“When we find my ‘twin’ and she’s your bad soulmate, I can’t promise you that I won’t be jealous – but that doesn’t mean that I have any doubt that you belong to me,” I said.
He smiled, bringing his dimples to life, then laughed under his breath. “There won’t be any need to get angry because hopefully she and Drake will be so consumed with one another that they’ll leave us alone,” Landen said, amused by his words.
I rolled on my back and stared at the ceiling. “You don’t think I’m wrong about the twin, do you? I mean, I had a twin then, Samylia, and she couldn’t stop the darkness.”
Landen pulled himself up on one arm and looked over me. “Let your thoughts rest. We have no way of knowing if it’s love of soulmates or the power that rests in your heart that makes the darkness tremble,” he said, smiling slightly.
“I’m going to ask him tomorrow. His memories must hold an image of her.”
His smile lessened, and he traced his fingers on my arm, trying to calm me. “I have the impression that his memories are only of the lives he had with you; he may not see her.”
“We can thank Alamos for that,” I said in a disgusted tone.
“Alamos only wanted to find a way to protect him,” Landen promised.
I turned on my side and pulled him closer to me. “I’m not sure I like you defending them,” I said in a teasing manner.
He laughed casusally at me as his hand moved across my back. “I will never lie to you. I’ll tell you what their intent is, what their emotion is; I only want you to be at peace with your emotions in return,” Landen said.
I heard the truth in his words and shifted my emotion to calming bliss. Smiling, he kissed my lips softly and gently reached his fingertips to my eyes to close them. We rose at the foot of bed, and for the first time in days we submitted to each other completely, taking in the healing power and blissful emotion.
Chapter Fourteen
We slept past dawn, which was unusual for us. When our hungry bodies woke us, Landen rolled to his side and let his fingers run across the base of my eye. “You look rested now,” he said, smiling.
I smiled, feeling better. It wasn’t until I thought about the day in front of me that my smile lessened.
“We don’t have to take Beth back; Marc will,” Landen said, judging my emotion.
“It’s our place to negotiate against war - not Marc’s,” I said.
Landen’s eyes grew serious. War was our conflict - not Venus. In the three days that we’d spent playing the devil’s games, the tension between Delen and the surrounding world had grown. My wish for that day was to find a balance, to be thankful for what I’d accomplished and understand that I couldn’t save them all at once. For my intent to come to life, I knew I’d have to have an alliance with Drake.
A smile came across Landen’s face. “Have you learned patience?” he asked, slightly amused.
“I’m trying...don’t get your hopes up,” I said, winking at him.
In the distance, I could sense Brady’s intent to come there, and I knew he was getting close. As he felt it, too, Landen’s eyes widened and he rushed out of the bed. “He’s coming to help me build a wall around that passage in the yard,” he said.
I kept forgetting about that passage; it was where we saw Evelyn for the first time, and it led to Drake’s doorstep. “No unwanted guests,” I said under my breath.
“I just want to be able to have a little more warning if someone does pass through it,” Landen said, pulling his clothes on and looking out the window. I rolled on my back and stared at the ceiling. Feeling Brady, my father, and Ashten coming with the intent to ‘help,’ I counted every emotion I could feel surrounding our home. I realized that Marc had brought Beth there and that they were all gathered at August’s house; I smiled as I felt their bliss.
When Landen was done dressing, he smiled down at me. ”Hungry?” he asked.
I was starving, but I wasn’t up for company; I wanted to ease into this long day. I turned my head from side to side. “I just want to lay here for a while,” I said.
Understanding, he leaned down and kissed me before he left. I listened as he let everyone in, and they gathered in the kitchen for breakfast. I couldn’t hear what they were saying, but from the fright I felt coming from Brady, Ashten, and my father, I imagined that Landen was telling them everything that we’d lived through over the past few days. When I felt them go outside, I pulled myself out of the bed and dressed for the day. My growling stomach wouldn’t give me time to make our bed.
I made myself a sandwich and watched as a stone wall in my side yard came to existence. It was going to be at least six feet high and two feet wide. I promised myself I’d plant a growing vine around it, or at least paint it. Paint...I hadn’t painted in almost two weeks. I knew it would make me feel better, help me sort through my emotions.
My studio was at the top of the stairs. I opened all the doors and let the light flood in, then sat down in front of a blank canvas and stared. The only image in my mind was the evil angel - and I had to get it out. I picked up my brush and began to paint more vigorously than I ever have in my life; I painted so quickly, I wasn’t even focusing on the image that was coming to life, just the utter details. Hours passed, and I painted on, determined to leave it all on the canvas, to get out what I was I trying to say, trying to think.
