I could take her yelling.
I could take her crying herself to sleep.
What I couldn’t take? The emptiness on her face. Kinsey was a strong woman, who’d suddenly lost something, I just didn’t know what. Why was she so haunted?
All I knew is that Jax kept her father’s sickness from her until it was too late. He took time from her.
Time.
Fuck.
I knew the feeling all too well.
It was all we had.
I never had more time with my mom.
And it still traumatized me that she was ripped away before I could have one last meal with her, one last smile.
I shivered.
“So.” Kins’s perfume was going to be the death of me. I swerved the car by accident and nearly hit a pedestrian while I tried to shift my weight to my left leg, all in the vain effort of shielding her from the fact that I was so turned on I had double vision. The friction from the tight jeans I was wearing really did me no favors, damn jeans. “Where we going?”
“On a date.” I smiled at her discomfort.
“Right, but you said you were getting ready for a date.”
“I was.”
“So who are we meeting?”
“You’ll see.” I turned the car into the hospital parking lot and parked. “Just try to have a good attitude, and don’t yell.”
“Don’t yell?” She frowned harder. “Why the hell are we at a hospital?”
“Hey, wanna grab the jerseys from the trunk?” I ignored her on purpose. “I need to send a quick text.”
She grumbled something about making her do all the work, and grabbed the box from the back of the car.
I took it from her once I sent a text to Jax and urged her forward. “Hurry, we’re late.”
“Late for what?”
“I told you already.”
“No, all you keep saying is date,” she hissed at me before the hospital doors slid open. The lobby was decorated in our team colors and a few of the hospital staff had their cameras out.
One of the nurses waved me over. “Everyone is on the second-level lobby. Just take the elevator up and take a right.” She smiled warmly at me and then at Kins. “You look familiar.”
Kins straightened and held out her hand. “I’m one of the Bucks cheerleaders.”
“Your girlfriend?” the nurse asked with a nice smile.
“Yup,” I said before Kins could ruin everything and scowl, technically it was one of our first official outings, and now that the preseason was in full swing, it just meant she was going to have to suck it up and play nice so Jax could focus on all the other shit he had running through his head, including the fact that Harley’s grandmother had somehow snatched his number and wouldn’t stop texting him selfies.
“Come on.” I nodded toward the elevators.
“Have fun!” the nurse called after us.
Kins gave me a confused look. “Seriously, what’s going on?”
“Can you press the second floor?”
The elevator doors closed. We waited in silence while music trickled on, and when the doors opened, it was to complete and utter madness.
“Bellevue Bucks First Annual Homecoming Dance Party!” The banner was in black and white and a few teammates were dancing around with high school students, most of them in fancy dresses and tuxes.
And all of them with some sort of terminal illness that was slowly killing them or making it impossible to attend their own homecoming. It had been Jax’s idea, and the rest of us had run with it.
I knew something was wrong the minute Kins stepped off the elevator. Her movements were jerky, her hands shaky, her skin pale.
“Kins?” I dropped the box onto the floor and pulled her into my arms. “What’s wrong?”
She raised a shaky hand to her tear-filled eyes. “Did you organize this?”
“No, that would be me.” Jax’s voice filled the air.
She stiffened, and then suddenly threw her arms around her brother like she hadn’t seen him in years. “Thank you.”
“I figured it was the only way to make it up to you.”
She cried against his chest.
And I stood there dumbfounded. Sure, it was Jax’s idea, but I was the one that brought Kinsey in the first place. He’d been convinced she wouldn’t come on her own.
“I can’t believe it.” She sniffled. “Thank you, Jax, just . . . thank you.”
She turned around and hugged me just as tightly as she’d just hugged him, then kissed my cheek. “I know you think I’m crazy, but this is everything to me, thanks for forcing me out of the house and . . .” Her voice lowered. “I’m sorry for yelling. And about the towel, and for using your toothbrush.”
I glared. “My toothbrush? What is it with you and breaking rules?”
“What is it with you and having them?” she argued. “Plus, I couldn’t find mine that first night.”
Jax was watching us closely, waiting for a reason to hit me, no doubt. I leaned forward and whispered, “It’s okay, at least I got you in my mouth, right?”
Kins made a choking sound before coughing and then giving her head a shake.
“Hmm, I may dream about that tonight.”
“Jax is watching.”
“I don’t give a fuck,” I growled, suddenly realizing that I didn’t. I pulled her into my arms and kissed her, kissed her like I owned her, kissed her like it was real, kissed her because I was so damn happy to see her smile that I felt light-headed. I deepened the kiss to the hoots and hollers of my teammates and wasn’t pulled away from her like I expected, instead, I stopped and stepped back.
Jax’s jaw pulsed.
His nostrils flared.
But he couldn’t do shit.
Because I was doing exactly what he’d asked.
Dating his sister, right?
I gave him a wave.
He flipped me off.
Meanwhile, Anderson watched us from the other side of the room, his smile crude, his body language pissed.
I was making a lot of friends that day.
“Why does this mean so much to you?” I asked her once we started unpacking the jerseys from the box on the floor. “I mean I think it’s killer, but why does it matter to you?”
