“No,” I said. “Let’s stay here.”
“I have to check on Stormy.”
“But I can stay here while you do that. Or I can come with you.”
Alexander wouldn’t be swayed and wasn’t giving in to me, just like he hadn’t given in to his sister. He was ready for the evening to end. He began walking toward the front of the Mansion.
It broke my heart to see him mad at me. We rarely fought. I thought I’d rather not become a vampire than have him angry with me. I didn’t want to lose him altogether.
“Wait, Alexander....”
He headed for the Mercedes parked out front, and I had to run to catch up to his quick pace.
He opened the car door for me but didn’t wait until I got in before he went to the driver’s side.
“I didn’t mean to make you mad,” I said, scooting in and closing the door.
“I’m not mad,” he said. But clearly he was.
He turned on the engine and headed down the driveway.
I placed my hand on his shoulder, but he didn’t cave in. His mood was like a jagged icicle thrust through my heart.
“You know how I feel about you,” I said. “I just want to be like you, that’s all. I should be able to tell you.”
Alexander didn’t handle his feelings like Becky and I did. Our every thought and mood flowed like Niagara Falls from our lips. Alexander kept his feelings to himself, and it pained me in ways that I couldn’t express to see him shutting off from me.
I was angry with myself that I’d spoiled the evening, and with him, too, that he’d taken what I’d said the wrong way.
“I don’t want to go home like this,” I said when he pulled up in front of my house.
Alexander was too much of a gentleman to let me walk to the door alone. He came around and opened my door. When I didn’t budge from my seat, he glared at me as if he would carry me out.
I exited the car and tried to hide the tear that began to trickle down my cheek as he headed for my door.
“You know I love you—even if I never become a vampire,” I said to him when we reached the stoop.
His dark eyes softened as if he felt all the emotion behind my genuine words.
I was hoping for a good-night kiss or anything to show me that our misunderstanding was over. But he headed back down the drive instead.
I sat on the stoop. “I’m not going inside until you make up with me!” I called to him.
But this time my stubbornness didn’t deter him.
He got into the Mercedes and drove down the street while my tears flowed.
I was devastated. What had just happened? Alexander and I were having the dreamiest night together, and I spoiled it by insisting again that he turn me. This time I’d pushed Alexander too far. He was more practical than I was, and that was one of the reasons I was so drawn to him.
I wanted to become a vampire. But I wanted it under the best of terms. Love, passion, and a visceral, physical, and spiritual need for each other. I didn’t want to be matched up with someone like he’d been with Luna—or tricked like Sebastian almost was. And I didn’t want the business transaction that Jagger had offered me. I wanted my becoming a vampire to have been thought through, carefully considered with both of our minds, hearts, and souls. If Alexander was impulsive and irrational like I was, then he would be a completely different guy—a different kind of person and vampire. And ultimately, that was not what I wanted. I thought about if I’d met Jagger instead of Alexander—who knows how I’d feel about being a vampire now? My life and eternity would be about tricks, menacing, and deceit. And if I’d been turned by Sebastian, it would have been about living eternity on a whim, noton own the putting down roots but continually moving whenever he felt the need. We’d be slackers, running around from place to place without purpose. And though that seemed like it could be a lot of fun, I was more driven and motivated. I knew what I wanted out of life and out of eternity, and I wanted to share that with someone who knew what they wanted, too. Alexa
nder had his passion in all the right places: his art, his family, me. And not only was he smoldering hot, he was just as attractive on the inside. He cared about me, his friends, and our families, and put our needs before his own. If not, wouldn’t he be the kind of vampire who hunted girls and preyed on their flesh? Not the romantic, artistic type I found irresistible.
And asking someone to physically turn me into something that I wasn’t born being wasn’t to be taken lightly. If I’d been the one who had to turn Alexander into a mortal, become someone different from his own family, it would be a huge burden to me. I would do anything to make him happy, like he wanted to do for me, but I understood that it was a difficult decision to make. And if he’d felt any other way about turning me, with all its thrills and complications, then he wouldn’t be my Alexander Sterling.
I realized that not having Alexander at all was far worse than my not becoming a vampire. If I had to live by his side just as I was, that was good enough for me. Any life with Alexander was better than a life without him.
19 Stormy Nights
The next evening Becky found me in the family room, A still in my pajamas, staring at a fiercely fanged and red-eyed Kiefer Sutherland on the TV with a box of tissues in my lap and clutching my eternity ring.
“She hasn’t been out all day,” my dad said to her. “She won’t say what’s wrong, but I have a feeling it has to do with Alexander.”
“What happened?” Becky asked, sitting on the couch with me.
“Alexander hates me,” I whimpered.
“He does not.”
“We got into a fight.”
“You two?” she asked, surprised. “I can’t believe it. You never fight.”
When I noticed my dad was out of the room, I leaned in to Becky.
“I wanted to see if he’d turn me—” I whispered. “And I pushed him too far.”
“Did you make him bite you?” she asked, seriously scared.
“No. But I asked him when he would. And I pressed him too hard.”
“Alexander doesnv> < Seba hit seem the type to get mad.”
“He does get angry—but mostly at the Maxwells. Not usually at me.”
