Chapter 16
He Loves Me?
I got back Sunday night, and struggled to get my heart back into school the next day. With school letting out in two weeks, we all enjoyed a lighter schedule. Tutoring waned, and I felt free to make plans for the summer. Our principal asked me to teach a summer English course as well as to create the English curriculum for the next school year. With a three-week vacation before summer courses began, I thought about all the places I wanted to visit in Asia during that time. Perhaps Jane could vacation with me? A phone call was in order.
Our school had a holiday on Friday, so I decided to visit Kyoto, and cross off one of my bucket list items and go have a formal kaiseki meal. Most people probably wouldn’t partake in such a formal meal by themselves but I figured if I didn’t go alone now, I may never be able to go. Taking the Shinkansen, Kyoto was not far from my village. I left Thursday after class and promised to free myself of home and all its memories. Home was here now, nowhere else.
Friday morning consisted of a walking tour and a visit to the Nishiki market. Dozens and dozens of shops selling authentic Japanese goods and produce, bustled with customers. I had a small lunch at a famous soba house then visited Tenryu-ji Temple in Arashiyama. Originally built in the 1300’s, the temple’s stunning greenery and ponds graced a large part of the property. Fully blossomed Sakura trees complemented the famously landscaped garden.
After my walk through the garden, I headed back to the hotel and got dressed for my kaiseki meal at Japan’s most celebrated kaiseki restaurant. The distance between my hotel, Tenryu-ji temple, and the restaurant measured a short triangle. Mr. Suzuki had asked many of his friends and did a lot of research for me before calling in a reservation. Even alone, it was exciting to participate in an activity that had been on my mind for years. I wanted to dress up and look nice for this elegant meal. I couldn’t wait!
At first glance, the restaurant was breathtaking. Japanese lanterns in various shapes lined the pebble walkway leading up to what resembled a traditional Japanese house more than a restaurant. When I arrived, it was light enough for me to see the serene landscaping filled with plants and bushes and random bamboo fixtures. The hostess led me to a small room filled with only a tatami mat, a comfortable L-shaped cushion, and a black lacquered dinner table. I waited for the kimono-clad server to start my meal on the beautifully lacquered table. The sounds of the waterfall hummed in tune with chirping birds, and I sat with my back against the door, looking peacefully at the pond. With footsteps coming my way, I eagerly awaited my first course, the sakizuke or amouse bouche.
My ear listened carefully to what I thought was a familiar voice speaking English. Since there were so many tourists in Arayishima, I assumed it was one of the many coming to eat at the restaurant.
“Finally!” a voice announced, as the door opened. I knew instantly whose voice I’d heard. My head spun around faster than the server could finish opening the door.
Jake. My Jake. My Love.
Tears choked my eyes and my chest writhed in pain. Emotions overtook me. I stared at the handsome face I longed to see for so many months. My heart ached for this moment since I left him standing on a corner in New York. Was this person walking toward me a figment of my imagination? Could I trust my eyes? Even before he took the big step into my room, I wanted to run into his arms. But instead, I turned myself around and contained the hope that wanted to rip out of my heart.
He sat right next to me and whispered, “Hello, Emily.” His voice broke as he peered into my eyes. “Very long time no see.”
I sensed adoration and relief in his eyes. He probably sensed elation, along with fear in mine. He reached over to embrace me but I jumped back to guard myself from his touch. His face looked hurt. My face probably looked dumbfounded.
“What are you doing here?” I asked, trying to figure out whether this was coincidental or planned. Either way, none of it made sense.
“Why do you think I’m here?” Jake’s tone was a bit short with me. Exasperated might be a better word.
“I don’t know. Does the emperor need a heart surgeon?” Jake chuckled. I hadn’t meant to be funny. I had no other explanation for Jake being in Japan.
“Emily, I’m here to see you. We need to talk. Are you here alone, or are you waiting for someone?”
I heard him ask me a series of questions but I couldn’t get beyond the first sentence. Why are you here to see me? After all these months, what would make you talk to me now?
“Emily, are you waiting for someone?” he asked again.
“Yes,” was all I could answer. Silly, I’ve been waiting for you for months now. You’re very late, but thank you for coming. I’m so happy to see you.
“You are? Who are you waiting for? Are you waiting for a guy…? Are you seeing someone already?” Jake looked horrified.
I found his questions absurd. How could you think I started dating again? Don’t you know how much I missed you…how much I love you?
“Emily!” He tried to snap me out of my glazed look. “I sound like a broken record. Are you seeing someone?”
“Are you?” I didn’t mean to aggravate him by answering a question with a question, but I couldn’t babble any coherent thoughts.
