He looked down to me. His expression was still torn and broken. He smiled at me wistfully. “For now, this is enough, love. What you’re doing is enough to soothe a little of my pain.”
“Don’t you want to pursue her? Do you want me to talk to her and tell her why you married me in the first place?”
He laughed humorlessly. “I doubt that would be of any help at the moment.” He pushed a lock of stray hair away from my face.
“You’re just giving up?” I asked him angrily. “Don’t you want to fight for what you feel for her?”
He smiled at me. “How about you, Brianne? Aren’t you going to fight for me? I’m your husband now.”
“But I want you to be happy, Travis!” I said.
He smiled. “And I will be,” he said. “With you. Like this. Time heal all wounds. For now…I am happy this way with you. I won’t ask for anything else just yet.”
“I’ve been unfair! I…always thought you were mine forever…I didn’t even think that you also had a life of your own… a heart of your own! I feel like…I stole the one chance you had to be happy!”
He chuckled humorlessly. “I guess I had two chances to be happy. I chose this one.”
“But why? Why didn’t you tell me?”
“Because you needed me, Brianne,” he replied softly. “This marriage was pre-ordained fourteen years ago. Last-minute realizations don’t always get factored in.”
“Of course they do! Had you told me…that you had a chance at a different life…that would make you happier, I would have...set you free.”
“And you would rather your family curse you?”
I nodded. “If that meant you’d be happier for the rest of your life, then yes!”
He smiled at me wistfully. “Then I don’t deserve you, Brianne! I guess I should be the one making amends, not you. And I am happy…like this…with you.”
“But there’s something missing,” I said to him. “I can see it in your eyes.”
He gave me a smile that was full of pain. “One of the downsides of asking me to put my mask down, love. You weren’t supposed to see a lot of things.”
“But I want to!” I insisted. “I want to know everything. I want you to know that even if you’ve lost hope in trusting anything else…you can trust me.”
He cupped my face between his palms. “I know. It’s me…you shouldn’t trust. I know deep inside my heart I would never hurt you. But I was afraid that there were some things beyond my control,” he said in a broken voice.
“But I do trust you, Travis. And I always will,” I said. “I will always believe in you. I want you to be happy…even if…it means you will be happier without me.” I knew I meant that. But it hurt to say it. Because I really could not imagine my life without Travis in it.
He shook his head. “Can’t you see, Brianne? I cannot be happy without you. My fate was tied to yours the day I promised Tom I would take care of you.”
“You don’t have to sacrifice so much for me!” I argued.
He smiled ruefully. “I was actually hoping something good will come out of this. When I chose this path…I was hoping…for a miracle. I know we’ll be okay, love.”
“Miracle?” I echoed.
He shrugged. “That someday, things would fall into place. That we’d both be happy in the end.”
I hugged him. “You don’t always have to be selfless with me!”
He gave me a humorless laugh. Then he shook his head. “You have so much faith in me, love. I don’t deserve it. You must remember the man that I was before I married you. Don’t forget who I really am.” He shook his head again. “I don’t think it’s in my nature to be selfless.”
“Why do you always try to change my opinion of you?”
“Because I want you to see who I really am,” he said. “And see that I cannot change…not permanently, at least.”
“You would have changed…for her,” I said in a sad voice. “Love changes people, Travis. You would have been a better, happier man if you’d chosen not to marry me…if you followed your heart…if just once, you allowed yourself to break a promise.”
“My parents never knew how to keep their promises, or their word,” he said coldly. “I’m not going to be like them. I have never been.”
“Even if you sacrifice your heart?”
He hugged me tighter to him. “Even if sometimes I don’t do what’s right.”
“Yes,” I sobbed in his arms. “You shouldn’t have married me, Travis. You should have followed your heart. That’s what’s right.”
“But everything about this honeymoon feels right, too, Brianne.”
I sighed. I knew what he was saying. Everything felt right…even the part where I was in his arms. I felt like everything was as it should be. I hadn’t thought about Christian in a long time. And now that I remembered him, I didn’t think I would trade my time with Travis for anything. I guessed it was safe to say that I was totally over Christian.
“Are you saying you don’t regret choosing me over the woman you might be in love with?”
He took a deep breath. Then he said, “I’ve had you this way longer. It may be harder to let go of what we have. I’ve never regretted my decisions in the past, Brianne. So please don’t make me feel like I should start regretting some of them now.”
I stared at him. “Travis, sooner or later, I will find the man I have been looking for. We’ll divorce and I will remarry. That was the plan, remember?”
He gave me a devilish smile and said, “Who told you I had plans of ever giving you up?”
I giggled. “I told you, you can’t fall in love with me,” I teased.
He shook his head. “I don’t have to be in love with you to want to keep you forever,” he teased back. “I told you, I’m naturally a selfish man…greedy, even.”
I laughed. “You intend to keep me as your wife forever?”
He shrugged. “Ever wondered why I didn’t suggest a prenup?”
