Chapter 28~29
28
At 3:00 that afternoon, I was at work, right on time. Neither sex, vampires, shapeshifters, nor metaphysical meltdowns will deter this animator from her appointed rounds. At least not today.
I was sitting in Bert Vaughn's office. He'd been the boss at Animator's Inc. once, but recently we'd had a sort of palace coup. He was still office and business manager, but he was more like our agent than our boss. It hadn't lost him any money, so he was happy, but it had meant that most of the animators here were like partners in a law firm. Once you made partner, you almost had to kill someone to lose your job, well, kill someone and get caught. So Bert wasn't the boss anymore. Which meant he didn't get to treat us like the hired help. He hadn't liked that part, but it was either agree to our terms, or we all walked, and since he can't raise the dead, that would pretty much put him out of business. Especially if we opened another firm in direct competition with him. So we had a new power structure, and we hadn't worked all the kinks out of it yet.
Bert's office was now a warm yellow with orange undertones. It was cozier than the pale blue cubicle it had once been, but not by much. The entire office had gotten a face-lift, along with buying out the offices next door, so that most of the animators at Animator's Inc. no longer had to share their office space. Since most of our time was spent out in the field, or cemetery as it were, I thought the new offices were a waste of money, but I'd been outvoted. Charles, Jamison, and Manny had wanted bigger offices, Larry and I had been fine sharing, but Bert voted with the other three, so they'd taken out a wall and voil¨¤, we were suddenly twice as big. The reason that most of the offices had gone to warmer tones, earth tones, comforting tones of yellows, browns, tans, ecru, was that Bert was dating an interior designer. Her name was Lana, and, though I thought she was far too good for him, she irritated me. She constantly went around talking about the science of color and how with a business like ours we needed to make people feel loved and cared for.
I'd told her that it wasn't my job to love my clients. That I wasn't in that business. She'd taken it wrong and hadn't really liked me since. That was fine, as long as she stayed the hell away from my office.
Mary, our daytime secretary, had asked me to wait in Mr. Vaughn's office as soon as I hit the door. Not a good sign. To my knowledge I hadn't done anything wrong at work, so I had no clue what the meeting was about. Once it would have bugged me, but not now; I was used to not knowing things.
Bert came in, and shut the door behind him. Shutting the door was not a good sign either. Bert is 6'4", and played football in college. He'd started to gain that past-forty, nearing-fifty extra around the middle, but Lana had put him on a diet and an exercise program. He looked better than he had for most of the time I'd known him. She'd even persuaded him that tanning cocoa brown every summer was not healthy for anyone. So he looked pale, but healthy. It also meant that his hair hadn't gone that white-blond that it used to in the summer. His hair was actually a pale yellow, with a little white creeping in, but the white was so close to the way his hair used to look with his tan, that it had taken me days to figure out it was his way of going gray.
I was sitting in one of the two dark brown, nicely upholstered client chairs that had been another of Lana's ideas. They were more comfortable than the straight-backs he'd had before. My legs were politely crossed, my hands folded in my lap. I was the epitome of ladylike.
"That skirt is too short for business hours, Anita," he said as he rounded his big desk and eased into a chair even bigger and browner and more leathery than the one I was sitting in.
I slumped down in the chair and put my boots up on his desk, with my ankles crossed. The movement raised my skirt up high enough to flash every last inch of the lace tops of my thigh-high hose. I was a little short for the movement to be comfortable, but I doubted Bert could tell I was uncomfortable. I looked at him around the heels of my knee-high black boots.
"The skirt is also black. We all agreed that we don't wear black to work. It's too depressing. "
"No, you think it's too depressing. Besides the skirt has flowers embroidered on the side by the slit. Blue, green, and turquoise, which matches exactly the shade of turquoise of the jacket, and the blue of the top, it's like an outfit," I said. I was also wearing a gold chain with an antique locket on the end of it. It had two tiny paintings, one in either side of it. They were tiny oil paintings of Jean-Claude and Asher. The locket had once belonged to Julianna, and was more than three hundred years old. It was handwrought gold, heavy and solid, and very antique-looking. Tiny sapphires traced its edges, with one larger one in the middle. I'd thought it looked great with the outfit. Apparently not.
The short little turquoise jacket also covered the black shoulder holster and the Browning Hi-Power under my left arm. I'd have put on the wrist sheaths, but with the jacket off, the knives showed under the thin material of the top. I could just take off the gun if it got hot enough in the office, but to remove the wrist sheaths, I'd have to strip off the shirt. It didn't seem worth it. They were in the car, just in case I started to feel insecure.
Bert didn't have any weapons under his rich, chocolate brown suit, which had been tailored to fit his body. As he'd lost weight, the athletic cut to his suits had emphasized his broad shoulders, which had sort of appeared as his waistline had decreased. His shirt was pale yellow, and his tie was a paler brown, with tiny gold and blue figures on it. All the colors suited him, they even brought a little warmth into his gray eyes.
I slumped down further into the chair, using the padded corner to brace my back and head. The skirt had scooted up far enough that the black silk of my underwear was peeking out, though it probably couldn't be seen from where Bert was sitting.