“Well, maybe he was having a bad day—or night,” she corrected.
“I don’t know. I get so impatient. Having Stormy here has been so cool. I see her life like what it would have been for me if I were born a vampire. And with every passing day, I feel like I’m missing out on being that person. Only when we had this fight, I realized … this is who I am. I am a mortal dating a vampire. And if that is all I ever am, then I am still truly blessed. I want Alexander more than I want to be a vampire.”
“Does he know that?” she asked.
“Why wouldn’t he?”
“He’s only human…” Becky began. “I mean, I guess he’s not.”
We both laughed, though mine was through my pain.
“It has to be so hard to be a vampire,” Becky continued. “Now that I know the truth about Alexander, it really got me thinking lately. To be goth is hard enough. But imagine being a vampire. It doesn’t matter where you are—you can’t really be yourself.”
“That’s what Alexander says.”
“He should know,” she said gently. “He’s only protecting you, Raven. I would hope if Matt were in that position, he would want to protect me, too.”
“Shouldn’t Alexander be happy that I want to make the change with him?”
“I can’t imagine asking Matt to change me into something I’m not. Anyway, out of all people, I thought you’d want to be yourself.”
“But you know I’ve always wanted to be a vampire. Wouldn’t you want to change into something you’ve always wanted to become?”
“Yes.”
“I thought I could talk about this with him.”
“Maybe when you are together, he doesn’t want to talk,” she said coyly. “Maybe he wants to turn you but wishes he didn’t. And when you bring it up it only r
eminds him of the huge decision he will have to make someday.”
“I don’t want it if it’s not with Alexander. Now I blew it. We can’t break up.” I wiped away a fresh round of tears. “I’ve lost everything!”
“It’s okay,” Becky tried to comfort me. “You aren’t broken up.”
“I don’t know. He was really hurt.”
“Let’s go to his house. You can talk again, tell him how you feel. I’m sure this will all blow over in a heartbeat.”
Becky helped me get myself together and handed me an outfit to wear. We got into her truck, and it felt like an eternity before we pulled up to the Mansion. I imagined our conversation. I’d tell Alexander I was sorry, and he’d refuse to see me anymore or agree that it was a big mistake. I was hoping for the latter. Becky waited in her truck while I jumped out, raced up the Mansion stairs, and pounded on the serpent knocker. The ring Alexander had given me shined in the streetlight. I’d been so foolish to question him. He was a vampire and he needed me way more than I gave him credit for, and, as usual, I had made everything about myself. Now I was tortured, too, for my foolishness.
Jameson finally came to the door.
“Is Alexander home?”
“No, Miss Raven, he went out a few minutes ago.”
“Did he say where he was going?”
“No, but he did look like he was in a hurry.”
“Who’s there?” I heard Stormy ask.
“It’s Miss Raven.” He opened the door wide enough for me to see Stormy at the bottom of the staircase. My makeup and charcoal eyeliner couldn’t hide that I’d been crying.
“What’s wrong?” Stormy asked. She pulled me inside.
“Oh, nothing.” I tried to be strong. “Do you know where Alexander is?”
“No. He was in his room all night and wouldn’t talk. Did something happen?”
“We got into a small fight.”
She took me by the hand and led me into the parlor room. “Sit down,” she said like a lady.
I sat down feeling awful. I didn’t have control over Alexander and how he felt about me—whether I’d really pushed him too far or he just needed time to cool off. The pain of our separation was killing me.
“What happened?” she asked.
I wasn’t sure what to say to his sister. She could change her mind about me and tell Alexander how he was more meant for Luna than he was for me. But I’d gotten to know Stormy so well that I really thought we’d bonded. And I was so distraught, I needed to talk to someone, and there weren’t many people in tny n’his town who I could talk to about the subject of vampire bites.
“I asked him about turning me,” I said. “And I think I pushed him too far.”
“You should be able to talk to him about anything.”
“I thought so, too. But you know Alexander. He likes to be calm and rational. And I get impulsive, moody, and emotional.”
“I do, too,” she said.
She put her arm around me. “You have to know. It’s because of you that Alexander didn’t go back to Romania. It wasn’t because he was mad at me because I told my parents where he was the night of the covenant ceremony. He stayed because he didn’t want to leave you.”
I was comforted by Stormy’s kind words. “Thank you,” I said. “But I think I blew it, though. I’m going to have him running home now.”
“He’s not like that. He gets angry and broods. He’s a guy, after all.”
“Where could he have gone?” I asked.
“Maybe Sebastian knows.” She hopped off the chair. “We’ll have to find out.”
I gave Stormy a big hug. “Thank you,” I said. “You really are a great friend.”
She appeared truly pleased by my compliment and grabbed my hand as we headed down the staircase and out the front door.
Stormy got into Becky’s truck with me, and we headed to Sebastian’s apartment. I hadn’t been to it before but I knew where it was.
Sebastian lived in a four-family unit in downtown Dullsville next to the Sugar and Spice restaurant.
The Mustang was there—but not the Mercedes. It wasn’t a good sign.
I rang the bell a million times.
“Hey, dude, lay off the bell,” we heard him say into the intercom.
