Are you saying yes with your mouth while your heart is screaming no? If so, you will eventually be stressed-out, burned-out, and possibly sick. We just cannot go on like that forever without ultimately breaking down under the strain. Be true to your own heart.
Don’t be afraid to say no. Don’t fear the rejection of others. No matter how many people you please, there will always be someone who will not be pleased. Face it now, and get it over with.
Learn that you can enjoy your life even if everyone does not think you are wonderful. Don’t be addicted to approval from people; if God approves, that is all that really matters.
Don’t try so hard to keep other people happy that it costs you your joy, peace, and health. None of the people who put pressure on you will stand before God and give an account of your life; only you will do that. Be prepared to be able to say to Him, “I followed my heart to the best of my ability.”
Being committed is very good, but being overcommitted is very dangerous. As I said earlier, know your limits and don’t hesitate to say no if you know that you need to. Tell people when you don’t have peace about being involved in a certain activity or project. They should respect your rights and want you to have peace in your life. If they don’t, then it is clear they are not thinking of what is good for you.
Remember that people can be very selfish. It is good to be a blessing, to do things for others and serve them, but not to the point that we get sick trying to keep everyone we know happy. I am not saying that we should never do anything we don’t want to do. There are always times when we will serve others sacrificially, but we must not let their desires control us and push us into exhaustion and high levels of stress.
God has assigned a life span to each of us, and although we don’t know exactly how long we have on earth, we should certainly desire to live out the fullness of our years. We want to burn on, not burn out. We should live with passion and zeal, not with exhaustion; we should be good examples to others.
Learn to say no when you need to—it will help you stay healthy!
BEND BEFORE YOU BREAK
People with aggressive personalities have their own sets of stress inducers that can work havoc in their health. Dr. Colbert writes:
People with aggressive behavior generally dominate, intimidate, and bully others, and they are very confrontational. They tend to view their own needs as priority, and they stop at nothing to get what they want. Most of us have encountered aggressive drivers who cut us off in traffic or shake their fists at us.
God desires for Christians to be neither passive nor aggressive, but assertive. Assertiveness allows people to communicate confidently, boldly, and clearly their thoughts, feelings, and desires. But unless they were raised in loving, stable home environments where they received encouragement, freedom to express themselves, and discipline with love, support, and acceptance, most Christians never learn assertiveness.
Many Christians grew up in dysfunctional families. Instead of being programmed for success, they were programmed for failure. They heard they were no good, that they would never amount to anything, that they were losers. Some children responded passively to this environment; some became angry and aggressive.*
While we can see the danger of being too passive, we can also see that being inflexible and aggressive will not lead to healthy situations. Learning to be adaptable, considering the welfare of those around us, is one way we can keep peace.
Don’t expect the world to adapt to you; be ready to bend before you break. When you start to feel stressed because things aren’t going your way, and you sense peace ebbing away, quickly see what you can change to relieve the pressure. Most often you will need to simplify, simplify, simplify. The more simple your life, the more peace you will enjoy.
Keep in mind that being assertive is the healthy goal you are working toward. Assertiveness is like leather: It is tough to tear apart and will show only a small indention under the impact of a hammer, while aggressiveness is like brittle sandstone that easily crumbles if it is struck with a hard blow. Likewise an aggressive person’s temper easily breaks or snaps under pressure, but an assertive person is able to stay flexible and in one piece.
We can see from pondering this comparison why Satan’s plans can thrive in the life of an aggressive person. He intends to break us by applying force and pressure. However, he will not succeed if in the process we are willing to bend and remain flexible. His plans cause the stiff-necked or stubborn individuals to crumble easily, so they fall apart.
I used to be one of those aggressive people, but I realized long ago that it was not worth it. A little humility can preserve a lot of health. The Word warns us: “Be not like the horse or the mule, which lack understanding, which must have their mouths held firm with bit and bridle, or else they will not come with you” (Psalm 32:9).
The Word tells us to resist the devil, but if we resist the wrong things in life, we sacrifice precious energy. Stop trying to change things you cannot change. Let God be God! Adapt when you need to, and the reward will be worth it.
Flexibility will cause you to look young when others appear older than they actually are, you will have energy while others are tired, and you will still be bearing fruit in old age, long after others have retired.
People break when they try to do something about something they cannot do anything about. They burn out when they are trying to get something that only God can give or trying to make something go away that only God can remove. Resisting everything in life that we don’t want creates a pressure inside of us that does a lot of damage to our health.
We all have things happen that we didn’t plan for. We may get dressed in the morning, and we find a spot on our clothing. We didn’t plan for that and don’t have time for it. We can be frustrated and upset while we change clothes, we can go out with the spot on the clothes, or we can choose peacefully to change clothes since we have a situation we cannot do anything about. Think about it. What is the point in getting upset about something that will not change as a result of our being upset?