"If I tell you the skirt is too short, you'll wear something even shorter tomorrow, won't you?"
"Yep. "
"And if I complain about the black. . . "
"I've got black dresses," I said, "I've even got short black dresses. "
"Why do I even bother?"
"Arguing with me," I said.
He nodded.
"I have no idea. "
"At least you're wearing makeup, I appreciate that. "
"I've got a date after work," I said.
"That brings me to another problem," he said. He leaned forward and folded his hands on his desk. He was trying for fatherly, but he never quite made it. It came off more as pretentious.
I did straighten up in my chair, because I simply wasn't comfortable. I straightened the skirt as I sat up. There was enough skirt to smooth down the back of my thighs. My rule for skirts was that it was too short if there was no skirt to smooth over your ass. This skirt passed the test, so I was glad Bert had given up. I really wasn't comfortable in skirts much shorter than this one. Wearing them just to spite Bert wouldn't have been as fun as it once would have been.
"And what problem would that be, Bert?"
"Mary tells me that the young man in our waiting room is your boyfriend. "
I nodded. "He is. " Strangely, the ardeur hadn't risen today at all, not a quiver, not a shake. But we'd all been a little concerned about what might happen if it suddenly sprang to life at work. There was nobody at work that I wanted to have sex with, so that meant I needed someone nearby, just in case. Nathaniel was sitting outside in the warm sienna orange waiting room, looking very decorative in one of the brown leather chairs. He was wearing street clothes--black slacks, a violet business shirt that was almost a match to the one he'd worn to the wedding, and black over-the-ankle boots. He'd braided his hair so it looked as professional as ankle-length hair can, and he was reading back issues of some music magazine that he had a subscription to and had fallen behind on reading. He'd brought a messenger bag full of magazines from home and was prepared to wait until I dropped him off at work, or until he was needed, whichever came first.
"Why is your boyfriend out in our waiting room, when you're supposed to be working?
"
"I'm dropping him at work later," I said, and my voice was much more neutral than his had managed to be.
"Doesn't he have a car?"
"We only have two cars at the house, and Micah may need the other one if he gets called into work. "
Bert did the slow blink, and what little warmth he'd managed to get into his gray eyes faded. "I thought the one in the other room was your boyfriend. "
"He is. "
"Doesn't that mean that you've broken up with Micah?"
"Your assumption is your problem, Bert. "
He gave another long blink and leaned back in his chair, looking puzzled. I'd always puzzled Bert, but just not in the personal department. "Does Micah know you're dating. . . "
"Nathaniel," I said.
"Nathaniel," Bert said.
"He knows," I said.
He licked his thin lips and tried a different tact. "Would you think it was professional if Charles or Manny brought their wives into sit in our waiting room?"
I shrugged. "Not my business. "
He sighed and started rubbing his temples. "Anita, your boyfriend cannot sit out there the entire time you're in the office. "
"Why not? "I asked.
"Because if I let you start bringing in people, everybody else will want to, and it would be a mess. It would disrupt business. "
I sighed. "I don't think anyone else will be bringing their sweeties to work," I said. "Charles's wife is a full-time registered nurse, she's a little busy, and Rosita hates Manny's job. She wouldn't darken the door. Jamison might bring a girl around, if he thought it would impress her. "
He sighed again. "Anita, you're being deliberately difficult about this. "
"Me, deliberately difficult, why, Bert, you know me better than that. "
He gave a surprised burst of laughter and sat back in his chair and stopped trying to treat me like a client. He looked instantly more comfortable, and less trustworthy. "Why did you bring your new boyfriend to work?"
"None of your business. "
"It is, if he's sitting in the waiting room that we all share. It is, if you're going to let him sit in on clients. "
"He won't sit in on clients," I said.
"Then he's going to be in our waiting room for how long?"
"A few hours," I said.
"Why?" he asked again.
"I told you, none of your business. "
"It is, if you bring him to work, Anita. I may not be the boss anymore, but we're also a democracy. You really think that Jamison won't kick a fuss?"
He had a point. I couldn't think of a lie that came close to explaining it, so I tried for partial truth. "You know that I'm the human servant to Jean-Claude, Master of the City, right?"
He nodded, eyes uncertain, as if this was not the start of the conversation he'd expected.
"Well, there's been an interesting side effect. Trust me when I say that you'll want Nathaniel here if things go wrong. "
"How wrong are they going to go?" he asked.
"If I take him into my office, just lock the door and make sure we aren't disturbed. No harm, no foul. "
"Why would you need privacy with him? What side effect? Is it dangerous?"
"None of your business. You wouldn't understand even if I told you, and it's only dangerous if I don't have someone with me when it happens. "
"When what happens?"
"See first answer," I said.
"If it's going to disrupt the office, then as manager I need to know. "
He had a point, but I wasn't sure how to tell him, without telling him. "It won't disrupt anything, if Mary keeps everyone away from the door until we're finished. "
"Finished?" he said. "Finished what?"
