Relief washed over me. But I realized that the horror wasn’t over yet. If he hadn’t taken me back to the hotel room, then I must have gone with somebody else. Although, it wasn’t really my thing to do one night stands. Maybe on that night, in my agitation about the fact that Travis was having his stag party and could be having fun with his stripper, I had decided to try something wild.
How could this happen now? Now that finally I had found the person I wanted to spend the rest of my life with. Now that I had finally made a family with Travis. Now that I had finally saved him. This would break him as much as it would break me. Maybe even more.
“Did I leave alone?”
“I honestly don’t remember. It was more than a month ago.”
“I know,” I said in a desperate voice. “But could you please try to remember?”
He closed his eyes for a moment. Then he stared at me for a long while.
“I remember Dante didn’t come back until five in the morning. You weren’t here anymore. You were gone.”
“Did you write off our tab?” Sarah asked both the men.
“We don’t earn big time, sweetie. And you two had too much to drink. I can’t afford to write off that bill,” the blond guy said. He turned to me. “I remember now. You were with a guy.”
Horror crept through me again. “Who?”
He shrugged. “I mind my own business. And it’s not like it’s an uncommon thing to have customers flirt with each other here. It happens all the time.”
“Where did the guy come from? He just sat beside me, started a conversation, and then I was all over him?” I asked. That didn’t sound like me.
He nodded. “Pretty much,” the guy replied. “You were laughing a lot. And then I think you started kissing him. You made out here—I had to turn away. And I guess you left with him.”
“Who was he?” I asked desperately.
“I don’t know, sweetheart,” the blond guy said apologetically. “And we don’t have security cameras here. We can’t help you.”
“Why do you want to know, anyway? So you were with a guy for a night. You don’t remember who he is. What’s the big deal? You’re pretty hot. He won’t be the last guy on earth for you,” Dante said.
I glared at Dante. “How would you feel if a guy you couldn’t remember left you a souvenir?”
He backed off. “Ohhh! I’m sorry, sugar,” he said. He looked at me for a moment. “Well, I hope it’s curable.”
I looked at him disbelievingly. “It’s not a disease!” I turned back to the other guy. “What did he look like?”
He thought for a moment. “Caucasian. Tall. Good-looking fella.”
I stared at him, waiting for him to say more.
He shook his head. “I really can’t remember any more distinctive features.”
“You just described at least thirty percent of the male population of South Carolina. And I’m not even sure what you consider good-looking for a guy!”
“Look, sweetheart. I really can’t help you much.”
“Who paid my bill?” I asked.
“Ahhh…he did.” The guy smiled. “That I remember. You insisted on paying, but you were not fast enough to fish through your wallet. I think you were drunk out of your wits. He paid with an Infinite card. I was impressed. He also gave me a huge tip. Like, one hundred percent of the bill.”
“Hey! You didn’t tell me that,” Dante protested.
“Sorry, pal. I figured you already got the girl.” The guy grinned.
“Can…can I see the bill?”
“It’s not here, sweetie. And it was over a month ago,” he said.
“Is there a way for us to find it?”
“It’s in the office,” the guy said. “They’re not working now.”
“Tomorrow?”
“You really want to it that much, huh?”
I nodded.
The guy sighed. “Okay, tell me where to find you. I’ll pull some strings and get you a copy of the credit card slip. But there could have been at least ten customers that night.”
“Can’t you tell which one?”
He shrugged. “Difficult. But that narrows your choices.”
“When can you give it to me?”
“Tomorrow, noon?”
“Can it be any sooner?” I asked wearily. Who knew what time Travis would be in Connecticut.
“I’ll try. But no promises.”
I almost couldn’t sleep that night. So I was right—there was a guy. He’d taken me back to my room. What’s worse, the bartender told me I had been all over him. So it could mean that I’d slept with him. How could I be so damn loose? How could I flirt like that with a stranger? And how could I not remember?
“No matter how I look at it, that was the only instance that I could have been with a man,” I said to Sarah. “Travis slept on the couch the whole time, and I didn’t get drunk with him. I would have remembered. That night was the only night I was drunk out of my wits. And it coincides with the week I got pregnant.”
“Ultrasound results may change as the week progresses,” Sarah reminded me.
“But only plus or minus two weeks. Plus or minus two weeks from that night, I’m still positive I didn’t have sex at all! Christian and I were long over by then. Travis and I didn’t happen at all until last week.”
Sarah squeezed my hand. “Don’t stress the baby. Go to sleep now.”
When I finally fell asleep, I dreamt of making love to Travis. He touched me in the most sensual way. He was very gentle. I was the wild one. I dreamt about making love and reaching heaven. And then he stood up from the bed and dressed hurriedly.
“Why are you in a hurry?” I asked him.
When he turned around, I recognized in horror that he was not Travis. That face belonged to Christian! I dreamt of making love to Travis, but it was Christian who I was really sleeping with!
“No!” I screamed.
“Brianne! Brianne!” Sarah shook me. I opened my eyes and realized, in relief, that it was all just a dream.
I sat up from the bed and gave Sarah a hug. “Sarah.”
