Chapter Eight
Visitors
Soo-Kai and Rolf were in their fifth year together. Rolf was in the pit of his depression. He spent most of the day wandering in the forest on his own, leaving Soo-Kai at the house. Things had never been worse between them. They had even stopped making love together; Rolf seemed to lose heart in it. Soo-Kai worried about him, but she knew that it was she that was the cause of his sadness, and because of this there was nothing she could do. She was content to wait for Rolf to come out of his depression on his own, but it had been a long wait, and it didn’t look like it would end soon.
It was midsummer. They were both in the house after having been out to collect firewood and water. As was the way with them recently, they hardly spoke. What they did they did mechanically, and through habit. Soo-Kai had just put down the bucket when she sensed the other Destroyer. She stood completely still and raised her head. She took three or four quick breaths through her nose. Yes, she could smell her. She was close, and she was not alone. Being in the house restricted her senses. But if Soo-Kai could smell them, they could smell her. She took several more quick sniffs.
Rolf was busy stacking the firewood next to the fire. He didn’t hear Soo-Kai taking her rapid breaths, he wasn’t listening. But when he turned and saw her look of concentration, and the way she was standing bolt upright on tiptoe, her neck out-stretched and her head back, he knew that something was wrong.
“What is it?” he said, standing up.
“A Destroyer comes,” Soo-Kai said taking another breath. “She is not alone.”
Rolf thought the worse. “Are there many of them?”
“No. Just two. The Destroyer and a man.”
Now that confused Rolf. What would another man be doing with a Destroyer? Or was that a silly question? Soo-Kai was already heading for the door. Rolf quickly followed her.
It was early afternoon. The sun was still high and it was warm. The house was in a small clearing in the forest where the trees were sparser. They could see a little way, but soon all was blocked by more trees. Even the stream where they got their water was lost from view. Rolf looked around, but he could see no one.
“Where are they?” he asked.
“This way.” Soo-Kai took Rolf’s arm and led him around the house to the side. She stood still and pointed. “There.”
Rolf stared. Just beyond the line of trees, almost hidden from view, were two horses. A man and a woman stood in front of them. They seemed to be talking. As Rolf watched, they started to walk forward, leading their horses behind them. They came into the clearing, and Soo-Kai immediately reached for the back of her neck. Rolf saw her movement and quickly grabbed her before she could draw her sword.
“No, Soo-Kai!” he shouted. “If they are together, they must be bonded, like us!”
Soo-Kai began to struggle with him. She looked agitated and alarmed, almost frightened. “Release me, Rolf! You know I cannot fight you! Let me draw my sword!”
“But why? Stop this!”
“Because she is an Outsider!”
Rolf glanced at the two who approached. They were standing still now, staring at them. “But they’re bonded! She won’t hurt you!”
“She is an Outsider, I am an Insider! Neither of us will accept the bond of the other! We must still fight!”
Rolf continued to wrestle with Soo-Kai, but he looked again at the man and the woman. What he saw surprised him, and he renewed his efforts. Soo-Kai was right, he knew that she could not fight against him with much vigour, but it was a test he had never tried until now. Even so, it wasn’t easy. Wrapping his arms around Soo-Kai, he finally managed to pin her arms to her sides, then he pulled her to the ground. They both ended up on their knees. Soo-Kai looked very distressed.
“Let me go, Rolf! Please!” she begged.
“No! Look, Soo-Kai!” He twisted her around, turning her towards them. “Look at them! See? He does the same with her! You will not fight! Now stop this and be calm! I demand it!”
Soo-Kai looked, and slowly she stopped wriggling. She stared at the man with the other Destroyer. Just like her and Rolf, they were struggling together. The man held the Destroyer’s wrist, pulling her hand from her neck. He had his other arm around her, and as they struggled, he pulled her back, and she fell over. The man sat on her, but she continued struggling, her legs kicking.
Soo-Kai stared in wonder. “We are the same,” she muttered.
