His eyes shot to mine, and the intensity behind them took my breath away. “Death is not my wish,” he said calmly.
“Then tell me why you didn’t tell me you were Oba?”
He walked past me and paced in front of the elegant bed.
“Why didn’t you just tell me?” I asked again.
“I didn’t know until it was almost over,” he answered in a frustrated tone.
“You knew in enough time to put your mother to sleep...you watched me suffer with the idea...you felt my grief,” I argued.
“What did you want me to tell you – that I’d seen you hold a diamond blade against your chest more times than I care to recall?”
“You knew it wasn’t you that had to die – why would you make me suffer like that?”
“I didn’t know. The scroll, Alamos, Perodine...they all said it would move through the blood of Jayda.”
I stepped closer to him and pointed my finger at his chest. “My children stayed with my sister, and I raised yours. You knew that; you knew the descendants never moved - only the sisters.”
He held my hand against his chest, and my breath became measured as I felt his addictive sensation. I glared up into his dark eyes, which were shadowed by dark circles.
“You want to know what I remember?” he asked. I nodded. “I remember an old man looking into a small pool of water. He told us that evil would consume Jayda and subdue the power; you were Jayda, I was the power. You were determined to take your life to protect mine - to protect our world. You demanded that every diamond be shaped into a blade. Frankly, I’m surprised that every table in Analess doesn’t have one.” He ran his fingers through his hair and sighed. “The worst part is, every time a shadow would cross our path, you’d raise a blade to your chest.” His eyes began to glisten. I knew he was holding back tears. “We lived in terror – terror that we’d be taken from one another,” he said in a voice just above a whisper. “I admit I was relieved to hear that in this life I was the blood of Jayda and you were the power...I wouldn’t have to watch you end your life.”
“You could have told us the children were never moved,” I said, wanting to be angry with him but finding it harder by the moment.
“How was I to know that our children never told their children? We didn’t hide it from them; they knew our family was divided,” he said.
“You had to have known,” I retorted.
“This may be hard for someone like you to understand,” he said slowly.
I stepped back, offended. I felt like he was talking down to me.
He stepped forward and put his hands on my shoulders. “Listen to me before you lose your temper. This is hard for you to understand because you don’t dream like the rest of us. Dreams aren’t lucid; they shift forward, backward, side to side. Sometimes you live them, sometimes you observe them, and you can have hundreds in one night. You’re asking me to put all my dreams in order; you think that they’re clear to me? That I can recall them without any uncertainty? I’m only nineteen; it would be impossible for me to have lived all those lives in detail.”
He was right: I didn’t know how to dream like the rest of the world. The only dreams I remember having in my entire life were the ones I had inside Evelyn’s body - and they were out of control.
“They have to be clear enough for you to believe them soundly,” I said, staring back at him.
“You’re clear; you...are...always...clear,” he said as he let his hands fall from my shoulders. “Do you want to know how I reason that this hell is reality?” he asked.
I stared back at him. He let his fingers run through the energy that was surrounding me. “Because in this life your energy, your power, is stronger than ever before - leaving me no choice but to believe that the worlds I go to in my dreams are in a distant past,” he said.
“Was Landen in that life? Did I leave him for you? Do you remember?” I asked with pleading eyes. He stared back at me and turned his head slowly from side to side. “There was another man. I had children,” I argued.
“It was Dane,” Drake said as he tightened his jaw.
“What?!”
“Why do you think I can’t stand the sight of him near you? He was the one that refused to let your children come and live with us. You cried endlessly over them, and there was nothing I could do to help you.”
“Dane?” I said making a face. I loved Dane, but not in that way.
“He’s been in several of our lives,” Drake said.
“He’s a good guy,” I said - even though Dane’s behavior that day had been a bit off.
“He’s never wanted me to be with you - that’s for sure,” Drake answered.
“Have you ever seen Landen in your dreams?” I asked.
“Never,” Drake said in a serious tone. “There’s never been a doubt that you belonged to me,” he finished.
“You have doubt now,” I said, staring back at him.
Drake pointed in the direction of the study. “I can see how much he loves you,” he said. “It wasn’t clear to me until the demon stood between us.” He reached for my chest and let his hand rest where my wound was. “When you did this, I wasn’t strong enough to hold the darkness in myself so he could help you. He saw that and held it in himself so at least one of us could go to you. ”
Tears surfaced as I heard his words. “His love was strong enough to hold the demon inside of himself and strong enough to push him out – and after all that, he found the strength to heal you. He puts himself before the rest of the world. I have no choice but to respect him.”
