Brett met her gaze, but held his silence. It was probably better if she believed Dereck had been the guardian of the next generation of the family. He wasn’t used to anyone considering him anything but a cold-blooded shark.
She shook her head. “No. It was you. But how much of it? Did you help Nicolette along the way? Tell me you didn’t rig the contest she won. She’s so proud of that.”
“No, I didn’t rig it. I don’t believe in handing success to anyone. All I’ve ever done was make sure they had what they needed. They brought the talent. I merely removed obstacles.”
“With Spencer, too?”
Brett didn’t admit to it. He didn’t need to. She knew.
She said, “He has no idea.”
“Exactly.”
“You need to tell him. All of them. They grew up thinking you didn’t care about them. Imagine if this brought you all closer.”
He loved that she believed the world worked that way, but he didn’t want her to discover herself in hotter water with his family. “How would Spencer handle discovering I had anything to do with his success?”
She whistled. “He’d hate it.” She sat straight up and turned to look down at him. “But they deserve to know. It might change everything.”
He sat up as well and took her hand in his. “Things are already changing, but the last thing Spencer needs right now is another reason to doubt himself.”
Her shoulders slumped. “Because of me. You’re right, your family is still reeling from the last time I tried to help them. I need to learn to mind my own business.”
He hated the sadness that had entered an evening he’d planned to make her happy. “You didn’t make the mess my family is in.”
She wiped a tear from the corner of her eye. “You didn’t, either.” After a quiet moment, she said, “Your family deserves to know how much you love them.”
He held her eyes. “They will. Someone came into my office and made me see that they need more from me. I intend to be more visible in their lives now.”
“Yeah, you’re a real bastard,” she said with a chuckle as she wiped another tear away.
“A miserable one,” he added. At least, I was before I met you. He kept that last part to himself. He wasn’t ready to verbalize how she made him feel.
The expression in her eyes changed. Desire replaced sadness, and he felt the power of it like a punch in the gut. One kiss was all it would take for him to put aside the reasons he was holding back. One kiss would likely be enough to topple her resolve.
And it would be so fucking good.
But then what?
She loves my family. Genuinely, wholeheartedly loves them. And they love her.
Being with me could destroy that.
“I’m ready to call it a night. Ready?” He edged off the daybed and held out a hand to her.
She took it and allowed him to help her to her feet. She searched his face, then nodded. “I’ve seen this movie a hundred times, anyway.”
They stood there simply staring into each other’s eyes. Her breathing was as shallow as his, and he could almost hear her questions. She’s wondering if I’ll leave her at her door without a kiss or carry her to my bed.
He turned and started walking. She fell into step beside him.
He let out a harsh breath.
I’m asking myself the same damn thing.
Chapter Twenty
A few minutes later, with Brett beside her, Alisha took her key lanyard out but stopped before opening the door to her room. What had he asked? “Is there any version of us where you don’t end up hating me when it ends?”
That didn’t sound like a man who was using her to steal a win from his brother. In fact, nothing about him supported that fear.
He was honest with her, though, about not seeing what they had as something that would last. That should have been reason enough to not give in to temptation, but it wasn’t.
No man she’d ever been with compared to him, and none ever would. He was cocky in his confidence, humble in his kindness, and sexy as hell. A woman could spend her life looking and never find a man who stepped up and did what needed to be done without complaint or expectation of gratitude.
Is there any version of us where I don’t end up hating myself? That’s the better question.
I’m beginning to resent Rachelle.
I shouldn’t have to choose.
But since when does life work out the way it should?
If it did, Brett’s family would see him for the good man he is. They would pull together instead of apart when life throws shit at them.
Blue diamonds flashed on her wrist, and she turned to him. “Did you create a raffle so I’d win the bracelet?” He opened his mouth to answer, but she placed her fingers across his lips. “It doesn’t matter, does it? Either way, I’ll never wear it without smiling and remembering this trip with you. You need to know, though, that if you did arrange it after I said I didn’t want it—I’m not upset. I’m beginning to understand you, and I wish the world had more people like you in it.” She lowered her hand.
He caught it and held it tightly. “I wish I were half the man you think I am.”
She leaned forward, ready for the kiss he looked about to give her. His nostrils flared. Her eyes fluttered closed, and her body hummed in anticipation.
The kiss didn’t come, though. Eventually, Alisha blushed and her eyes flew open. His expression was tight with the same hunger raging through her, but he let her hand go. “I enjoyed today.”
“Me, too.” Before she had time to think about how desperate she might sound, she asked, “Will I see you for breakfast?”
His lips pressed together for a moment, then he said, “I have e-mails piling up. Some can’t wait.”
“I understand.” She didn’t, though. He looked angry with her, but they hadn’t argued. She actually felt like their day together had brought them closer in a way she’d never expected.
He groaned, raised a hand, and buried it in the hair on the back of her neck. “Alisha, I—”
“Yes?”
His hand dropped, and he turned away. “Good night.”
He was at his door and gone before she had a chance to respond. To the empty hallway, she whispered, “Good night.”