I looked at him. I tried to make it an eloquent look.
"You don't mean. . . " he said.
"Mean what?" I asked.
He closed his eyes, opened them, and said, "If I don't want your boyfriend sitting in the waiting room, I sure as hell don't want you fucking him in your office. " He sounded outraged, which was rare for Bert.
"I'm hoping it won't come to that," I said.
"Why is this a side effect of being a human servant to the Master of St. Louis?"
It was a good question, but I was so not willing to share that much with Bert. "Just lucky, I guess. "
"I would say you're making it up, but if you were going to pull some elaborate joke on me, it wouldn't be this. " That one comment proved Bert knew me better than I thought.
"No," I said, "it wouldn't. "
"So you've become like a what, a nympho?"
Trust Bert to find just the right thing to say. "Yes, Bert, that's it, I've become a nymphomaniac. I need sex so often that I have to take a lover with me wherever I go now. "
His eyes went wide.
"Calm down, boss man, I'm hoping today will be the exception, not the rule. "
"What made today different?" he asked.
"You know, Mary told me to report to your office as soon as I hit the door. Before you could have possibly known that I'd brought my boyfriend with me, or worn a black skirt that is shorter than you would like. So you didn't call me in here to discuss my wardrobe or my love life. Why did you want this little meeting?"
"Did anyone ever tell you that you can be very abrupt?"
"Yes, now what's up?"
He sat up straighter, all professional and client-worthy again. "I need you to hear me out before you get upset. "
"Wow, Bert, I can hardly wait for the rest of this little talk. "
He frowned at me. "I turned the job down, because I knew you wouldn't take it. "
"If you turned it down, why are we discussing it?"
"They doubled your consultation fee. "
"Bert," I said.
"No," he put a hand up, "I turned it down. "
I looked at him and knew my face said clearly, I didn't believe him. "I've never known you to turn down that much, Bert. "
"You gave me a list of cases that you wouldn't handle. Since you gave me the list, have I sent anything your way that was on it?"
I thought about it for a second, then shook my head. "No, but you're about to. "
"They won't believe me. "
"They won't believe what?" I said.
"They insist that if you'd only see them, you'd do what they want. I told them you wouldn't, but they offered fifteen thousand dollars for an hour of your time. Even if you refuse, the money belongs to Animators, Inc. "
When I said we worked like a law firm, I meant it. That meant that this money went into the kitty for everybody. The more we made, the more everyone made, though some of us got a higher or lower percentage of our fees. We'd based it on seniority. So my turning down money didn't just hurt me or insult Bert anymore, it affected the bottom line for everybody. Most of those everybodys had families, kids. They'd actually come to me en masse and asked for me to be more flexible on my consulting fees, i. e. , take more of them. Manny had a daughter about to enter a very expensive college, and Jamison was paying alimony to three ex-wives. Sob stories, but most of them, except for Larry, had more overhead than I did. So I'd started being nicer about at least talking to people when they offered outrageous sums of money. Sometimes.
"What's the job?" I asked. I didn't sound happy, but I asked.
Bert was all smiles. Sometimes I suspected that he'd been behind that en masse meeting, but Manny and Charles swore up and down he hadn't been. Jamison I wouldn't have believed either way, so I didn't ask.
"The Browns' son died about three years ago. They want you to raise him and ask some questions. "
My eyes were unfriendly slits. "Tell me all of it, Bert, so far I wouldn't have turned it down. "
He cleared his throat and fidgeted. Bert didn't fidget much. "Well, the son was murdered. "
I threw my hands into the air. "Damn it, Bert, I can't raise a murder victim. None of us her
e can. I gave you a list that you were supposed to refuse for all of us, for legal reasons, and that was one of them. "
"You used to do it. "
"Yeah, before I found out what happens when you raise a murder vic as a zombie, and that was before the new laws went into effect. A murdered person rises from the grave and goes after their murderer, no ifs, ands, or buts. They will tear through anyone and anything that tries to stop them. I had it happen twice, Bert. The zombies don't answer questions about who killed them, they just go rampaging off and try to find who did it. "
"Couldn't the police just follow them, sort of like they do bloodhounds?"