“Of course not! Do you know how far and wide I searched for you after you left me? Why did you make it so hard for me to find you? Why have you been gone for so long?”
This statement snapped me out of my daze. In a biting tone I answered, “A bit bizarre you would try so hard to find me halfway around the world when you didn’t bother looking for me when I was just down the street. And by the way, you left me.”
He had no comeback. My impetuous tone startled Jake. He looked defeated. I was unhappy to see his sad face. I didn’t know what possessed me to talk to him in such a manner.
Our second course—Hassun, which sets the seasonal theme of the meal—arrived, and I continued eating. Jake paid no attention to his food. “How could you come into town last week and visit my parents, but not me? How could you cut off all communication with me? Didn’t you think I would want to see you…that I might worry about you? Didn’t you want to see me?”
Of course I wanted to see you. There wasn’t a day when I didn’t think about you. “How could you accuse me of cutting off all communication when you’re the one who walked out on me after asking me to marry you? You’re also the one who didn’t communicate with me for weeks. I begged you to talk to me.”
He was speechless again. His first and second courses sat. I moved on to eating my third course, Mukozuke—a dish of seasonal sushi.
“Emily. Why didn’t you send a return address to any of the letters you wrote? Maybe if you did, I could’ve resolved our issues sooner.”
I hesitated giving him an answer. I hesitated not because I didn’t have an answer, but because I didn’t want to show him how vulnerable I felt. Biding my time, I looked around the table at Jake’s uneaten food. Chopsticks lay still, our servers discontinued service, and even the water fountain seemed motionless. The only sound I could hear was my rapid heartbeat, and my heart hollering at me to grab him before he left me again. As his eyes continued to beg for an answer, I eventually gave into his plea. I had no defense to his offense. My weakness was his strength.
After a long sigh I confessed, “I didn’t send a return address, because when I didn’t get a response from you, I would know it’s because you couldn’t respond to me, and not because you didn’t want to respond to me.”
My head dropped immediately, sensing the deluge of emotions rushing to my eyes. Tears fell heavier than the water fountain that decorated the lovely garden right outside our room.
Jake appeared encouraged by my meltdown. He leaned over to embrace me again. My body rebuffed his attempts, though a bit more hesitantly this time.
“Emi, can I explain myself now? I’d like to tell you my side of the story.”
“Jake, if you came all the way over here to apologize, don’t bother. I don?
??t want to hear it. You walked out on me a few days after you said that you wanted to spend the rest of your life with me, and didn’t explain yourself for months. How could you not know I would wait for you at the Skywalk? What happened to your promise of not letting me be alone? I have been so alone the last five months without you. I thought you loved me, that you really, truly loved me. Where were you all those days I begged you to talk to me? Why are you here now after all these months?”
At this point, I couldn’t contain the sobbing. I could see Jake lifting his arm up and bringing it down several times, wondering whether or not to comfort me. His two failed attempts at embracing me earlier must have deterred his courage. In the end, he kept his hands to himself. Once composed, I finished the words that had burned in my heart for so long. “You can’t begin to understand how much you hurt me. I’ve just begun to piece myself back together again. I don’t want my heart broken anymore. You don’t owe me any explanation. I have no claim on you. Please just leave.”
Defeated, my chest throbbed, feeling beaten and bruised. I wanted to run away and hide in my corner again. My body sat quietly trying to calm my heart that blazed like a fire burning out of control. I knew Jake needed to say his piece. Though I dared not look into his face, pain emanated with his every breath.
Jake cautiously lifted his hand again, and brushed my fallen hair. His fingers traced the side of my temple to my cheekbone then down to my jaw. He held up my face and let his palm rest on my cheek. Very much, I wanted to see what was written in his eyes. My head was up, but my tear-filled eyes stayed down.
“First of all, I’m sorry,” he confessed. “I’m sorry I walked away from you that morning, and I can never forgive myself for leaving you stranded. I can’t believe I’ve hurt you so much. You don’t know how sorry I am that I left you alone. It was not my intention not to see or talk to you for this long. I came by your house many times trying to reconcile, but couldn’t find you. This situation got out of hand.” Jake’s face actually looked as tormented as my heart felt.
“That morning when you told me about Max, you broke my heart. I have this bad habit of shutting myself down when things go badly. I know it’s wrong and I know I’ve done this to you many times before. I’ll work on that. I promise I will. I won’t shut down on you or leave you anymore, I promise you.”
My heart beat even faster. I was sure Jake could hear the thumping from where he was sitting. Could he actually be trying to make amends with me? The hope within me attempted to break free, believing he might still love me as my tears continued down Jake’s hand.