Alisha let herself into her room, threw her key on the shelf, and kicked off her shoes. Fully clothed, she let herself fall backward onto her bed. Sexual frustration warred with embarrassment. She’d all but offered herself to him, and he walked away.
Which is for the best.
She pulled a pillow over her head. So why do I feel like I’m dying?
Rolling onto her side, she punched the pillow. I’m being an idiot. I spend half the day thinking he might be using me and the other half mooning over the perfection of him.
I tell him I don’t want to be with him, then hate him for respecting my stance. He doesn’t want to hurt me, doesn’t want to hurt his family.
Asshole.
She punched the pillow again. Since when do I need a man to be happy? I don’t.
Definitely not someone like him.
Flopping onto her back, she replayed the day in her mind. The more she reviewed, the worse she felt for trying to vilify him to console herself.
Yeah, because who wants a gorgeous, sweet man who puts the welfare of his family first?
She couldn’t imagine anyone fearing him, not if they really knew him. She thought back to when Mark had wanted to die at home rather than in a hospital. The insurance had denied covering Stephanie’s requests for visiting nurses in addition to hospice because Mark’s illness had been long and expensive. Yet then they’d reversed their decision without explanation. At the time, Stephanie had been too grateful to question why, but Alisha wondered what she’d think if she knew it was Brett who had likely made that happen.
He loves his family so much more than they know.
His family.
Not mine.
The last week had slapped Alisha with the
painful realization that when push came to shove, she was not one of them. She could have been there for them, but instead she was on the outside, wondering if she would ever be close to them again.
Did Brett feel the same?
He’d said the summer had been a humbling series of realizations that there were things he couldn’t fix. His family was one of them. She was sure. She wished there was some way she could help Rachelle and the others see what a good brother they actually had.
Brett was right, she couldn’t tell them all he’d done, but surely there was something she could say. Rachelle wouldn’t be happy when she found out that she and Brett had been on a cruise together. I keep worrying about upsetting her more, but there’s no avoiding that one.
She raised her arm so she could see the diamond bracelet. Which parts of this matter, and which are just bullshit? I should be able to accept a gift from anyone I want without Rachelle hating me for it. I should be able to acknowledge how I feel about Brett without feeling like a traitor.
None of that should change the fact that Brett has been a good brother, even if it was behind the scenes.
She took out her phone to text Rachelle. There were things her friend needed to know, even if it ended their friendship.
Are you there?
Yes.
How is everyone?
As good as can be expected. I haven’t seen much of anyone besides Mom and Nicolette. Everyone else is MIA. How are you?
Okay. Alisha took a deep breath. Brett is with me. You and I have never had secrets. I didn’t know how to tell you, but I also don’t want you to find out from someone else.
Rachelle didn’t write a response.
Alisha continued, I know you’re not happy about it, but there’s something I need to say. Please, just listen for a moment. Alisha took Rachelle’s lack of answer as permission to go on. With shaking hands, she typed: I didn’t mean for anything to happen between us. Honestly, nothing really has, because neither of us wants to hurt you. You need to know that about your brother. He loves you so much. Your happiness is important to him. You may not see it, and he may not know how to show you, but he would do anything for you. I’m okay that you’re angry with me, but don’t be with him. This was my fault, not his.
All I asked was for you to not be with him now. Right now. While my family is falling apart.
I know. And that’s why we haven’t done anything. I swear we haven’t. We’ve spent time as friends, but it hasn’t gone further than that.
But you’re on a cruise together now?
Yes. She could have defended herself. She could have explained that Brett had joined her on a cruise that she hadn’t invited him on. But no. She refused to do that to Brett, and she wasn’t all that certain that Rachelle deserved an explanation.
There was a long pause. Then Rachelle wrote: If you’re looking for permission to fuck him, just do it. I don’t care anymore.
Rachelle’s harsh words cut through Alisha and tears filled her eyes. She dropped the phone beside her. Her gut reaction was to hit back, but that wouldn’t make any of it better. Not for her, Rachelle, or Brett.
She picked up her phone and called Rachelle. If their friendship was about to come to an end, it wouldn’t be because she hadn’t fought for it. As soon as Rachelle picked up, Alisha said, “You do care. You’re angry. This sucks. I know. Guess what, it sucks for me, too. Do you think you’re the only one hurting right now? I love you, all of you. I’m sorry that Spencer found out about his father the way he did. I wish I could go back and not agree to the fake engagement. You have no idea how much I regret going to see your grandmother. But I don’t regret Brett. He has been the only good in all this.”
Rachelle’s voice was thick with emotion. “You like him. I get it. But did you have to do this right now? No matter what Spencer says, he’ll feel like he lost to Brett again.”
“No, he hasn’t. They’re not in competition. Or they shouldn’t be. They’re brothers. And I’m not some prize that someone won or lost. Spencer and I were never really engaged. You know that. You came up with the idea.”
“So now this is my fault.”