“There’s someone that can love you the way he loves me,” I said, prepared to argue with him.
He let himself fall on the edge of the bed and buried his hands in his face. I knelt down before him. “I just want to help. For all we know, we may need her to beat this demon,” I whispered.
He looked up from his hands into my eyes; his stare reached somewhere inside my soul and pulled at me. He reached for my face and gently cradled me with his mesmerizing touch. “You are the only thing keeping me sane. You’re the only thing that’s real to me,” he said, leaning his forehead to mine.
“You deserve to be one with someone in this life, to feel the energy in reality. I can’t do that for you.”
He leaned back slightly so he could stare into my eyes. “You don’t believe you’ve ever completed me?” he whispered.
I let my eyes tell him no.
“Hold still,” he whispered, holding my stare.
I held my breath, afraid something was wrong. He closed his eyes, and in that second I felt his energy move inside of me. I gasped, closing my eyes as I took it in. I felt so warm, I was cold; every part of me hummed. It was powerful, addictive, blissful, and beautiful; my head started to spin, and my mind went blank – then all at once, the sensation was gone. I opened my eyes to see him staring back at me. The dark circles under his eyes had vanished.
“Do you believe me now?” he asked as his thumb traced the bottom of my eye.
I fell back on my knees and let my head fall, trying to catch my breath and make the room stand still. I felt his lips on the top of my head; his mesmerizing touch coursed through me. I looked up, hiding behind the glass of tears that wanted to fall.
“That wasn’t the same; that’s not how Landen and I join,” I said, trying to comprehend him.
“I’m not Landen,” he whispered, running his hands through my hair.
“I can’t love you the way you need me to.”
“The impasse remains,” he said, kissing my forehead before he stood.
“We should just run...all of us,” I said, almost to myself.
“I told you I’m not going to betray them,” Drake said, extending his hand to help me up.
I took his hand and slowly stood, finding it difficult to balance after his rush of energy. He smiled and let his hands rest on my hips, trying to help me; I gently slid them off.
“I don’t think you’re making it any better,” I sai
d under my breath.
He sighed, and his grin grew wider. I stepped closer to the bed and sat down carefully, then laid back and closed my eyes. I was so dizzy, the room was spinning out of control. A moment later, I felt him sit down next to me.
“Are you OK?” he asked.
I opened my eyes to see him looking carefully over me. I turned my head from side to side. “I don’t want you to die,” I whispered.
“Tell me what to do, Love. My purpose in this life - in every life - is you.”
I stared at him. An impasse; that’s what we were all living in. It was as if the devil had trapped us in a web of emotions that can’t be explained. There had to be a way; there’s always a way when you have the best intentions. The people in the city, their smiles, danced in my mind. The darkness of the world beyond the wall terrified me. I felt like I was trying to redeem hell itself; without the light Delen gave the dimension, it could very well be mistaken as such a place. I pondered if there were a way to give the darkness a home and take the light to a new one.
“Do you think I could find a dimension that could hold the number of people that live in Delen?” I asked, pulling myself up.
His eyes questioned my words.
“I meant it. We should all run, all of us - and the entire city of Delen,” I said.
He looked at me like I was insane. “Do you wish to leave all those who are struggling to get into this city to suffer? Save some, and betray most?” he asked.
“I’m only trying to solve what’s in front of me now; I’ll find a way to save the rest of the dimension,” I said, growing more confident with my idea.
“I don’t know of any dimension that would be large enough to take on such a mass of people, or even a place that wouldn’t terrify them; this dimension is light years behind others,” he said.
“We could save some,” I said.
“And how would you choose? Women and children? Leave their fathers and husbands behind? That’s not the answer. This is their home, and you’re teaching them to run from their fears - not face them.”
“Drake, some is better than none. They’re going to charge the wall; even if you managed to hold them back, the people who try to cross it will be executed.”
His eyes left mine and shifted from side to side. He then stood and began to pace in front of the bed, ultimately stopping and smiling down at me.
“They’ll be executed by me,” he said in an excited tone.
“Are you insane?” I said, standing - full of rage.
His hands gripped my shoulders, and his sensation swarmed through me. “Listen,” he said, capturing my eyes. “I’ll tell the court that I will personally execute anyone who strays from the life Donalt created for us, that their bodies must be banished from the world – into the string. You can find them there, then take them to Delen or wherever you wish; in the mind of the dark side of the dimension, though, they will be executed.”
“What about Delen? The war?” I asked, feeling empowered by his excitement.
