People without Christ, who don’t live in the kingdom of God, don’t have the power to keep from being offended. When they have a problem, they only have one choice, which is to get upset. But we have a choice. We can believe that Jesus is in our situation with us, and even though sometimes it feels as if He is sleeping through our storm, we can know that He is able to tell the storm to be still—and when He does, it will stop.
DON’T CRY OVER SPILLED MILK
If you are going to walk in peace, you have to be willing to be adaptable and adjustable to people and circumstances. When I lived in the “explode mode,” it never failed that one of my children spilled something at the dinner table—every night. And every night I had a fit.
They would tip over their cups and start crying as soon as they saw their milk running under the bowls. I learned that when you spill something, you have to try to get to it before it gets to the crack in the table, because milk will sour quickly in there with all that other hidden dirt! And then eventually you will have to take the whole table apart and scrape dried milk and foodstuff out of its crevices with a table knife. (Now I have a table with a glass top, but everybody scratches it! You see, there is always something you will have to put up with and let go of in life.)
I used to shout at the kids, “Can’t we ever have one meal in peace?” I didn’t realize we could have had a meal in peace if I stopped shouting at everyone. I could have brought peace to our table every night if I had just cleaned up and shut up.
So, if you have wondered how to have peace, I can tell you that it will come if you will quit making a big deal about everything. You will have to be willing to let go of getting distraught over accidents or not getting your way.
One night I was under the table because whatever the kids had spilled had made it to the crack in the table before I got there, and the liquid was running down the center table legs. I was having a fit, and the kids were upset, and somebody kicked me in the head, and that made me even madder. I knew it was an accident, I knew he or she didn’t do it on purpose. Poor Dave had to be weary from sitting down to dinner after working hard all day and having to endure my outburst. (And I couldn’t figure out why he wanted to go to the driving range every night and hit golf balls, so I’d throw a fit about that too.)
So there I was, under the table, saying, “Every night somebody’s got to spill something, and we just need some peace around here. . . . ” And the Holy Ghost came unto me (right under that table), saying, “Joyce, once the milk is spilled, no matter how big of a fit you have, you are not going to get it to run back up the table legs, across the table, and into the glass.” And He said, “Joyce, you need to learn how to go with the flow.”
There are some things that we can do something about, but there are a whole lot of things that we can’t do anything about. If it is something we can’t do anything about, then we need to let it go and keep our joy. We need to hold our peace, do what is right, and let God work on our behalf.
When Jesus said, “Stop allowing yourselves to be agitated and disturbed; and do not permit yourselves to be . . . unsettled” (John 14:27, italics mine), He was saying that we must control ourselves.
For many years, I argued, “God, I don’t want to act like that, but I just can’t help it.” The Bible says that self-control is a fruit of the Spirit, who dwells in us. We don’t have to give way to unbridled emotions. God will give you power to do whatever you need to do, as often as you need to do it. God will help you manage your emotions. Be sure to read my book Managing Your Emotions if you frequently lose your peace through emotional responses to life’s trials. Whether it is to help us not get upset over spilled milk or to forgive an offense, the Lord will give us grace as often as we need it.
The only way we will have peace is if we let little offenses and irritations go. Why not save some time and grief and just forgive people right away? When we are upset, we are much less likely to be led by the Spirit of God. We are not sensitive to His touch when we don’t maintain a quiet inner life, which we will look at next.
PEACEKEEPER #20
Maintain a Quiet Inner Life
To enjoy more peace in our lives, we need to practice just being still and staying calm even when we feel like spilling out everything we think and feel. Many relationships break apart because everyone wants the last word. Sometimes, simply holding our peace is the right thing to do.
Although we have already talked about the importance of not speaking idle words, there is also great value in learning to entrust our battles to the Lord. Knowing He will fight for us fills us with deep peace that passes understanding, like the peace Daniel felt when he was thrown into the lions’ den. David wrote some words that may express Daniel’s feelings:
He has redeemed my life in peace from the battle that was against me [so that none came near me], for they were many who strove with me. God will hear and humble them, even He Who abides of old—Selah [pause, and calmly think of that]!—because in them there has been no change [of heart], and they do not fear, revere, and worship God. (Psalm 55:18-19)
If we will spend time meditating on God’s promises, considering the great things He has done in our lives, it will fill us with a deep peace that will cause us to be calm even when others seem full of fear, rage, or anxiety. Our peace will bring peace to others. The Word teaches that we will win the respect of other people by how we live our lives: “Make it your ambition and definitely endeavor to live quietly and peacefully, to mind your own affairs, and to work with your hands, as we charged you, so that you may bear yourselves becomingly and be correct and honorable and command the respect of the outside world” (1 Thessalonians 4:11-12).
God wants us to have a disposition that will bless others; we are ambassadors of Christ, Peacemakers who should demonstrate the calm, soothing presence of Jesus. God created us in His image, and our lives should be filled with the fruit of His indwelling presence.
