Chapter Thirty-Five KINSEY My dad didn’t look like himself. He was more pale than normal, and his lips were drawn back against his teeth like he was having trouble sucking in air and couldn’t quite get enough moisture in his mouth to lick them—or maybe he was just so exhausted he didn’t want to bother. What I was looking at was not my father. It was a shell. And in that moment. I wanted for him to have that peace. I wanted for him to be free. I wanted for him to let go. Because my father was gone. Amazing how death sneaks up on a person, how it changes even the shell of the body, making the person unrecognizable, maybe it’s the fact that the soul’s finally releasing its tendrils around the human heart, maybe it’s the soul that gives up first and realizes that this was never the plan, to live with sickness—but to live free from it. Dad smiled up at us. “Anyone bring any cookies?” Harley handed over the plate and winked. “You keep this one, son.” Dad grabbed a cookie and lifted it to his
Chapter Thirty-Six MILLER “Something’s been bothering me,” Ben said in a casual tone. “Wanna know what it is?” “I’m sure you’re going to tell me regardless, so go ahead.” I took a seat and offered him a polite smile as I leaned down and folded my hands to keep from doing something stupid like grabbing his and crying like a little boy over the fact that the woman I loved was losing her dad and the only thing I could do about it was watch. “You talked with Kinsey and Jax, naturally they talk to their mom, and their mom talks to me.” He shrugged. “We’re talkers.” “Everyone but Jax.” “Hah!” He laughed. “He’s more of a thinker.” He took a deep breath. “Your mom . . . Kinsey says she died suddenly.” I’d literally only talked to Kinsey about my mom a handful of times. Suddenly guilty, I nodded. “Did you ever mourn, son?” I shook my head. “No, but I’m getting better.” “Not good enough. Not for me. Not for her. It’s okay to hurt here.” He touched his chest. “And to remember them here.” He point
Chapter Thirty-Seven JAX Miller and Kinsey went to grab a bite to eat while I made sure my mom had everything she needed for the night. She refused to leave his side. I didn’t blame her, couldn’t blame her since I wanted to do the same thing. But according to my dad, I had rough practices and an even tougher game later that week, and since I made a promise to win and stop getting into fights, I knew it was time to go. I held Harley’s hand and walked her all the way to my car. I wasn’t sure what to say. Words seemed so . . . inappropriate in this kind of situation. Thank you for making cookies for my dying dad didn’t quite cut it either. Thanks for holding my hand when all I wanted to do was break. Thanks for being you. Thanks for not running away. I clamped my lips together the entire ride back to my apartment. Not even thinking that she might want to go home. Thankfully, Harley didn’t protest. Simply dropped her purse onto the countertop of my pristine granite and then reached for my
Chapter Thirty-Eight MILLER Preseason Game 2 San Francisco vs. Bellevue Home Turf Favored Team: Bellevue Bucks Coach stomped into the locker room, took one look around, and cleared his throat. “Men, normally I wouldn’t be giving a speech before a preseason game, and if I did, it would center around playing your heart out to secure a spot with this program. But today, after this last week, I feel like some words are warranted.” He turned his attention to Jax. “When one of us hurts, all of us hurts, that’s what brotherhood is about, we suffer together, we stand together, so when we walk out there, I want to see unity, I want the world to know what type of team they’re cheering for. This goes beyond football. This, men, is life. You never know who may be watching, who may need to see their heroes stand tall. Play like heroes today, and you’ll win.” Nobody made eye contact. Probably because it was one of the best speeches any of us had ever heard, and every damn one of us had tears in our
Chapter Thirty-Nine KINSEY His kisses were like a drug. His hands, possessive, just the way they’d always been since that first time. When his tongue circled around my belly button, I almost kicked him in the face. “You’re beautiful.” Miller’s mouth covered mine. “So beautiful.” “You sure you’re not too sore? You did get hit a lot today.” “You’re worth it.” He winced a bit as he hovered over me. “Nope!” I crawled out from underneath him and walked naked all the way over to the shower, turned on the hot water, and pointed. “In, now.” “Bossy,” he grumbled, standing up and sliding off his pants until all I saw was mocha-kissed skin and abs, so many abs I was dizzy. “See something you like?” “Somethings.” I shrugged. “Plural.” He stopped in front of me. My hands found his chest and then he was kissing me against the wall, lifting me into the shower, teasing my tongue with his. Hot water pelted against my back, wetting my hair as pieces stuck to my face. “Love you.” His head fell as he nuzz
