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The following is Mary's testimony of God's sustaining grace in their time of sorrow. I copied this from a speech she gave at a Missionary's Retreat in Nigeria, entitled "The Refiner's Fire." This was the closing part of her message.
Quote: I would like to close with an illustration of God's tender care and comfort through one of the times of pain in my life. I believe it was about my first time to begin comprehending God's refining process.
I feel my life has always been easy. I enjoyed the blessing of Christian parents and Christian schools and a wonderful Christian husband. Our first baby was born and as always, was very special. We called him Nathaniel, which meant "gift of God." Pregnancy had not come quickly so we considered him a special gift of God. When he was almost four months old, we visited with some friends who also had just had their first baby boy. However, he had contracted a fungus from the hospital, and died when he was about six weeks old. As I held my own little one, I thought, "How can Karen stand it?" and I cried many tears. The next week, our son was a little fussy one night and had a slight temperature. The next morning, I felt something was wrong. I called the doctor and he told me to bring him in. When we came into the office, Nathaniel could only weakly whimper. The nurse looked at him and immediately took him back to the examining room-bypassing many others who were waiting. Within a few minutes after looking at him, the doctor took my husband to his office and told him, "I believe your son has spinal meningitis." We took him to the hospital for a spinal tap. By that evening, he stopped breathing on his own. They immediately hooked him up to a respirator. The hospital was very kind to us and allowed us to stay in an empty room right across from his isolation unit. I remember the second day, beginning to comprehend the fact that God may be taking my baby from me, and burying my head in the pillow and just weeping my heart out. But I felt the Lord's comfort when He sent my sister and another friend to stand beside me. At first, I resented them, because I just wanted to cry in despair, but they didn't say anything; just let me cry. However, their presence soon helped me to quieten and feel the warmth of their love. I had never before realized the beauty of the family of God as scores of our friends came to wait with us the next few days. (I believe another way the Lord comforted us was by giving us so much to be thankful for. I had never gone and sat with someone who was waiting at the hospital and I certainly never expected so many to come and wait with us. The feeling of thankfulness helped replace some of the feeling of grief.) During one of the afternoons, Danny and I decided to take a walk outside. We had not left the hospital since we had arrived. There was a church across the street so we walked there and found the door open. We walked to the front and knelt to pray. After a few minutes, my husband picked up a hymnal and opened it. It opened to the song, "How Firm a Foundation." I am sure all of you know that beautiful hymn, but listen to the message it imparted to our hearts that day:
How firm a foundation, ye saints of the Lord
Is laid for your faith in His excellent word;
What more can He say than to you He hath said-
To you, who for refuge to Jesus have fled?
Fear not, I am with thee--O be not dismayed,
For I am thy God, I will still give thee aid;
I'll strengthen thee, help thee, and cause thee to stand,
Upheld by My gracious, omnipotent hand.
Note especially this verse:
When through the deep waters I call thee to go,
The rivers of sorrow shall not overflow;
For I will be with thee thy trials to bless,
And sanctify to thee thy deepest distress.
This verse was the climax:
When through fiery trials thy pathway shall lie,
My grace, all-sufficient, shall be thy supply;
The flame shall not hurt thee--I only design
Thy dross to consume and thy gold to refine.
The soul that on Jesus hath leaned for repose,
I will not, I will not desert to his foes;
That soul, though all hell should endeavor to shake,
I'll never, no never, no never forsake.
As our son died a few days later, I realized I had gained a new assurance from the comfort that God gives those who suffer. In the past, as I had read or heard stories about those who were tortured for their faith, I always felt afraid. I didn't think I would be able to endure, to be able to stand the test, if the Lord ever asked me to go through something like that. I knew that God had said, "My grace is sufficient. ... " I knew He said, "I will not allow you to be tempted above that which you are able to bear, ... " But I had never experienced that special presence of the Lord "Who comforts us in all our tribulations" (2 Cor. 1:4) In this fiery trial, He helped me realize I could really trust Him. God is truly sovereign. Zechariah 13:9 says God promised that after He had brought His people through the fire and refined them like gold, "they shall call on my name, and I will hear them: I will say, It is my people: and they shall say, The Lord is my God."
By Mary McCain