Rain. Large cold drops of water. Dark gray skies. Still air. I sit by the window collecting bits of information from outside. And assemble a mood. I draw within. I fill myself with passion. I long to share. To reveal. I begin to overflow. And so, sit down to write.
A walk through the woods, once upon a time. It was raining. A shadow walked beside me then. It was you. The one I longed for. The one I couldn’t have.
I peer out the window. And see you standing in the sunshine, beneath the falling rain. You're smiling. I smile back. Your hair glistens in the sun, while the rain washes you from my vision. You fade. The smile remains. I display it within my heart. My mind files it in the front for easy access.
Then I hear your voice. A whisper really. It beckons for my attention. I lift my head. Attune my ears. Words float to me on a silver strand of sound. Music. They sing of feelings. Of thoughts. Of desires. Things you never mentioned. Never expressed. Did you really feel that way? Why didn't you tell me then? When it mattered. When we could have shared those feelings. When we could have expressed our inner most selves. Passionately.
I feel your touch. Your warm gentle hand upon my arm. Ripples of blissful sensation travel through my nerves. To the pleasure centers of my brain. I quit writing. I lay down my pen. And close my eyes. My perception of your touch becomes stronger. I lose myself in the heat generated by the caressing movements of your fingertips. The sensual distribution of your loving energy. I soar above the clouds. And fly across a flower studded hillside. Enraptured.
We stand atop the highest mountain. Joined in love.
In a moment of climactic ecstasy, our souls merge. And we're together. Again.
Forever.
LONELINESS
back to top
Alone.
A deep valley spans out before me. Flowers. Flowers everywhere, covering the floor of numerous clearings in the forest below. Like a colorful carpet. I sit on the edge of a cliff and look on. I cannot reach, or see the beauty. It's beyond my longing. My caring, my hopes and my dreams. I feel not.
My heart is swollen with pain.
A chasm, wide and deep. Falling. No support. No help. I'm by myself. There is no bottom. The fall seems endless. I cry out for someone to hold, someone to love.
Emptiness.
The sun sinks below the horizon. It symbolizes my life. The light has gone out. Shades of coloring coat the sky. I see a world filled with my emotion. I pick out the grays. I identify.
My eyes fill with tears.
Darkness. I sit where no one can see. By myself. It's quiet. The valley is hidden from my view. My senses are dulled. All beauty is gone. I recognize my world. I'm in my element. No color. No light. No you.
The tears begin to flow.
My world is without you. My home. My dreams. My future. My life. Most of all my heart. My shadow, my other half, you, the one I have come to rely on being next to me, is gone. And I miss you.
My cheeks are wet.
Lying in bed. Awake. I stare up at the ceiling. I think. I see your picture, even in the darkness. I imagine I feel you beside me, the way it used to be. I feel sorry for myself. My arms are empty. My pillow is wet. The night is long. The morning is without anticipation. Longing.
I cry.
Daytime. Coffee in the morning for one. I go through the motions. I work. Your name is used by a stranger. I hold back the tears. I return home.
I ache.
Thinking of you. The past. Our dreams. Our time together. The pain we shared. The happiness and the sadness. How do I replace what you and I had? I can't, I know I can't. I'm afraid to try.
Memories.
The song. Our song. I haven't heard it in years. Now, since you've been gone, I hear it everywhere I go. It echoes in my head throughout each day. Such unbearable pain. Such sweet memories. I long again for your touch.
Time.
Hi! A smile. A new friend. Conversation. A drive in the country.
Rebirth.
Laughter. A new touch. Understanding. Warmth. A melding of two hearts. Togetherness. A new beginning. New dreams. New hopes. New found love.
Crying in the night.
I still miss you honey. I always will.
LOVE
back to top
Begins with a thought. Forms a dream. Then floods my heart with its soothing caresses. It radiates from my soul in ever increasing waves of undulation. In passing through me I taint it with my identity. I send it on to you.
I love.
A clear cool stream. Running gently along its course. A small leaf carried downstream. Tiny ripples kissing the grass lined banks. Brightly colored stones of various sizes carpet its bed. I sit and think of you.
A full heart.
Pristine mountain snow. Pure as virgin life. Layered down the hillside. Smooth, untrammeled by man or beast. Perfect identical flakes of crystallized water. Falling. Adding beauty through the accumulation of their numbers. The trees. Covered in white. Flawlessness.