Her hands froze on the jerseys then started to shake again. “Let’s not talk about the past right now, are you okay with that?”
“Since my past is probably more fucked up than yours, absolutely.”
“I wouldn’t wager that,” she whispered before folding another shirt across the box and handing me a pen.
“Are you trying to make me curious on purpose?”
“Maybe.” She shrugged. “Thanks for taking me, by the way.”
“Kins.” I couldn’t stop myself, although I tried. The kiss was making me lose my mind and say shit that would end up biting me in the ass, but I literally couldn’t stop the next few words from falling from my mouth. “Let me kiss you again.”
“No.”
“Let me take you to dinner.”
She smirked.
“No.”
“Let me get you naked.”
“No.”
“I’ll wear you down one day.”
“And send me packing the next?” She arched her eyebrows.
“Biggest mistake of my life,” I said honestly. “One dinner.”
She gulped. Not meeting my eyes.
“One harmless dinner.”
“It’s not just one dinner.”
“No, probably not.”
“You’re not harmless.”
“Definitely not.”
“You’re not safe.”
A smile spread across my face. “If you wanted safe, you should have fake dated one of the rookies still scared shitless of your brother.”
“Hah.” She shook her head sadly. “I’m not worth it, Miller. Find some other girl for a one-night stand.”
“I didn’t say I wanted a one-night stand.”
“W
ow, changing your spots?”
I gripped her hand; she tried to jerk it away. “What if I want two? Maybe three? What if I want four?”
“Then I’d say you’re greedy.”
“When it comes to you?” I growled, pulling her to her feet. “Yes.”
Everyone was dancing around us but it felt like we were alone. Jax had since walked to the other side of the room. I backed Kinsey up against one of the walls, a potted plant guarded us, but not by much.
“I’ll just keep asking.”
“I’m not ready to move back in with my brother,” she huffed. “And if we complicate things, and it goes bad, which it will, what happens then?”
“So take a risk.”
“You’re asking me to trust you?”
“No.” I shook my head bitterly. “In every area of your life, your safety, your happiness, your health—you can trust me. Just don’t give me your heart, not when I’m not even sure I still have mine.”
She snorted. “So it’s going to be about just sex.”
“Distraction from your dad, distraction from Jax, let’s call it a mutual distraction between really good friends . . . the best of friends.” I kissed her temple then snaked my hand around her rib cage, lightly tickling her skin with my fingers as I raised her shirt, my knuckles grazing her belly button as I went higher and higher until I cupped her breast. She sucked in a breath, and I moved my hand back down her stomach until I came into contact with the front of her jeans.
“What are you doing?” she hissed.
“Nothing,” I whispered against her ear, kissing the hollow of her neck while my hand cupped her and then lifted her hips onto my leg, bracing it against the wall. I moved just enough for her to buck against my leg, and press her hands on my chest. “Nothing at all. You get to decide what happens.”
She huffed out a curse and pressed down on my leg again. “You’re a very bad friend.”
“I’m the best damn friend in this room.” I kept peppering light kisses against her mouth. “Come on, Waffle, time for the syrup.”
“Bad.” She rode me slow, she rode my leg hard, I imagined pulsing inside her, the walls of her body squeezing me into a slow painful death. “This is . . . so inappropriate.”
“You drive a man to want a hell of a lot of inappropriate, Kins. You’ve been driving me fucking crazy for two weeks. And since it’s all about your terms, I’m giving you the keys—you know you like to drive—so give yourself a ride, sweetheart . . . take it.”
I gripped her hips and guided her just enough so she could get a rhythm, then slowly scooted us into the shadow behind the plant and the chair to my right. We were hidden, but not enough that we couldn’t get caught.
“I need . . .” She let out a little moan and punched me in the chest, and then gave her head a shake and started mauling me with her mouth.
I grabbed her hips, slamming her tight little body against mine, and she climbed all over me, her body meeting my thrusts like we were two horny teenagers skipping class.
It felt so good, I was seconds away from getting her naked against the wall. She slowed her movements, arching against my leg, then pressed her palm to my dick; the touch set me off so hard that I drew blood against my bottom lip.
“I can’t decide,” she whispered, “what I like more.” She moved harder, I was so close and I had all of my clothes on. The hell? “If I like riding more—” One last thrust against my thigh. “Or—” Her hand rubbed against me, up and down, I went blind in both eyes, nearly saw my soul leave my body, and begged her not to stop. “Or—” She slid her hand in my jeans. Dead. I was dead. “Driving?” One last squeeze.
I exploded.
Welcomed insanity with open arms.
Crushed my mouth to hers.
And made a decision.
One that I had no business making.
“You’re mine,” I growled against her mouth, my teeth nipping her bottom lip. “Say it.”
“Yes.”
Chapter Seventeen
JAX
I felt lost without my other half.
Food didn’t taste good.
My apartment was lonely as shit.
Harley still texted me.
But I was a shit human being, because after that night, I’d sent her a text saying I wasn’t sure things were going to work out between us.
Since then I’d been the happy recipient of her grandmother’s selfies. I was pretty confident that she purposefully gave her horny grandmother my number in an effort to get even for kicking her to the curb after sleeping with her. Oh, right, left out that part.
