One of the ways we maintain peace with God is by maintaining peace with the people in our lives. Our new growth meant we had to make a lot of new decisions, and Dave and I had to work at staying out of strife because we did not always agree.
Avoiding strife with people is such an important aspect of peace that I have devoted an entire section of this book, which you will read later, to teach the various ways God has taught me to maintain peace with others as unto the Lord. But because the way we treat other people is important to God, I also want to make clear how maintaining peace in our relationships with others helps us to be at peace with God.
God does not like it if I mistreat someone. It grieves His Holy Spirit, and I feel a sudden loss of peace. I remember one night when I could not sleep. I tossed and turned until five o’clock, at which time I finally asked, “Lord, what is wrong with me? Why can’t I sleep?”
He instantly showed me a situation from the previous day when I was quite impatient and rude to someone. I never apologized; I justified my actions and went on my way. I had grieved the Holy Spirit, and the loss of peace was keeping me awake. As soon as I repented of my sin, my peace returned and I went to sleep. And the next day, I also apologized to the person as soon as I could.
As servants of the Lord, we must not have strife, because where there is strife, there is neither power to enjoy life nor prosperity in any area, including our relationships. Peace and prosperity are two components of the abundant life that God wants us to have. We cannot represent Him properly if we are in strife.
The relationship between Abram (later Abraham) and Lot illustrates the importance of maintaining peace in our relationships with others. Genesis 12 records the covenant of peace that God made with Abraham and his heirs. Abraham became extremely rich and powerful because God blessed him. God chose him to be the man through whom He would bless all the nations on the face of the earth.
I find it interesting that in the very next chapter, Genesis 13, strife came between the herdsmen of Lot and Abraham’s cattle (see v. 7). Strife is the exact opposite of peace. God gave Abraham peace, and Satan went immediately to stir up strife. God wanted to bless Abraham, and Satan wanted to steal his blessing.
Sometimes God’s abundance can cause problems that lead to strife. He had blessed Abraham and Lot with so many possessions and cattle that the land could not nourish and support them. They had to regroup.
The Bible says that Abraham went to Lot and said, “Let there be no strife, I beg of you, between you and me, or between your herdsmen and my herdsmen” (Genesis 13:8). He told Lot that they were going to have to separate, so Lot should choose the land he wanted, and Abraham would take what was left.
Abraham took a humble position to avoid strife, knowing that if he did what was right, God would always bless him. But Lot, who would have had nothing if Abraham hadn’t given it to him, chose the best part: the Jordan Valley. Abraham didn’t say a thing; he just took the leftovers. He knew God would bless him if he stayed in peace. People who walk in peace in order to honor God cannot lose in life.
But then God took Abraham up on a hill and said, “Now, you look to the north, to the south, to the east, and the west—and everything you see, I’ll give to you” (see vv. 14-15). What a great deal! Abraham gave up one valley, and God gave him everything he could see.
HUMILITY BRINGS PEACE
God honored Abraham’s humility and blessed him abundantly with fruitful land. I believe that God’s got a good plan for all of us, but prideful attitudes can prevent us from having all that God wants us to have. A bad attitude is one of the most important things on which we can work with God to overcome.
The Bible says that strife and contention come only by pride. You cannot have strife if you don’t have pride. Pride was Lucifer’s sin, and it is so deceptive that proud people don’t know that they are proud. When people are deceived by pride, they blame others for everything that goes wrong and fail to see their own faults.
Romans 12:16-17 says,
Live in harmony with one another; do not be haughty (snobbish, high-minded, exclusive), but readily adjust yourself to [people, things] and give yourselves to humble tasks. Never overestimate yourself or be wise in your own conceits. Repay no one evil for evil, but take thought for what is honest and proper and noble [aiming to be above reproach] in the sight of everyone.
Some people are basically impossible to get along with, but I love Romans 12:18, which says, “If possible, as far as it depends on you, live at peace with everyone” (italics mine). We can’t do their part, but we must do our part of maintaining peace with others.
I challenge you to be a maker and a maintainer of peace today and every day of your life. Go the extra mile to keep peace—even if it means apologizing to somebody when you really don’t think you’re wrong. I’m not suggesting that you let everybody take advantage of you. But I am suggesting that you live life with humility so you can enjoy peace and the blessings that result from it.
The Bible says there are times that we will look like sheep being led to the slaughter. But right in the midst of all these things, we are more than conquerors. If two people are arguing, the one who is proud, stubborn, and refuses to apologize is the loser, not the winner. The one who looks like a sheep on his way to disaster but humbles himself and says, “Look, I don’t want any trouble. If I was wrong, I’m sorry. Please forgive me” is the winner. He took the position that Jesus would have taken if He were there, dealing with that same situation.
Humility is hard on our flesh. But the Bible tells us to walk in the Spirit, not in the flesh. We need to learn how to follow the leading of the Holy Spirit. We also need to recognize when we are not following the ways of the Lord.