"These bloodhounds will tear people's arms off and crash through houses. Zombies do a very straight line to their murderers. And the way the law reads now, the animator that raised the zombie would be liable for all the damage, including the deaths. If one of us raised this boy and he killed anyone, even his own murderer, we'd be charged with murder. Murder with magical malfeasance. That's an automatic death sentence. So no, I can't do it, and neither can anybody else. "
He looked sad, probably about the money. "I told them you'd explain it to them. "
"You should have explained it to them yourself, Bert. I've told you all this before. "
"They asked me if I was an animator, when I said no, they wouldn't believe me. They said if they could just meet with Ms. Blake, they're sure they could change your mind. "
"Jesus, Bert, this is really unfair. It can't be done, and watching their son rise from the grave as a shambling murderous zombie is not going to help them heal. "
He raised eyebrows at that. "Well, I can't say I put it as well as you just did, but I swear to you that I did tell them no. "
"But I'm meeting with them anyway, because they offered fifteen grand for an hour of my time. "
"I could have gotten them to twenty grand. They're desperate. I could smell it on them. If we turn them down flat, they're going to try to find someone less reputable, less legal. "
I closed my eyes and let the air out in a long slow sigh. I hated that he was right, but he was. When people get to a certain level of desperation, they'll do stupid things. Stupid, foolish, horrible things. We were the only animating firm in the Midwest. There was one in New Orleans and one in California, but they wouldn't take this job for the same reason we wouldn't. The new laws. I could say it was to save the clients pain, but in all honesty the idea that you could raise a murder victim from the grave and just ask them who killed them was so tempting that several of us had tried to do it. We'd thought it hadn't worked because of the trauma of the murder, or that the animators doing it weren't powerful enough, but that wasn't it. If you were murdered, you rose with only one thought in your dead brain: revenge. Until you got that revenge, you wouldn't listen to anyone's orders, not even the animator or voodoo priest or priestess that raised you from the grave.
But just because none of the reputable people would do it, didn't mean that a disreputable person wouldn't do it. There were people here and there across the country that had the talent without the morals. None of them worked for the professional companies because they'd either been fired as a liability, or they'd never been hired. Some because they didn't want to be hired, but most because what they did was secret and rarely something they wanted the authorities to know about. They kept a low profile, and didn't advertise much, but if you started waving twenty grand around, they'd come out of the woodwork. The Browns would find someone willing to do what they asked, if they were willing to pay for it. Someone who would give them a false name, raise the kid, and run with their money, and leave the bereaved parents to clean up the mess and explain things to the police. There was a test case in New England at state supreme court level that was seeking the death penalty for the person who paid a magical practitioner to kill someone by magic. I didn't know how it would go, and it would probably get to the Supreme Court before all was said and done. I'd never forgive myself if the Browns found someone less reputable and ended up on death row for it. I mean, that would just suck, especially if I could prevent it here and now.
I gave Bert the look he deserved. The one that said he was a greedy son of a bitch, and I knew he'd turned down their money for something other than humanitarian reasons. He just sat back and smiled at me, because he knew what that particular look meant. It meant I would do it, even if I hated it.
29
Mrs. Barbara Brown was blond, and Mr. Steve Brown was brunette with gray coming in at the temples. He's was taller than she was by about five inches, but other than that, they matched. You could still see the pretty round-faced cheerleader she'd been in high school. The handsome football player was still there in his shoulders and the edges of his face, but the extra weight and the extra years and the grief had covered over who they'd been. Their eyes were bright, but it was an unnatural brightness, almost shocky. She spoke too fast, and he spoke too slowly, as if he had to think about each word before he said it. She spoke as if talking about her son was something she had to do, or she'd explode, or break down.
"He was a straight A student, Ms. Blake, and here's the last picture he painted. It was a water color of his youngest sister. He had such talent. " She held up the picture, which they'd brought in one of those art carriers that looks like a thin briefcase.
I dutifully looked at the painting. It was a very soft picture, all watery blues and delicate yellows, and the child's curls were almost white. The little girl was laughing, and the artist had caught a shine in her eyes that usually required a camera to capture. It was good. For a junior in high school, it was spectacular.
"It's a wonderful painting, Mrs. Brown. "
"Steve didn't want me to bring it. He said that you didn't need to see it, but I thought if you saw what kind of person he was, that you'd be willing to do what we want. "
"I don't think that seeing Steve's paintings will influence Ms. Blake, that's all, Barbara. " He patted her hand as he finished, and she didn't react to it at all. It was almost as if he hadn't touched her. I began to understand who was the driving force behind this tragic farce. Because it was a farce. She wasn't talking like she wanted her son brought back as a zombie so he could say who'd murdered him. She was talking like she was trying to persuade me to do a Lazarus on him, to really bring him back. Had Bert heard that in her voice and ignored it, or had she saved it for me?
"He was a track star, and on the football team. " She opened the yearbook to appropriate places, and I looked at Stevie Brown running in shorts with a baton in his hand, head thrown back, a look of utter concentration on his face. His hair was dark and not long. Stevie Brown kneeling on the ground in full football gear, helmet on the ground by his hand. He was grinning out at the camera, his bangs spilling over his eyes. He had his father's hair, and a thinner, younger, brighter version of his mother's face, except for the lips and the eyes, which, again, were his father's.
I saw a picture of him on the yearbook staff, bent over a layout table, face very serious. He looked like someone that would run track, thin, muscled, but not much bulk. I wouldn't have picked him for football, not beefy enough. But who knew if he might have filled out in the summer between junior and senior year. But he never got the chance.
Prom night, he and his senior girlfriend had been crowned king and queen. There was a picture of them in front of a background of fake silver stars and too many sequins. He was beaming into the camera. He'd cut his hair and styled it so it was neat and thick and flattered his face more than the way it had when he ran track. His shoulders were a little broader than in the yearbook or track photos. He looked taller in his white tux. The girl was blond and looked like a thinner, taller version of his mother. The girl looked confident and lovely, with a smile that was more mysterious than Stevie's had been. Looking at their pictures, it was obvious they didn't know that in less than six hours they'd be dead.
