“Do I?” I ask coyly. “I haven’t slept at all.”
“Are you kidding?”
“Sadly, no.”
“Was it bad?” She sets her utensils down and folds her hands in her lap.
“I would probably go ahead and call it disastrous, were I to think of a good adjective for the night as a whole.”
“Oh, no. I’m so sorry.”
“I don’t guess it was supposed to be good or easy. It was the end of a relationship. I didn’t expect it would go well. I didn’t expect it to be quite as calamitous, either,” I admit.
I tell her about the one-sided food fight that occurred, and my hope that it all comes out of the carpet this weekend with Jenny’s expertise in cleaning remedies. I explain that Zaina didn’t want to sleep in the guest room where Coley had slept, so she staked her claim on my bedroom and shut me out of there.
“I didn’t mind sleeping where you slept, though,” I tell her. “I could still smell your piña colada shampoo and whatever fruity soap you use. I listened to your voicemail and thought I was settled in for the night and ready to at least attempt to sleep.
“I may have started to doze off, but it couldn’t have been for more than a few minutes. I woke up when Zaina crawled onto the bed with me.”
Coley lifts her brows, curious. I nod.
“I rolled over to face her and tell her she couldn’t be in there. She turned on the lights in the bedroom to reveal that she was wearing absolutely nothing. I threw the covers over her and got out of bed. She was begging me and crying and I was yelling at her and angry… and then I just felt awful.
“I sat down next to her and held her while she sobbed. I bet it went on for at least an hour. She asked for one more chance. One last time. One final kiss. And I got tired of telling her no. So I told her she couldn’t stay with me. I told her I was either taking her to her parents or I was calling them and having them come to get her, but it was one or the other. So I helped her gather her things while she got dressed, and around two-thirty this morning, we went to her parents’ house. Of course they weren’t happy to be awoken like that, and they were pretty devastated to hear the news. That was hard. I felt like absolute shit. You know, her parents thought we’d get married someday, and here I was dropping her off on their doorstep after I dumped her. But it had to be done. I mean, not the middle-of-the-night-drop-off, but Zaina kind of brought that on herself.”
I smile sheepishly at Coley.
“That sucks snow cones,” she says.
I choke on the Coke I’d just taken a sip of. “What did you just say?”
“I said it sucks.”
“It sucks what?”
“Snow cones,” she repeats more softly, this time blushing.
I cock my head and point to her, looking at her skeptically. “You realize by saying that you’ve removed any negative connotation there ever was from that phrase, right? Sucking snow cones is a good thing.”
“No, I know,” she explains, “that’s why I originally said it. I got in trouble for saying ‘that sucks’ when I was little, so I would say ‘that sucks snow cones’ to stay out of trouble… and now I can’t break the habit. But know that I mean it sucks… whatever it sucks. Ass or dick or whatever.”
I burst out laughing now and can’t stop. I laugh so hard and so long that tears come out of my eyes and my stomach cramps. Coley’s laughing with me and even a few of the guys behind the counter have joined in. “I’m sorry. Either that’s the funniest thing you’ve ever said or I am so damn tired that… no, that’s the most adorably cute thing you have ever said, laureate.” I start laughing again.
I watch her as she eats, and I finally start to settle down just as she does the fork maneuver in her mouth again–the one she did on the day we met–with the blueberry muffin. I stare at her as I regain my breath, wishing my tongue was that fork dancing on her lips. Her movements slow as my heartbeat does the exact opposite.
“I bet no one has ever kissed you the way I want to kiss you, Coley,” I tell her seriously.
The fork drops, clanging on the polished concrete floor. She stills, her mouth slightly agape, and looks into my eyes. Her lungs work overtime–I can tell by the way her sweater makes minute shifts across her breasts, hiding and revealing and hiding again a scar I’d never noticed before. I’m not sure I’d ever allowed my eyes to linger so low for this long.
