Chapter Four
Kathy hesitated as she strolled through the ornately carved doors that led to the outside of the hotel. Surely that had to have been her overactive imagination and it had been over twenty years since she had last heard the voice that activated her hormones. What would she have done if it were the man of her memories? Saunter up casually to him and say a simple hello? Run and jump into his hopefully waiting arms. Those arms; they had been so strong, well muscled, perfect. She knew she was showing signs of maturity, the imperfections that disturbed her mind. He would never be attracted to her as she was now, but…. Mmmm, she thought as she walked slowly up the hill to her room. If only…there she went again, using that term, wishing for what could never happen, the impossible dream. But…stop it, Katherine, she commanded herself. You are a widow, rather lonely and hoping for the impossible. Just be content with what little is left to you, your dreams, your memories. “My wonderful memories,” she sighed.
Once in her room, she lounged luxuriously, still dressed in her full length black outfit. Perhaps reading a book would get her mind off him, as if anything could, once her memory brought him forward out of the depths of her mind. Somehow watching the available, but hidden-in-a-cabinet television in this room from the past, seemed out of place. Of the two books she had bought, only one would do to help her forget. If it proved true to what her friends had told her, she would not be able to put down the first romance book she felt free to read. Frank had never allowed any books of that type in his home. Feet up on the settee, pillow behind her head, she tried to absorb herself in the book. No, it didn’t work. Memories kept attacking her thoughts. “Leave me alone,” she cried out to her absent love. “Cold shower,” she commanded. “Get in there and take another shower, ice cold and forget him.”
Clothing was quickly off and packed back into the suitcase in preparation for the next day’s move. A pale pink silk nightgown was placed on the bed in preparation for her exit from the shower. The chilling rush of cold water over her hand quickly convinced her that a luxurious warm shower would do just as well. Opening the glass door, she stepped inside, grateful that she had chosen the more comfortable one instead of the torturous method of forgetting.
The scent of her favorite rose soap assuaged her nose while she luxuriated in the thick lather. Relax, she told herself, relax and forget that there ever was someone so special in her life.
Closing her eyes against the sting of the soap, her reluctant mind went back to the time when they had showered together. She could recall how he gently scrubbed her back and then kissed her tenderly on her shoulders in spite of the lather. It had happened shortly after their first time on the beach. Charles had proved to be as excellent a lover each time as he had the first. Kathy had expected that the thrill would fade some with familiarity, but no, if anything it was even better. The more they were together, the more time he took with her, indulging in her gratification. It was as if he cared little of his own pleasure, although their relationship seemed to make him very happy in all ways. In turn, she couldn’t do enough for him. He often referred to their relationship as a 90-10, each giving the other the 90.
His hands explored her, fondling and caressing every inch of her waiting body as hers had reached out to learn his muscular frame. “The Braille method” she had joked. In her mind, she relived those embraces, so gentle, so warm, so tingly. Again she could feel him turn her body about and hold her close in his arms against his fabulous body. The warm water was pounding on their heated bodies as they began to make love. Suddenly a burst of ice cold water had forced it’s way from the shower head. Inadvertently, Kathy had leaned against the hot water faucet and turned it off. She had screamed. Charles had just laughed as he reached back and turned off the offending spigot. Katherine smiled with the memory. After that, they had barely dried off when he had carried her to the bed where they continued with the passionate lovemaking. He had continued with his explorations of her body using his hands and his lips. Even the brush of the light stubble on his face drove her wild.
Kathy slowly turned on the colder water until it was bearable. “Ugh!” she gasped, the chill invading her body. Hopefully that would do it; take away some of the passion. How could anyone think of “that” when one was shivering with cold? In moments, she was towel dried, in the pink nightgown and warm again under the covers.
“Oh, Charles,” she whispered as tears fell down her cheeks. “Why did I have to lose you when you were the only man for me? Why did I have to spend most of my life just existing with the memories of a love like ours? So many little things remind me of you. Everything reminds me of you, a color, a song, certain foods, everything. What choice did I have but to leave you at that time? Did you ever forgive me? Did you forget me? I wish I could forget you and find some peace. That’s all I want right now, just some peace in my life. I’m so tired of the pain that the loss of you causes me.” Her eyes closed, leaving her mind open to dream of her lost love.
The next morning was bright, sunny, a perfect day and Kathy was determined to keep so busy she wouldn’t have a moment to recall her name, much less----what’s his name. Silly, she thought, as if anything could make her forget him, his name, his lips….”Stop, Kathy,” she commanded herself.
First, she would have to move on to the next section of her vacation, the Romance Room, room 150. It was just one level downstairs from where she was staying on the ornate terrace level. Perhaps she should have asked for different room for that which they had planned. After all, there were one hundred and nine rooms from which to choose, but she had cajoled Frank into giving in to this one whim, finally. Not only did she feel guilty at even the thought of making changes, but also the hotel was so well booked. Her reservations had been made over a year previously. Might as well make the room change before breakfast and avoid the crowded coffee shop. A quick walk down to the office, a simple exchange of keys and she was headed back to the new room, stopping only to exchange suitcases in the car. This new suitcase would have a fresh supply of clothing and travel size toiletries.
