Oliver and Abi had been our closest friends for more than ten years, both physically and emotionally. I once suspected Neil of having a fling with Abi. They had worked together some years earlier and became very close. Too close, I thought. He always denied that anything had happened between them. For a while I tried to catch Abi out. Asking subtle questions about Neil; checking dates and so on. I never found anything out, and shortly afterwards Abi left the company to have Jessica. I never asked Abi straight out whether anything had happened. Maybe I should have.
I thought about getting too close with Oli, but it wasn’t in me. He was a nice guy, but not like that. In the end I just had to let it go and assume that Neil had told me the truth.
The front doorbell rang at four o’clock.
Neil was already outside in the back garden, with firelighters and briquettes, trying to start the barbecue with some very old matches. Michael and Rose had been like demented pixies all day, running around everywhere, shouting and laughing. I made them tidy their rooms but hadn’t bothered checking them. Some battles were just not worth fighting, especially with how I was feeling. And I knew how messy Oli’s and Abi’s kids’ rooms were.
Jessica was almost eight years old and Josie was the same age as Michael. They never seemed to tire of playing with each other, despite being at school together all day.
I went to the front door, demented pixies following at my heels.
‘Happy birthday!’ Abi said, thrusting a wrapped present at me.
I had forgotten that I’d suggested to Neil that this could be an early birthday treat. They had obviously taken him at his word.
‘But it’s not for weeks yet!’ I said.
‘It’s never too soon for birthday presents,’ Oliver said. ‘Happy birthday.’
They both kissed me. Josie and Jessica rushed in like water bursting through a dam. The floors thumped as the kids all charged upstairs. The rest of us made for the kitchen.
Outside Neil had his back to us. Small drifts of smoke circled up around him. I tapped on the kitchen window. He turned around, red faced and stressed. His face changed once he saw Oliver and Abi. He waved. Oliver made his way through the back door. A loud bump came through the ceiling.
‘That’ll be Michael,’ I said. ‘God only knows what he’s doing.’
‘Can I help?’ Abi said.
‘Yes, you can get yourself a drink. And fill me up while you’re there please.’ I drunk what was left in my wine glass and passed it to her. ‘Red, with a little lemonade please.’ I tapped on the window and made a drinking motion with my hand. Neil pointed at his glass and shook his head. Oli nodded and gave a thumbs up. ‘And whatever Oli wants,’ I said.
Abi poured the drinks. Her eyes flickered briefly over the scar on my forehead.
‘So, how are you, Chris? You look great.’
She took a long sip of her drink and looked out of the kitchen window.
‘I’m OK,’ I said. ‘You know.’
Obviously Abi didn’t know. It was a stupid thing to say.
‘I’m not always sleeping great,’ I said. ‘This helps,’ I held up my wine glass, ‘just at the moment.’
Abi smiled. ‘I’m so sorry, Chris. That all this has happened to you. It’s all so horrible.’
I wondered if she knew about the dreams. Surely Neil hadn’t told them? I felt the heat in my cheeks. I would die if he had told them.
‘I’m getting over it,’ I said. ‘Getting back to normal. You and Oli being here is so wonderful. It really helps.’
The back door opened and Oliver stepped in, a huge grin splitting his face.
‘I’ve been sent in for some oil,’ he said. ‘To coat the ribs, apparently.’
I passed him the oil.
‘How’s it going out there?’ I said. ‘Has he set fire to the house yet?’
‘Only the shed so far,’ Oliver said. ‘That’s why he needs the oil, the house is more difficult to get going.’
Abi held out a drink for him.
‘Come on Abi,’ I said. ‘Let’s go and watch two grown men struggle with the cooking.’
We followed Oliver outside. It was very smoky. Neil looked up as we came closer. His eyes were red and streaming, and perspiration had formed on his forehead. He forced a smile, but his face told the whole story.
‘Everything is going according to plan,’ he said.
We smiled. It was clear that any plan had gone up in smoke long ago.
‘All I need is the oil to coat the ribs and the cooking surface and we’ll be away.’
Oliver passed the oil to Neil and hung around, while we retreated to the relative calm of the garden furniture to watch the entertainment. Neil poured some oil into a small bowl and produced a long handled brush from a small plastic case containing what looked like newly purchased cooking utensils. I had not seen them before. He dipped the brush into the oil and started brushing the metal grill of the barbecue. Instantly the brush sizzled as the synthetic hairs melted. Smoke billowed upward and the odour of burning nylon hit my nostrils.
Neil held the brush up in front of him, like a child whose ice-lolly had fallen from the stick halfway through licking it. The brush ends were frizzled and black. Neil and Oli surveyed the scene with the utmost seriousness. Abi and I cracked up laughing. We laughed so loud, even the kids tramped down to see what was going on.