Epilogue MILLER The funeral was three weeks later. Not one. Three. I’d like to think that he fought a little bit harder because he wanted to see grandchildren. Cancer had spread everywhere until it was impossible for him to breathe without help. And when it was time. We were all with him. Even Sanchez and Em. The team was in the waiting room. My family. Six years ago, I’d lost my family, I’d lost everything. And now? I had around eighty people I called brother, a few I called sister, several I called friends. One I would soon call fiancée. I cried. I had promised him I’d let myself. I cried for him. I cried for my mom. I cried for Kinsey and Jax. I cried for me. For all those times I held the tears in for fear of looking weak in front of my dad, for fear that once I let go I wouldn’t stop. And when dirt was thrown onto his casket. I smiled. Because he was at peace. “Cheers.” Jax walked up with a bottle of whiskey and seven shot glasses, each of us took one and waited for him to pour. O
Acknowledgments Thank you, GOD, for this amazing job. I honestly wake up every day pinching myself and wondering how I’m able to do what I love! I’m so honored and blessed to have incredible publishers, readers, bloggers, just PEOPLE in my life who make this job so amazing. I can’t even call it a job, it’s a passion, it’s something I do because I love it so much. Thank you, Erica, for being the best agent around. I can’t even describe how much I think about you and the impact you’ve had on my life. I want to give you to every author out there yet feel so selfish about you at the same time (hah-hah). Skyscape, one of the best publishers in the world: I’m daily honored to work with you and hope to keep writing stories until you tell me no. ;) Thor and Nate: thank you for being so understanding and helping inspire some of my best work! The Rockin’ Readers: GAH, you guys are the best family EVER!!! I’m so lucky to have you and your support. I know that at a drop of the hat I can ask for he
About the Author Photo © 2014 Lauren Watson Perry, Perrywinkle Photography Rachel Van Dyken is a New York Times, Wall Street Journal, and USA Today bestselling author. When she’s not writing about hot hunks for her Regency romance or New Adult fiction books, Rachel is dreaming up new hunks. (The more hunks, the merrier!) While Rachel writes a lot, she also makes sure she enjoys the finer things in life—like The Bachelor and strong coffee. Rachel lives in Idaho with her husband, son, and two boxers. Fans can follow her writing journey at www.RachelVanDykenAuthor.com and www.facebook.com/rachelvandyken.
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ALSO BY #1 NEW YORK TIMES BESTSELLING AUTHOR RACHEL VAN DYKEN:
The Players Game Series
Fraternize
The Consequence Series
The Consequence of Loving Colton
The Consequence of Revenge
The Consequence of Seduction
The Consequence of Rejection
The Wingmen Inc. Series
The Matchmaker’s Playbook
The Matchmaker’s Replacement
Curious Liaisons Series
Cheater
Cheater’s Regret
The Bet Series
The Bet
The Wager
The Dare
The Ruin Series
Ruin
Toxic
Fearless
Shame
The Eagle Elite Series
Elite
Elect
Enamor
Entice
Elicit
Bang Bang
Enforce
Ember
Elude
Empire
The Seaside Series
Tear
Pull
Shatter
Forever
Fall
Eternal
Strung
Capture
The Renwick House Series
The Ugly Duckling Debutante
The Seduction of Sebastian St. James
An Unlikely Alliance
The Redemption of Lord Rawlings
The Devil Duke Takes a Bride
The London Fairy Tales Series
Upon a Midnight Dream
Whispered Music
The Wolf’s Pursuit
When Ash Falls
The Seasons of Paleo Series
Savage Winter
Feral Spring
The Wallflower Series (with Leah Sanders)
Waltzing with the Wallflower
Beguiling Bridget
Taming Wilde
The Dark Ones Saga
The Dark Ones
Untouchable Darkness
Dark Surrender
Stand-Alones
Hurt: A Collection (with Kristin Vayden and Elyse Faber)
Rip
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Every Girl Does It
The Parting Gift (with Leah Sanders)
Divine Uprising
This is a work of fiction. Names, characters, organizations, places, events, and incidents are either products of the author’s imagination or are used fictitiously.
Text copyright © 2018 by Rachel Van Dyken
All rights reserved.
No part of this book may be reproduced, or stored in a retrieval system, or transmitted in any form or by any means, electronic, mechanical, photocopying, recording, or otherwise, without express written permission of the publisher.
Published by Skyscape, New York
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ISBN-13: 9781542048439
ISBN-10: 1542048435
Cover design by Shasti O’Leary Soudant
Cover photography by Regina Wamba of MaeIDesign.com
To everyone going through the storm—there will always be a sunrise. Joy comes in the morning.