Rolf hung on to Soo-Kai even though she had stopped struggling and seemed calm. Like her, he watched the man sitting on the other Destroyer. Neither of them seemed to realise that they had already spoken to each other that day far more than they had done for the past week. Slowly the other Destroyer stopped kicking her legs. She grew calmer, and lay still. Finally the man looked over his shoulder and held up his hand. He smiled.
Rolf did something he hadn’t done in ages. He smiled back. “He has persuaded her as I have persuaded you. Come on, Soo-Kai. Get up. Let us meet our visitors.”
His name was Gustavo L’Poll. He was slightly older than Rolf, with jet-black curly hair, dark eyes and a complexion to match. He looked a bit meaner and harder than Rolf, but his smile was broad and genuine. Her name was Mai-Zen. Her height and shapely figure matched that of Soo-Kai almost perfectly. Only her face and features were different. She had a pronounced jawbone, giving her a slightly square face. Her eyes were bright blue, and her hair long and blonde. She was beautiful.
Gustavo introduced himself and Mai-Zen to Rolf and Soo-Kai. He smiled constantly, and kept his arm around Mai-Zen possessively. Rolf found himself doing the same as he introduced himself and Soo-Kai. The four of them stood together in the little clearing. Rolf and Gustavo just stood there smiling at one another, while Soo-Kai and Mai-Zen stared at one another with wide and nervous eyes. Then Gustavo turned to Mai-Zen.
“Is Soo-Kai not beautiful, Mai-Zen?” he asked her.
Mai-Zen nodded her head in short rapid jerks. She never took her eyes off Soo-Kai, and she didn’t speak.
Gustavo squeezed her waist. “Do you want to touch her?”
Mai-Zen looked terrified at the very idea. She shook her head vigorously. Gustavo laughed.
“Insiders, Outsiders, they hate one another with the venom of snakes! But each is as fascinated as the other! Look at how your Soo-Kai stares at my Mai-Zen!”
Rolf looked. It was true. It was as if Soo-Kai was mesmerised by the sight of the other Destroyer. Rolf suddenly realised what this meeting must mean to Soo-Kai. Insiders and Outsiders never met except to fight. Now here she was, face to face with an Outsider, and both their swords were un-drawn. Rolf smiled in a rather sad way. Soo-Kai didn’t know what to do. Neither of them knew what to do.
Rolf took Soo-Kai’s hand. “Why don’t you touch her?” he said.
Like Mai-Zen, Soo-Kai also shook her head vigorously.
Rolf didn’t give up. “Be brave, Soo-Kai. You know you want to really. It might be your only chance.”
Soo-Kai’s reply was curt. “No.”
Rolf kept talking, pulling her hand forward. “You’re both bonded. You’re both curious. This could be the only chance you ever get to touch an Outsider without hurting her. Come on; try it, Soo-Kai.”
Gustavo had taken Mai-Zen’s hand and also pulled it forward. “He’s right Mai-Zen. The mysteries of your opposite sisters are there for you to discover. Touch her, feel her. You and she could be the only two Destroyers to do this in the history of your race. Touch her, Mai-Zen.”
Rolf and Gustavo kept talking while they pulled the hands of the two Destroyers closer and closer together. Now both Destroyers stared at their own out-stretched hands in terror. As their fingers came ever closer, their eyes grew bigger and more round. Closer and closer. Mai-Zen began to whimper, Soo-Kai drew her leg up and fidgeted, twisting her body round as Rolf kept a firm grip around her waist. Finally, their fingers met. It was the tiniest, briefest of touches. Both Destroyers screamed and broke away. They shook their
hands in the air, blew on their fingers, and rubbed them on their clothes and on the grass.
Rolf looked on in amazement as Soo-Kai began licking her fingers. It was as if they had been burnt. Mai-Zen began to do the same.
Gustavo roared with laughter.
“Are they not jewels, Rolf?” he managed to say in his fit of laughing. “Would you swap them for anything else?”
Rolf shook his head as he continued to stare at Soo-Kai.
Then Mai-Zen walked up to Gustavo and smacked him on the chest.
“Pig!” she exclaimed.
Gustavo just laughed louder.