"Cathy and Stevie had been dating for almost two years. High school sweethearts, just
like Steve and me. " She leaned forward as she said it, her lips half parted, her tongue moistened them as if she was having trouble keeping her mouth from drying out.
Her husband kept patting her hand and looked at me out of his fine dark eyes, which were so like his dead son's. He told me with those eyes, and his so-tired face, that he was sorry. Sorry I had to see this, hear this, be here now.
I wasn't up to the subtle eye message thing, the best I could do was nod sympathetically and give him more eye contact than I gave her. He gave a small nod where Barbara couldn't see him. There, we'd had our moment, a very guy moment. I see you, I see you, too. I understand what you mean, I understand what you mean, too. If I'd been a better girl, I'd have said something out loud to be sure.
"He sounds like he was a wonderful person," I said.
She leaned forward a little more, she had a small photo album in her hands, one of those thick ones that grandmothers carry in their purses. She fumbled it open, and I was staring at pictures of a dark-haired baby, toddler, grade-schooler.
I put my hand over hers, stopped her from turning the pages. "Mrs. Brown, Barbara. . . "
She wouldn't look at me. Her eyes were getting shinier.
"Mrs. Brown, you don't need to prove to me that your son was a good kid. I believe you. "
Mr. Brown stood up and tried to help her put the photo album back in her purse. She didn't want to do it, and he wouldn't fight her. He stood there, sort of helplessly, with his big hands hanging at his sides.
She leaned into the desk again and turned a page. "Here he is winning the fifth grade science fair. "
I didn't know how to stop this without being cruel. I leaned back in my chair and stopped looking at the pictures. I made eye contact with Steve, and his eyes had grown shinier, too. If they both started crying I was going to leave. If I could have helped them, I would have, but I couldn't. And truthfully, I didn't think Barbara Brown had come to me to produce a zombie.
I looked back down at a picture of Stevie in eighth grade, his first year on the football team. That surprised me, I'd have thought his father would have put him in peewee league. It made me think better of Steve that he'd waited until his son wanted to play.
I covered her hands and the book with my hands. I pressed down enough that she had to finally look up at me. Her eyes were wild, as if tears were the least of our worries. There was something almost violent in that look.
I changed what I'd been going to say, because she wasn't ready to hear me say, Leave, I can't help you. "You told me that it happened on prom night, but you didn't give me any details. " I didn't really want details, but anything to stop the pictures and the desperate flow of memories. Murder I could handle. The trip down memory lane was getting on my nerves.
Her eyes flicked right, then left, and she leaned back, leaving the album in my hands. I left it open to his thirteenth birthday party. The smiling faces of him and his friends clustered around a cake.
Her breath came out in a long, slow rattle. Not a sound that you hear out of the living much. She swallowed convulsively and reached for her husband's hand. He was still standing. His face relaxed a little just because she'd reached for him.
"They found Stevie's car off the road, as if they'd been run into the ditch. The police think that they were picked up trying to hitchhike," he said.
"Stevie wouldn't have gotten into a car with strangers," Barbara said firmly, "and neither would Cathy. " Her eyes were a little less wild. "They were good kids. "
"I'm sure they were, Mrs. Brown. " People seemed to want to make saints of the dead, as if their very goodness should have protected them. Purity was not a shield against violence, in fact sometimes ignorance got you killed faster.
"I'm not saying they weren't good kids," Steve said.
She ignored him, and she'd taken her hand back. Both her hands were clasped around her purse, clutching it in her lap, as if she had to hold on to something, and his hand wasn't enough.
"They wouldn't have gotten in a car with strangers. Stevie was very protective of Cathy. He wouldn't have done it. " She was so certain that there was nothing else to say about that particular speculation.
"Then did they know the people that gave them a ride?" I asked.
That seemed to throw her. She frowned, and her eyes darted from side to side, like something trapped. "No one we know would have harmed Stevie, or Cathy. "
She'd been sure about the stranger thing, but she wasn't really sure about this one. Somewhere in her was enough logic to know that either they got into a car with strangers or they got into a car with people they knew. There were no other choices.
"The police think that they might have been forced into another car, maybe with a weapon," Steve said.
She was shaking her head over and over. "I can't bear the thought of someone pointing a gun at them. I just can't think who would have done such a thing. "
He patted her shoulder. "Barb, maybe you better wait out in the other room, while I finish talking to Ms. Blake, here. "
She was still shaking her head. "No, no, she's going to help us. She's going to bring Stevie back, and he can tell us who did this to him and to Cathy, and it'll be all better. We need to know who could do such a horrible thing. " She looked up at me, and her eyes cleared for a moment. "Stevie and Cathy would not have gotten into a car with strangers. We'd talked about it. He knew that if someone pointed a gun at him and tried to force him into a car that they wouldn't let him live. We've talked about that since he was a little boy. " Her breath caught, but she didn't cry, not yet. "I know he would have done what I'd told him to do. He would have grabbed Cathy and run into the woods. The car was parked right next to the woods. They could have hidden in there. It had to be someone he knew, or she knew. It had to be someone we know, Ms. Blake," she said, changing her tune from a minute ago. "Our beautiful boy was taken away by one of the people that have been over to our house, eating our food, giving us flowers. Someone we know is a monster and we didn't know it. " There, that was the true horror. Not just that her son and his girlfriend had been murdered, but the murderer had to be someone Barbara and Steve Brown knew.