Completely and totally, used her in a way that made me cringe, and why? Because I’d been pissed.
And felt so out of control that when she’d suggested we get out of there, I’d driven straight to my empty apartment, opened a bottle of Jack, and set down shot glasses.
We were four shots in when the stripping started. It only went downhill from there.
(Then)
“You wear Superman underwear,” I said dumbly while she did a little twirl in her plain black sports bra and comic-book underwear. Her socks had tiny four-leaf clovers on them. She had a tattoo on the right side of her leg in the shape of a tree. I wanted to lick it to see if it tasted as good as it looked.
“Go ahead,” she taunted.
“Fuck, did I say that out loud?” I groaned, covering my face with my hands. “I don’t drink. Ever. Especially not days before practice.”
“Eh.” She tipped her shot glass back, even her throat was pretty as it worked that Jack down, damn. “It seems to me that you need to let loose a little, especially after all that yelling, so go ahead, lick the tattoo, I won’t judge you. And I won’t tell Grandma.”
I snorted out a laugh. “You normally tell your grandma about all your sexual encounters?”
“Why, Jax Romonov . . . is this turning sexual? Oh, hell!” She covered her face with her hands, laughter rolling off her. “Are you blushing?”
I stiffened. “Are you making fun of me?”
“You still blush.” She sauntered over to me, kissed my left cheek then my right, and then sucked on my chin with her lips before pulling back. “Mmmm, blush tastes good on a quarterback . . . you a virgin too?”
“No.” Two women. I’d had sex with two women. The first one broke my heart. The second broke my trust. “And there’s nothing wrong with deciding not to sleep my way through my football career.”
“Absolutely not.” She twirled in front of me, her red hair whipping around her creamy skin, getting caught in her bra and around her shoulders. She was like this brazen little elf, a vixen, she was torture. “But, it couldn’t hurt to live, maybe just tonight.”
“With you,” I finished for her. “You think Grandma would approve?”
“I think she would have already stripped.” Harley laughed then lifted her leg to the counter. “I got this tattoo when my parents died. Grandma took me in right away. I can’t find it in my heart to leave her. She’s . . . everything.” The tattoo was an intricate tree design, haunting, I’d never seen anything so beautiful.
I gripped her calf, ran my hand up her skin, and then bent over, sliding my tongue up the trunk of the tree, kissing beneath her knee before gripping her ass and lifting her into the air, helping her wrap her legs around my waist as I slanted my mouth against hers. She gripped my hair with her hands like she was holding on for dear life, and when I broke off the kiss she was blushing.
I grinned. “Harley, are you . . . are you blushing? Girls still blush? What? Are you . . .” I whispered roughly against her mouth, my stubble rubbing her perfect skin, “a virgin?”
“With you?” She pressed her breasts against my chest. “Yeah, kinda feels like it . . . remember, I look tough on the outside, I’m all soft on the inside.”
“Holy fuck, you’re an M&M!” I laughed so hard I had tears in my eyes. Then I kissed her again, this time tasting her mouth, memorizing her. “Those are my favorite.”
; “Oh?” Breathless, she clung to me harder. “What’s your favorite flavored color?”
“Where have you been all my life?” I whispered hoarsely. “You’re the only person who gets that the colors mean flavors.”
She shrugged. “Can’t help stupid people.”
“Yesterday . . .” I walked her down the hall. “Yesterday, if you would have asked me that question I would have said brown.”
“And now?” She slid down my body, then tugged my hand as we walked into the master bedroom. “Now what’s your answer?”
I picked up a piece of her hair, twirled it around my fingers, then jerked her against me. “Red. I’d say red.”
“Good answer.” She licked my bottom lip. “Good answers get rewards.”
I let out a groan as I tugged her bra off and tossed it in the corner. Soon my pants were gone, the Superman underwear went flying toward the dresser, and I had the most beautiful woman I’d ever seen beneath me panting my name like a prayer.
“I don’t do this,” I confessed.
“Good.” She gulped as fear crept into her face. “Neither do I. I mean, I live with my grandma.”
“Let’s leave her out of the bedroom, ya?” I chuckled, nuzzling her neck, licking all the places I could find, hungry for the ones that I couldn’t. “God, you taste good.”
“Remind me next time to soak in candy-flavored body wash.”
I groaned. “Stop teasing me.”
“Okay.” She shrugged, and kissed me so hard I forgot why I was sad. Why I was angry.
I forgot about self-control.
I forgot about my image.
I forgot about my dad.
I forgot about Kinsey.
I forgot a condom.
I shook the memory away and sent Harley another text, another apology for being an asshole.
And got a middle-finger emoji back.
It wasn’t the sex that had done it.
It was the fact that when I woke up, I panicked, I told her it was fun, and I literally left her alone in my apartment to go work out. Oh, I pointed out where the towels were and told her she could hang out, but I also managed to let her know just how busy I’d be that day.
I was a complete dick.
A terrified, chickenshit dick.
“Hey.” Sanchez smacked me on the shoulder. “You seen Miller?”