Many people believe that if Jesus walked into a roomful of strife, it would take Him only a few minutes to bring peace to whatever the circumstances were. He had a soothing nature; He was clothed with meekness. He wasn’t out to prove anything. He wasn’t concerned about what people thought about Him. He already knew who He was, so He didn’t feel the need to defend Himself.
In fact, even when Pilate brought charges against Him, Jesus made no answer (see Matthew 27:14). Other people got upset with Jesus and tried to start all kinds of arguments with Him, but His response was always peaceful and loving. His mellow disposition was the result of a quiet inner life, and a confident relationship with His Father. Inner peace produces outer peace.
Jesus was the fulfillment of Isaiah’s prophecy:
Behold, My Servant Whom I have chosen, My Beloved in and with Whom My soul is well pleased and has found its delight. I will put My Spirit upon Him, and He shall proclaim and show forth justice to the nations. He will not strive or wrangle or cry out loudly; nor will anyone hear His voice in the streets; a bruised reed He will not break, and a smoldering (dimly burning) wick He will not quench, till He brings justice and a just cause to victory. And in and on His name will the Gentiles (the peoples outside of Israel) set their hopes. (Matthew 12:18-21)
God wants us to enjoy the same inner peace that was visible in the life of Jesus, and He expects us to bless others with the same grace. First Peter 2:15-16 confirms, “For it is God’s will and intention that by doing right [your good and honest lives] should silence (muzzle, gag) the ignorant charges and ill-informed criticisms of foolish persons. [Live] as free people, [yet] without employing your freedom as a pretext for wickedness; but [live at all times] as servants of God.”
The Living Bible (TLB) paraphrases this verse: “It is God’s will that your good lives should silence those who foolishly condemn the Gospel without knowing what it can do for them, having never experienced its power.”
MEDITATE ON GOD’S GOODNESS
Peter’s letter called for believers to show respect for everyone and especiall
y to love other Christians. We are to honor those in government and submit ourselves not only to those in authority over us who are kind, but also to those who are unjust (see 1 Peter 2:17-18). Keep in mind, the reason God asks us to do this is so that we are a testimony of His love to people who have never experienced His power. God does not delight in our suffering in these types of situations, but He does delight when we behave in a godly manner and glorify Him with our attitudes during them.
I know how difficult this sounds, but our peace must come from the confidence that the Lord will fight our battles for us. Hebrews 13:6 says, “So we take comfort and are encouraged and confidently and boldly say, The Lord is my Helper; I will not be seized with alarm [I will not fear or dread or be terrified]. What can man do to me?”
We are to keep our minds on God, who works “wonders in the earth” and makes wars cease. The Lord says, “Let be and be still, and know (recognize and understand) that I am God. I will be exalted among the nations! I will be exalted in the earth!” (Psalm 46:8-10, italics mine).
If we spend time meditating on the wonders that God is doing in the world and exalt Him above all of our differences with other people, we will enjoy a calm joy deep within our hearts. Then, when squeezed by the pressure of relationships and the trials of everyday life, we will emulate the soothing fruit of the Spirit.
We have outer lives and inner lives; there’s more to us than what we see when we look in the mirror. There’s another whole life going on inside each of us, and this inner life needs to learn to be still and know that God will work everything out for our good.
We know that people can pretend one thing on the outside and have something else totally different going on inside. And the Bible makes it very clear that our inner lives are more important than our outer lives to God, because He looks at our hearts. It was really life-transforming for me to realize that I might be fooling a lot of people, but I wasn’t fooling God.
For me to act as if everything were okay while I had strife in my heart was not pleasing to the Lord. I decided I had to find a way to make things right inside of me. Real peace cannot be faked. Even though we may hide our real attitudes from people, we cannot hide them from God, because He lives in us.
KEEP GOD’S TEMPLE FULL OF PEACE
First Corinthians 3:16 says, “Do you not discern and understand that you [the whole church at Corinth] are God’s temple (His sanctuary), and that God’s Spirit has His permanent dwelling in you [to be at home in you, collectively as a church and also individually]?”
The Scripture teaches us that when we are born again, we become the home of God. Isn’t that about the most awesome thing you can imagine? We are God’s home, we are His dwelling place, and we should want Him to be comfortable living in us.
No one is comfortable living in a house of strife, and the Holy Spirit is especially grieved when we are not in peace. All those years I spent in turmoil were wasted. The peace I enjoy now is so inspiring that I want to reach everyone in the world with the good news of its availability through Jesus.
Before I learned how to enjoy the inner life of peace, I was always angry; if not with somebody else, with myself. I found out that if I wanted to have peace, I had to choose peace.
When I read in First Peter 3:11 that we weren’t to just “desire peaceful relations” (italics mine), we are to pursue peace with everyone, I realized that this meant we aren’t to just wait for peace to happen.
I believe a lot of people desire to have peaceful relations, but they are waiting for the other persons to act right so they can feel peaceful. I always remind people that they don’t need a wishbone; they need backbone. We have to make peace happen.