Gustavo and Mai-Zen stayed for the rest of the day and night. Rolf and Gustavo talked endlessly about their lives with their Destroyers. Gustavo had been with Mai-Zen for eleven years. Rolf was eager to know if they had children. Gustavo said not. Anyway, it suited their roving lifestyle. They had travelled across the mountains from Falonbeck to Halafalon because Gustavo wanted to see the castle that marked the sight of the great battles with the Destroyers. Gustavo was adventurous and a little too reckless for Rolf’s liking. But that was his choice. And apart from that, they got on well.
Gustavo was exactly what Rolf needed. He was bright, cheerful, and terribly mischievous. He talked about sex, he made passes at Soo-Kai, and he even suggested that all four of them set to it, right then and there on the table. At first Rolf was embarrassed, but when Gustavo roared with laughter, he realised that Gustavo had just been pulling his leg, that he had no intention of sharing Mai-Zen with anyone, not even with another Destroyer.
Slowly, Rolf warmed to the conversation and the laughter that Gustavo instilled. He was very infectious. Soon Rolf was talking in a way he hadn’t done for a long time. He began to smile, and he even laughed at Gustavo’s jokes.
Gustavo and Rolf talked about war, and about history, and always about Destroyers. They laughed, talked, ate and drank coffee for the rest of the day. And while they talked and laughed, Mai-Zen and Soo-Kai watched one another constantly.
At first they had both sat at the table next to Gustavo and Rolf. But as the day and the conversation wore on, Soo-Kai moved away and sat by the fire. The mattress that made their bed was now positioned against the opposite wall from the table. A rug now took its place by the fire. Soo-Kai sat on the rug and watched Rolf and Gustavo, happy that this human stranger had brought joy back to the face of her bond. But she was always conscious of Mai-Zen. It was very unsettling sharing their house with this Outsider.
It became even more unsettling when Mai-Zen came and sat next to her by the fire a short time later. Soo-Kai looked at her in annoyance. Then she got up and went outside. Mai-Zen watched her go. If Rolf and Gustavo noticed her leave, they didn’t show it, chatting on as before.
Soo-Kai sat in the fading sun with her back against the wall of the house. She could hear Rolf and Gustavo still talking inside. It pleased her that Rolf was happy, and she was content to be alone. Her solitude was short-lived. She had been there only a few minutes when Mai-Zen appeared and sat next to her. She sat quite close to Soo-Kai. Again Soo-Kai looked back at her in annoyance and shifted further along the wall. A moment later and Mai-Zen moved closer again.
Soo-Kai gave up. “Why do you pursue me?” she snapped. “Do you wish us to fight?”
“No,” Mai-Zen said as if hurt by the idea. “I was curious, that is all. Are you not curious?”
Soo-Kai hesitated before nodding her head. She looked at the clothes Mai-Zen wore. She had a tunic of leather that was open at the neck. It revealed a lot of her cleavage, and she didn’t seem to be wearing anything underneath it. Instead of leggings she wore a short skirt that left much of her legs exposed. The skirt and tunic were both plain black. In contrast, Soo-Kai wore a yellow blouse and red leggings. Both were richly embroidered and decorative. The only similarity in their outfits was their boots. Soo-Kai reached out and touched Mai-Zen’s skirt.
“Why are your legs bare?” she asked.
Mai-Zen shrugged. “Gust-Avo prefers to see my legs.”
“He likes to see your skin?”
“Yes, often and a lot. Does not your Rolf do the same?”
Soo-Kai nodded. “He does not ask me to wear things that expose my skin as you do, but he likes to look on me when we are alone together, and he likes to touch. He touches me a lot.”
“Yes, Gust-Avo also likes to touch. But does your Rolf not do this during the day, when you least expect it?”
“Sometimes, yes. And we copulate quite frequently.” The lies came easily, but she knew that she would be found out. “Rolf wants offspring.”
Mai-Zen nodded knowingly. “Gust-Avo is content that our genes do not match. We also copulate often. Gust-Avo likes to surprise me. He sees it as a challenge.”