People use the phrase, “Well, I got in the flesh,” but we need to learn how to get out of it just as quickly as we got in. We mustn’t get selfish and stay that way for long periods of time. The Bible says not to let the sun go down on our anger (see Ephesians 4:26). God knew there would be times when we would get angry, but as soon as we know we’re angry, we can keep that emotion from controlling us. We can come back to a place of peace before the day is over. It requires some humility and a decision.
We can be Peacemakers and Peace Maintainers. To do so, we will have to treat people nicely who haven’t been so nice to us. We can have abundant lives, but we will have to do what the Bible says in order to have it. God’s promises of a good life are for “whosoever will”; not just whosoever will receive the promises, but whosoever will obey what He tells them to do. Then the promises will be enacted in their lives.
That’s why it is so important to know what the Word of God says, and let God work it out in our lives through our obedience to Him. It is hard to say we are sorry, but we can do all things through Christ. He will give us the grace to be Peacemakers.
One morning, Dave corrected me about something when I wasn’t feeling good. My first thought was, Oh my, not this morning! I was in Africa, preaching. I was already fighting jet lag, my back was hurting, my eyes were extremely dry, I was tired, and in general I did not feel good when my husband decided to correct me.
Why is it that when somebody corrects us, the first thing we do is get mad? That’s what I did. Now, I had gained a little bit of control over my emotions, so I didn’t show my anger. But inside, I was not happy.
Naturally, the first thing we want to do when people correct us is start telling them everything that’s wrong with them. Dave was describing a certain situation where he felt I hadn’t shown him respect. My response was, “Well, there are many times when you don’t show me respect.”
He said, “We aren’t talking about me. We’re talking about you.” Talk about a flesh burner! Whoa! Lord, have mercy!
Now, I’ve learned a few things after twenty-five years in ministry. I was getting ready to preach that morning, and I knew better than to get into the pulpit with strife in my heart! Strife steals our peace and shuts down the anointing. So, I started praying for two things.
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I said, “God, help me keep my mouth shut.” That’s the first thing to pray for if you don’t want war. Never overestimate your own ability to keep quiet just because you want to. You have to pray for help in this area.
Then I said, “God, if he’s right . . . give me the grace to receive it.” I’ve learned that just because we don’t think somebody’s right, that doesn’t mean they’re not.
It is interesting how human beings have problems with being corrected. That same spirit of pride that causes us to mistreat people will also prevent us from receiving correction.
The Bible says, “Only a fool hates correction” (see Proverbs 15:5). If you correct a wise man, he becomes wiser. If you correct a fool, he gets angry and won’t even consider receiving it.
Why is it so devastating when somebody tells us we’re not doing something right or tells us, “I need you to change this”? I believe that our insecurity can cause our pride to rise in defense and say, “Nobody’s going tell me anything. I’m right, and everybody else is wrong.” If we don’t learn to recognize this Peace Stealer, we will go around the same stupid mountain, again and again, dealing with the same problems.
PRAYER BRINGS PEACE
Well, it turned out that God showed me Dave was right. I made my first round of apologies, but I really wasn’t sincere. I was still a little bit mad, because though I agreed with God that Dave was right, I still didn’t like the way he told me. I didn’t like his attitude or his timing. I was willing to say that I was wrong, but I wanted also to talk about what Dave had done wrong. He wouldn’t talk about that.
I could feel my flesh just screaming. I had to pray, “God, give me grace. Give me the grace to forgive. Help me talk to Dave. I don’t want to talk to him. God, help me talk to him.” When we get mad, a wall goes up. We say silently, “You hurt me, and I am not letting you back into my life to do it again.” I know this is exactly the way we all are. Then we just become polite. We talk only if we absolutely have to and use very few words. We answer questions with a simple yes or no, but we offer no further conversation. We avoid the person who hurt us as much as possible.
Dave knew I was hurting, but he also knew I was really trying to do what was right. Even when we are trying to do right, our flesh can still hurt. God’s Word teaches us we are to die to self. That means we say yes to God and His will and no to our flesh that wants to rebel. Dave reached out and patted me on the arm or leg to show love and understanding while I was trying to get over the correction he gave me.
We were traveling with many people on the plane that day, but I didn’t want to talk to anybody. They were all asking, “Why are you so quiet?”
I said, “I’m just having a quiet day.” But the truth was I was hurting too bad to talk. My emotions were whacko, and I really wanted to just be left alone. The entire day was a struggle for me not to cry or scream. It was very difficult for me to be civil to people, but I knew that God was dealing with me and correcting me. I knew I needed to submit to His dealings if I was going to make progress and overcome in the area of being disrespectful.
Sometimes, even after we choose to do what is right, we may hurt for a while. It is the pain that is doing the good work in us. It is actually changing us and making us better.
I have learned that if we don’t listen to God when He tries to correct us, then He will bring pressure from some other direction to get our attention. I am sure God had been dealing with me for a long time about my disrespectful attitude toward Dave and some of the wrong things I said to him, but I was not listening to God. So he led Dave to correct me.
I had a bad habit, and God knew that He needed to help me get free if I was going to do all He had for me to do in the ministry. The Lord wanted to bless my life, but my attitude was hindering Him.