I wasn’t truly aware I was doing it now, so I look back up to see her still searching my eyes. The simple look of surprise that plays on her face forces me to smile at her.
“How do you want to kiss me?” she asks softly.
“It’s hard to describe, but a few words come to mind.” I touch my lips as I talk, wishing I could run my fingers along hers. “With passion and heat… and a little mystery. Utterly unbridled. Not rough, but definitely rash. And totally out of control.”
She challenges me with her eyes, breaking into a mischievous smile. “Don’t use my words against me–”
“Oh, I’ll be using them for you, Coley. It was your poetry and my fantasy. I’ve been imagining this kiss for weeks,” I admit to her. “Every time I do it, you’ve enjoyed every moment of it.” I shrug my shoulders. “I will be crushed if you don’t.”
In a high-pitched, apprehensive voice, she asks, “Why are we still talking about it?”
“Do you mean why haven’t I kissed you yet?” She nods her head. “It’s not the kind of kiss that can happen here. Not in public.”
“Why not?”
“Because I don’t know what the aftermath of a kiss like that would be. I’ve never done it before. We need to be somewhere private. Maybe on a date or something.”
Her eyes widen. “What’s the aftermath of a kiss like that in your daydreams?”
“More stuff that can’t happen in public.” I look down at my food, and just then remember Coley has nothing to eat with.
“If you could see how beautifully dappled in crimson your skin is right now, Trey…”
“I keep telling you. I feel it every time,” I tell her as I roll my eyes.
“But you don’t understand how lovely it is. You know what it says to me?”
“No.”
“It says there’s a certain boyish innocence about you. That as confident as you try to be, there’s no arrogance in what you say. That you always leave room for a little self-doubt and hesitancy. That you take nothing for granted.”
“You got all that because I’m embarrassed to admit all roads lead to sex when I think about kissing you?” I go ahead and bluntly admit, rubbing the stubble on my jaw.
“Every time you blush, it sheds a little more light on who you are. Adds a little more color to your personality, if you will.”
“You’re cute,” I tell her, spearing a savory meatball with my fork and trying to get her attention focused on something other than my flushed cheeks. “Did you want to try this?”
“Yes,” she says, taking the fork I hand her. While she’s tasting it, I get up to retrieve another utensil. When I turn around, I notice the clock on the wall.
“Shit! Coley! We’re late to our classes!” I have no idea how time got away from us, but it’s already ten past the hour. She stands up and straps on her backpack, putting one more meatball in her mouth before we head out the door. “You like those?” I ask her, laughing at her cheek-full of food.
She takes a sip of her water before answering. “We’re getting that every time,” she says.
“I typically do. It’s in the top three.”
“It’s still lingering on my taste buds… if you wanna…” she taunts me as we both jaywalk across 114th.
“Oh, I wanna,” I admit to her honestly as she heads east. “Maybe next time you have it.”
She walks backwards, still holding my attention while I should be sprinting north on Broadway. “We’re going back Wednesday, remember?”
I’d forgotten. “The next time after that then!” I yell at her as I take off.
“Wait!”
she shouts.
I peer back around the corner of the building, waiting anxiously for her to talk. She runs back up to me. “But when… can we…”
“Did you open the notebook I gave you?”
“No,” she says.
“Will you go on a date with me Friday night, laureate?” I ask her, resting against the building. She leans on nearly the same spot, getting very close. She has a speck of tomato sauce on the side of her mouth that I brush off with my thumb. Her lips are silken and full, and I watch them intently for her response.
“Only if you promise to kiss me.”
“As long as we can find somewhere to be alone,” I tell her, nodding. “I don’t want to hold back.”
“I want you to do it now,” she whispers.
“You have no idea how badly I want to, too, but…” I glance to my right to draw her attention to two girls staring at us. “People like that make me hold back. There was a paparazzo hounding me at the airport Sunday, too…”
“I saw the pictures of you and Zaina.”