“Anyhow, I initially didn’t answer your texts because I was angry with you. Childish, I know, but I couldn’t get myself to return your messages. Eventually, I calmed down enough to give you a few days to sort out your feelings and make you want to come back to me and me only. I knew I loved you, but this time I doubted your love for me.”
This statement angered me again. “Why would I try to communicate with you every day if I didn’t want to be with you? I told you in every text I loved you.”
“I believed you cared. But you never affirmed to me that I was the only one you wanted. I guess I was looking for affirmation. When I didn’t get this, I figured you had chosen Max over me, and I let you go—though only for about half a second—thinking this was the best for you.” He actually had the nerve to chuckle.
“Jake!” Frustration colored my face. “Did you read any of my texts? Every day I told you how much I missed you and that I loved you. Did you think it was all a lie?”
“I know. It was stupid of me. I couldn’t trust you. I thought maybe you were letting me down easily. Every day I looked forward to your text, but a part of me feared you would eventually tell me you had chosen Max.” He frowned at this thought. “When you sent me your last text, I realized I was completely wrong about your feelings. That’s when I panicked. I saw these texts from your point of view for the first time. Maybe you still loved me, but my lack of response would make you believe I didn’t love you anymore. I couldn’t assuage the sick feeling in my stomach. Since I couldn’t get a hold of you, my only solution was to see Jane in New York. I hoped she could give me some answers.”
Fear entered my heart at this point. If Jake still loved me, could I try again? Desperately wanting to love him again, but scared to be hurt, I listened for more reassurance.
“I came looking for you at your house as soon I received your last text. I wanted to tell you what was in my heart, but you didn’t answer the door. Little did I know that I would see you in less than twenty-four hours.”
“OK, so you finally saw my point of view, but you still didn’t say anything to me in New York to resolve our situation,” I freed my face from his hand scared to be held by him—to be hurt by him. “If you still loved me, why did you send me away again? You could’ve stopped me.”
“When I saw you in Jane’s apartment, I was dumbfounded. You were the person I most wanted to see, but the last one I expected to see. At first, I said nothing out of shock. Then Nick started talking, Jane started yelling, and the next thing I knew, you were gone. Even before I reached you at the cab, Jane’s words about Arizona haunted me. In my mind, I could picture you standing at the Skywalk waiting for me to return. I was angry with myself but took it out on you instead. Please forgive me. All those hurtful words—I meant none of them.”
“Jake…I’m too scared to do this again. My heart is beyond repair. Did you have so little faith in me that you would believe one night with Max would lead to something improper? Did you really think so lowly of me? If that wasn’t bad enough, you left me without giving me a chance to explain myself. How can I trust you again? All these months, I hurt believing you didn’t care anymore—that you coldly cut me off.”
The once confident Dr. Jake Reid crumbled with my accusation. My heart broke watching guilt torment him.
“Emily, you must believe me when I tell you I love you! I never stopped loving you. I don’t believe I can ever not love you. I’m sorry I broke your heart. I’m sorry I abandoned you. I will never do it again. I absolutely cannot live without you. When I read your letter at the hospital, my world collapsed. It was like falling into some dark abyss. I couldn’t function for weeks. I took a sick leave and searched for you everywhere. Only when I received your first letter from Japan, did I think that there might be a chance we could meet again. That maybe we would love again. That’s when I decided to get my act together, and go back to the hospital and wait for you to return to me.”
My head nodded silently. I wasn’t sure which statement I was agreeing with—probably all of them.
“I will work to earn your trust again. Just please don’t tell me we’re over.”
At this point, I didn’t know what to think or feel. The room spun, as I knew I needed to make a choice.
Love and trust Jake again.
Or, let him go, and regret this decision the rest of my life.
The decision had been made the moment Jake walked into the room. Only I was too afraid to speak it.
“Oh my sweet Emily, how did we go this long, apart? I’ve missed you so much.”
He leaned in and placed his lips gently on mine. I didn’t move away this time. I couldn’t move away. I felt delirious to his touch. His lips tasted sweeter than I remembered them. During the kiss that I never wanted to end, I began sobbing quietly at the prospect of being with Jake again.
He paused his embrace and looked into my once dejected eyes. My body burned with sensations from affliction, to hope, to elation.
“Emily?” he lovingly called my name. “You still love me, don’t you?” his voice unsure, his eyes begging one last time.
I wrapped my arms tightly around him and prayed he would never let go of me again. “Jake, you know I do!” my voice broke. “I never stopped loving you. I’m sorry too for hurting you. This was my fault as well. I’ve missed you so much!”
Several times the door to our room opened and closed. The fourth Takiawas
e course of simmered meat or fish and vegetables, either sat cold or became overcooked, from the server’s many attempts to deliver our meal. My emotions bounced this time from euphoria back to insecurity and then to curiosity.