I remember a time, while conducting a conference, when we sent some luggage home early in one of our ministry trucks, thinking we no longer needed it. When we arrived at the airport, we discovered we did not have our tickets. To our dismay, we remembered they were in the luggage we sent home. We shared our story with the ticket agent, who said he could do nothing about it; the only possible solution was for us to repurchase tickets.
I felt upset building within me, then remembered my own messages and simply had a little talk with myself. I said, “Joyce, this is something you cannot do anything about; getting upset won’t change it. So buy the tickets, and go home.”
These types of situations occur regularly in all of our lives. Preserve your health by no longer trying to do something about something you cannot do anything about! Learning to stay calm in potentially upsetting situations is a great victory. Stability in all kinds of circumstances indicates great spiritual maturity.
PEACE BRINGS RESTORATION
One of the stress inducers we face daily in our society is noise. We live in a noisy society. In order to enjoy a peaceful atmosphere, we must create one. Outer peace develops inner peace. Find a place where you can go that is quiet, a place where you will not be interrupted, and learn to enjoy simply being quiet for periods of time. I have a certain chair in my living room where I sit and recover.
The chair is a white recliner that faces a window to our yard, which is filled with trees. In the spring and summer, I can watch the birds, rabbits, and squirrels. There was a time when I would have considered that boring, but not any longer—now I love it.
When I return from a conference now, I go home, take a hot bath, and then sit in that chair. Sometimes I sit there for several hours. I may read a little, pray, or just look out the patio door window, but the point is I am sitting still and enjoying the quiet. I have discovered that quiet helps me recover.
Being still has a soothing effect on us. Peac
e produces more peace. If we find peaceful places and remain in them for a while, we will begin to feel calmness engulf our souls. We cannot live noisy lives continually and expect to feel peaceful.
Some people have to have some noise in their atmospheres all the time. They always have music, or the television or radio, playing. They want someone with them all the time so they can talk. Each of these things done in balance is good, but we also need complete quiet and what I call alone time.
Jesus made sure He had seasons of peace and alone time. He ministered to the people, but He slipped away regularly from the crowds to be alone and pray. “But so much the more the news spread abroad concerning Him, and great crowds kept coming together to hear [Him] and to be healed by Him of their infirmities. But He Himself withdrew [in retirement] to the wilderness (desert) and prayed” (Luke 5:15-16). Surely if Jesus needed this type of lifestyle, we do also.
In Luke 9, we read of one occasion when Jesus took Peter, James, and John with Him to a mountain to pray, and they saw His face transfigured (changed). Verse 29 says, “And as He was praying, the appearance of His countenance became altered (different), and His raiment became dazzling white [flashing with the brilliance of lightning].”
When we get alone and take time for prayer, we will also be changed: Our weaknesses will turn into strengths. Our countenances will reflect the peace of being in God’s presence. Isaiah 40:31 confirms, “But those who wait for the Lord [who expect, look for, and hope in Him] shall change and renew their strength and power; they shall lift their wings and mount up [close to God] as eagles [mount up to the sun]; they shall run and not be weary, they shall walk and not faint or become tired.”
Waiting on God quietly does more to restore our bodies, minds, and emotions than anything else. We need it regularly. Insist on having it; don’t let anyone take it from you. Work your schedule around God; don’t try to work Him into your schedule.
You may have tried everything to feel better, but I encourage you to take my suggestion and try regular doses of quiet. I believe you will see restoration and increased peace. Remember, outer peace helps develop inner peace. Rest in God’s presence, and you will take His peace with you when you go back to normal activity.
If you have peace, you can minister peace to others. Jesus was able to speak peace to the storm only because He had peace within Him. I believe He had peace within because He regularly found time to rest simply in quiet and spend time with His heavenly Father.
I hope that you can see how important it is to relieve yourself of emotional stress in order to hold your peace. In the next chapter we will look at how balancing your spending habits is both a practical and powerful way to maintain the peace you have found so far.
PEACEKEEPER #13
Avoid Financial Pressure
According to a survey our ministry conducted, the number-one problem most people face is financial pressure. Being in debt and not having enough money creates terrible stress on people, and it definitely steals our peace. Financial pressure is also one of the major causes of problems in marriages and is the culprit behind many divorces and even suicides.
We realize that people can find themselves in unfortunate circumstances that they could not control, but usually people create financial pressure through a lack of wisdom. When you have more money going out than coming in, it will eventually cause major problems.
The first step in people’s receiving help is to face truth about how they reached their current condition. Most people who are pressured by debt feel sorry for themselves, believing they are not at fault, thinking that they are not responsible for the debts they have.