Alisha shook her head. “It’s no one’s fault. Sometimes shit just happens.” Thank you, Brett, for helping me see that. I’ve been drowning in an ocean of guilt that I heap on myself. Not everything is my fault. Sometimes shit happens. You can let it hold you down, or you can fight it off and stand back up. “I love you, Rachelle, but I deserve better than this. I’m not asking you for permission to do anything because I don’t need it. I’ve always thought of you as my sister, which should mean that we support each other through the tough times. That’s what friends do. Call me when you remember that.”
Alisha hung up and covered her face with her hands. Maybe she’d made the situation better. Maybe she’d made it worse. But she was done hiding bruises—physical or emotional.
Brett paced the length of the suite’s living room, hating how he’d left it with Alisha. One more look from her, one touch, and he would have kissed her with all the pent-up fire within him. Instead, he’d done what he’d never respected anyone for: he’d retreated.
He told himself it was for her, but it was also for himself. The way she made him feel scared him. It was too intense, too beyond his ability to control. If he gave it the power to, it might consume him.
So I ran.
Deciding that a shower might help clear his head, he removed his shirt and shorts, but continued to pace in his boxer briefs. He should just knock on her door. Fuck everyone else and how they felt. Whatever he and Alisha did was none of their business. It shouldn’t stop them from doing what they both wanted to do.
I feel that way, but Alisha doesn’t. That’s what matters.
That’s why I’m here instead of there.
He called his sister and was surprised when she picked up on the first ring. “We need to talk, Rachelle.”
“About Alisha, I’m guessing,” she said, then sniffed. “I know you’re with her.”
“I am.” Something in her voice made him ask, “Are you okay?”
“Not really, but what did you call to say?”
“You can talk to me, Rachelle. It doesn’t matter about what.”
She made a sound like she was about to cry, then held it back. “It’s nothing you don’t already know, but it’s hard. I just got off the phone with Alisha. But you probably already know that.”
“No, I said good night to her a while ago. What happened?”
“We argued about you.”
His gaze flew to the connecting door. Was Alisha as upset as Rachelle sounded? “Alisha didn’t invite me here. In fact, she has told me on several occasions that she couldn’t see me because it would upset you. I couldn’t stay away from her. If you’re angry with anyone, be angry with me.”
Rachelle sniffed again. “The only one I’m angry with is myself. I just keep making mistake after mistake. Things are bad here, Brett, and every time I try to help, I seem to make it worse. Alisha and Spencer’s engagement was my idea. Look how that turned out. Mom barely comes out of her room. Spencer said he’s done with all of us. I’ve never seen them like this before. Nicolette came home drunk the other night. She told Mom she had no right to keep that kind of secret from all of us, and she wants a paternity test done because she won’t believe anything Mom says from now on. I know none of this was Alisha’s fault. I told her to stay away from you only because I was afraid if Spencer found out you were with her, things would get worse. I’m not sure they can, though.”
“Alisha is a loyal friend to you.”
“I know that.” She let out a shaky sigh. “I don’t know what to do, Brett—about any of this.”
“Do you want me to come home?”
“No. A week won’t make a difference. But maybe you could come see Mom when you return? I can’t reach her.”
Brett wasn’t sure he could either, but he’d try. “It’s all going to be okay, Rachelle. Families survive worse than thi
s all the time.”
“Do they?”
He had no fucking idea, but he said what he knew she needed to hear. “Absolutely. I’ll come see you when I return, but right now you need to call Alisha back. She thinks she can lose you over this.”
“She won’t. She’s my best friend. I love her. I’ll always love her.”
“I’m not the one you need to say that to.” He hung up, walked over to the connecting door, and laid his hand flat on it. He couldn’t force his sister to do the right thing, but he hoped she did. Either way, he wanted to be there for Alisha. He raised his hand to knock on the door but lowered it when he heard her phone ring. Normally, he couldn’t hear her in her room, but standing at the door, he could. He told himself to walk away, but stayed where he was.
“Hi.”
A short pause. He couldn’t hear the other side of the conversation, but that didn’t stop him from hanging on Alisha’s every word.
“I’m sorry, too.”
A long pause.
“Oh, I’m so sorry to hear that. Of course I understand.”
Silence.
“I love you, too.”
Pause.
“I promise. I’ll call as soon as I get home.”
Her voice rose in surprise when she said, “He did? What did he say?”
Brett held his breath.
“I know I said I didn’t need your permission, but I won’t do anything if you think it’ll hurt you or Spencer. You’re my family.”
Nothing could have dragged Brett away from the door just then.
“Are you sure? I don’t even know if he’s still interested. I’ve turned him down so many times.”
Would knocking on the door and yelling, “I sure as hell am!” be wrong?
“I’ll tell you how it goes. Yes, I’ll keep those details to myself, but do you think I should wait until tomorrow to talk to him? He said he had work to do.”
No e-mails here. Not a single one I care enough to read.
“I can’t just knock on the door and tell him that you’re okay with us being together.”
Yes, you can. In fact, saying it naked would be even better.
“You’re funny. Yes, I’ll call you tomorrow to give you the G-rated version of what happens. Love you.”