I broke out of our embrace.
“What’s the matter?” Jake asked. “Why do you still look so sad? Don’t cry, Love,” he said while wiping away my tears with his hands.
“You really still love me?” I had to ask. I couldn’t trust reality sitting in front of me.
“Emily, I love you,” he reassured with gentle kisses.
“I just can’t believe it.” The tears wouldn’t stop.
“Believe it, Sweetheart. I’m here to be with you, and we are never separating again!” he adamantly stated, but it still felt like a dream—possibly a nightmare if it were a dream.
I kissed him one more time. It tasted even sweeter the second time around.
“You’re not leaving me anymore?” I whispered meekly, just in case I might be in trouble for doubting again.
“Never,” he quietly answered and held me in his arms. Yes, this felt like home again. I was where I belonged—in Jake’s arms.
I perked up from Jake’s body with a question that nagged since he got here. “How did you find me in Kyoto?”
An agitated grimace colored his face. I knew that I would be in trouble soon. Before he began, our kimono- clad servers found the chance to drop all nine of our dishes that waited while we reconciled. We had everything but the mizumono, or dessert. This probably wasn’t the correct kaiseki protocol, but the servers didn’t care. In their own genteel way, they displayed great annoyance with us. Laughter frolicked in our eyes.
“Emily, I wasn’t kidding when I said I looked high and low for you. My dad called me the minute he saw you in our driveway. I begged him to keep you there, but when I arrived, you were gone. Then I ran into Max and he told me you would be at the wedding the next day, and when I went to look for you, you had just left. I asked about you at the hotel, but they said you had checked out already. I went to every possible airline that had a flight leaving that night, but I couldn’t find you. Ugh! I was so frustrated I had lost you again.”
His story became even more animated as he flailed his arms up in the air while huffing and puffing. Before any more wrath fell on me, I stole a moment and enveloped my arms into the arch of his body hugging him longingly. Since parting, my body had always felt cold. Finally, Jake filled my body with warmth. He stopped grumbling and just held me.
Contentment.
No other word better described our state of being.
Even with my body in tow, he continued his soliloquy. “Max and Jane both came to me with your address, so I flew here late Thursday, only to find that it was too late to take the train into your village. I waited another day and trekked all the way to your home and of course, you weren’t there. Do you see a pattern to this story?” He pulled himself away to look at me while asking that last question.
“I still don’t get how you found me here.”
“Well, it wasn’t easy—like the last five months of our relationship. Your students went back and forth trying to explain who I was and why I was standing at their door pleading for your whereabouts. Thanks for talking about me to your Japanese family,” he retorted sarcastically. “Mr. Suzuki thought I was some loony waiting for a chance to kidnap you.”
“So how did you get him to divulge my location? Was it your charm or your good looks?” I attempted an impish smile.
“It was Yuki who finally came to my rescue. I’ve got to remember to buy her a nice gift while we’re here. She told her dad that she saw you write me letters daily…then throw them away. How could you send me only one letter when everyone else got copious letters?”
“Jake. One reprimand at a time, please. I can’t keep up with all my wrongdoings. Back to Yuki.”
“I guess Yuki threw out your trash daily and she told her dad that she saw you cry many times while writing me a letter. She never asked you about it, but she knew I was somebody in your life who made you sad.”
I began to tear again. This time more out of relief that I could look back on those days and consider them a sad memory. With his arms around my body, he kissed my forehead apologetically, and empathized with my pain. In every way, they were his pain too.
“At this point, Mrs. Suzuki stepped in, put two and two together, and forced her husband to tell me where you would be today. This is how I got to this restaurant.”
“I’m glad you’re here,” I responded. “Are you done or am I still in trouble?”
“I think I’m done…no, I take that back. I’m not done,” he continued.
You can really hold a grudge, Dr. Reid. Good thing I didn’t say this as Jake’s face turned solemn.
“Emily, I need to apologize one more time. I’ve said so many hurtful things to you. My actions were inexcusable. Please forgive me.” With his arms still around my body, I knew in my heart all had been forgiven already.
“Jake, I created this mess. You had no choice but to feel insecure because I wavered. My actions were hurtful as well. I forgive you knowing you’ve forgiven me as well. Let’s not dwell on this anymore.”
“I can’t let go of the image of you waiting for me at the Skywalk. You’ve always been so trusting of me to take care of you. All the months we were apart, the thought of you losing faith in me tormented me. It scares me you won’t ever completely trust me again.”
“Frightened? Yes. But, I don’t think I can stay separated from you anymore. Right now, and maybe even forever, my love for you outweighs any fear of getting hurt. I want to trust you again. Just please don’t break my heart.”