PRACTICE BEING STILL
I found out that in many instances, Dave and I could have peace if I adapted myself a little bit, or if I chose not to say something that I really wanted to say. I discovered that simply being still made peace happen.
See, in the beginning, I wanted peace, but I wanted Dave to give it to me. I wanted my children to give it to me. I wanted God to give me peace, and so I was always praying: “Oh, God, give me peace.” But then I realized that Jesus had already left His peace with me, so begging God to give it to me was futile. I just needed to use the peace that was available deep within me.
I had enjoyed days when I was peaceful, I had plenty of money, nobody was bothering me, everybody was doing what I wanted, I was getting my way, I felt good, and the house was clean. But that was the kind of peace that the world gives us, and we don’t need the power of the Holy Spirit to have peace on days when everything is going well.
The peace that Jesus said He left for us is a deep sense of knowing that even though everything isn’t all right today, things will work out in the end. We believe this too shall pass. That peace is from the power of the Holy Spirit, and it equips us to have peace when it doesn’t make any sense to have peace. As Spirit-filled believers, we have the strength of the Holy Spirit not to worry even when there are plenty of things to worry about.
Calming down is something you do on purpose. You can get upset without trying to, but if you’re going to calm down, you will have to work at it. Keeping quiet is a powerful way to calm down. Often to have peace, as I just mentioned, I have to not say something that I really want to say. And I’m a talker, so usually it is hard for me not to make the point or have the last word. But I have learned that the fruit of peace is a greater reward than the temporary satisfaction of putting in my two cents. I’m learning that (as I said in chapter 16), being right is highly overrated. We usually strive to be right, but is it worth all we go through for the momentary, fleshly satisfaction we get from it?
Calming down is a decision. It has nothing to do with feelings. It is an act of obedience, and we do it to honor God because He lives in our house, and He’s saying: “I want it—I want some peace in this house. I want it quiet in here. I want you to be full of peace.”
What is normal for a Christian? Are we supposed to be all stirred up and anxious while trying to figure out something? Are we to be angry while wild thoughts and wicked imaginations go on inside of us? No. But it’s amazing how many people live that way; they go to church on Sunday and think that’s all it takes.
Having a right relationship with God is going to take a commitment of your time, and you’re going to have to dedicate your inner life—not just church attendance, a few good works, and a little bit of your money—to the Lord. A quiet spirit is probably the greatest sacrifice we can offer up to God.
Watchman Nee, author of The Spiritual Man, was a gifted preacher of the gospel in China during the early 1900s. He wrote the following excerpt about how Christians are to have quiet spirits:
“To aspire to live quietly” (1 Thess.4.11). This is the duty of every Christian. Modern Christians talk far too much. Sometimes their unuttered words surpass in number those that are spoken. Confused thought and endless speech set our spirits to wandering away from the control of our wills. A “wild spirit” often leads people to walk according to the flesh. How hard it is for believers to restrain themselves from sinning when their spirit becomes unruly. An errant spirit invariably ends up with an error in conduct.
Before one can display a quiet mouth he must first possess a quiet spirit, for out of the abundance of the spirit does the mouth speak. We ought to carefully keep our spirits in stillness; even in time of intense confusion our inner being should nevertheless be able to sustain an independent quietude. A placid spirit is essential to anyone walking after the spirit: without it he shall quickly fall into sin. If our spirit is hushed we can hear the voice of the Holy Spirit there, obey the will of God, and understand what we cannot understand when confused. Such a quiet inner life constitutes the Christian’s adornment which betokens something manifested outwardly.*
The thing we need to do when we are in trouble is hear from God. That’s why it’s so important that when we have some trial, some turmoil going on outwardly, we manage to keep our spirits quiet. If we get all
stirred up inside, we are not going to hear from God. We cannot understand Him when we are confused and then cannot obey the will of God.
We will have peace when we learn to maintain an inner quiet. That’s not a job we can give to God; we have the job of leaning on the power of the Holy Spirit by faith to maintain a quiet spirit. Then we can hear from God and obey the leading of His Spirit. I share more about how to do this in my book titled How to Hear from God.
When we get disturbed in the flesh, we release idle words that cause damage. But being still isn’t just refraining from speech; it is about living every day in a calm state of confidence in God that encourages the Holy Spirit to thrive in our house.
The serenity of God’s presence makes us attractive to others and is a powerful testimony of God’s work in our lives. I just love peace. I’m addicted to peace. Paul knew the value of peace, as we see when he was training Timothy, a young preacher. When he was giving Timothy instructions on how to handle his ministry, Paul told him, “Be calm and cool and steady, accept and suffer unflinchingly every hardship, do the work of an evangelist, fully perform all the duties of your ministry” (2 Timothy 4:5).
That is good advice for all of us. If we are calm and steady, people know they can depend on us. God can depend on us. No one has to wonder what we might be like one day from the next. When our unsaved friends see the calm and steady faith we have, they will be open to our testimony of the gospel. Stability is the fruit of living a peaceful life.