Chapter Eleven
Josh ran across the road without looking, skipping around a car that had to brake to avoid hitting him. The driver swore loudly but Josh ignored him, racing off through the dunes and onto the beach. His vision blurred - he was crying. He rubbed the tears away angrily.
Lion Rock loomed above him. Splashing through the water he mounted the steps that were cut into the rock’s base, and within seconds he was climbing the wooden steps, rising rapidly away from the beach, past the slip and then up the final steps to the grassy knoll above. He halted here, his breathing laboured and his head spinning; he’d ascended too rapidly and his lungs were deprived of oxygen. He sat down on the seat next to the pou and tried to catch his breath.
He could hear sounds from below as someone made their way up the slope, but for the time being he was alone. He rested his head in his hands, his breath searing his lungs and his muscles protesting their exertion. He wanted to cry, but he had no breath to do it. He could only gulp air into his parched mouth and try to ease the tightness in his chest.
The approaching climber was making their way up the last few steps before the grass knoll. Josh jumped down from the seat and made his way along a faint path in the grass to the left of the knoll where he couldn’t be seen. He sat down on the grass, put his chin on his knees and closed his eyes.
His thoughts were jumbled. For the last few days he’d been able to believe that this was just another holiday like many others before, but the arrival of the sign on the verge had changed all that. It brought home to him the reality of the situation, that they were going to lose the bach, just like they were going to lose the house. It wasn’t fair. His life was out of his control and there was nothing he could do about it.
Josh heard a movement beside him and opened his eyes. Hayden stood next to him.
“I suppose my dad sent you,” he said.
“No, he was helping the agent pick up the bits of the sign,” Hayden said, and sat down beside him. “Man, you should have seen that guy’s face when you kicked that sign down.”
“Have they put it back up?”
“No, your dad said it was better to leave it. The agent complained that it wouldn’t attract buyers, but your dad insisted. Doesn’t want a repeat, I guess.”
“So it’s still on the market?”
“I think so. What’s up anyway?”
“My dad’s bankrupt. His business failed.”
“And you have to sell the bach?”
“Apparently.”
“And you don’t want him to?”
“Obviously. Look, will you cut the questions? I don’t want to talk about it right now.”
“Sure.”
Josh lay back on the grass, his hands behind his head, and closed his eyes. He expected Hayden to move on, but the boy stayed, even though Josh was ignoring him. For a while they didn’t speak. Voices drifted to them from the knoll to their right, but the cicadas drowned out most of the words. A question formed on his lips and he wondered whether he should ask it. Josh was curious, but uncertain what Hayden’s reaction would be. In the end he just asked.
“How did your dad die?”
Hayden was silent and Josh thought he wasn’t going to answer. It was so quiet for so long that Josh thought that Hayden had gone after all and he hadn’t heard him. He opened one eye, but Hayden was still beside him, staring into the distance. Josh closed the eye again. He was obviously not going to get an answer.
“Heart attack,” Hayden said, surprising Josh.
“Yeah?”
“I was waiting for him to pick me up from training but he never arrived.”
“Training?”
“Yes, I play water polo; I’m in my school’s team”
Josh cringed; he’d made a fool of himself the previous day, asking if Hayden could swim. This guy could probably swim circles around him and throw a ball while doing it. No wonder he’d had such strength in his arm when he had stopped him from hitting his father.
“There was no warning – he didn’t have any symptoms” Hayden continued. “He was at work when it happened. They tried CPR but he was gone - just like that. I waited for ages for him to pick me up. Then my uncle came in the end. He was upset and wouldn’t tell me anything. Mum told me when I got home. That’s when it all fell apart. I haven’t been to training since. I think I failed all my exams, too. Nothing seems to have any point. They tell me it’ll get better in time, but I want it to be better now. I don’t want to feel this way anymore.”
Hayden became silent. Josh sat up, but didn’t know what to say. He’d never had this kind of conversation with anyone before. He thought Hayden had finished, but the boy started talking again.
“I saw him at the funeral home. He looked like he was asleep in the coffin, but when I touched him he was hard and cold. I didn’t want to go to the funeral, but Mum said I had to, said I had to have closure, like I could close a door and never have to think about it again. I had no control over anything.”
Hayden stopped. Josh looked over at him and noticed tears running down his cheeks. Hayden appeared to be unaware that he was crying.
“School was worse,” Hayden said. “No one knew what to say to me so they said nothing. They’d avoid me. Perhaps they were scared I’d burst into tears or something. Everyone had gone back to their own lives and they expected us to do the same, but it wasn’t ever going to go back to the way it was before. Dad had gone and he wasn’t coming back.” He paused. “Some days it was so bad I’d feel like killing myself.”
“Would you?” Josh asked, alarmed now.
“What, kill myself?” Hayden asked.
Josh nodded.
“No, I couldn’t do that to my mum. I know she’s trying to be strong, but she’s like an ice cream cone. One bit of pressure and she’ll crumble. Nah, it’s bad enough Dad’s gone. It’s just her and me now. We have to be strong for each other.”
“Why does she want you to surf?”
“She wants me to get back in the water - to start playing again. I stopped when dad died and I haven’t been able to return to it. She thinks it would be good for me – to go back to doing what I did before, take my mind off it, but the trouble is it’s always there. Nothing is going to take it away.”
“Surfing might help,” Josh said, thinking how surfing made him forget all his problems. “I’ll show you a few things tomorrow,” he added.
“You will?” Hayden asked. “For sure, not like today when you buggered off?”
“If you really want to.”
“I’d like to give it a go, as long as you’re not doing it because you feel sorry for me.”
“No,” Josh said with a laugh, although he knew there was some truth in what Hayden said. “Someone has to teach you. It might as well be me.”
“Deal,” Hayden said.
Suddenly Josh felt better, although he had no idea why.