I kept praying for God to give me grace to submit to His dealing and no longer be angry with Dave. I wanted to do right and knew that grace is the power of the Holy Spirit to help us do what we can’t. After some time went by, I felt much better and knew God had done a work in me that would help me enjoy more peace in my life.
If you want to be a maker and maintainer of peace when somebody hurts you, you better not think that you can do it just by decision or self-will. Start praying, because emotions are strong, and they are a controlling force in our lives. Pride gets all tangled up in our emotions and causes strife and eventually lots of broken relationships.
Strife causes stress that can even lead to sickness and disease. God did not create us to live in the war zone all the time. We are supposed to have peace, and when something happens to disturb our peace, we have to work to get it back.
We’ve seen that the Word says to live in harmony with others, and be ready to adapt and adjust ourselves to people. We want them to adapt to us, but God puts the responsibility on each one of us to give ourselves to humble tasks.
When Dave corrected me, it didn’t really take me all that long to get my attitude right again. Well, perhaps it was a couple of days (though it seemed like a month), but forty-eight hours was a big improvement over the way I used to stay offended for weeks. Isn’t it amazing how time goes so slowly when we’re upset about something?
Finally, I knew that I had the grace to give a sincere apology. So, I said to my husband, “Look, I’m really sorry. If I’ve ever spoken disrespectfully, please forgive me. I don’t want to do that, but you know my mouth gets me into trouble sometimes.” Everything was fine after that. Peace returned!
God has dealt with me since then about my mouth. Most of us say things that hurt and wound other people. I probably will have to endure correction in this area again, but I really do want to be all that God wants me to be. My desire to please God motivates me to go through whatever I need to in order to be in His perfect will.
PEACE RELEASES ANOINTING
I encourage you always to pursue peace. You won’t have peace with God until you have peace with the people He has placed in your life. It is important to understand that in order to have peace with God, you must work through whatever issues are causing strife in your life and quickly bring closure to them. Don’t pretend everything is okay when you are eaten up inside with strife.
God knows everything that goes on behind closed doors, including the doors to our hearts. If our relationships aren’t right, our lives won’t be right. And if our private lives are not right, our public lives are not right. Whatever we do in private affects our public lives and ministries.
Pride will absolutely ruin us. But the mighty God who dwells inside of us gives us the power to humble ourselves and say, “I’m sorry,” even if we don’t feel like it.
If you need to come to a new level of peace in your life, make a decision to become a maker and maintainer of peace. The Word says, “Blessed (enjoying enviable happiness, spiritually prosperous—with life-joy and satisfaction in God’s favor . . . regardless of their outward conditions) are the makers and maintainers of peace, for they shall be called the sons of God!” (Matthew 5:9).
It’s one thing to be a child of God, but to be called a son or a daughter of God implies a level of maturity: someone who can handle blessing, responsibility, and authority that children cannot manage.
The blessing of peace keeps the anointing and power of God flowing through our lives so that, like Abraham, we can bless other people on God’s behalf. God gives gifts to people, and He wants to fill those gifts with His anointed presence to bring blessing. It might be a gift to preach and teach God’s Word, to sing, to lead, to encourage, or to administrate.
There are certain character qualities that God will bless (anoint with power) and certain qualities that He won’t. Exodus 29 gives a detailed description of where the priest was to put the anointing oil. It was to be on the utensils, the altar, the priest’s garments, and the turban on his head, but he was not to put anointing oil upon the flesh. God will not anoint our fleshly actions or our fleshly behavior.
We have to learn to surrender our wills to God and let the Hol
y Spirit lead us if we want to maintain peace and carry its anointing power in our lives. But first and foremost, I encourage you to pursue peace through prayer today, and be determined to keep the strife out of your life. Without peace you won’t have the power to enjoy life. Pursue peace with God, with yourself, and with your fellow man.
If you lack peace, pray something like this: “Father, I pray for peace with You. I don’t understand everything that is going on in my life. It’s not going the way I want it, but I am deciding to trust You. Help me to have peaceful relationships, and give me the power (the anointing of Your grace) to be a maker and a maintainer of peace with others, in the name of Jesus. Amen.”
In the next part of this book, I will explain seven ways that I found to have peace with myself before I could focus on keeping peace with others. Through wisdom from God’s Word, you can learn to have peace and enjoy your life every day, wherever you are. So next, let’s look at how slowing down will help you to keep peace with yourself.
Part 2
Be at Peace with Yourself
Now the mind of the flesh [which is sense and reason without the Holy Spirit] is death [death that comprises all the miseries arising from sin, both here and hereafter]. But the mind of the [Holy] Spirit is life and [soul] peace [both now and forever].
—THE APOSTLE PAUL, Romans 8:6
PEACEKEEPER #8
Stop Rushing
Much of the world is in a hurry, always rushing, yet very few people even know where they are going in life. If we want to be at peace with ourselves and enjoy life, we must stop rushing all the time.
People rush to get to yet another event that has no real meaning for them, or that they really don’t even want to attend. Hurry is the pace of the twenty-first century; rushing has become a disease of epidemic proportions. We hurry so much, we finally come to the place where we cannot slow down.