“Rolf is not content,” Soo-Kai finally admitted. “He pines for the success of his seed. Our failure hurts him. We have not copulated for some time. We hardly speak.”
“I sensed this stress between you, and that you hid something from me. Can you not make the right balance?”
Soo-Kai felt relieved that the truth was out. “No,” she said sadly. “And you?”
“Gust-Avo’s blood is too mixed. There is not enough compatible material for me to use. It is the same with all the Terrans. Our numbers are now fewer than yours. The arrival of the Navak killed our race.”
They sat in silence a moment, then Mai-Zen reached out and tugged on Soo-Kai’s blouse. “You wear pretty things filled with colour.”
“Rolf made them for me. He always liked to spend time making things for me to wear. They are always pretty.”
Mai-Zen ran her hand down the side of Soo-Kai’s leggings. “He is good at his art. They fit you very well. He must like to see your shape.”
Soo-Kai stared at Mai-Zen’s hand as it traced her hip and thigh. “You touch me, but do not touch me.”
Mai-Zen took her hand away. “You scare me. Have you ever touched and not killed an Outsider before?”
Soo-Kai shook her head. “Have you ever touched and not killed an Insider?”
“No. Are you as scared of my touch as I am of yours?”
“No.”
In proof of her answer, Soo-Kai suddenly stretched out her hand and placed it on Mai-Zen’s bare thigh. Mai-Zen went rigid. She stared at the hand on her leg, and then she looked at Soo-Kai. It was like a catalyst. An instant later and they grabbed one another. They touched and explored, they sniffed and smelled each other, they ran their hands through one another’s hair, and they tugged at one another’s clothes and searched beneath. None of it was sexual, but all of it was curiosity gone wild. Each wanted to know the other so urgently, that they ended up wrestling about on the grass.
So absorbed were they that they didn’t notice the silence in the house until a voice said, “Are you decent?”
Soo-Kai and Mai-Zen disentangled themselves and looked up.
Gustavo’s head had appeared at the window above their heads. He had his hand over his eyes, although he left an obvious gap to peep through. “From the sounds of scuffling against this wall, you two fair maidens are either strangling one another, or you are deep in one another’s arms making passionate love together. Please tell me it is the latter, and Rolf and I will quickly join you!”
Mai-Zen said, “Pig!” and Gustavo laughed and disappeared.
Soo-Kai looked at Mai-Zen. “Why do you call him that?”
“He likes it. Humans are weird. Had you not noticed?”
The four of them spent the rest of the evening together in the house. Soo-Kai showed Mai-Zen some of the outfits Rolf had made for her. Afterwards, as the night grew cold, they all sat by the fire. Soo-Kai sat on Rolf’s lap, while Mai-Zen sat on Gustavo’s. Both Destroyers were hugged tightly as the four of them talked into the night. Soo-Kai and Mai-Zen talked more freely, and soon they were all talking like they had never done so before. Gustavo could make a joke of anything, even tragic events. Rolf and he would laugh,
while the two Destroyers would merely smile the weak half smile that they could manage.
Soon their minds turned to other things. Gustavo and Mai-Zen went outside, despite Rolf’s protests.
“The bedding and tent we bring on our horses is enough for us,” Gustavo told Rolf. “In any case, I would not be comfortable under a solid roof. I am by nature a roving soul. And to be fair, this is your house.”
Rolf tried to persuade him and Mai-Zen to stay and share their fire, but Gustavo said that they would light their own fire, and the argument was over.
When they were alone together, Rolf took Soo-Kai’s hand and sat with her next to the fire. She remained silent, watching him, and waiting. He had grown sad again, and he looked like he was about to cry. When he spoke, it was nervously.
“When we first met, and we sat by the fire like this, I told you that I would always love you. I broke that promise. I have been selfish, and hurtful. Can you forgive me?”
“I would forgive you even if you took up a knife and killed me,” she replied.
Her words caused the tears to come at last to Rolf’s eyes, and he embraced Soo-Kai, hugging her tightly. “Oh, my darling, Soo-Kai! I’m so sorry! I have treated you so badly! I pushed you away! For a while I even hated you! How you must have suffered!”
