of my programs," Banix noted.
"Well, turn it off," Ian said irritably. "Come on!"
The gang and Nance rounded the opposite corner to Jarrett and co.
"They are an enemy of The Pimp-Els!" Matthew's spots wailed at his comrades. "Seize them!"
“Move!" Ian and Banix ran down the entrance to the school basement, Ian slamming and locking the door behind them. "That won't hold them for long," Ian noted.
As if on cue, the door was kicked open, revealing Jarrett.
"Told you," Ian commented.
"Down!" Wilburts ordered. Ian and Banix threw themselves to the floor. Wilburts aimed a fire extinguisher at Jarrett and fired, but what sprayed out was not water or foam, but spot cream. The cream hit Jarrett on her upper lip, her two spots squealing in agony, sending her to her knees.
"Oxy 10!" Wilburts beamed delightedly. "It really works!"
Ian slammed the door shut again. "That won't keep them at bay for long, either."
"Then you'd better get filling those things up," Wilburts indicated the store of spot cream behind him. "Supply is not a problem."
Ian and Banix hurried over and began to do so, Wilburts guarding the door with his deadly spot extinguisher.
Suddenly the ground began to tremble.
"What the hell?" Ian demanded.
The room began to shake.
"What the hell is it?" Wilburts shouted.
Suddenly the floor of the school basement cracked open and something began to emerge from underground.
"Oh my God!" Ian gaped.
An enormous, giant red spot, at least ten feet wide and five feet high, began to emerge from the underground and advance on Ian and Banix.
Wilburts ran over, spraying the cream at the monstrosity, to no avail. "I'm all out!" he cried finally in disgust.
"The whitehead!" An idea suddenly struck Ian. "Aim for the whitehead!"
Banix aimed his extinguisher and sprayed the cream directly into the white tip of the throbbing giant spot.
The giant spot squealed in agony.
Ian and Wilburts covered their ears.
With a massive pop, the giant spot exploded, showering Ian, Wilburts and Banix with puss. This puss, however, seemed harmless and non-toxic.
Ian spat out some puss from his mouth, his face wrinkling with disgust. "Is it over?"
The basement door opened and the gang tumbled in.
"What the hell's been going on?" Matthew demanded.
"What happened?" Cody cried, aghast. None of them had spots on their faces anymore.
"It's over," Wilburts noted.
Ian shook his head. "I have to hand it to you, Wilb, you saved the day on this one. Realising the cream would work on the aliens was genius."
"Mm," Wilburts nodded with just a trace of a smile. "Spot on, even."
The Ian’s Gang Library
Season 1
The Bad Ian
Monster
I, Spy
On Satan’s Bloody Claw
The Orius Project
The Wedding
Witch’s Brew
Sideways
Gang Warfare
Control Network
Grip of the Spider
Something Evil
That Child of Mine
Mousetrap
Bloody Friday
Hit and Run
The Freakshow
Season 2
Straight Out of Hell
The Animal Lover
The Nightmare Brigade
Dream Holiday
Terror of the Ooze
The next story in the Ian’s Gang library is:
THE ASSESSIS FACTOR
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