“Yeah? How bad were they? I didn’t even want to see them.”
“I only glanced at them. When I realized what I was looking at, I clicked away. She looked so sad, and I can’t believe they would focus on her when she was crying like that.”
“Yeah, well I pissed off the guy. Now he’s on a personal mission to find the sweet piece of ass I have on the side, so forgive me if I’m a little paranoid this week.”
“Seriously?” she asks, surprised. I nod.
“I would really hate for Zai to be confronted with pictures of us together so soon after she and I broke up. I hope you don’t think that’s weird, but I do care about her feelings. I know that would hurt her.”
“I understand completely. I think it’s very kind of you, and I expect nothing less.” Her lashes flutter as she smiles at me. I can’t resist her, and I brush her hair off her forehead. Glancing around and feeling confident that the coast is clear, I quickly press my lips above her left brow. A frisson of excitement passes throughout my body; a rush of nerves but also the warmth that comes with comfort and familiarity and being somewhere I’m supposed to be. I know in my heart this is where I’m supposed to be. I know Coley is the girl I’m supposed to be with, too.
“We are so late.”
“I’ll call you after my last class,” she says.
“I look forward to it.”
Swim practice is over around the same time Coley’s final class is. Coach was disappointed with my times today and asked me to come in between classes tomorrow to work out. As much as I wanted to tell him I didn’t want to, I agreeably nodded my head–the same one that yearned for the softness of a pillow and the escape of a deep sleep. Knowing what my schedule looks like tomorrow, I need it.
Her call comes in while I’m walking home.
“Everyone is talking about the story, Trey,” she says.
“Yeah? Hardly anyone is talking to me at all,” I comment, just now becoming aware of the silence that’s followed me around all afternoon. I’d only thought it strange once, in passing, but hadn’t put two and two together. My mind is exhausted, and it’s showing. “Must be why. What are they saying?”
“They say there’s no way Asher’s guilty.”
I stop walking, seconds later realizing I’m in front of the Sig Rho house.
“People are already volunteering to be character witnesses for him. Can you believe it?” she asks. “I mean, he’s guilty. He did it. Right?” I turn and face the house, glancing toward the upper floors. An unknown figure opens a window and flips me the bird.
“Fuck off, Holland!”
“Right, Trey?” Her worry is evident.
“Coley, it’s not our job to convict him. It’s our job to state the facts as we know them. That’s what we did. We’ve implicated him. We’ve made some outrageous claims against him based on the interviews we conducted. We have sources that will back that up. All the evidence we produced leads any reader to that conclusion, but ultimately, the cops have to find the evidence and a prosecutor has to prove his guilt. He has a lot of friends here.”
Two of my ex-fraternity brothers come out of the front door.
“What are you doing, standing here?” Ken asks.
“Free country? Public property? Because I can?” I answer.
“What’s going on?” Coley asks.
“I’ll call you back.” Before she can respond, I end the call. “Did you even read it?” I ask them. “There is irrefutable evidence!”
“It’s the lies of three bitches against our brother!” Jay says.
“Those three women have nothing to gain by going on the record and exposing themselves to this sort of scrutiny. Don’t you see that?”
“They’re attention whores. I know Kamiesha. She’s just here to find a rich husband.”
“Nobody comes to Columbia to find a rich spouse. She’s an incredibly intelligent girl who earned her way in here. And by the way–Lucy? I saw that incident happen. I heard her telling Asher to stop. Right behind that fence,” I tell them, pointing to the corner of the house. “I stopped it from going any further, too. So don’t think that Asher doesn’t have it in him to commit these crimes. I know for a fact he does.”
“When did you turn against him?” Stanley asks, coming out of the house. “What happened between you two? Is it this Coley girl you’re sleeping with? The one he caught you with?”
“What?”