He began to kiss her all over her face and head. He kissed her again and again, talking between each kiss.
“I hate myself! I am so shallow! I never once thought of you! I am a fool! If you had taken up a knife and killed me, it would have been nothing less than I deserved!”
Soo-Kai held on to Rolf as tightly as he held her. “You deserve no such thing,” she said, her voice faltering as she spoke. “The fault is within me. I cannot do what you ask, and it is I that will always be sorry.”
Rolf held her head in his hands, staring into her face. “You’re crying,” he said in surprise.
She nodded, the tears running down her face as they did on his. “You see, my husband. You have not broken your promise to me. You said that you would teach me to cry, and you have. Now you must teach me to laugh.”
Rolf wiped the tears from her face and kissed her again. Then he hugged her tightly and they fell back on the rug in front of the fire.
That night, a man and a Destroyer found pleasure together both inside and outside the little house in the forest. And strangely enough, each Destroyer found herself in the right place according to her type.
When morning came, Soo-Kai went to fetch water from the nearby stream. Mai-Zen went with her. As Soo-Kai sank the bucket in the stream, Mai-Zen sat on the bank and splashed water on her face and neck. Instead of the black leather tunic, she was wearing a light blue blouse that she had liked, and that Soo-Kai had given to her. But she still wore the short skirt.
“Soo-Kai,” she said. “If we meet again and my bond with Gust-Avo is at an end, I will try my best not to kill you. If my will is not strong, then I will avoid you. Can you say the same?”
Soo-Kai sat down next to her. She shook her head sadly. “If we meet again, and my bond with Rolf has ended, I will kill you.”
Mai-Zen looked upset. “Do you not like me?”
“Yes. And because of this I tell you now that if we do meet again, and my bond is over, you must strike me first.”
“But why? Your will is strong, can you not try?”
“My mind is in compression.”
Mai-Zen suddenly understood. “How old are you?”
“Two thousand, seven hundred and eighty-nine. By the time my bond with Rolf is over, I will have forgotten you.”
Mai-Zen nodded. “I am two thousand, two hundred and five. I pity you.”
“Then do not avoid me when your bond is over,” Soo-Kai said harshly. “Instead, seek me out, and if my bond is also over, kill me.”
Mai-Zen didn’t reply, she just stared at Soo-Kai sadly.
Soo-Kai stood up. Mai-Zen also stood up. A thought occurred to her, and she quickly grabbed Soo-Kai. “Did you try again with Rolf’s seed?” she demanded.
“Yes. As always, they exceeded the limits and I had to discard them. I know it hurt Rolf, but he said nothing. I think his melancholy is over.”
Mai-Zen held her tightly and spoke urgently. “Over or not, next time this happens, do not discard them, Soo-Kai. Once they live, turn your mind from the task, and ignore them as they grow.”
Soo-Kai tried to break away. She was dismissive and annoyed. “I cannot! You speak of false dreams! You have been with Gust-Avo too long!”
Mai-Zen hung onto her. She spoke insistently. “Was it not a false dream to touch an Outsider? Have we killed one another? Your will was stronger than mine! I was too scared to be the first to touch! You led the way, I followed! Lead the way now! Forget what your instincts tell you! Use the power of the bond! And when the time comes, let them grow! Have something for you and Rolf before your mind and your will perishes!”
Mai-Zen now spoke with obvious envy. “I wish I could do what you can still do! I wish I could feel my seed and Gust-Avo’s seed growing inside me! I wish I could see them run and bask in the sun! To watch them grow tall and become strong! Have you forgotten this joy already?”
Soo-Kai’s eyes suddenly filled with tears. “I have forgotten,” she admitted. “I forget those I had. I forget their names. If I had another I would not know the sequence. Your words hurt me. You make me cry as Rolf taught me to cry by his silent pain.” She grew more agitated. “An Androktone does not cry! Stop this!”
