“Oh honey, I have never met my daughter. I was so young when she was born that I gave her up for adoption. However, there isn't a day that doesn't go by where I don’t think about her.” Bridget wiped a tear from her eyes.
“Maybe you can find her?” I suggested.
“I would give anything for that. But the boss man doesn’t like us looking for those that we have let go. So for now I will just think of her.” Bridget reached over and took my hand in hers. “Maybe one day you will meet her Dawn.”
“How will I meet her? I won’t know who she is.” I raised an eyebrow and frowned.
Bridget leaned in and whispered in my ear. “Because she’s just like you.”
What was that supposed to mean?
****
Bridget did not leave my side the entire trip from Dallas to El Paso. She even waited with me until I was safe inside the taxi that was to take me to my mother. She left me with her phone number and strict orders that I was to call her the moment I got into my mother’s house. I had hugged her warmly and thanked her for her assistance.
I handed the driver the last letter my father had received from my mom and paid him in advance for the drive. It took a while to get there, but when I arrived I had this overwhelming fear. Was she going to be mad that I was here? Was she going to understand why I had to leave? Was she going to answer all my questions I had?
There was only one way to find out. I told the cab driver to keep the change and got out of the car with my meager possessions. Traipsing up to the door I noticed that my hands were shaking, I was afraid. I hesitantly knocked and waited for an answer.
When the door opened I felt tears in my eyes. Standing before me was my mother. She didn’t look a day older than the last time I had seen her, which had been several years.
“Dawn?” She asked reaching out and touching my face.
“Mother?” I said back to her as the tears poured down my cheeks.
“Get in here.” She demanded pulling me inside and wrapping me in the warmest hug I had received in the longest time. “Why are you here Dawn?” I could hear her crying.
“I had to. Daddy told me.” I sobbed.
“Told you want?” She pressed.
“Told me what I am.” I sniffed, and she went silent.
“Dawn, did you run away?” She finally asked me.
“I had to mom. He said I was never supposed to be.” I felt like my world was collapsing.
Did she not want me here?
She looked down at me and smiled softly before letting me go. Crossing the small living room to the phone table she picked up the phone and dialed a number without even looking it up.
“Damien?” She said and my heart leapt into my chest. She had called my father! “Yes she is here.” She tapped her finger on the table. “No I don’t mind that she is.” She looked at me. “What do you want me to do?” She bit her lip. “Ok.” She said a few more things and then hung up the phone. Turning around she glanced at the clock.
“What is it mom?” I asked my eyes were burning.
“Looks like you will be staying with me for a while.” She smiled.
I ran at her and threw my arms around her. This was the first time I was able to just hold her since I was a child. The difference now was that we were nearly eye to eye, and I was older than seven.
“Mom, may I use the phone?” I asked quietly.
“Of course.” She said.
I pulled the number out of my pocket and punched it into the phone. Bridget’s voice came in loud and clear on the other end.
“You made it did you?” She said.
“Yes! Thank you for everything.” I said and looked at my mother.
“You are welcome. If you need me for anything just call.” She said, and the line went dead. I looked at the phone confused and put it back on the base.
“Who was that?” She asked me as she picked up my bags from the floor and proceeded to walk down the hallway.
“It was just a nice lady that sat with me on the bus on the way here. She told me I had to call her once I got here.” I said following her to a bedroom.
“Does this nice lady have a name?” She asked flipping a switch in the spare bedroom.
“Bridget.” I said coming to a stop behind her trying to see inside the room.
I could have sworn I saw her shoulders tense and her head shake. Had I said something wrong?
“This will be your room. We will pick up some things for you tomorrow. I’m sure you had an amazing room with your father. This one though, it’s going to be better.” She smiled at me.
I looked around at the bare walls and the double bed. It was nothing like what I had with my father but it would do nicely.
“Go ahead and unpack I will go and call your step-father.” She smiled at me and left the room closing the door behind her.
I meant to lie down only for a second, but the bed was so comfortable that I wound up falling asleep. When I woke up I wandered into the kitchen where I heard talking. They both went silent when I entered the room. My step father’s face fell when he saw me.
“Dawn?” The dark haired man asked the moment I entered the room.
“Yes.” I answered him.
He looked different than he did when I first met him. He looked older and battle worn, all the years in the Army taking a toll on his body. He was still dressed in his BDU’s and his face had smears of dirt around his chin.
“It’s nice to have you here.” He said looking at my mother and forcing a smile.
“Thank you for having me.” I said politely.
“We will get you settled in.” He said touching my cheek. “You look so much like your mother.” He marveled.
I pushed my blonde hair behind my ears and smiled at him. I hated the man the moment he said those words to me. Over the course of the next three years he would consistently be caught cheating on my mother. I was always the one to comfort her about his infidelity. She never did anything about it just let it happen like it was allowed.