If we are feeling financial pressure, we must ask, “Were my circumstances really beyond my control, or could things have been different if I had made better choices?”
Of course, we cannot blame our debts on someone else, and repentance is the first step to recovery. Spending more money than we have is a sin, just like any other excess in our lives, and it requires God’s forgiveness.
Only truth sets us free. You may have heard the statement “The truth hurts,” which is true, but staying in bondage hurts even worse. If we have managed our finances poorly, made unwise choices, or acted out of emotion, we should simply admit it to ourselves and to God, ask His forgiveness, and begin immediately reversing the situation through the power of right choices.
If your finances are causing you to lose peace, ask God for a plan, get professional help if you need it, and be willing to wait on obtaining things you desire. Making bad choices is what gets us in trouble, and making right choices is what will get us out of trouble. However, making one right choice will not undo the negative result that years of bad choices have caused.
Prepare to remain steadfast. Patience will be vital to work yourself out of financial stress, but it will be worth it in the end. Anyone can be financially blessed and stable if he or she really wants to be.
Every person can prosper. Every person can have financial security, but that man or woman must follow God’s guidelines. To simplify it, we can say that His guidelines are to tithe and give offerings and use wisdom in spending. God will always provide what we need if we are givers. He may not always provide everything we would like to have.
God definitely wants to bless, radically and outrageously, all of His children. The Word says that the Lord takes pleasure in the prosperity of His servant (see Psalm 35:27).
God wants us to prosper, but not out of proportion to our spiritual growth. If people are immature or carnal, which means they live according to fleshly desires, they don’t really need an abundance of money and things because they will probably use them only in selfish ways. Possessions can actually take us away from God rather than bring us closer to Him, unless we understand they are tools to use as a blessing in a hurting world. God will release more and more to us as we grow spiritually. Ask God for what you want and desire, but also ask Him not to give you any more than He knows you can handle.
CREDIT CARDS
Almost everyone uses credit cards. We use them for convenience. We pay with credit cards and then weekly write checks out of our account to cover the charges. We put the checks in an envelope until the bill comes. It is easy to charge things, but it is also easy to lose track of the total being charged.
I highly recommend that you either follow our example or keep a running total of items charged so you know at all times the state of your finances. Losing track of what is going on is probably one of the major causes for financial pressure.
Using credit cards responsibly is not a problem, but when people charge things they don’t have the money to pay for, it is a problem. Many people don’t know how to delay gratification. We are accustomed to instant everything: We want what we want now!
Are you spending tomorrow’s prosperity today? You are if you are charging merchandise that you don’t currently have the money to pay for. If you spend tomorrow’s paycheck today, what will you do when tomorrow comes? You will have to use credit cards again, and the cycle will never end.
The amount of credit-card debt in the world is unbelievable. The pressure that the media put on people to acquire new products is amazing. We are merchandise-crazy in our society; the quest to have the newest items is out of control. People will work two jobs and ignore their families, sometimes losing them in the process, just to have bigger houses or newer model cars.
Are things really that important? Do you have drawers and closets full of things you went in debt to have that you really don’t even enjoy now? Are you making payments on things that have already worn out or that you have lost track of? The world says, “Buy now, pay later,” but that is not what wisdom says. Wisdom says, “Do now what you will be satisfied with later.” We cannot be satisfied paying for something for months and even years after we no longer are using it. The desire for instant gratification is stealing many people’s financial peace.
We know from Scripture that God wants His children to be abundantly blessed, and
He provides the following plan for it to happen:
Will a man rob or defraud God? Yet you rob and defraud Me. But you say, In what way do we rob or defraud You? [You have withheld your] tithes and offerings. You are cursed with the curse, for you are robbing Me, even this whole nation. . . . Bring all the tithes (the whole tenth of your income) into the storehouse, that there may be food in My house, and prove Me now by it, says the Lord of hosts, if I will not open the windows of heaven for you and pour you out a blessing, that there shall not be room enough to receive it. (Malachi 3:8-10)
If we do what God tells us to do, He will never fail to do what He promises to do. His way works. Millions will testify to miraculous breakthroughs in their finances as a result of tithing (giving 10 percent).
As I mentioned at the beginning of this chapter, being willing to tithe and give other offerings as God leads is the first step to overcoming the pressure of debt. Many say, “I cannot afford to do that. After all, I am in debt!” I say, “You cannot afford not to do it. If you don’t, you will stay in debt.”
One way to remember the simple principle of financial gain is that tithing brings increase, while credit cards bring decrease to your financial peace. Most of us, at some time or other in our lives, experience firsthand the pressure of credit-card debt. Some people are wearing their tithe right now, or they are driving it, or they have used it up on a vacation they did not even enjoy or on other equally unwise things. Give to God what belongs to God, and He will always make sure you have your other needs met.