When I couldn’t find another detail that needed my attention, I stepped back, completely captured by what was in front of me. It was what I saw just before I took my life: images of me, Landen, and Drake - and the devil controlling us. As I stared, my mind replayed each second in vivid detail; the pain, the judgment - it was all so overwhelming.
I sensed that most of my family had gathered at my house, but I didn’t realize how close Olivia had gotten to me.
“Wow,” I heard her say.
I snapped out of my illusive stare and turned to smile at her. The pink in her Aura had faded, and I could tell that she hadn’t had any new dreams lately.
“It's one thing to dream it – but to know it really happened...that freaks me out a little,” Olivia said, stepping closer to the canvas.
I looked from her to the painting, then back at her, awestruck. “Your dream was that detailed?” I asked.
She tilted her head slightly. “Yeah...I mean, the only thing different is that I was focusing on the demon,” she said.
I looked at the canvas: the demon was in the center of the painting, and his wings stretched out to each side; they were the background.
“He is the focus,” I said in a stunned tone, thinking that Olivia’s eye for art was weaker than I’d given her credit for.
She pulled her eyebrows together. “Um...no...you - or who you were - is the focus,” she said, rather sure of herself. She walked closer to me and put her arm around me. “Take another look, Willow.”
I sighed, closed my eyes, then opened them again. The demon was the center of painting, and just before him I’d painted Landen and Drake. The sides of the painting, framing Landen and Drake, were the images of Alyianna and Jayda.
“The demon is the center,” I replied, not wanting to see that the largest images were Alyianna and Jayda.
“Half of your face is on each side of the painting. The demon is the last thing on your mind; Landen and Drake are the next largest images,” Olivia argued.
Aggravated, I pulled her hand and took her closer to the canvas. “Do you see the ash wings? They’re the entire background; you’re just focusing on its body,” I argued. I knew I’d spent more time painting the wings than anything else.
“No, I don’t see the wings because the artist doesn’t see the wings because she can’t get past a life she can’t remember,” Olivia said, looking me dead in the eye.
“What are you talking about?” I said, louder than I intended. “I am the artist,” I said, patting my chest.
“I know, so you should recognize your own mind,” she said, crossing her arms in front of her petite figure.
“You painted to get it out of your head; now you can see what’s causing you so much grief.”
“I didn’t need to paint to realize that I’d caused all of this - but thanks for pointing it out,” I said.
I started putting my brushes away, a little more aggressively than needed. I whipped the paint off my hands and threw the towel at the canvas, then slouched in my chair. Olivia carefully pulled the towel off the damp canvas, then dapped her fingers around the damage I had caused, trying to repair it.
“It's going in the trash; you’re wasting your time,” I said to her.
Olivia looked over her shoulder at me, cleaning her hands with my towel. “Not until you face it. When you do, I’ll personally burn it,” she said, stepping closer to me.
“What else do you want me to face? I’ve already stared the devil in the eyes,” I said.
I stared at her, watching her struggle with her intent, her emotions; she didn’t know if she should push me or give me the space the rest of my family had afforded me. I felt her sympathy, her anger, her fear. I sighed and furrowed my eyebrows.
“Just push me – and start with the emotion of anger; I’m in the mood for that,” I said shortly.
I knew that bluntly calling her out was irritating to her - and she had a right to be; as human beings, the only privacy we’re granted is our intent, our emotions. My insights allowed me to invade that privacy, though, to make my own judgment - even before the person had come to one.
“Fine then; get over yourself,” she said.
“What?” She was too blunt.
“Get over who you were - good or bad. Knowing you’ve lived before, conquered before, should make you stronger - not weaker,” she said.
“That’s not the issue; the issue is that somehow I’ve managed to become a target for the devil, that I’ve managed to entangle Landen and Drake in the same twisted fate - and no matter what I do, it’s not good enough...someone gets hurt.”
“I was under the impression that we were going to find your twin – the ‘good soul mate’ – and that that would solve the Drake issue,” she said, mocking her hands in quotation.
“That’s a broken heart; I’m talking about lost lives. Everything you went through, I went through; what I put Landen and Drake through will be pointless if Delen is overtaken by the rest of the dimension.”
“Finding Chrispin, finding Stella, you having Landen – that’s not pointless. Nothing you’ve done will be in vain,” she argued.
“That still leaves Drake’s broken heart,” I said shortly.
“See, you are the issue,” she argued.
“NO - Drake is,” I said as the frustration made itself known in my Aura.
“Drake is because you are. Before you knew you had past lives with him, he was nothing to you; but now – knowing – you blame who you were. You blame yourself, and that’s just stupid,” she said, enticed by my argument.
I looked at the painting, to my images framing it: Drake, who stood behind Jayda, and Landen, who stood behind Alyainna. Staring at the four of them, I didn’t see the demon; Olivia was right.
