He couldn’t breathe. Water filled his nose and mouth. The leash of his board had snapped; his lifeline had gone. He couldn’t find the surface. He needed air. The light grew brighter and he struck out towards it. His hands found the open space above the water first, and then he burst through. He gulped air into his lungs. Across the water, a short distance away, he saw himself and his face reflected back his fear. Then the next wave took him and pushed him under, and this time he knew he wouldn’t surface. He felt a hand grip his wrist.
“Josh, Josh, wake up, for heaven’s sake.”
His father was staring down at him.
He was on the sofa in the bach. He could breathe. He wasn’t drowning.
He took a deep, shuddering breath and said, “Just a dream.”
“More like a nightmare.” His father released his wrist. “What was it about?”
“I keep dreaming that I’m drowning.”
“Drowning?”
“Yes, I’m in a hole and I can’t get out. It’s horrible.”
“It would be. Are you alright now?” His father looked worried.
“I think so.” His breathing returned to normal. He pushed back the blanket that covered him and, as he sat up, the memory of the accident came back to him. He wished that he could return to the oblivion of sleep.
His father looked like he was about to say something more, when the phone rang.
“Yes, he’s okay,” Josh heard his father say. “He’s been sleeping.” He didn’t mention the dream. “How’s things there?” His father frowned as he listened and Josh became apprehensive as he tried to read his father’s face. “Yes, I’ll tell him. You take care, love
His father looked over at him as he put down the phone.
“That was your mother. She’s phoning from the hospital. Hayden’s got a head injury, a broken leg and a broken rib which has punctured a lung. He’s in theatre. They’re going to put pins in his leg and repair the punctured lung. Your mother’s going to stay with Penny until Hayden comes out. She sends her love.”
“Can’t she come out here?” Josh asked. He knew it was childish, but at that moment he wanted his mother.
“No. Penny’s in such a state that your mother doesn’t want to leave her.”
“She left us,” Josh pointed out.
“For God’s sake, Josh, stop being so damned selfish. The circumstances are different.”
“Why can’t she come back?”
“Josh, I really don’t want to argue. I don’t think you should be getting so stressed out either. They said you had to take it easy.”
Josh felt that the walls were beginning to close in on him. He had to get out. He stood up and headed for the door.
“Where are you going?” his father asked anxiously.
“To sit on the dunes and watch the sea.”
“You’re not going anywhere else, just to the dunes?”
“Yes, Dad, don’t worry. I’m not going to do anything stupid. I just need some space.”
“Take your hat,” his father said, holding it out to him.
Josh grabbed it and rammed it on his head as he went out the door onto the deck then across the road and over the sand dunes.
He was hardly aware of the sea conditions and didn’t take note of where the waves were forming or whether the surf was good or bad.
He sat down on the sand, crossed his legs and put his head in his hands. He let the tears come, the tears that he’d tried to keep inside since the accident. He cried not only for Hayden, but the loss of his family stability and the inevitable loss of the bach.
He knew now that there were some things over which he had control, and some over which he had no control. He could control his surfboard in the water, but he couldn’t control his father’s business. He could control the way he treated people, but he couldn’t control his parents’ relationship. He could control his emotions, but he couldn’t stop himself from being hurt. When it came down to it, he could only do something about those things over which he had control. The rest he just had to learn to accept.
Josh eventually ran out of tears and he wiped his face on the sleeve of his T-shirt. He looked out at the sea, noting the conditions for the first time. The weather system in the Tasman was having an effect on it. The waves were higher, the sea lumpy, the wind skimming the top of each wave as it broke.
After watching the sea for a while, he decided it was time to go back inside. He wasn’t in the mood for surfing that day.
He stood up, turned his back on the sea and made his way through the sand dunes. His arm was sore and the side that Bevan had kicked was beginning to throb. He had just reached the pohutukawa tree across the road from the bach when he saw the black convertible pulled into his drive. He stopped and watched as Gina got out of the car, walked to the bach, climbed the steps and halted at the front door. He saw his father come out to meet her and she handed him something.
Josh stepped into the shadows of the pohutukawa tree as she made her way back to the car. Rhys was in the driver’s seat. There was no sign of Bevan. The car pulled out of the drive and headed away from the bach, on the road that would take it out of Piha.
Only when the car was well out of sight did he walk slowly back to the house. His father held an envelope in his hand, which he handed to Josh as he came inside.
“Gina dropped this off,” his father said. “I told her you were out. I didn’t think you wanted to talk to her.”
“No, I didn’t. Thanks Dad.”
He’d told his father earlier that he’d broken up with Gina. He was thankful that his father hadn’t made any comment.
He sat down and opened the envelope. Inside was a single sheet of paper with Gina’s handwriting on it. He could smell her perfume.
‘Dear Josh’ he read.
‘I wanted to talk to you, but when I rang your phone your Dad answered and said that you were out. Rhys is leaving soon to go to town so I’ll drop this off on the way out.
I’m going back into town and I’m not coming back. I can’t stay here anymore. I’m sorry, I need to sort out all this stuff in my head. Please ring me when you get back.
Love Gina
PS: I heard about the accident this morning. I hope Hayden will be okay.’
Josh screwed up the letter and threw it in the rubbish bin.
“What was it?” his father asked.
“Junk mail,” Josh replied, and went to his room. He couldn’t deal with Gina just yet. It would have to wait.