Mai-Zen let go of her, but she wasn’t finished yet. “Rolf and Gust-Avo said that we should touch and know one another because it would be the one chance we had. They were right, and I will not forget you. Even when my memory is condensed, when my mind is so compressed that I can remember nothing else, I will save the memory of this meeting to the last. I will remember how you looked, how you smelt, and how you tasted. I have taken my one chance, and I will always be thankful. You still have another chance to take. It will be as hard and as easy as the first. You are within a bond; it gives our minds freedom. Use that freedom, Soo-Kai, take the chance you still have, while you still can.”
When Mai-Zen had finished, they just stared at one another. Then Soo-Kai put the bucket of water down, and taking Mai-Zen’s hands in hers, she leaned forward. Mai-Zen also leaned forward, and when their faces were close, they touched and rubbed their cheeks together in an affectionate manner.
When they moved apart, Soo-Kai said, “Travel the forest carefully, Mai-Zen. Do not let my sisters kill you.”
Mai-Zen nodded. “Gust-Avo is a very careful traveller, even though he does not always appear so. He will not wish to lose me just yet.”
Soo-Kai picked up the bucket. “Come, we should return to the house before our bonds die of thirst.”
When it came time for Gustavo and Mai-Zen to leave, Rolf wasn’t the only one who was sad to see them go. Gustavo and Mai-Zen sat on their horses as Rolf and Soo-Kai bade them farewell. Rolf was full of concern.
“Be careful near the castle. And remember that the Destroyers here are Insiders.”
Gustavo smiled. “Do not worry, my tailor friend. I have been at this game a long time. I will guard Mai-Zen well, as she will guard me. See that you do the same for Soo-Kai. Love her, squeeze her, and always boss her, and she will serve you well!”
“Pig!” Mai-Zen called to him. Gustavo laughed.
As Rolf and Gustavo shook hands one last time, Soo-Kai reached out and took Mai-Zen’s hand.
“I will think on what you said,” she said.
Mai-Zen nodded. “And I will not forget you. If you should need to seek me out, go through the pass at Falonbeck. You will find my den in the shadow of mountains.”
“Go with good heart, Mai-Zen.”
“You also, Soo-Kai.”
Their hands slipped apart, and with a wave from Gustavo, he and Mai-Zen rode off.
Rolf went to Soo-Kai’s side and held her close as they watched the
two ride away.
“Do you think we will ever see them again?” he said.
Soo-Kai shook her head. “No. But I am glad they came, and that I took the chance you gave me, and touched an Outsider. Because of this, I have learned that the limits of my instincts are not impossible to break. And if one limit is broken, I may yet break another.”
Rolf turned and looked at her, wondering what she meant. She continued to watch Gustavo and Mai-Zen. Soon they disappeared among the trees, and even the sound of their horses faded.
After Gustavo and Mai-Zen had left, Rolf pressed Soo-Kai on what she meant about breaking more instincts. At first Soo-Kai was reluctant to tell him what Mai-Zen had told her to do, she didn’t want to encourage him only to then discourage him if she should subsequently fail. It was no use. The more she tried to explain, the more Rolf began to understand what she intended, and the more he understood, the more he became excited. To say that Rolf was delighted was an understatement. She tried to calm him. She told him that it wouldn’t be easy, that she might not succeed, but he was so excited and eager to proceed that there was no holding him back. He wanted to try straight away.
As is the way with things, once Soo-Kai had made up her mind to do as Mai-Zen had suggested, she could never again get the right mix of Rolf’s genetic material. Instead of receiving too much of Rolf’s DNA, the ova always received too little, and they kept dying. Soo-Kai never gave up. She knew that sooner or later she would get it right. She had done so several times before, but then she had followed her instincts and discarded them. It was the knowledge of this that had caused the rift between her and Rolf. She wouldn’t do that this time. This time she would keep them. Keep them and ignore them. But it was as if her body knew what she was going to do and kept cheating her.
She explained to Rolf why they had no success. He understood, but his enthusiasm waned. But now at least he knew that it wasn’t Soo-Kai’s fault, that she was trying her best. And he vowed that he would never treat her as badly as he had done before. This time he was as good as his word. But their lack of success still cast a shadow over them both. And as the time passed, the shadow grew longer.