“We all know she stayed with you at the hotel. You put up this front that you’re some honorable guy with a girlfriend overseas, but you’re just a monumental, hypocritical douchebag who’s hooking up with someone behind closed doors anyway. Asher told us he liked that girl. Did you concoct this to keep him away from her?”
“You are out of your ever-loving mind,” I tell him, taken aback at his incredulous claim. “She turned him down weeks ago.”
“That’s not how he tells it.”
“Yeah?”
“He says they’ve hooked up.”
“Oh, really? When did he tell you that?”
“This afternoon, after he posted bail.” It’s like I’ve been hit in the gut twice. Panic is starting to set in. I can feel my throat starting to close up. Breathe in. Breathe out. “I picked him up.”
“Is he here? We can clear this up right now!” Although I may not be able to control my anger if I see his face.
“He’s not allowed on campus. It’s a term of his release.”
“Well. Whatever he told you, it’s a lie.”
“He says he has proof.” Breathe in. Breathe out.
I clench my teeth together and try to maintain composure, wondering what the hell they’re talking about. “That’s interesting. If he has proof that they hooked up, then all he really has proof of is that he’s raped a fourth girl on this campus.” I know for a fact Coley would have told me if she had been intimate with Asher in any way. “And if that’s the case, he won’t live to go to trial for this one.”
“So then you are seeing her?” Ken asks, pleased with himself that he thinks he’s revealed some big secret.
I look between the three of them–these three guys that I believed had the same values and morals and beliefs as I did not that long ago–and now? Breathe in. Breathe out. I don’t recognize a single one of them.
“I don’t answer to any of you.”
My blood pressure about to boil over, I pick up the pace and jog the rest of the way home just so I can call her back.
“What happened?” she asks.
I feel like I’m choking and have a hard time conducting the conversation. “Were you ever in a position when you were alone with Asher?”
“What?”
“Were you ever in a position…” I swallow and concentrate hard to take a deep breath. “…when you were alone with Asher?”
“Never,” she says.
“Never in a place when he could have done something to you like he did to Kamiesha or Pryana?” Breathe in. Breat
he out. “Drugged you?”
“No.”
“You’ve always woken up and known exactly where you were the night before?”
“Ever since… well, since I’ve come to Columbia, yes. I blacked out a few times in high school, but Joel was always there to take care of me. Why are you asking me this?”
“The Sig Rho guys are messing with my head,” I tell her, feeling my airways open up a little. “Asher told them he has proof that the two of you hooked up.”
“Trey, that never happened, I swear to you. I told you I didn’t want to go out with him. I have been dying to go out with you since the moment I saw you. I’ve said no to… Trey, I’ve turned down so many guys just so I could be available in that off chance that you and Zaina would break up. And I was never going to admit that to you because it sounds so crazy, but there is no way in hell I would ever… ever–”
“Okay,” I interrupt her. “Forget I even brought it up.”
“Why would he say he has proof?”
“To drive me to this point,” I tell her, feeling tension in every muscle in my body that hadn’t been there after my swim this afternoon. “To cause stress between us, I don’t know.”
“Stress?” she asks.
“He’s out on bail,” I inform her.
“We heard. But he’s not supposed to come on campus.”
“Yeah.”
“Don’t be stressed, Trey. You’re not upset with me, are you?”
My heart hurts when the question comes across the phone. “I want to see you. Can we video chat for a minute?”
“Yeah.”
I open up my laptop and wait to see her get online before hanging up my phone. “Coley?”
“Yeah?”
“I’m exhausted. Mentally and physically spent. But upset? With you? God, no. Scared that he may have done something without your knowledge? Yes. But I’m relieved, laureate.”
“Okay,” she says as she relaxes in her chair and blows the hair out of her eyes. I watch as she pulls at her tiny hoop earring. How she rakes her bottom lip with her straight teeth. How she crinkles her nose when she sniffles. How she blinks hurriedly before glancing back up at the camera on her laptop.
“Coley, I think your beauty is incomparable. I could look at you all day and never get bored.”