“Hey, you were having a bad dream,” Sarah said.
I was scared. I might have been in love with Christian before, but I realized I didn’t love him as much as I loved Travis now. I didn’t think I’d loved anyone as much as I loved Travis. And tonight, I would have to tell him that our marriage was over.
I rushed to the bathroom to throw up. The morning sickness was getting worse now. Even if I planned to wait for a week or so more to tell Travis, he would surely recognize the signs. He would know.
I dressed in a pair of drawstring pants and a comfortable shirt. I came out of the bathroom just in time to see Sarah open the door. She let Dante and the blond bartender in.
“We didn’t get your name,” I said to the blonde guy.
“Rick,” he said.
“So, Rick, did you manage to find something for us?” I asked.
He nodded. He took out a stack of paper and handed it to Sarah. “You didn’t get this from me.”
I nodded.
“Well, there’s about a dozen credit card slips here,” Sarah said, rolling her eyes.
“It was a busy night,” Rick pointed out.
“Thanks for your help, Rick,” I said. I took out some money from my wallet and handed it to him. “For your trouble.”
He accepted the money from me. “Anytime. Good luck with whatever you are looking for.”
And he left and Dante gave Sarah a wink before he exited the room. I took the papers from Sarah.
“Okay, I hope he only gave us the guys. I mean, no point getting the slips of female customers,” Sarah said.
Sarah and I split the papers to search separately. I read the names on my stack, trying to see if any of them rang a bell.
“Tyrone Gomez,” I read. “No. Don’t recognize the name.”
“Jackson Bow,” Sarah read.
I shook my head.
“Timothy Reyes.”
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I shook my head again.
Sarah took another paper. She stared at the bill for a while.
“Oh my God!” she breathed.
I looked at her wearily.
“October twenty-six, one fifteen in the morning,” she said.
“Yeah, it could be around that time. What have you got?”
She stared at me with a worried expression on her face. And she handed me the piece of paper.
Her hands were shaking, and that made me extra nervous.
I knew then the name was familiar. Christian? Eric?
I read the copy of the credit card slip. The time and date were as Sarah mentioned. The bill was about four hundred dollars.
I scanned the bill for the name. When I found it, my heart stopped beating altogether.
After reading it a dozen times, I was convinced I was not dreaming. The slip still bore the same name:
Travis James Cross
Chapter Twenty-Nine
I was in shock. I almost didn’t speak to Sarah for the entire duration of our trip back to Connecticut. We went straight to my old apartment.
It had been months since I last visited it. It was exactly the way it was when I’d left it. Sarah was kind enough to ask a maid to clean it up at least twice a month.
I saw Christian’s spare key on the table. He must have left it there when he found out I was getting married. He left a note for me.
Have a good life, Brianne. I hope he’s what you were looking for.
Tears rolled down my cheeks. I had a good life, all right. And Travis was everything I wanted and more. But I just didn’t know what to feel right now.
“The good thing about it is that it’s Travis,” Sarah said quietly.
“That’s not the point, is it?” I asked in a small voice. “Do you realize that I was drunk? I was not myself. I couldn’t even remember that night. Travis didn’t seem drunk. He signed the credit card slip perfectly well. If it was him…then he…took advantage of me.” Tears rolled down my cheeks. “And he promised he would never do that. Travis is the one person I trust. He was the last person I expected to take my clothes off and take me when he knew perfectly well that I was helpless to defend myself. And what’s worse…he didn’t tell me.”
“I’m sure he wanted to. Maybe he was just afraid you’d…react like this. And he was afraid to lose you.”
“We consummated the marriage before we even got married!” I muttered. “And he pretended to be a gentleman during our honeymoon.” I wiped the tears from my cheeks. “You don’t understand, Sarah. If it were any other man, I wouldn’t feel this betrayed. But this was Travis. He promised me he wouldn’t touch me, wouldn’t take advantage of me. And I knew how good he was with keeping his promises. I didn’t expect this from him at all.”
“Before you work yourself up, why don’t you talk to him first?”
I nodded.
The doorbell rang. Sarah looked at me wearily. “Well, I’m here if you need me,” she said. “Brianne, you have to remember that this is Travis. Not any of your past boyfriends. This guy was everything to you, even when you were not in love with him.”
Tears rolled down my cheeks. “And that makes it even worse, doesn’t it?”
Sarah bit her lip and then gave me a hug. “I’ll go. Call me anytime you need me.” Then she went to open the door. I heard her say hi to Travis.
“Hey! Thanks for keeping my wife company,” Travis said to her.
I didn’t listen to the little chitchat. At the sound of his voice, my heart swelled with love, and then, I remembered what he might have done to me before I’d gotten married, and my heart broke. I couldn’t help feeling disappointed and betrayed.
I was looking out the window. I knew Travis was behind me. Gently, I felt his arms creep around me. He kissed the base of my neck. I bit my lip to prevent myself from moaning.
“God, I missed you!” he whispered and pulled me to him.
I stared up at his handsome face, and I felt the cold façade I’d built slowly crumbling down. But then I remembered that he had taken advantage of me. And he hadn’t told me.