Our lips met once more eagerly. Happiness overcame my many months of anguish and sadness.
“I’ll make this up to you the rest of our lives together. Please don’t doubt my love for you anymore.”
I nodded my head in agreement.
Sitting at a table filled with beautifully decorated but uneaten food, we attempted feverishly to catch up on our five-month absence. There were still too many unanswered questions.
Jake began. “The more I think about it, how could you believe I didn’t love you anymore? Didn’t I tell you only every day how much I loved you? Do you think I go around asking just any girl to marry me?”
I answered back, “How could you go weeks without talking to me, especially when my texts begged you daily for an answer? Do you know how hard it is to send someone a message and to sit around and wait for a response? Plus, do you know how much you hurt me? I had to move to the other part of the world to try to mend my heart. You were the one confused about my feelings for you.”
“Could it be any harder than waiting for letters that came to everyone but me? That was really cruel. I pathetically had to read my siblings’ letters to find out how you were doing. Don’t even get me started on having to ask my girlfriend’s ex-boyfriend about what she had written him.”
“I sent you a letter. I even sent you a birthday card and a gift.” Jake showed me his sleeves. “Oh, you’re wearing the cufflinks. They look nice.”
“Thank you for your gift. You don’t know how much these meant to me.”
“Did you have a good birthday?” I’d hoped he did despite our separation.
“How could I have had a good birthday knowing you were alone on yours? Did you celebrate your birthday at all?” he asked, but looked away, not wanting to know the answer.
I shook my head no. “Sarah called me and sent me a gift but that was it.”
“Oh, Sweetheart, I’m sorry. Of all the days we were apart, those were the hardest days for me as well. Come here,” he pulled me closer to him. “I have your birthday present. I didn’t know when I’d be able to give this to you, but I had it made regardless.”
Jake brought out of his pocket a stunning piece of jewelry. On a simple white gold chain hung a large, flat heart shaped pendant. What made this pendant so unusual was the stone placed inside a fra
me of small diamonds.
“Jake, this is beautiful! What kind of stone is this?”
“It’s a sapphire cut into a flat piece and then shaped into a heart. My grandfather gave it to Gram on her birthday the first year they were together. Gram sent it to me on my birthday, obviously for me to give to you, and I added the diamonds around the sapphire on your birthday.”
“How is Gram doing?” I asked fondly.
“She’s healthy but sad to see me so sad. She called weekly to check up on me and to ask about your status. It broke her heart to know we had separated. She was very fond of you as well, and had thought of you as family already.”
“I missed her too. We’ll have to call her.”
Jake put the present around my neck. I admired not just the gift but the meaning behind it.
“Thank you. So am I done being in trouble for not sending you more letters?”
“Not quite,” he answered as I laughed. “You know what was almost as difficult as not receiving a letter from you?” He was back to his mini tirade.
“What?” My voice empathetically rose to justify his indignation.
“Whenever you told Jane you had just written me a letter, but had torn it up. That was enormously frustrating. And how deplorable do I look when a seven-year-old-girl tells her dad that my name is synonymous with the word sad?”
It never occurred to me that Yuki saw me cry. I guess I couldn’t hide anything in such a small house.
“Yeah, if I had sent you all the letters I’d torn up, you would’ve gotten several per week. Sorry,” I answered, shrugging my shoulders. “But you must have also read in Jane’s letters that my feelings for you never changed. They only got stronger while I was away from you.”
“That was my only comfort during those long months. It was difficult not knowing when I would see or talk to you again. Jane did her best to keep me patient. She believed you would send her your contact information soon.”
“At least you had family and friends to talk to during those days. Do you want to know what was the hardest for me?” I paused wondering whether or not to share this information with Jake. “I had no one to share my feelings with. I hurt alone and that was unbearable. That’s probably why I wrote so many letters.”
I stopped talking. I felt Jake’s heart break.
“Thank you for finding me, Jake. My four months here did nothing to weaken my feelings for you. I think absence does make the heart grow fonder. I didn’t want to, but I was going to stay here another year to try to forget you.”
“Emily, let’s go home. I promised my family I’d bring you back. Can you leave with me tomorrow?”
As much as I wanted to be with Jake, leaving immediately wasn’t a possibility. “I need to stay at least till the end of the school year.”
His eyes expressed sadness again. He pondered our new dilemma. “When is the school year over?”
“In two weeks. It’s not much longer.”
“OK. As much as I don’t want to leave you, I’m going to allow it on one condition.”
“And what would that condition be?” I asked.
“When school is done, pack a bag of clothes, but Fed-Ex the rest of your belongings to Mom’s house.”
“Why?”
“Because you’re going to meet me in Paris. We’re going to take that romantic trip you promised me. If you agree to meet me in Paris, then I’ll let you finish out the school year.”
