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Toni hadn't called home since yesterday morning despite plenty of opportunity and she would admit she'd been playing out another life in her imagination – one in which Johnny and, perhaps, even the boys didn't exist. Until this evening Rob had shown her increasing respect. He had a crush on her for sure, and she'd done nothing to discourage that, probably done everything to egg him on. She knew talking about adultery, when they were at Arcadia, was outrageous. And then, being so close together on the waterslide. When they’d set out for the restaurant this evening, Toni had assumed she and Rob would end up in bed that night. But he'd chosen to get more and more drunk with Owen. He'd betrayed her and that was unforgivable. She dialled home.
Toni and Johnny had met in Casualty after he'd crashed his motorbike – a furious friend's, in fact – and she was on duty. He suffered a compound fracture of his left tibia and, because he needed extensive reconstructive surgery, she often bumped into him, hobbling around the hospital, chatting to everyone. Johnny was charming and good looking in a battered surfer sort of way, but Toni was struck most by his lack of self-pity and his innocence. They dated, and, for no reason obvious to her, got married, produced the twins, and now seem to be on the point of separating. She'd changed over those years, of course, warped by the frustration of living on a single income, working her butt off, yet always on the margin. So maybe it wasn't Johnny who'd got worse. Perhaps, only in her eyes had his lack of self-pity become an inability to improve, his casual approach to life morphed into paralysing laziness and his innocence shown to be infuriating gullibility. And worse, somehow, bit-by-bit, Johnny had slowly disappeared as a person. When the cast was finally cut off and the pins taken out, his leg had withered and, now, the rest of him seemed to have gone the same way. All their mail was addressed to her. Why would anyone write to him? Johnny has become an after-thought, to be ticked as 'other' on official forms. When was the last time she'd asked about his day? Well, for one thing she'd stopped asking because he didn't have 'a day' like other people, and it would only embarrass him if she quizzed him on what he'd actually done. Then she'd stopped thinking about his life altogether. Poor Johnny.
"Hello." Toni spoke first.
"Tones?" Johnny sounded elated at the sound of her voice.
"Did I wake you up?"
"Oh, no, no, not at all." Clearly, she had. "It's awesome to hear from you. I'll get the boys, shall I?"
"No!" She hadn't meant to sound so bossy. "No, no, no, it's OK, love. Look, I'm sorry I haven't phoned. I haven't really had the right opportunity."
"Oh right. Yeah, yeah, yeah – meetings and all that. Heck, I know what it's like when you're away on business. Yeah."
"Yeah."
"When are you coming home?" Johnny said, breaking the lengthening silence.
"Tomorrow."
"Awesome. What time?"
"We land at 4.30." Toni wondered if the 'we' registered so clearly with him as it had with her. "Will you pick me up?"
"Yeah, yeah, yeah. The boys are fine. They've been awesome." Johnny started to gush. He probably hadn't spoken to another adult since she left. "Byron didn't want a nappy last night, and Kyron wasn't that wet either. And Byron drew this brilliant picture of you on a plane flying over our house with all of us in it – it's really cool, yeah. And Kyron, I couldn't really make out what his was about. I think it was the cat or maybe a doughnut. Anyway, we've really missed you, love. Are you sure you don't want me to wake them up?"
"No, let them sleep."
"In our bed," Johnny added sheepishly, no doubt expecting her to tell him off, and well aware it had been her, not their bed, for at least a month.
Toni laughed but her voice cracked and she must go. "See you tomorrow. I miss you guys." I miss you guys so much it's ripping my heart out.
Toni rested her forehead against a pillar of the restaurant portico. Her eye fitted plush in the plaster groove, and her tears trickled down the gully. She didn't know whether she had the strength to go back inside, but she did.