I couldn’t understand why she would just stand there and look around like she was the one doing something wrong. I also could grasp why she wasn’t more upset? Did I miss something about this marriage arrangement the day she dumped me with my father?
****
“Dawn?” My step-father called. It was my seventeenth birthday that day. It was of course hot as summers in El Paso tend to get. I had made way into the kitchen of our trailer house my ear buds secured in my ears, jamming out to the newest Three Days Grace album.
A lot had changed over the years. I abandoned the sweet rich girl behind the grocery store a year after I got here. My apple pie attitude didn’t mesh well with those of the surrounding students. One day I woke up and realized the world wasn’t rainbows and butterflies. My entire demeanor had changed.
Then I had met Jeremy, my first real boyfriend. Let’s just say it wasn’t the most innocent relationship. In fact it wasn’t innocent at all but I was sixteen and impressionable and he was eighteen and knew exactly what he was doing. After he got what he wanted for me he dumped me for a girl that went to his school. This is probably another reason things went dark from there on out.
“What’s up?” I asked pausing my music and pulling the buds from my ears.
“We got you something.” He said smiling.
I had to admit the last few months had seemed ok. There were no women hanging on him, and my mother seemed in love with him. It was odd because I never saw her look at him the way she was looking at him now. I would be lying if I said I wasn’t curious to know why there was a sudden change in them.
Suddenly for my mother it was no longer “I” but “We” and I slowly hated the man a little less and less. He was nice and all, I just didn’t like him walking all over my mother like he had been.
My mother came up behind me and wrapped her hands over my eyes. I laughed as she led me outside. Every
year they do something for my birthday that is outrageous. Last year they took me skydiving. So what does this year hold? She pulled her hands away. Sitting in the driveway, right in front of me, was a car. It was an older black hatchback and on the back window my mother had two decals. One was an Angel and the other a Demon. I looked at her and raised my eyebrows as she shrugged at me. I then looked at her husband, he was grinning from ear to ear.
“I had a whole new stereo system installed for you. It also has a rebuilt transmission. I thought that you and I could work on it together. You know as a way to bond.” He meant well, I knew he was trying to make up for the last few years and what he did to my mother.
“Yeah, I would like that.” I smiled opening the driver’s side door and laughing, the driver’s side seat cover had an intricately stitched demon on the headrest and an Angel on the passenger side.
My mother raised me to be proud of who I was. Not to feel I needed to ignore my demon blood because I lived with her. She gave me free rein to try out my powers and gifts as they came. Sadly they had landed me in some trouble within the last year. We will touch more on that later, for now it’s my birthday.
My step father’s phone rang, and he stepped to the side to answer it. There was a muffled argument followed by the usual. “Yes, Sir. I understand Sir. On my way Sir.” He put his phone back in his pocket and looked at us sadly.
“As you can guess that was my CO. I have to get to the base now. I will change real fast honey.” He kissed my mother’s cheek, and she smiled at him. “Dawn, don’t you take that car out until I get back I want to see how you like it.” He pointed at me and I laughed.
That night he broke it to us that they were sending him overseas. Something had happened and they need reinforcements. Since my step-father was one of the best of the best his entire troop was being shipped out. We were looking at six months to a year before he could come home. Until then it would just be my mother and I.
He was picked up the next morning at four am. We were all up waiting with heavy hearts. I watched my mother and him share a moment where she had tears streaming down her cheeks. He made a promise to her. As soon as he got home he would put in for retirement. I was almost done with high school. We could travel the world just as she always wanted to do.
Here’s the thing…. He never came back.
Chapter Three
Twenty One Gun Salute
There was an unusual knock on the door. One of those slow drawn out knocks that makes you wonder what could be so important. My mother pulled back the curtains and sighed; this was her confirmation she had been right.
"Stay here Dawn, I have this." her eyes were already watering.
The pain of losing him had already taken a toll on her and it wasn’t even confirmed yet. For weeks she had been walking around like a zombie trying to find ways to get in touch with him.
"No, Mom. You will not go through this alone." I demanded taking her hand in mine as we walked to the door.
"Are you Angelina Peterson?" The uniformed man asked. My mother nodded slowly, gripping my hand tighter.
He spoke about my step-father and the rest sort of fades out in the background. My ears buzzed my mind racing and my mother’s facial expression fighting the want to cry and scream. It had been true he was gone.
We weren’t sure. There was no hard evidence that the visions had been of him dying.
My mother had a dream he was caught between worlds. Something had happened to him she was sure of it. The void in her heart told her he was gone. So for the last few weeks she’s been keeping her fingers crossed and praying it was nothing. It was something, it was something bad.
"I'm sorry Mrs. Peterson, your husband was a brave man." the uniformed gentleman shook her hand softly.
“This was his final tour. We were going to travel the world.” She collapsed on the steps the uniformed solider catching her. “We were going to see the world.”