He smiled. “I love you,” he whispered. Slowly, he bent down and gave me a kiss on the lips.
I savored the kiss. It could be our last, I thought.
Tears rolled down my cheeks. Travis stopped kissing me when he realized that I was crying. He pulled back and studied my expression.
“What’s wrong, love?” he asked wearily.
I pushed him away from me. “Travis…I’m pregnant!”
He stared at me for a while, and then he beamed. “Sweetheart, that’s wonderful! I’m gonna be a father. Isn’t that a good thing? Why are you crying?” He stepped toward me again.
I held my hand up to stop him from coming any closer.
“I’m seven weeks pregnant, Travis!” I said to him. “We only started sleeping with each other last week.”
I watched his expression carefully. It went from comprehension, to weariness, to a look of pain, and then guilt. He didn’t have to admit anything after that. I could read him like a book, too, when he wasn’t so guarded.
“Brianne…” he started.
“Oh my God,” I breathed, shaking my head.
He took a step closer to me. He reached out for my hands, but I pulled them away. “Brianne…please. I didn’t mean for that to happen. But I wasn’t sorry.”
“Why, Travis? You said I could trust you.”
“And you can!” he said. “I’m only human, Brianne. I’d been controlling what I felt for you for years. Every day, every night for the last fifteen years I told myself that I couldn’t want you…because you were forbidden…I could not have you. Then one night, I slipped! I wasn’t able to hold back. My desire for you was stronger than I was. I let go of all control!”
“You took advantage of me!”
He shook his head. “I didn’t…or at least, I didn’t mean to…”
“There’s no excuse for what you did, Travis!” I said to him. “And you should have told me!”
“I got scared. For the first time in my life, I felt afraid. I was afraid to lose you…both of you…” He took a deep breath again. “The you that I have loved like family since I was a kid, the one that Tom left under my protection…and the you that I love with all my heart…the only woman I have ever been in love with! You see, Brianne? There was no other woman. It was you all along.”
In my mind, I remembered what he’d said to me…I made love…to an amazing, wonderful woman.
I sat down on the couch. “You still lied to me, Travis. You were the last person I expected to do this to me. Wanting me too much is not an excuse for what you did.”
Travis knelt down in front of me and took my hands in his. He kissed them desperately. When he raised his face to me, I saw the tears in his eyes. “I did not only want you. That night, I realized that I was in love with you. That I might have been in love with you all these years.” His voice was full of pain.
“You seduced me. I was drunk! And yet you touched me! I must have been unconscious the moment I hit the covers, Travis. I was helpless! I just lay there…and you took me!”
Travis stared at me, and for the first time that night, I thought I saw a flicker of anger in his eyes. “I…” He started to say something. Then he shook his head, stood up and turned away from me.
“What? Tell me! Lie to me!” I said angrily.
“I didn’t lie to you!” he raised his voice. “I would never lie to you.”
“Yeah! Be smart with me! You just chose to omit the fact that you raped me days before I married you. And how convenient it was for you! You already had the solution on hand, didn’t you? You were going to marry me anyway. So you figured you’d test the merchandise first?!”
He narrowed his eyes at me. “I’d already tested the merchandise a long time ago! Why would I need to do it again if that was my intention?”
“Then what was your intention, Travis?”
“I wanted you!??
? Travis said in low, cold voice. He was angry now, I could tell. But he was trying not to lose his temper. “I tried to stay away from you. I tried to control what I felt. That night…something was different between us! I wasn’t able to stop myself. If I knew…how it would all end, I wouldn’t have touched a hair in your body! It would be easier for me to take a million cold showers to calm my need for you than to betray your trust! Surely, you must know that.”
“Apparently, I don’t know you at all! You…were the beast you should have been protecting me from, Travis! You promised me!”
He closed his eyes in anguish for a second. When he looked at me again, I could no longer read the expression on his face. “Sometimes, you make me choose between protecting you and giving you everything you ask of me,” he said. “That night, I was helpless. I realized for the first time how much our relationship had changed. I realized what you really meant to me.”
“And so you just took me? Knowing that I was unconscious of what you were doing?”
He bit his lip to keep from saying what he really wanted to say. And I felt frustrated because I wanted him to explain everything to me. I wanted to understand him. I knew him…he was better than a man who would take advantage of a drunk, unconscious woman just because he had lusted for her for so many years. But he just looked down at the floor, trying to control his anger, trying to bottle it all up again.
“You should have told me before you married me!” I shouted at him.
“I shouldn’t have married you at all!” he roared back.
I felt like he had slapped me when he said that. It hurt like a shard of glass piercing through my heart. How could he say that?
Tears rolled down my face. He realized that he’d hurt me even more with what he’d said, but he didn’t say anything to take it back or deny it. Maybe he really did feel this marriage had been a mistake from the beginning.
“Did you…do that as part of your plan to win your battle with your father?”
He stared at me disbelievingly. “What are you trying to say?”
“I’m saying your father wanted a grandson, didn’t he? Did you take advantage of the time I could not say no to you? You had to make sure you could get me pregnant, even if it meant you had to rape me!”