“And if I don’t agree to meet you in Paris?”
“Then, I’ll have to lock you up in a tower like Rapunzel and come visit you at night.”
I laughed at the thought. “You wouldn’t dare.”
“Are you going to meet me in Paris or not?”
“Is this a choice that’s not really a choice?”
“Yup.”
“Well, then Paris it is,” I said, thrilled at the thought of spending an entire week with him. It was like a dream come true. No, it was a dream come true.
“Did you end up going to Paris in February?” I remembered we were supposed to be there a few months back.
“Yes, I had to go…alone. It was the most depressing trip of my life. I rarely left the hotel. I went from my room to the conference room. It was hard being there without you. The only highlight of the trip was when Gram came to visit me.”
I promised, “I’ll make it up to you.” We both cherished our moment together.
“Also, I have one more request,” Jake said. “I’m going to buy you a laptop with a webcam. I cannot go two weeks without seeing you—not after having endured five months. We will set up a time to talk each day, OK?”
“Is that necessary? It’s only twelve days. What a waste of money.”
He gave me a stern look that made me cower into his demand.
Jake paid for our beautiful meal that went untouched and we walked through the streets of Kyoto. We couldn’t help our fixed smile or our constant touch. We’d been apart for so long. I, more so than Jake, needed a continual reminder of our togetherness. It was amazing how many months of heartbreak could be mended within minutes, with a few magical words. How fickle the heart could be. We sat on a park bench eager to answer more questions and confirm our commitment one last time.
“Emi?”
“Hmm?”
“What happened between you and Max? Max told me at the hospital that you turned down his proposal, but I didn’t quite understand why. Believe it or not, it was Max who encouraged me to pursue you when I thought I’d hurt you too much to salvage anything. He strongly believed you still loved me, and left for Japan thinking I didn’t love you anymore.”
“After seeing you in New York, I called Max, and we finally ended our story. Let me try to explain what got us into this whole mess. When I turned down your proposal, I knew it was temporary. It was just a matter of time before I accepted your offer of marriage. My love for you was already there. I just couldn’t take that last leap of faith. Ultimately, I couldn’t trust that you wouldn’t wake up one morning and stop loving me. As for Max, I knew the moment he proposed, he was not the person I wanted to spend the rest of my life with. You were too deeply imbedded into my heart. No was the correct answer, but I was too much in shock to say anything. And then I saw you running toward me, and I was terrified you might be mad. I froze, not knowing what to do. I hope you can understand these were words I desperately wanted to hear at one point in my life, and I didn’t know how to refuse Max but still keep our friendship. Max will always be like family to me, no matter what. Are you OK with that?”
Forming this into a question, I gave Jake a choice. Hopefully, he’d understand my need to keep Max as an important person in my life. Jake looked tentative, but willing to accept my feelings.
“I figured out after you left me that there was nothing wrong with loving Max as a friend, and that turning him down would not end our relationship. Does this make sense? Maybe the better question would be, are you OK with my feelings for Max?”
My answer didn’t erase Jake’s insecurity. I had to declare my feelings for Jake one more time.
“I love you with all my heart, and I can’t imagine my life being void of you anymore. Please don’t ever leave me again.” This time, my insecurities prevailed.
“Emily, though we were physically apart, I never left you emotionally. You know that, right?”
“I know it now. OK, so I have a question. After New York, why didn’t you come talk to me? You knew where I lived.”
“I’m glad you asked that because I was curious about something too. First of all, I called you a million times but you never answered.”
“Yeah, sorry about that. I turned off my phone after I stopped texting you. With you gone, I had no reason for a phone anymore.”
“I tried to call you at your school, but realized I had no idea where you taught. Funny thing how I loved you enough to want to spend the rest of my life with you, but I had no specific details of your life. I didn’t know where you taught, or any of your friends
’ last names. Worst of all, do you know we’ve never taken a picture together? I searched my brain for any stops we made to take a picture, and there were none. What did we do in Hawaii all that time?”
“We, no I, lost a ton of weight from all the exercise you Reids put me through. So you still haven’t answered my question. Why didn’t you come find me at home?”
“Sorry, got sidetracked. I did come by your house. I came the next day and you weren’t home. I stopped by at all hours and you wouldn’t answer your door. Then the day after, against my wishes, the chief sent me up to Seattle to co-lead in a heart transplant and I was gone for almost a week. By the time I got back to your door again, someone else answered and said you no longer lived there. I tried to convince this person to give me your contact number, but I think she thought I was some kind of psychopath. She almost called the police on me.”
“This is where I’m confused,” said Jake. “You hadn’t left for Japan yet because I didn’t get your letter at the hospital till a week or so later. Where were you all that time?”