If possible, the Romance Room was more lavish than the previous room. The walls were painted in a soft blue while the antique desk, coffee table and end tables were done in a shade of blue gray. The lavender blue Fior de Pesco marble from Italy, long since mined out, was atop the coffee table and end tables. The carpet was more the shade of the marble while the very ornate settee was padded in light blue silk-like material. On the wall was a magnificent oil painting, which typified the California Sierra Mountains. The room was divided with the bedroom area in the upper split-level. Golden chandeliers in each section of the room glowed with imitation candles. There was an ornate golden-framed mirror in the bedroom.
Katherine wasted little time in settling in to this romantic setting. This time she didn’t want to dwell on the romantic feeling in the lavishly decorated room. Perhaps that was why she had him on her mind so much lately. Her own home was stark, simple according to Frank’s taste or lack of it. Since his death, she hadn’t wanted to make changes, although she did plan to do so when she returned. But these rooms; they were designed for romance.
She would have to do something else today to get her mind back on track. Call the girls, that was it. Talking to them would ground her, at least temporarily. She picked up the old fashioned looking phone and dialed Beth, hoping she would be home. After several rings, Kathy was about to put the phone down, when a sleepy voice answered.
“Hi, Beth, it’s mom.”
“Mom,” the voice came alive, “what’s wrong? Have you been in an accident? Are you okay?”
“Of course, I’m fine. No, no accident. I just wanted to talk to my girls and tell them what a wonderful time I am having and what a gorgeous place this is.”
“Oh, mom, you gave me such a scare.”
“I’m sorry. Did I wake you?”
“Mhmm, what time is it?”
“Nine thirty. Go back to sleep.”
“No, mom, I’m up
now. I was just working late on my book. You know that’s what I do when I can’t sleep. “
“Which is all too often. I worry about you.” Kathy sat down on the upholstered chair.
“Don’t worry. I am young and don’t need the sleep you older people do.” Katherine could almost see Beth’s charming smile.
“Forget it, you brat. I may be older, but I’m not old.”
“So what are you doing? Get any art work done yet?” Beth had always known how much her mother enjoyed painting, although she rarely took time even to sketch.
“I walked out along the ocean cliffs yesterday and did some sketching. It was gorgeous. The hotel is so beautiful and I am now in the “Romance Room”. It’s like going back in time. Even the television is hidden.”
“So what are your plans for today?” Kathy could tell Beth was just carrying on the conversation, probably anxious to get back to bed.
“I’m not sure. Perhaps Pismo Beach. I hear they have some great views from the pier.”
“Umm, that might be nice.” Kathy detected a tone in Beth’s voice. It was if she was trying to be polite, yet really had more important things to do than just chat with her mom about nothing. Oh, well, that was part of the empty nest. A caring mom would just wind it up and let her go. So she did, without enthusiasm. “Sounds like a really good idea. I’ll let you go and I am off to the beach.” Kathy tried to sound as if she had a big smile on her face. “Goodbye, baby. Oops, I mean Beth.” She knew her daughter had long ago started resenting being called baby.
She hung up. This time she wouldn’t disturb Jessica. It was probably too early for her as well and she really didn’t have anything to say. The mother in her didn’t want to sound like a young teen just home from school.
“Hi, whatcha doin?”
“Nothin. Whatcha doin?”
She had heard this kind of conversation for years when the girls were younger. No, she would get dressed and head, as Beth had suggested to Pismo Beach. There were supposed to be great shops along the beach and as the brochures had stated, a wonderful beach and view. She knew it was reasonably close to the spot where she had stopped off on her way to the Inn.
What to wear? It should be something bright and gay befitting a tourist. Not that anyone would care. Rummaging through her second suitcase, she found a chocolate brown pair of slacks. Not exactly bright, but it wouldn’t show any dirt or sand.
What color blouse; it was warm so she wouldn’t need any sweater. Coral, which would be bright enough. That was another gift from Jessica. Even though her father had been gone just over a year, Kathy was the only mother she had ever known. Jessica wanted her to stay away from those dreaded “old fashioned widow’s weeds.”
According to Jesey, her mom was much too young to dwell on being alone. “You were a great wife; you are a great mother and you deserve a new life. Go for it, mom.”
Kathy was sure she would never go on to start a new life. Many of her friends had been widowed or divorced. Most of them were comfortable without a man. They had good jobs, maintained nice homes, drove new cars, went out to meals with friends and just didn’t feel the need to go through a loss again. After she settled down more, Kathy felt she would probably feel the same way. Two losses in one life were enough.
A quick brush of her hair and she was off to the Blue Monster to take her to Pismo Beach. Kathy read that there were some shops at the mall down the street from the hotel, but she did want to see the ocean close up and preferred to go to touristy little shops that just might have the “something different”.