“If I’m executing mass numbers of people, the court will no longer think that I’m weak. I’ll tell them that Delen wants us to attack them; they know that if we cross the wall, we’ll be demented as well. I can even order a five-hundred-mile radius around the city, claiming the ground the crops grow in is demented,” he said.
“Is that enough room?” I asked, trying to imagine the distance.
He raised his eyebrows, and his grin widened. “That’ll depend on how many people I’m forced to execute. It will buy us time - time we didn’t have when we walked into this room.”
“Will they believe you?”
He let his smile leave, then his eyes turned dark and his jaw locked. “I can be scary if I need to be,” he said, letting his smile return.
A smile spread across my face. His eyes softened, and he tilted his head.
“What?” I asked.
“You’ve never smiled at me in this life before.”
My smile grew wider, and I felt my cheeks blush. “It’s hard to find a reason to smile sometimes,” I said, looking away from him.
“Will you smile when I lead the executed into the string?” he asked. My smile grew wider. “Well then, I suppose I’m going to have to execute not only those who try to pass the wall - but all who show a desire to know you as well,” he said.
I reached my arms around his shoulders and hugged him as tightly as I could. I felt an overwhelming joy come through me, and I let that emotion flow through my touch. “I can feel you,” he whispered. “I want to make you feel like this all the time.”
I let my arms slowly fall from around his neck; I was afraid I was giving him false hope.
His eyes danced across my face, and his smile remained. “We should tell the others; I’m interested to see what Alamos thinks about our resolution,” Drake said. He then took my hand and led me back to the others, back to Landen.
Chapter Eighteen
The closer we got to the study, the more intensely I could feel the emotions of the room; with the exception of August, Chrispin, and Olivia, my family was angry with me and Landen. The doorway to the study was in sight, and I saw Landen appear in the threshold and begin to walk in our direction. I looked up at Drake and saw that he was looking down at me. I let a small smile come across my face; when he saw it, he grinned and a sparkle came to his dark eyes. We stopped and waited for Landen to reach us. When he did, he reached his hand out for me to come to his side. I stepped forward and wrapped my arm around him; when he felt my peace, a relieved smile brought his dimples to life.
“You both look better,” Landen said, looking from me to Drake.
Drake nodded. “I think we have a solution that will buy us some time.”
“He wants to talk to me alone,” Landen thought.
I nodded and looked back at Drake, then up at Landen before I walked past them. I was feverish about stepping into the swarm of emotions that were stirring in the study, and I walked as slowly as I could, hoping that Landen and Drake’s discussion wouldn’t be long. When I reached the threshold, I found the entire room staring at me. Dane walked to my side, then reached down, grabbed my legs and threw me over his shoulders.
“This is for your own good,” he said, turning to go to the opposite doorway. Chrispin and Brady moved to block him, but Clarissa pushed against Brady.
“You two are out of control,” Brady said, pulling Clarissa’s arms away from him and reaching for me. “If Landen sees this, the two of you will be on the other side of the universe with one push of his anger.”
I felt Landen rushing in my direction as arguments erupted all around me. I closed my eyes and focused on my energy, making it as solid as I could as I flung myself out of Dane’s arms and suspended myself in mid-air - just out of reach of his powerful long arms.
“If I were you, I’d back away; she’s barely using the power her energy has,” Alamos said. I looked at him to see an intriguing smile across his aged face.
Marc pushed Dane back, and Clarissa glared up at me. Olivia shook her head with disgust; she felt for them. Perodine nodded for me to come down, and I slowly lowered myself. She then walked cautiously to where I landed. Her green eyes sparkled, and anticipation consumed her.
August walked to my side, guarding Dane and Clarissa’s sight from me. He then held his hand up, telling Chrispin to remain calm. As I felt Landen just feet away, I let my shield of energy fall.
“I can see the resolve in your expression; what did you decide?” Perodine asked.
My eyes looked to the table where Alamos was standing. “Drake will prove to the court that he’s not weak by executing those who chose to know me,” I said, feeling the horrified gaze of my family. “By ‘executing,’ I mean he’ll push them into the string, and Landen and I will retrieve them.”
“Absolute genius,” August said under his breath.
Alamos looked past me, and I followed his eyes to see Drake and Landen standing just inside the doorway. Rage was in Drake’
s eyes; meanwhile, a disbelieving anger was consuming Landen as he stared at his sister, Clarissa.
“And where do you intend on taking them? Into a city that will be overcome by war?” Alamos said, clearly not fond of our solution.