What must it be like to stare into the faces of your friends, your children's friends, and wonder, was it you? Or you? Which one of you did it?
I couldn't even argue with her, because you are more than 80 percent more likely to be killed by someone you know than by a stranger. An ugly statistic, but true.
"You say 'monster. ' Do you mean just that they could kill your son, or something about how it was done?" Maybe it had been something supernatural. Maybe there was more than one reason they'd come to me. I could hope there was something I could do for them.
She put her hands over her face and started to cry, not quietly either.
Steve Brown spoke over her sobs, as if he'd heard them before. "What was done to them, Ms. Blake, what was done to them was monstrous. " He didn't look like a man who'd had to say monstrous a lot in his life. I didn't think it was a word he'd chosen lightly.
Barbara Brown was rocking back and forth, back and forth, while she wept. Her sobs must have been as loud as I thought they were, because the phone on my desk rang.
I jumped, but got it. It was Mary, our very good secretary. "Is everything alright?"
"No," I said.
"Do you need me to pretend you have another client?"
"Fifteen minutes," I said.
"Or sooner if it gets louder?" Mary asked.
"Yes, that would be fine. " I hung up, promising myself to send Mary flowers, or chocolates, or both.
Steve Brown was trying to calm his wife. She'd stopped rocking and was leaning in against him. The sobs had quieted, a little. When her blue eyes turned to me again, they contained that promise of violence again. If she knew who had done it, I wasn't sure what she'd do to them. Looking into her eyes, I wasn't at all certain that she'd wait for a judge and jury.
She s
poke very fast, her words almost sliding into one another, "They raped Cathy, raped her, and they mutilated Stevie, they cut. . . " She just stopped talking, her hands pressed over her mouth, eyes impossibly wide. There wasn't a lot of sanity left in that look.
I kept my eyes on her, while I asked Steve Brown, "So someone gave them a lift after they had car trouble, and then. . . "
"They found them in a shed in the woods," he said, "and they'd raped them both. " He said in such a quiet voice, no change of inflection, as if he felt nothing when he said it, and maybe he didn't, not up where he was aware of it anyway. He'd had to push his pain underground, as far as he could shove it, because Barbara's pain was more important than his, more all-consuming.
"They cut him. . . " He almost broke then, but he rallied, and I watched him fight his face to hold it all together. "They castrated him. " One of his eyes gave an involuntary flutter. "While he was still alive. " His voice had gotten softer.
"The police never found it," she said, and her voice was shrill, "they can't find it. The monsters took a piece of him away, and the police can't find it. We had to bury him without it. They took it, and we couldn't get it back for him. " Her voice was growing louder and louder, not exactly a scream, but not far from it. The shrill edge of hysteria was in full cry. "They didn't take anything from Cathy. Why didn't they cut her up? Why just Stevie? Why that? Why did they take that? Why that?"
If I'd had a dart gun full of Valium, I'd have used it. But I didn't. It was awful, horrible, but I couldn't fix this for them, and I really didn't need another nightmare to add to my list. I couldn't help them. It was a human monster, and I wasn't an expert on that kind of monster.
I finally went with that. "Mrs. Brown, Mrs. Brown, Barbara!" I yelled it, and it didn't phase her. She was gone, gone into her pain, her sorrow, her loss. I was yelling, but there was no one home to hear me.
Mary opened the door and said something twice before I could hear it over Mrs. Brown's voice. "Your next client is here, Anita. You've gone fifteen minutes over already. " Mary was looking at me, but her eyes were a little wide. She'd been a secretary and law clerk once for a criminal attorney, so she'd seen grieving and hysterical clients before, but either this was a new variety, or Mary didn't like it any better than I did.
"I'll use one of the other offices, Mr. Brown. I'll give you and your wife a few minutes to collect yourselves. "
Barbara Brown ran to me. "Please, Ms. Blake, please, please help us. " She grabbed the front of my jacket. Her hand brushed the butt of my gun, and that made her pause, but only for a second. Then she wadded her hands tight in the cloth of my jacket. If she'd been a man, she might have jerked me into her, but she didn't. She just clung to me, and begged, "Please, Steve show her the check. "
"Barbara, she's not going to help us. "
She dug her hands tighter into my jacket, making fists of the cloth. It was a girl's jacket, not a man's, and there just wasn't enough material to treat it that roughly. It pulled my shoulders forward and was limiting my mobility, and she'd made it impossible for me to go for my gun. I didn't believe she was going to get so out of hand that I'd need the gun, but it was standard policy for me. No one got to compromise my gun, no one. The trouble was, I couldn't figure a way to get free of her without hurting her physically. And I didn't want to do that.