I laughed. “Stop that, Travis! You don’t need a prenup because you know I will not take a single penny from you! We trust each other enough to know what the real deal is. For all it’s worth, I should be paying you for your services…but that would make me feel like a dirty old woman.” I took a deep breath. I still felt guilty about the whole thing. I stared at Travis. “Who is she?”
He raised a brow.
“The woman…who basically is your life,” I added.
I was not sure I wanted him to answer. There might have be a small part of me that ached to know whether when Travis was kissing me, his heart actually longed for the company of another woman.
“Why do you want to know?” he asked.
I shrugged. “No reason. I’m just curious. In all the years I’ve known you, I’ve never imagined a woman could actually make you…miserable.”
“I’m not miserable, Brianne.”
“I knew you were torn and heartbroken when you married me. Now I know why,” I said. “I was just curious what she’s like…this woman you’d rather be kissing when you are kissing me.”
“Don’t be absurd, Brianne,” Travis said, his tone showing signs of irritation. “When I’m kissing you, I would rather be kissing you. Remember, nobody can force me to do what I don’t want to do. So when I’m kissing you, there’s no other woman in my mind but you.”
“Still…I want to know what she’s like. You said she’s your life.”
He sighed and cupped my face between his palms again. “I think we’ve played too much of this game now. You’re asking too many questions that aren’t on the cards!” he said. “But to answer your question…this woman, who is my life…is amazing and wonderful. She has reddish blond hair…beautiful gray eyes. She’s a vixen in a beautiful human form,” he said solemnly. He took my hand and raised it to look at my fingers. “Her delicate fingers can paint beautiful pictures, colors, and hues. When she dances on stage, she takes my breath away.” He stared at me deeply. “She has a good heart, a wonderful soul. She’s exq
uisite, far more beautiful than any woman I have ever known.”
I narrowed my eyes at him. “Travis! I asked a serious question!”
He chuckled. “And I answered it truthfully!” he said. “Because it’s true. I married you. You are my life now.”
“You’re not going to tell me who she is, are you?”
He sighed. “It doesn’t matter, Brianne,” he replied. “I would rather try to stay married to you now.”
“But we both know where this marriage is headed! I don’t want you to let go of your chance at love, too!”
“This marriage will last as long as you want…need it to,” he reminded me. “How long will that take?” he asked me matter-of-factly. “And during those years, I don’t intend to be miserable, Brianne.”
“Then why did you choose to marry me?”
He took a deep breath. “Because I can’t afford to lose you…in any way. That would make me more miserable than anything else. And for that, I wanted to kick Tom’s ass! He threw us in this situation.”
I didn’t know what to feel anymore. Travis had just confessed that he gave up the first woman he ever loved for me. He was torn, broken, and miserable, but he chose this path because he would rather have a broken heart than not have me in his life at all. Because his love for me was far greater than any other love he would ever feel for any other woman.
I hugged him again. “How can I help you ease the pain?”
He tightened his arms around me. He took a deep breath. “This. For now, this is enough.”
I realized then what I needed to do. Travis had lost his love when he married me. I would try to make up for that. I would fill that empty gap in his heart. I would try to ease the pain by doing what the girl of his dreams would have done had he not married me instead. I would try to take her place…until Travis could be whole again. And I would be patient with him. I knew it was going to be difficult. Because when we got back to New York, Travis wouldn’t be as open and as vulnerable as he was now. In New York, he would try to repel my efforts to make him forget. But I would be persistent. This was the least I could do for him. Damned if I got my heart broken in the end!
Chapter Twenty-Four
We got back to our apartment. As soon as we entered, Travis turned to me and said, “It has been a lovely week, Mrs. Cross.”
I smiled at him. “It has been.”
“Now, we are at a crossroads again,” he said. “I told you I can’t do without my mask. The guy you’ve been with…is far too vulnerable to be able to protect you…keep you safe.”
I shook my head. “I don’t believe you!” I said to him. “That guy is more capable of protecting my feelings than anybody else.”
He narrowed his eyes. “You have to remember, Brianne. I not only want to protect you,” he said. “There’s a big part of me that also craves you.”
I stepped closer to him. “I know what you’re capable of, Travis. I know that guy can protect me, too. You don’t have to put your mask back on. When you told me…you chose to marry me over pursuing the woman you loved…I promised I would make this choice count. I promised to make you happy, Travis. It’s the least that I can do! Before I set out to find the guy I was meant to be with for the rest of my life, I will make this a happy home for you first…until you get over your heartache. Until you’re ready to find love again.”
He closed his eyes for a moment. When he opened them, I could see tears shining through them. “Do you know there’s more than a fifty percent chance that I don’t let you go after all this?”
I giggled. “I told you—you cannot fall in love with me.”
“But I also told you I was selfish and greedy by nature.”
“You will let me go when you know I’ll be happy,” I said to him. “I know you, Travis. I know you want me to be happy. And now, I want a chance to make you happy.”
Travis closed his eyes for a moment. Then he pulled me to him and gave me a hug. “God give me strength to let you go when you ask to be set free!” he whispered, more to himself.
When he pulled away from me, he stared at my face. He wiped the tears from my eyes. Then he pulled my face to his and gave me a kiss on the lips. He leaned his forehead against mine and said, “I am a big mess inside, Brianne. I hope you can really fix me…and forgive me when all this…doesn’t end the way we wanted it to.”