“How do I fix it?” I said, looking to the corner of my blank canvas.
Olivia stepped to her side to block my view. “In nineteen years, in this life as Willow Haywood, have you ever loved anyone beyond Landen?” she asked.
My eyes fell to the ground. Three days ago, I would have said no instantly - but knowing Drake, his perspective...I did have love for him...nothing that could compare to the way I loved Landen, but I did care about him, and I did want him to be happy.
Olivia stepped closer to me and raised my chin. Her eyes searched my face. “You know what kind of love I’m talking about,” she said quietly.
“What I feel for Landen can never be overshadowed,” I answered, avoiding her eyes.
Olivia held up one finger to signify that I was one, one with Landen.
I could hear the laughter of everyone outside; the wall was finished, and an aggressive game of football was underway. From my second story balcony, I could see Brady and Landen soaring through the air; all the privileges of controlling your energy were in full effect. Olivia debated taking me outside to show me why I should be happy, but her intent shifted as a new approach to deal with me came to her.
“You know, back home those girls we went to school with, they had boyfriend after boyfriend, but they managed to walk the halls, go to the same parties, and remain friends with them; surely there’s enough room in this universe for you and Drake,” Olivia said.
I found it odd that Olivia would point that out. We were never those girls; we never understood them. I’d always feel their infatuation, excitement, sense of love, and then heartbreak. I remember being thankful that I’d have my gift of emotion to rely on when I committed to someone.
“We’re not in high school anymore; my time with Drake was more intense than a few dates to the movies,” I argued.
“That’s my point: those girls could actually remember their relationships – but you can’t; you’re letting yourself mourn for a love you can’t even remember,” she said.
“He’s mourning,” I said quietly.
“You can’t feel him,” she argued carefully.
“I can see it, and it hurts me to know that I’m the cause of so much misery,” I said.
“Listen,” she said, taking a deep breath, “I feel sorry for him, too. I know it couldn’t have been easy being raised around someone like Donalt. I’m more than sure that he escaped through you – thinking of you. He’s in love with the idea of you; who you were then and who he imagines you to be today. His day will come; he’ll find the right girl. You can’t wait for that day to forgive yourself...it’s a distraction that will only hurt you.”
I grinded my teeth, taking in her words. My eyes moved back to the canvas, and I noticed that the images I’d painted seemed to reflect the truth in Olivia’s words: Aliyanna’s eyes were happy and blissful, and Jayda’s were sorrowful. I let out a deep breath, then looked to Olivia. “I understand. I’ll work through this, but you have to understand that it’s not a switch I can turn off. I have to see beyond what’s in front of me, and I know that I’ve barely scratched the surface of what this soul has seen. The darkness is my focus...I promise,” I said.
“You know, I admire you more every single day,” Olivia said, smiling.
“Don’t,” I said, shaking my head from side to side.
I felt Clarissa, Felicity, and Stella making their way up the stairs; all of them had the intent of helping Olivia reach me, to pull me out of my self-destruction. I let out a breath.
“Backup is coming,” I mocked, tilting my head to the doorway.
Felicity came in first; her eyes were drawn to the portrait, and she was full of every emotion imaginable. Clarissa and Stella then came to my side, and I opened my arms and hugged Stella. I felt so bad for her; I’d thought I was saving her from some dark place, but the truth was she was still there - now forced to carry the stress I’d brought to my family.
As Felicity stepped closer to the painting, I followed her eyes; they were staring at the image of Drake. “I didn’t realize how attractive he is,” she said, almost to herself.
Stella blushed slightly as she let me go. I felt the resentment rise in Clarissa; she was a traveler, and she’d seen him at a distance on more than one occasion.
“Olivia has done a good job of giving me a reality check. I’m afraid your work is done,” I said, standing and stretching my back.
Felicity turned to look at me. “Then why do you still look horrible?” she asked, amused by her words.
“Thanks,” I said, looking to the balcony. Landen and Brady had collided in mid-air, and laughter erupted from the ground below. I smiled slightly, glad that Landen was so relaxed.
I felt the tension rise in the room; none of them knew how to handle the mood I was in now. Felicity turned and walked to me. “Willow, every woman has her doubts from time to time; this is normal,” she said in a
sympathetic tone.
I looked at her like she was crazy. The others had surrounded me, and all of them felt so concerned. “Doubts about what?” I asked, trying to read them all at once.
“Listen,” Clarissa said, putting her hand on my shoulder. “It’s harder for you because Landen can feel you. The rest of us can struggle with our emotions in private, but you’re forced to unveil yours to him.”
“I don’t hide anything from Landen,” I said as clearly as I could.
“You’ve never pushed an emotion away because you didn’t want him to know you had it?” Clarissa asked, raising one eyebrow.