"Steve, show her the check. " She was so close to me, that it was strangely intimate, close enough to kiss, too close to fight.
"Show me whatever she wants me to see, Mr. Brown," I kept my voice calm, no anger, no hint of what I was thinking, which was get her the fuck off me. I wasn't unsympathetic, but a stranger had breached my personal space, and I never liked that.
His face was all apology as he drew something out of the inner breast pocket of his suit coat. It was one of those oversized checks, a cashier's check. He held it up so I could see it clearly. The check was for a hundred and thirty thousand dollars, payable to cash.
"Take the check, Ms. Blake, we'll sign it over to you, now, today. Right now. "
I shook my head and put my hands gently over hers, I was going to have to get her off me. "I can't take your money, Mrs. Brown. " I tried to pry her hands away, but she gripped them tighter. The jacket was going to be permanently wrinkled.
"It's our life savings, but we could refinance the house. We could get you more. " Her eyes were so bright right next to mine. Again that unnatural brightness, and I wondered if she was on something, something prescribed. If it was prescribed, then it was the wrong medication.
I couldn't get her hands off of me without hurting her, and I still wasn't willing to do that. I patted her hands, I'd try to be friendly. "It isn't a matter of money, Mrs. Brown. If I could raise your son and find out who did this, I would. Honest to God, I would, but it doesn't work like that. "
Nathaniel was at the door. He gave me a look, like is there anything I can do? I couldn't think of anything, so I gave a small shake of my head.
Mary must have gone for Bert, because he appeared in the doorway with her behind him. "Mrs. Brown, you need to let Anita go. I told you before you had the meeting how it would go. " His voice was even, almost singsong, as if he'd done this before. He hadn't done it much for me, but not everyone had my charm and ability to scare people. Usually, the gun made most clients nervous, but Barbara Brown didn't give a fuck about my gun.
She glanced at Bert, but then turned immediately back to me, her hands still strangling my jacket. "You can't say no, Ms. Blake, if you say no, then it's over, and it can't be over. " She began to give me a little shake with every other word. "And it," shake, "can't be," shake, "over. " Shake.
Mother of God, how do I help her, and how do I get her off me without making it all worse. We had grief counselors on file, but I doubted she'd go to one. She wasn't at that therapy-will-be-helpful stage. She was at that I'm-going-crazy stage.
I stopped trying to pry her off me, but I was tired of being shaken. I decided for truth. "A murdered zombie kills its killer. "
"I want them dead," she almost screamed it, and tightened her grip so that she spit in my face, just a little, accidentally.
"The zombie cuts a path of destruction through everything and everyone in its way until it kills its killer. I've seen zombies kill innocent bystanders by accident. "
"Stevie wouldn't do that," she said, and her face was so close to mine I wanted to draw my face back to focus on her, but she had too much of my jacket in her hands, so that I was effectively trapped. "Stevie was such a gentle person. He'd never hurt anyone. He'd just tell us who did this awful thing. "
"Mrs. Brown, Barbara," I said, and she looked at me, there was a hint of sanity in there somewhere. "It won't be Stevie, Barbara. It will be the walking dead. He won't be your son, he'll just be an animated corpse. "
She lowered her face, so that I was looking down at the top of her blond head. Her shoulders slumped, and I thought I'd gotten through to her.
Bert said, "Mrs. Brown, if you'd come into my office for a few minutes, so we can all calm down, so we can all get on with our day. "
I think it was the "get on with our day. " She stiffened, and I had a second to decide whether I was willing to really hurt her, or not. I hesitated, and that was enough. She had me held too close with the jacket, I couldn't move back, and I couldn't raise a hand until she let me go. She scratched my face. But to do it she let go with one hand. I raised the freed arm up, and blocked her next attempt to scratch my eyes out. She let go with the other arm, but I grabbed her wrist and stepped away, pulling on the wrist at the same time. And used her own momentum to turn her around, and she ended up on her knees with one of her arms behind her back and my other arm across her shoulders. I didn't make it a true choke hold, because I was hoping that someone might drag her off me before it got that far.
My face was burning sharply, from just below my left eye to mid-cheek. Even before I felt the first trickle, I knew it was going to bleed, it just
had that feel to it.
She was screaming, loud, ragged screams.
Steve Brown was closest to us, and he said, "You're hurting her. "
"I'm hurting her," I said, "she tried to take out my eye. "
I didn't have as good a hold on her as I should have, I was still trying to be nice to the poor bereaved crazy woman. She twisted in my grip and dug her nails across my hand. I tucked my elbow tight across her throat and pulled up sharp on her arm behind her back. She cried out, but it stopped abruptly because I was applying pressure to her neck. I knew how to do a choke hold so that all it did was make you pass out. I knew not to crush the Adam's apple or anything stupid. And I admit I was pissed by this point, but Mr. Brown shouldn't have done what he did.
He yelled, "Let her go!"