It was early enough to not be too crowded, although she had been warned that lunchtime would bring many to the restaurants there and late afternoon, it could be packed with tourists like her. Parking was no problem right next to the ocean in the rather large lot.
“Let’s see,” she said to herself, hoping no one would think her crazy. “Lunch first, ocean first or shopping? Well, I am close to the ocean, so that first.”
Katherine headed out on the long pier right off the parking lot. Camera in hand, she kept taking photos going out on the pier until she reached the end. Gorgeous blue skies, fluffy white clouds; they would be great for her portfolio of photos she could use when she began painting at home. For a few moments, she leaned on the railing admiring the action of the waves. What power! No wonder people enjoyed living by the ocean. Looking back to the beach, she noted how many people were walking along the shore on the sand. They too were enjoying this scene.
She held up the camera and again started taking as many pictures as she could, walking toward the beach. What a painting this would make. A view of the beach from way out here. It would take most people a few moments to figure out how it was painted if she didn’t show the pier. That would be clever, she thought to herself. Very clever. Before she returned to the Inn, she would have to stop at Shell Beach where she first stopped on her first day. That too would be startling views.
But first; Kathy laughed aloud. That was what she was always doing. The girls often kidded her about it. No matter what she had planned to do, there was always the “but firsts”. On her way to tidy up her bedroom, but first, she would stop and pick up the mail to go over. On her way out the door to run an errand, but first, she would come across something else that had to be done and even on the way to do that, she might run into another “but first.” How she did miss her girls laughing at and with her.
But first, Kathy thought with determination, I will do some shopping. If not for herself, at least for the girls. There was no way she could go off for her vacation without bringing back a bunch of souvenirs. Frank would never have allowed her to spend so frivolously, but Frank wasn’t here.
The first shop that caught her eye was a candy shop. She knew she shouldn’t indulge, but she was on vacation. Just a little piece of chocolate (for energy, she thought and smiled). Looking at the long counter, she actually gasped.
“Yuck,” she said to the salesgirl who was trying to hold back a laugh. “I don’t think I want one of those things.”
“A lot of people like them. Our teens delight in them and many people send them as gifts.”
“Gifts?” Kathy questioned staring at the rows of lollipops. There were lollipops of many different shades and colors, but that was where the sweet part ended. Each had a “thing” inside it. One set was full of bugs, all different kinds of bugs. Another group, labeled tequila flavored had ugly little worms in them.
“Don’t you have any edible candy here?”
“Certainly, mam,” the young lady was very polite and pointed toward the back of the shop. “In that back case there, we have some very good chocolates.”
The good stuff at the back of the store, Kathy questioned in her mind. And that, that stuff right as you walk in. It almost made her lose her appetite, but not quite. “I'll have that piece there,” she pointed. “They don’t have any ants or stuff in them, do they?’
“No, mam,” the girl reached for the good stuff. “I’ll be right with you,” she called out to two young people at the bug counter.
Carefully biting into her chocolate, Kathy went back out onto the street. How could people lick on those things? Perhaps it would be fun to get a few and give them to her girls. Maybe; she would give it some thought.
Another shop looked as if it were full of tourist stuff and things she might get the girls, other than bugs in lollipops. She knew the girls would not like her buying anything in clothing. As they put it, she had “wagon train days” styles. So many things from which to choose. She picked up a bathing suit wrap of a bright blue Hawaiian style. Now that would be perfect for both girls, each in different colors. Maybe she should indulge in a bathing suit for herself, but she hadn’t worn one for years. Terrible, she thought. No matter how much she loved swimming, she didn’t swim, so she would not have to be seen in a bathing suit. How foolish to have such vanity. It would be a waste. That would do for a start.
The next shop was a jeweler and whi
le Kathy didn’t feel she should spend that much on souvenirs, she was attracted to and did purchase two gold sand dollar necklaces that were on sale.
In spite of the chocolate (for energy), Kathy felt the need to have lunch. There were quite a few restaurants on the street, but the one that appealed to her was the one where they were bar b queuing right inside on the patio. The smell was mouth watering. She stepped in through the front door and upon request, was immediately led to the enclosed patio. Only an iron gate kept the public at a short distance. She ordered her usual diet drink along with the (she was sure) thousand calorie bar b que beef including the fries and cole slaw.
“I’m on vacation,” she whispered to herself. If she didn’t stop obsessing about everything she ate or wanted to eat, she would have a terrible time. And really, who would care?
A man and woman were walking by the grillwork gate. She was only briefly aware of them until again, she heard the few words in that voice. This had to stop. There was no way he would be anywhere near this place. And that was an older man with what seemed to be a very young woman, long blonde hair hung in a ponytail as they passed by. Kathy couldn’t see their faces, but it didn’t matter. It wasn’t him.
“Enough!” she ordered herself. I’m on vacation. There is no reason for me to keep thinking of someone I haven’t seen and will never see again.
It was all she could do to continue on with her delicious lunch as if she had nothing else on her mind. Time to get back to the hotel and get some rest. A good nights sleep and he would never again invade her mind. If only it were him and she could be in his fabulous arms instead of just on her mind.