“I won’t need to forgive you, Travis. I know you won’t hurt me.”
He gave me a solemn look. “Always remember that,” he said. “I would never hurt you.”
I knew he meant that. He chose to hurt himself and the woman he loved just to keep his promise to me. Yes, I would make amends. As long as Travis needed me, I would be the wife he deserved… the family he could come home to.
After dinner, while we were still sitting at the dining room table, Travis reached out and gave me an envelope.
“What is this?” I asked.
“Something you need to accept from me since you’ve accepted my proposal to be my wife,” he grinned.
I opened the envelope and found two cards on it. One was a black Visa card with the word “Infinite” written on it. The other was a black debit card. Both cards had “Brittany Anne Cross” engraved on them in gold letters.
I stared back at Travis. “What’s this?”
“A credit card and an ATM card,” he replied with a teasing grin.
“I know. But why?”
He shrugged. “Because I’m going to provide for you from now on. Everything you ever need for the house, just charge on the card. I love it when you cook for me. The least I can do is pay for the groceries. Although, you could have Karl arrange it for you. But I thought you wanted to be hands-on.”
I smiled. “Yes, I do. No way would I ask your assistant to do our grocery shopping. It’s a small household anyway. Just because I married Travis Cross doesn’t mean I’ll live like a spoiled little rich girl now.” I stared up at him. “But, Travis, you didn’t have to. I want to pay for my share. At least cook for you, pay for the groceries. I mean, you’re already not asking me to pay rent.”
He frowned. “You’re my wife, Brianne. You won’t have to worry about spending for anything anymore. You don’t even have to work in your mother’s gallery. If you want to, I won’t stop you. But everything you’ll ever earn is yours alone. Please, let me provide for everything else. And every single thing you fancy…clothes, handbags…charge them on the card. Consider them my treat.”
“And the ATM card is for?”
“For you,” he replied simply. “The pin is our wedding date. Every month, I will put money in the account. It’s yours. Do whatever you want to do with it.”
I raised a brow. “Like an allowance?”
He sighed. “I don’t know how to make you understand, Brianne. This marriage is real. Do you realize that legally, you own everything I own? That bank account should be a joint one. You should have access to what’s mine. But I know you’ll never agree.”
“Of course I won’t. I don’t even agree with the ATM now!” I argued.
He reached out for my hands and squeezed them. “Please don’t argue, Brianne. Just take it. I can argue with this on legal grounds too, and you know I would win. For instance, if something happened to me, my accounts would be frozen for a couple of months before they would all go to you. But during those months before everything is fixed, I want you to have all the means to go on.” He took a deep breath. “I promised you once that no matter what happened to me, I would still take care of you. I’m making steps to ensure that promise is kept.”
What he said actually brought me tears. I didn’t even want to think about what he had just said. Nothing could happen to Travis. Because I would die if something did. He was more important to me than all of the material things he could provide. Didn’t he know that?
Travis stood up from his seat and pulled me into his arms. “Cherie, I will fight fate for you. You know that. But the coin has two sides. Everything in life is fifty-fifty. I plan my lif
e ahead. I like things to be in order. I don’t take chances in life. And I won’t take chances with you. I want to make sure you’ll always have a good life. Whether I’m around or not.”
“I want you to always be around. I don’t even want to think of the other possibility.”
“You don’t have to. It’s me who has to deal with that.” I had heard the sadness in his voice before he leaned forward to kiss me.
***
Travis was standing in our balcony, having a beer. I told him I’d join him shortly, but he didn’t know that I was busy doing something else. I was anxiously looking at the clock. Today…was Travis’s thirtieth birthday.
When the clock finally struck twelve, I went to the balcony. I was carrying a cake in my hands.
“Happy birthday to you…happy birthday to you…” I sang.
He stared back at me, his eyes wide, as if he couldn’t believe I was singing him happy birthday with a cake in my hands.
“Make a wish,” I told him.
He smiled at me wistfully and then he blew the candle on his cake.
“What did you wish for?” I asked.
“I’m not supposed to tell, remember?”
I laughed. “Just asking.” I placed the cake on the table.
I brought out a paper bag, and inside it was a neatly rolled parchment, tied with a red ribbon.
“What is this?”
“Your birthday gift,” I replied.
He chuckled. “That’s a first. I don’t usually allow people to remember my birthday.”
“But people doing something nice for you on your birthday means they care about you. It takes quite a lot to come up with surprises. And usually what the person wants is to see the glimmer in your eyes when you open their surprise. It hurts them when you turn them away and shut them out.”
He stared at me and smiled ruefully. Then he opened the parchment roll. It was a painting I’d made for him…a painting of the perfect sunset on the beach, with a silhouette of a man and a woman lying on the hammock, watching the sunset while in each other’s arms.
Travis bit his lip. When he stared at me, his eyes were welling up with tears. He smiled. It was as if he didn’t know what to say. Then he pulled me to him, and he gave me one hard kiss on the lips.