‘Dad’s giving us a lesson on how to melt plastic on a barbecue just before putting food on it,’ I said.
All four children inspected Neil’s work. It held their interest for almost ten seconds before the call of electronic gadgets and games called them back upstairs.
‘We’ll be eating soon,’ I shouted after them. ‘Hopefully.’
Neil got to work with a wire brush and metal scraper. I prayed he would get all of the burned brush hairs off before cooking anything on it.
Ten minutes later he forked the first of several very dark sausages onto a plate.
‘Who’s first?’ he said.
None of us answered his question. The sausages looked as though they had been through the worst of the flames. He resorted to putting everything on a large plate and told us to all help ourselves.
I nipped into the kitchen to get the salad and warm rolls. I also checked on the chicken drumsticks I had put in the oven just in case. I had bought a trifle for pudding and some chocolate mousses for the children.
This was all good for me. Allowing me to escape from myself for a while. Concentrate on something else. And it was nice spending time with Abi and Oli. Nice to see Neil in a more relaxed state. Apart from when he was burning the food.
Halfway through the evening I watched Abi watching Neil. I spent some time watching Oli. He smiled at me.
I had quite a bit to drink during the meal. I probably didn’t need it, but I had got into the habit of always having a drink, either in my hand or nearby, when I was at home.
I’d be fine soon. Once I’d got over it all. I wouldn’t need a drink.
I would be fine.
Neil ate most of the burned food — I think so that the rest of us wouldn’t have to. We ate all of the chicken drumsticks from the oven.
After we finished eating, the children were banished indoors so we could talk and drink some more. The smoke cleared and the afternoon warmth turned to an evening chill. It was almost dark when Oli looked at his watch.
‘It’s getting a bit late, guys,’ he said. ‘I hate to be a killjoy, but I need to be up reasonably early in the morning. I’ve got a match.’
Abi was a golf-widow. I was sure I wouldn’t let Neil play as much golf as Oliver did.
‘I suppose it is getting on a bit,’ Neil said. ‘I think I’ve had a bit more to drink than I intended, too. We don’t want you having a sore head when you tee-off tomorrow.’
I hadn’t had anywhere near enough to drink. I could quite happily have sat there for several more hours.
For the first time in weeks I felt happy. I enjoyed being with my friends. I enjoyed seeing Neil more hi
mself. And I enjoyed the kids being occupied.
‘Do you really have to go?’ I said, holding my glass up. ‘Is it really that late?’
Neil looked at me. A dark look. Maybe I had slurred my words. I didn’t really care. I was having too much fun.
‘It is the weekend,’ I said.
‘Sorry, birthday-girl,’ Abi said. ‘But we really should get going.’
I was going to remind her that it wasn’t really my birthday — but it sounded sulky, even in my head. Oli opened the back door and shouted to Jessica and Josie to come down and get ready to go.
‘I’ve had a lovely time,’ I said. ‘Thank you so much for coming,’ I waved in the direction of the still smoldering barbecue, ‘and for putting up with our burnt offerings.’
Oli came back to the table and grabbed his almost empty glass.
‘A toast,’ he said. ‘To Christine: Happy birthday and a speedy journey on this road to full recovery.’
They all shouted “Happy Birthday” and then started singing the song to me.
They were almost at the final “happy birthday to you” — when all four children tumbled out of the back door. I saw them first, I think. It took a moment before the image registered. But when it did — that was when my heart stopped.
The sweet, sickly smell of chemicals smacked into me. A grey fog drifted in and a swirling torrent rushed around my ears. My hair blew wild and my arms were buffeted by the wind. The sound was deafening. Instantly I knew where I was. The only thing that was missing were the bushes in front of my eyes.
I tried to stand up but faltered. My eyes felt as though they had doubled in size, my heart felt like it was constricting inside me. I had the sensation that all the blood in my body was rushing toward my feet, and my head was suddenly so light I thought I was going to fall over. I dropped my wine-glass.
As it splintered on the patio, shards of glass and droplets of wine hit my ankles. I forced the scream down, but the gurgling noise that came from my throat must have sounded worse. The singing stopped and all eyes turned, first to me, and then to what I was staring at — Josie.
Neil quickly came to me, put his hands on my shoulders. I was shaking, I had no control over it. Josie looked as though she was about to cry.
‘We’re grown ups,’ Josie said, pulling a jacket, taken from my wardrobe, tightly around her body. ‘We’ve put make-up on too.’
It was obvious that they had raided our bedroom cupboards. Michael wore one of Neil’s ties, even Jessica and Rose had make-up on.
But it was Josie. She was the one that had caused the reaction deep inside me. Caused me to feel like my whole body was shutting down.
Josie had taken me into my dream.
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