A tender kiss.
A still mountain lake. Two ducks skimming across the surface. Stately trees ringing the shoreline. A fish jumping. A timid doe and fawn drinking. An eagle flying overhead. Serenity.
A loving thought.
Rain. Patter on the rooftop. A window, looking out. Ever expanding rings in the pools of water. Walking, that romantic feeling. The fresh smell. Your laughter. Contentment. Peace.
You with me.
A delicate red rose bud. A drop of dew. A dazzling array of color shining through that tiny particle of moisture. A single petal on the verge of bursting open, anxious to reveal its gorgeous life before the world. Vibrant color, sweet fragrance. My senses are filled with you.
A gentle touch.
A single teardrop. A rose bud in your hand. Sparkling eyes. Your loving gaze. My reflection mirrored there. Your fingertips touching my face.
A soft spoken word.
A hummingbird. Stationary. Feeding. Joined by a companion. I place my arm around your shoulders and draw you near.
A warm embrace.
A new born child. A tiny hand clutching your finger. A smile of surprise and wonder. Safe in mother's arms. A proud father.
Holding hands.
You. My friend. Us walking. Talking. Enjoying the warm afternoon. Freshly mowed grass beside the walkway. Birds chasing each other through the trees. A gentle breeze.
Your smile.
Together. A fire in the fireplace. Light dancing around the room. Crackling logs. Soft music in the background. Your hand in mine. My eyes staring into yours. Souls touching.
Our love.
Love. Life. Everywhere. In everything. In me. In you. It fills my heart with wonders of tomorrow. It replaces yesterday’s disappointments and tragic losses. It floods today's sorrows with morning sunshine. It binds our souls. It brought me to you.
I love you.
MIRROR
back to top
Shiny. An ornate oak frame surrounds it. The edge is beveled. Six feet high, three feet wide. It rests and swivels on an oak stand in the corner of the room. I pass it every morning.
Today I stop.
I stand before you. Looking back at myself. Most days I don't see you clearly. Perhaps I'm in a hurry. Or maybe I choose not to look too closely. That's most days. Today I see you. You look different. Not as I remember.
The light. It must be poor. There appear to be shadows. No, it can't be. Wrinkles? You must be mistaken. It's the way the light is in this room.
I'm not so erect or proud anymore? My head isn't held high? My shoulders are stooped? No, I don't see that at all.
No, I don't believe that. What do you mean my eyes seem dull, not as bright as they were before? And what about my hair? It's lighter in places? It does kind of look that way, doesn't it?
My body? It's not as firm? It's thicker in places where it didn't use to be? Around my middle? With the light in
here no wonder you're distorting me.
What happened? What do you mean what happened? I feel the same inside. Wiser perhaps. I have the same youthful thoughts. The same feelings within my heart. When I picture myself in my mind, I recall my younger appearance. My strong body. My quick light step.
Oh, what do you know, anyway? You're just a used piece of glass. You can't be reflecting as clearly and accurately as you used to, can you?
I wonder?
MISSING YOU
back to top
You float through my mind on gentle waves of tenderness. Reaching. Touching. Probing. Massaging the ache deep within the core of my being. Calling. Beckoning. Seeking my attention. No, demanding it. I can do nothing but obey. And respond. Focus the light of my love in your direction. Embrace the thought of you. And hold you tightly in my heart.
It matters not where I am. Who I am with. What I am doing. When you call, I am there for you. Always. Even though you are only a memory. Only an unfulfilled dream. Existing in my mind. And in my heart.
My name flits across your thoughts. A message is swiftly sent. I receive it from the ethers. The distance is unimportant. For love joins us. Throughout all eternity. Longer. Within the deep recesses of my soul, I stir.
A welling up of desire seeks to overwhelm me. To flood me with emotion. To strip me of all control over my feelings. I need you in that moment. More than life itself. Then I remember why we're apart. My heart swells with pain. And the tears flow.
Forget you? Don't think about you? So you say. But secretly you don't want me to. Just as you can't forget me. A web, spun into the fabric of our lives, ties us together. Binds us. Stronger than the mightiest chain. And tighter than the strictest covenant. The pain I shall endure. The bonds I cherish. The shackles I purchased with the loving intent of