“Funny how our lives got so crossed. The day I got home from New York, Max came over and we had our talk. Later that night, Sarah and Charlie came over and shared with us the exciting news of their engagement. With less than two weeks to help Sarah with wedding plans, I went back and forth from my house to Sarah’s, trying to help her prepare. Fortunately the house got leased immediately, and that would explain my tenant whom you met.”
I felt a sudden panic attack.
“Jake. What am I going to do?”
“Why? What’s wrong?”
“I don’t have a home to go back to. My tenant is staying in my house till the end of summer.”
“Fantastic!” Jake exulted. “Move in with me.”
He abruptly corrected himself. “Move into my parents’ home with me. You can take up occupancy in the guest room, unless…you get scared on the third floor by yourself and want to sleep in my bed with me.”
“You’re incorrigible,” I said with a huge grin on my face.
I had a list of people to call to share our good news.
“Sarah?”
“Emily? Are you OK? Where are you? Are you back in the States? Whose number is this?”
Of course she would be worried about me. Once I began talking, she would know I would finally be OK.
“I’m fine. How’s Hawaii?”
“It’s wonderful, but what’s wrong?”
“I wanted to let you know that Jake is here with me. He found me here in Kyoto.”
“What?” Sarah sounded too shocked to talk. I could hear Charlie ask, “What’s wrong? Is Emily OK?” He grabbed the phone from her.
“Emily. What’s going on?”
“I’m fine, Charlie. Jake came to me, a bit late, but he’s here now.”
Sarah got back on the phone and I gave her a quick explanation of what happened. Her tears of joy resonated all the way to Kyoto.
“Emily. Nobody deserves more happiness than you. Tell Jake if he ever hurts you again, he’ll have to answer to me.”
“And me,” I heard Charlie yell in the background.
Giggling, I looked at Jake. “My best friend and her husband are threatening your life if you hurt me again.”
“You tell the newlyweds there’s no chance of that happening. Enjoy your honeymoon,” he called into the phone.
“Sarah, I’m leaving here in a couple of weeks and meeting Jake in Paris. I’ll see you back at home mid-June. Have a great rest of your honeymoon. I’ll call you again.”
Jane was next on the list. She, too, was elated to hear that Jake and I were back together, and added to the growing threat on Jake as we put her on speakerphone.
“Jake? Don’t screw up this time, OK?”
“I won’t. I’m not letting go of Emily ever again.” He gazed over at me while talking to his sister.
Our entire make-up story was rehashed in under two minutes but more importantly, I also told Jane how much I missed her. She was the one person besides Jake I most wanted to see.
“When are you coming home, Jane? When can we see each other?”
“I got a job so Manhattan is my home for a while—maybe Thanksgiving at the earliest.”
“Jane…” I whined. “Hey, do you want to meet us in Paris?” I thought this was a fantastic idea.
“No way!” Jake yelled at both of us.
Shocked, I stared at him, and Jane laughed.
“Why don’t you come see me?” she suggested.
I looked at Jake, hoping he would let me go see her. Neither one of us would want to be apart from each other, but Jane was the sister I never had.
“Can I go visit Jane?” I asked cautiously.
“If she promises not to tag along in Paris,” he huffed.
A sour look shrouded my once happy face. Jake softened and offered an alternative. “Why don’t we stop by New York after Paris? We can hang with her a few days and then come home.”
“Can we really do that?” I asked with excitement.
“Emi, it’s your world. We can do whatever you like.”
“Jane, I’ll call you from Paris and let you know exactly when we’re coming. Call Nick and have him join us as well.”
“You sound more excited to meet up with my siblings in New York than to meet me in Paris.” Jake was pouting again.
“Emily, you better go. Call me later.” Jane knew her brother only too well. She probably had a mental picture of his arms crossed and lips protruding like a five-year-old. I turned toward my love, grabbed his face, and kissed him numerous times till I got a smile out of him. His dimpled smile returned, only to be vexed again, as it was time to call Max.
“Hi, Max. It’s me, Em.”
“I can tell by the tone of your voice that Jake is right there next to you.”
“You know me too well.” I smiled. “Thank you, Max. You are wonderful to help me find Jake again.”
“I’m happy knowing you’re happy. I love you, Em. My debt is paid.”
Jake took the phone and talked to Max while I pondered my good fortune of having in the present and the past, two wonderful men who taught me to love. They both continued to watch over me.
“Call Gram for me, I want to talk to her,” I asked enthusiastically as I handed the phone to Jake.
He did as I asked and handed the phone back to me.
“Hi, Gram!” I started crying again. “How are you? I’m so glad to be talking to you again. I’ve missed you.”