“It’s Raven. Is Alexander with you?”
“No.”
“Can we come up?”
“We? Uh… Sure.”
The three of us tromped up the steps to Sebastian’s door.
y">“Hey, ladies. What’s up?” Sebastian was standing in his jeans and with his hair damp as if he’d just showered.
“Have you seen Alexander?” I asked.
“No. What’s up?”
“We were just looking for him,” Stormy said. “Jameson said he went out, but we don’t know where.”
“Are you okay?” he asked me. My eyes were still puffy; I felt like “crybaby” was written all over my face.
“Yes.”
“They got in a fight,” Stormy blurted out. “And when I find him I’m going to read him the riot act.”
“You do that,” Sebastian said with a chuckle.
“Maybe he went to the Crypt. I was supposed to meet him there later tonight.”
I sighed. Maybe Alexander was there. I wasn’t looking forward to trying to reconcile in front of all the vampires of Dullsville, but I didn’t have a choice. I wanted to make up regardless of how or where it happened.
“Off to the Crypt,” Stormy said.
“Hey, wait up for me,” Sebastian said, putting on a T-shirt and boots. “I don’t want to miss a thing.”
Becky drove us to the Crypt, with Sebastian following closely behind.
When we arrived, I was anxious to find Alexander. We saw Onyx and Scarlet talking by the coffins.
“Is Alexander here?” Sebastian asked.
“We haven’t seen him,” Onyx said.
“We have to find him,” Stormy explained. “It’s very urgent.”
“What’s up?” Scarlet asked.
“I just need to read him the riot act,” she said.
The girls laughed.
“He might be here somewhere,” I suggested.
“I’m going to hang here, dudes,” Sebastian said. He sidled up to Onyx, who appeared glad to see him. “I’ll give you a buzz if he shows up.”
Becky, Stormy, and I headed into the Crypt, where we ran intore fy"> a younger clubster—Valentine. I wasn’t sure if Stormy knew about Valentine and Billy’s confrontation at our house. And I wasn’t going to tell her about it now.
“Hey, Stormy!” Valentine said.
“Hi, Valentine. Have you seen Alexander?”
“No. Uh … did Billy come with you guys?” he asked.
“No,” she said. “We came to find Alexander.”
“Great! While you’re waiting for him to show, we can hang out.”
“Uh, I really need to find him,” she said.
“You have all night. We can hang out together. Want a drink?”
“I’m not thirsty.” She was distracted, scanning the crowd for her brother.
“Well, I am,” he teased. “And it’s not for anything served at the bar.”
It was odd to see Valentine flirt with Stormy.
“I’ll go and look for him and catch up to you in a few,” Becky said.
“Thank you,” I mouthed to her. I, too, was scanning the crowd for Alexander, and I wasn’t about to leave Stormy by herself in the club.
“Why don’t we dance?” Valentine asked Stormy.
“Maybe we can later,” she answered.
Valentine appeared disappointed, but that didn’t stop him from trying other tactics. “Do you want to play pinball? My brother just got a cool machine in today.”
“Not now,” Stormy said. “We’re on a mission.”
“I’m glad it’ll just be us hanging out from now on,” he whispered to her.
“What do you mean?”
“Billy and Henry—” I overheard him sa
y.
“What about them?”
“They’re old news.”
“What do you mean?”
“Ah, we don’t really mix well together. After that night at Henry’s. They could have really hurt us.”
“But they didn’t.”
“Well, next time we might not be so lucky. Our kind needs to stick together.”
“No, we don’t. In fact, we need to branch out. And that’s just what I am doing.”
“Are you going to tell him what you really are?” he asked.
“No.”
“What if he finds out?” he continued to whisper. “Raven knows. You think he wants to be one of us?”
“I don’t know.”
“Of course you do. And how do you think he’ll respond to taking a vampire to a dance?”
“Is that what this is about? My going to the dance with Billy?”
Valentine did appear hurt when Stormy reiterated that she had gone with my brother to the fall dance. “When he finds out about you, how do you think he’ll really respond, Stormy?”
“He won’t find out!” Stormy said.
“You have to be friends with our kind,” he insisted.
She looked at me. “Raven isn’t a vampire,” she said. “And she’s dating one. Plus her friends are vampires. I want to be like Raven. I am a vampire and have mortal friends.”
She shot me a triumphant smile; I was so pleased to know that Stormy admired me in any way.
“Besides,” she said strongly to Valentine, “you can’t tell me who I can or can’t be friends with. And if that’s the way you’re going to be—then you aren’t a true friend.”
She grabbed my arm. “We have to go find Alexander,” she said, and led me through a group of dancers.
Just then Stormy spotted Luna standing by the bar.
“I need to talk to her,” she said, storming over. I followed close behind.
“Hi, Stormy Girl!” Luna squealed when she noticed the young Sterling. She opened her arms for a warm embrace but Stormy faced her with her hands on her hips.
“I thought you were my friend,” she charged.
“I am.” Luna was overly sincere.
“But why did Jagger lure Raven onto the altar?” Stormy argued.
Luna laughed as if the event were as mundane as getting pizza. “You know my brother.”