—Hugs, RVD
Contents
Prologue MILLER
Chapter One KINSEY
Chapter Two MILLER
Chapter Three KINSEY
Chapter Four MILLER
Chapter Five JAX
Chapter Six KINSEY
Chapter Seven MILLER
Chapter Eight JAX
Chapter Nine KINSEY
Chapter Ten MILLER
Chapter Eleven KINSEY
Chapter Twelve MILLER
Chapter Thirteen KINSEY
Chapter Fourteen MILLER
Chapter Fifteen KINSEY
Chapter Sixteen MILLER
Chapter Seventeen JAX
Chapter Eighteen KINSEY
Chapter Nineteen MILLER
Chapter Twenty KINSEY
Chapter Twenty-One MILLER
Chapter Twenty-Two MILLER
Chapter Twenty-Three JAX
Chapter Twenty-Four KINSEY
Chapter Twenty-Five MILLER
Chapter Twenty-Six KINSEY
Chapter Twenty-Seven MILLER
Chapter Twenty-Eight JAX
Chapter Twenty-Nine KINSEY
Chapter Thirty MILLER
Chapter Thirty-One KINSEY
Chapter Thirty-Two JAX
Chapter Thirty-Three KINSEY
Chapter Thirty-Four MILLER
Chapter Thirty-Five KINSEY
Chapter Thirty-Six MILLER
Chapter Thirty-Seven JAX
Chapter Thirty-Eight MILLER
Chapter Thirty-Nine KINSEY
Epilogue MILLER
Acknowledgments
About the Author
Prologue
MILLER
“Our secret, right?” Her worried gaze was not setting me at ease, not in the least. Already my body rejected the idea of keeping secrets, especially from her brother, my best friend, the first-string quarterback for the Bucks, the guy I was supposed to block for and catch balls from—the same one who, years ago, had locked his sister in their house so she missed prom. That dude.
“Right.” She licked her lips, shuffled out of the bedroom, and snuck back onto the couch. My body felt her absence.
I shouldn’t have kissed her.
She shouldn’t have kissed me back.
And she sure as hell shouldn’t have crawled onto me.
Damn it, I sure as hell shouldn’t have let her!
Maybe it was me. My fault. Maybe I was still torn up over the fact that my childhood best friend—the girl I thought I was still in love with—was currently engaged to Sanchez, our wide receiver and basically the only guy in the universe who was hard to hate despite being a cocky shit.
I slammed the pillow with both hands and then shoved it to the floor.
Kinsey crept back into the bedroom. “Sorry, I forgot my um . . .” She pointed to the floor, blushing, and then smacked herself on the forehead. “Underwear. I had underwear. I can’t find them. We need to find my underwear, Miller!” A sheet flew into the air, followed by a throw pillow.
I dodged. “Stop panicking.” Why, why did she have to be so gorgeous?
I tossed the remainder of the sheets while she looked under the bed. Jax had texted that he was coming by to talk to me, and if he found her in my bedroom, there would be bloodshed and absolutely no words shared between us. The guy literally told me that he would poison any guy from the team who dated her, and when I called his bluff, he showed me the search history on his phone for graphic ways to get away with murder. The guy was either psychotic or just really took his sister’s sex life way too seriously—or both.
Well done, Miller, get traded to the Bucks, and after the first championship season you decide to fuck Jax’s sister! Stellar plan!
“Found them!” she shouted triumphantly, thrusting a lacy pair of panties into the air like a trophy while my body went rock hard over the graphic images those panties conjured up. Images of my hands on her body, my mouth sucking her dry. I gulped. Yeah, I was getting poisoned today. No doubt about it. Especially since the moment I stepped toward her, Jax’s voice filled the large penthouse.
“Miller, you in your room? Where’s Kins?”
She hid on the other side of the bed while I quickly met him at my bedroom door. “Kins? Hell if I know, maybe you should put a bell on her? Better yet, one of those tracking collars they give dogs?”
“Good plan.” He rol
led his eyes. “Look, I know you were up late last night getting drunk off your ass.” It was my turn to roll my eyes. We won the championship. THE championship. Of course I’d gotten drunk off my ass. “But, I have a favor to ask.”
“Sure.” I shrugged, mouth dry. I’d do anything to get him out of my room. “Whatever you want, man, it’s yours.”
“Great.” He sighed in relief. “It’s just, one of Kinsey’s exes moved back and the guy’s bad news—so I need your help.”
“Want me to kill him?” I offered, completely on board with the idea but pissed at myself for thinking I had some sort of stake or claim on a girl that days ago I wasn’t even pining over or thinking about.
God, she smelled good.
“Miller?”
“Huh? Yes?” I blinked. Shit, what else had he said?
“Anyway, I think if we just pack her shit, things will go faster.”
“Faster,” I repeated slowly.
Jax leaned in. “You still drunk, man?”
On his sister? Hell yeah, I was. “Nope, totally stone-cold sober.” And hard, still hard. That too.
“Our grandma’s been missing her anyways, so this is the perfect plan. I just don’t have time to pack up all her crap and try to convince her it’s a good idea.”
“Am I the packer or the talker?” I tried not to flinch when he stared me down like I was on medication.
“Dude, that’s the favor. Seriously, not drunk, not even a little bit? You guys are close. Convince my crazy sister to go to Europe for the summer so I don’t have to worry about that little shit getting into her head while we’re training for the preseason.”
I gulped. “What makes you think she’d listen to me?”