I said, calmly, I thought, "If you can't control her, I will. "
She struggled, and I tucked my head down tight to her. Then two things happened at once: Nathaniel said, "Anita look out," and Mary screamed. I looked up, in time to see Steve Brown hit me in the face.
It rocked my head back and made reality shift just a little to the side, like a television that isn't quite in focus. It didn't really hurt immediately, not like the scratches at all. You can usually judge how bad an injury is by how long it takes for you to feel the pain. Quick pain, small to medium injury; long pain, not good.
It was a good hit, nice and solid. I think he'd expected me to go down, because he had this surprised look on his face. Or maybe he hadn't ever hit a woman that hard before, or maybe at all. We had one of those long seconds that seem to last forever, but are really just the blink of an eye, to look at each other over his wife's head.
I saw his lips move, but couldn't hear what he said. The only sound was a high, white, buzzing, static, and the taste of blood in my mouth. It didn't matter that it was my own blood. It only mattered that it was blood, and I was angry.
I had a moment, a heartbeat, where I smelled Barbara Brown's skin underneath the sweetness of her perfume. A moment where I could smell her skin, salty, sick, almost, sick with her grief like some poison coming out of her skin. She was wounded, she was hurt, I could end that suffering. I tucked myself tight in against her body, tight enough that her husband couldn't hit me without risking her. I still couldn't hear his voice, but I could hear something else. I could hear her heartbeat. So loud, so very loud. It was a thick, meaty sound, not like that fragile tinny sound you get through a stethoscope. This was what a heart would sound like, if you could put your ear inside someone's chest. This was what someone's life sounded like, beating inside their body, beating fast and faster. Barbara Brown had smelled like food before, but now that first flush of adrenaline kicked through her system. Some part of her that she couldn't even name knew something was wrong. Knew that danger was very, very close.
I must have closed my eyes, because I felt him looming over me. I opened my eyes to see Steve Brown about to touch me. I think he was going for my hair to pull me off his wife. But I saw the hand, and I grabbed it, just stopped it with my hand. My hand looked small around his bigger one, but my arm was solid, and when he tried to pull away, he couldn't do it.
I still had his wife on her knees with my other hand around her wrist and her arm up almost to her shoulders. Distantly, I thought, if I kept pulling I'd dislocate her shoulder. But another part of me, which felt much closer, thought, that's alright, we'd have to pull her apart to eat her anyway. True, if we were going to eat her. Were we?
I'd always thought that the beast was a thing of passion, because passionate emotions could bring it on. This wasn't passionate, this was passionless. There was no right or wrong in my head. No sympathy, no sense that these two people were fellow human beings, and it would be wrong to hurt them. That wasn't even in my head. They'd hurt me, and I was hungry, and she smelled so good, and so bad at the same time. She smelled of sickness, and I realized it was drugs. I could smell them in her sweat--acrid, bitter.
I let her go so abruptly she fell forward on the carpet, but I kept my hand on Steve Brown, and I drew him past his wife, because he had bent to see to her, and I'd pulled him off balance. He smelled of fear and anger, but nothing else. He was clean.
He stumbled, and I put a hand in his shirt, while the other used his arm to bring him in closer. I could hear his heart now, thudding, thudding, so thick, so meaty, so. . . so good.
I felt movement behind me, and I whirled, taking Steve Brown with me, tripping him without thinking about it, so that he was on the ground at my feet, with me still gripping his arm. Food should be on the ground.
Nathaniel was there, touching my face. I jerked back, as if he'd hit me, but with that one touch sound roared back into my head. A woman was screaming. Mary was asking, "Should I call the police?"
"No," Bert was saying, "no, we can handle this. "
I doubted that. But the moment I thought that, I looked down at Mr. Brown. He was staring up at me, eyes wide, and he was afraid. I let him go as if his skin burned mine. I backed up, until I bumped into Nathaniel. I grabbed for his hand without looking, and clung to it. Just touching him helped me think. Usually all touching Nathaniel made me think about was sex or food, but today, it helped me remember that I was human and what that meant.
"Help me," I whispered.
"Everybody out," he said.
Everyone stared at him.
I screamed it, "Out, get out, all of you out!" I started to rush at them, but Nathaniel caught me around the waist, and I let him pick me up. I fought not to struggle. But I kept screaming, "Get them out! Get them out!"
Steve Brown grabbed his wife's arm and started dragging her toward the door. Bert finally moved, taking her other arm, and helping. He was looking at me as if he'd never seen me before, and maybe he hadn't. Bert had a gift for only seeing what he wanted to see.
Mary's pale face was the last thing I saw before the door shut, and the words, get them out, changed to a wordless, formless scream. One ragged scream after another, until my throat went raw and I sagged in Nathaniel's arms.
Before I'd only felt the beast like it was some huge pet that rubbed itself against my body and my mind, but today, I knew that that wasn't the most dangerous part of the beast. The most dangerous part was that it was an animal, and true animals have absolutely no sense of right and wrong. I screamed, because to stop and do anything else was to risk that mind coming back up through me, and I wasn't sure I could stop it again.