His promise didn’t seem possible anymore.
She pulled herself together quickly and stood back up. Shaking the man’s hand again she shut the door and looked at me before breaking out into another set of sobs. I grabbed her before she hit the floor but it was already too late she was broken.
“He’s gone Dawn.” She sobbed “What am I going to do now?” She asked looking at me.
“I will take care of you mom.” I answered wiping her tears away.
“I cannot do this alone. I cannot raise you by myself. I cannot protect you.” She sobbed. I did not understand why she relied on him for all of that.
“Yes you can mom. I’m old enough now let me pay you back for all the good you did for me.” She nodded and rubbed her eyes.
****
She took it well, even when the uniformed men handed her the folded flag at his funeral. She stood tall, and she didn't shed a tear, just stood there blankly looking at the casket. She was broken now, well more like shattered.
Ever since the men came to our door she had been a zombie. I couldn’t get her to eat, she hardly ever slept. All she would do is go through photo albums and fawn over pictures. She had lost a lot of weight in those weeks. Her eyes not as bright and her smile was never visible. My concerns were increasing.
I had put the flag they had given us on the mantel over the fire place, next to their wedding photo. I figured it was the best place for it. This way whenever she was in the kitchen she could look out and see him.
The plan was to stick it out till I finished high school but that would not happen. The longer we were in that house the more broken she became. All she would do is get up and go to work each day only to come home, make dinner for me, and go to bed. I spent more time alone than I did with my mother. I was worried.
This phase lasted for several months. My junior year ended and summer began. She was slipping further and further away from me. Something had to be done soon before I was left alone.
****
"I was thinking Dawn." My mother was standing over the stove stirring a pot of noodles.
It was about two weeks into summer vacation. This was the first time in forever she had stayed outside her bedroom with me.
"I'm thinking we need to get out of here and start over." She said loudly.
I had been expecting this honestly. The blank stare on her face when she looked towards her door, the way she avoided his pictures. Inevitably she would want to leave.
"Where do you want to go?" I asked her.
She put the spoon down and looked at me with her sad blue eyes.
"Well I was talking to Pastor Rylie, and he told me about a little town in Missouri. He said a church there has an opening for a counselor. I figured it was worth a shot, you know to get us a new start, so I applied. He gave me a great recommendation for the position." She tried to smile but her lips just wouldn't curve.
She had done this without discussing it with me first. Not that I was upset about it. By all means I welcomed going somewhere new it was just who it was that had put in her recommendation.
"Yes. I see. Pastor Rylie said. So because he said this we are supposed to pack up and move everything to a little town in Missouri." I rolled my eyes.
"He's been good to us." She gave me a stern look. "I wouldn't have my job if it wasn't for him."
"Yeah well, he gives me the creeps. There is something about that holy man that isn't so holy." I tucked a strand of blonde hair behind my ear.
"That is neither here nor there. What he does in his spare time is none of our concern." She groaned.
“Mom he showed up on the door step wanting to do ‘private Bible study’ I think that’s a concern.” I said making air quotes.
The man always had a way of singling me out of all the other youths. It was like he knew that something wasn’t right with my blood. He was constantly asking me to keep looking for redemption, to be cleansed of the sins of my father. If
only he knew the sins of my father, he would have to eat those words.
"What do you think Dawn?" My mother asked me softly. She was obviously choosing to ignore my last statement.
I knew she could no longer stand the home we had in the desert. It reminded her too much of my step-father. The emotional distress was too much for her. This change might actually give her the life she had before he ever came into our lives.
I don’t blame her! I may have never warmed up to the man. My mother claimed that she loved him even though he cheated on her for three quarters of their marriage. Again the curiosity takes over when you look at the differences in the last few years. Especially in how she looked at him before he was sent overseas, it wasn’t the same as ten years ago.
"Let’s do it." I gave her a reassuring smile.
“Are you sure?” She mustered a smile.
“Yeah.” I said as she threw her arms around me and hugged me tightly. “What’s the worst that could happen?”
“I found this beautiful house online.” She said happily. “It’s large so there is more than enough room and a huge backyard. It will be perfect for a garden.”
I had not seen her excited in a long time. We danced around the kitchen as she sang one of her happy songs. My mother spoke Italian fluently so when she sang it was always in Italian. I’m not sure if Italian is the language of the Angels though, or if it was just something that my mother enjoyed. When she ended the song she pulled me into a big hug.
“You will not regret this Dawny.” She said clasping my face in her hands.
“Oh I’m sure I will on some level.” I joked.
She gave me a sour face and then danced off to the phone to call the Pastor and accept the position.
****
So that became the plan.
On my eighteenth birthday we packed everything up in a U-Haul truck and we moved from Texas to Missouri. So we are starting over. It's my senior year and lucky for me I get to go to a new high school. No friends, no enemies and most of all no more reputation.