CHAPTER THIRTEEN
"The human race's prospects of survival were considerably better when we were defenceless against tigers than they are today when we have become defenceless against ourselves." - Arnold Toynbee
Never having been face-to-face with such a vision of non-Cyber-generated loveliness, a person so different from himself, Harry was confused. These feelings of longing and sexual desire were new to him. He knew Makr, too, had problems identifying the "physical chemistry" that led Bios to sexual arousal--the unexplainable giddiness at the sight, sound and touch of another human being. Makr was forever asking Harry why Bios became attached to another Bio and what drew them to each other.
Harry was experiencing all of the above for the first time in his life. Somehow it was different than the dating centers, where you were matched and authorized a date. He could tell Makr what it felt like now but not why he felt the way he did. This is better than pheromones, he thought, and recalled his experience with the cyberbiotherapist program and the subliminally suggested effects of pheromones.
In all of it, in explaining Bio behavior to Makr and in learning about himself, he had the feeling he had been tackling something far bigger than one Bio could hope to do by himself; he had tried to make his complicated reality simple when it was really simply complicated—as all behavior is.
"Have you been doing this long?" Harry mumbled shyly, still not used to engaging in conversations with unmatched strangers—rebels or otherwise.
"Almost a year." Desiree was amused at Harry's awkward attempt at making conversation, and remarked, “You know, Harry. It takes great courage to walk away from convention. I know that talking to strangers is difficult at first, but you will become more comfortable the more you do it."
"You mean there will be others where we're going?"
Desiree laughed heartily. "It's a party, Harry, and parties have to have people or they aren't parties."
Harry is very nervous now. Odd, he asked so many questions and offered opinions on how everyone should work together. He seemed okay with me at first, even somewhat comfortable, but when the prospect of being face-to-face with so many strangers, he's afraid, almost panicked by the thought of it. He isn't ready for that experience. This is not a good thing.
Meanwhile Harry was comparing his own idea of what a party is and what this party may be in reality. A meeting of rebels, dissenters at best. Criminals nonetheless. Bio parties of any kind are a big deal Inside. With a multitude of intricate details and levels of contact probabilities, parties took days or weeks for the Makr to arrange and approve. Each guest had to be matched to every other guest—and that took huge amounts of Cyber memory and time. The party companions had to be compatible in every way.
Harry's agitation showed as his eyes darted about and he seemed visibly shaken.
"Of course, there'll be others, Silly," she said. "Did you think I dragged you out of Cyber Match Central to be alone with you like a 'match'?"
"No," Harry lied. Still drawn to Desiree physically, he was not even sure if he was disappointed. There are bigger things, he admitted to himself. "I came of my own free will," he said, his voice quivering. He wasn't sure why, but he wanted to understand this Outside world—as risky as that may be.
She started to say, "Since when did free will exist Inside?" but thought better of it. Instead she smiled that mischievous one-dimpled smile of hers.
"Yes, I know," she said reassuringly, and gently took his hand in hers to continue their journey. Harry flinched and stiffened a bit as her hot, moist skin touched his, but seconds later settled down and allowed her to lead him.
Her touch made his whole body warm and tingly for a few wonderful seconds. Walking along, he soon became desensitized to the touch of a stranger—this rebel stranger. In the time it took to meander their way surreptitiously to the meeting place, he had begun to enjoy the experience as they walked along.
Desiree's experience was fraught with misgivings. Although she liked Harry, she couldn’t help raising an eyebrow and rolling her eyes at the thought that he could become their fearless leader, their messiah. He's nice enough, but odd. Very odd. Does he know he is not the stranger here? Doubtful. It appears we know more about him than he knows himself? Not good.
.
As they continued their journey, Desiree searched her limited Bio mind for answers herself then turned to Harry.
"You knew the 'bees' weren't real, didn't you?"
"I said they weren't bees but you didn't believe me."
"I believe you now. How did you know?"
Harry was silent. Even after all they had been through together, he wasn't sure he could trust her or anyone Outside yet. Inside he could trust no one.
"My people tell me you have a gift. Can you really see the truth? Do you see what's real? That's your gift, isn't it?"
"I don't know. Sometimes I see things. I think it's the truth," he said, eyeing her guardedly. "It's more like I don't see the illusion." He turned away from her, uncomfortable talking about thought-blinking. He had never told anyone before.
"I don't believe it! You're afraid of me, is that it? Why are you so afraid of me, Harry?"
"Not afraid exactly. I'm new out here. I can't trust anything that's happening now. Or anyone. Do you blame me? You said that yourself. What if Makr is laying a trap for me? I could be home, and this is all His doing. I don't know if this is real or a dream."
"When I said 'Don't trust anyone,' I didn't mean me." Desiree was getting angry and frustrated with this wimpy Insider stranger. "You can't be afraid out here, Harry. At least, you can't show it. Cyber and Bio predators alike out here count on fear to put you at a disadvantage and give them the upper hand. Power is survival. Now, I'll admit that you've come a long way, but do you mind telling me how you are going to save the world when you are afraid of your own shadow out here?"
"I never said I could save you...or the world. Never!"
"Easy, boy. Take it easy."
A bit defensive, but at least he doesn't seem fearful anymore. Better angry than afraid.
"I can't seem to be able to save myself. I raise a hand against a cybert and I can't move. Nothing happens. That's what happened back there with the bees. When I saw them as cyberts, I was incapable of dealing with them. When I let my guard down and let their SensaVision illusions wash over me, I could knock 'em down because they appeared to be Bio. If you ask me, the fact I can harm Bio-creatures and not Cyber-creatures is scary enough. Who cares if I can see reality?"
"Yeah, that is pretty scary, but you've got me worried that you can see reality."
"I don't understand. You see reality out here all the time."
"We don't need your ability to see reality; we need your ability to understand and see Makr."
"Makr? Out here?"
"Makr's everywhere. Didn't you know?" She smiled. "His cyberts, of course," she continued. “I think Makr could easily take control of our reality Outside, but we’re too insignificant for Him to deal with personally."
Harry was startled. "I thought Makr is only Inside. Or, when you wear blinders."
"It's complicated."
Complicated made sense to Harry who saw Makr or His SensaVision influence in his dreams.
"I...I see Makr at work."
"You also see him in your dreams."
"I have fears."
"We all have fears, Harry."
"Do you think you're a machine?" he blurted out.
She stopped, looked Harry up and down, then pinched his arm.
"Ow! What was that for?"
"Human," she declared.
"Well, I think I'm not...in my dreams. I feel pain for machines. When I fight the feelings I feel as though I'm hurting myself, killing myself. These fears are based on what I know, or what I'm told to believe. Maybe if you or your people can tell me what I don't know, I won't have anything to be afraid of anymore."
"Harry Bolls that is the most reasonable thing I've heard you say."
Her sincere smile assuage
d his guilty fears for the moment, but he still had some nagging questions.
Harry was deep in thought as they continued their journey. Did the bees carry their own SensaVision? It is possible? He wasn't sure Makr wasn't there as Desiree has said. Makr doesn't let Bios torture themselves, does He? SensaVision takes care of that then, doesn't it? It is automatic for Bios Inside. Why am I different? That is the real question.
"We're almost there," Desiree was smiling another of her disarming smiles. He was torn. He wanted desperately to believe her. That he was safe and all would be well.
She had smiled at him at Cyber-Match-Central, too, but then, it had seemed a hungrier smile. As if a tigress could smile before she devoured her prey!
The Council was right about one thing. Harry did face his fear. He did not die today—which was a good thing. He came a long way in one short evening—for an Insider.