“Emily. Don’t cry. I’ve missed you too. I was very worried when Jake couldn’t find you. Hallelujah! This madness is finally over. Is Jake being good to you?”
“Oh, Gram, he’s been a dream. I’m sorry we worried you. We won’t ever do that to you again.”
“Are you going to marry my grandson now?”
“Definitely, Gram! If he asks again, I promise I won’t disappoint you.”
“Emily, come to London. Let me finally meet you.” Her tone, welcoming, I knew I would love her like my own grandmother. “Let me talk to Jake and we’ll arrange a visit.”
Our last phone call was to Sandy and Bobby, and they were thrilled to hear I would come live with them till the end of summer. Sandy promised to have the guest room ready before we got back from Paris. Jake told them not to bother as he was sure I wouldn’t be sleeping there.
Without having eaten much all day, our empty stomachs caught up with us. We walked toward the nearest street vendor.
“By the way, didn’t you say that you were waiting for someone back at the restaurant? You made it sound like you were seeing someone already. What was that all about?” Jake questioned. I thought we were done hashing out all of our misunderstandings—apparently not.
“Yes, I said I was waiting for someone, but I never said I was seeing anyone.” My ambiguous answer didn’t sit well with Jake.
“What does that mean?” I loved that his childlike tone surfaced whenever he didn’t get his way. “Have you dated anyone sin
ce you got here? Have other men asked you out? If so, how many?”
I chose to keep mum. I shut my lips and formed a flat horizontal smile, while eating my udon noodles.
“Emi, aren’t you going to answer?” His voice grew impatient while he placed his hands all over my body and tickled me. I laughed, choked on my noodles, and promised to answer without a fight.
“You play dirty,” I accused while giving him an evil eye.
“You, no, yes, and many.”
Jake took my answers and dropped them at the end of each of his questions. He looked upset again.
“I don’t understand the first answer.”
Staring at him I asked, “Are you really as smart as everyone says you are? You asked me who I was waiting for. I was waiting for YOU. I’ve been waiting for you since you left me last Christmas. Do you get it now?”
“Oh! I get it.” He smiled again till he thought through my other answers.
“What do you mean many men have asked you on dates? How many single men could live in that tiny village of yours? And why would they ask you out? Didn’t you tell them you were taken?”
“Why on earth would I tell them that? There’s no ring on my finger that says I’m taken. And, I didn’t stay in the village the whole time. I traveled throughout Japan. You’re not the only man to find me attractive.”
Jake reached into his pocket and pulled out my beautiful ring. Oh how I had missed that ring. He slowly drew out my left hand and my heart jumped a-flutter.
He was going to propose again!
I definitely knew what my answer would be this time. Jake slid the eternity band on my ring finger and I basked in this tender moment.
To my utter dismay, rather than proposing, he handed me a stern warning. “I don’t ever want to see you take this ring off unless I replace with another one, OK?”
“All right…” My lips pouted and my answer sounded sore.
Jake mused at my chagrin. “What’s wrong? Were you expecting something else? Do you not like this ring?”
What could I say? No, I like this ring but I’d like a proposal along with it?
“I love this ring,” was all that came out of my mouth.
Night fell upon us and we walked hand in hand back to the hotel.
“Where’s your suitcase?” I inquired.
“They’re holding it for me here. I haven’t had a chance to check in yet.”
“Why don’t you have them bring up your stuff up to my room?” I didn’t have to look in a mirror to know my cheeks had turned bright red. I also didn’t have to look at Jake to know his stunned face quickly changed to nirvana. He practically sprinted up to my room.
Walking in, Jake quickly surveyed the double bed. Heaven to hell in sixty seconds, he threw up a prayer. “Love, I’ve been apart from you for too long to be satisfied sleeping in a bed next to yours.”
“Would it satisfy you to sleep in a bed…with me?” I asked sheepishly.”
I’d never seen Jake so happy!
We said a quick and sweet good-bye in Kyoto, as we both had to leave for our respective jobs. It pained me to leave him again. I made up twenty different excuses as to why I wanted to go back with him. Every excuse pointed to the fact that we would be apart only twelve days. Then, we would have many joyful days together.
“I don’t want you to go. It feels like a dream to be back together with you. I don’t want to say good-bye anymore.”
“Love, it’s only for twelve days. We’ll see each other soon. After that, we don’t ever have to say good-bye. Make sure you log onto your computer at 9:00 p.m. your time. That will serve as a substitute until Paris.”
“OK.” I pouted some more. “I’ll miss you.”
“Me, too, my love. Me too.”
I left him standing at the station, knowing that we would soon be together again, and if God was kind to us, we would never have to say good-bye.