Mircea wasn’t trustworthy, but psychic memories didn’t lie, and neither did the feelings they transmitted.
After he made me a vampire, Szilagyi told me I wasn’t Vlad’s real son, Mircea went on. But I spent my entire boyhood believing that I was, and I exhausted myself trying to excel at every task in the hope that Vlad would notice me. When he didn’t, I blamed myself. He loved his firstborn son, so I believed his aversion to me had to be my fault.
It wasn’t, and Vlad was a dick for treating you like that, I said, and meant it. But it doesn’t give you an excuse for everything you’ve done since then, I continued. For starters, you tried to murder me before we even met. You’re quick to judge Vlad, but what kind of person does that make you?
My father’s son! he flung back at me. I spent my first twenty years as Vlad Dracul’s son, so I am a ruthless warmonger just as he is. Then Mihaly Szilagyi changed me and I became his son for the next five centuries, so I am on a never-ending quest for vengeance against Vlad just as he was. Finally, the blood of Radu Dracul runs through my veins, so I am insanely jealous of Vlad just as Radu was. Am I not all of my fathers’ sons? he finished, the bitterness in his voice turning to despair. Did I ever have any hope of being anything different?
I sighed. Yes, Mircea could have fought to be a better man since other people had been born into as much tragedy or worse. Still, the odds had indeed been against him, and while it didn’t excuse what he’d done, I finally understood why he’d done it.
It was so much easier when I believed Vlad was incapable of love after he became a vampire, Mircea went on, sounding wistful now. Szilagyi would prattle on about how he’d make Vlad pay, and I’d nod and play along, but I never helped him in any serious way. I’d mostly forgiven Vlad, you see, because how can you hate someone for not loving you when that person is too dead inside to love anyone?
Briefly, I closed my eyes. And then I came along, I said.
Then you, Mircea agreed. At first, I thought Vlad was simply fascinated by a human having your remarkable abilities. Then he went to war over you, turned you into a vampire, and married you. The truth was obvious then. You know the real reason I kept linking to you after that spell bound us together?
To hurt me the way you were hurting? I asked bluntly.
He let out a short laugh. That was part of it, yes. But even more, I wanted to find out what you had that I didn’t. Vlad loved you, a stranger, after a mere few months, yet he never loved me despite my working myself nearly to death for two decades. He laughed again, hard and humorless this time. Nothing I did back then made Vlad notice me, but he noticed me when I came after you. Oh yes, he noticed me then.
So this whole thing is about you finally getting Vlad’s attention? I asked in disbelief.
He shrugged. That’s an oversimplification. Still, thoughts of me now consume Vlad in a way I’d only dreamed of when I was a child, so even you must agree that he had that coming.
Why are you telling me all this? I asked, suddenly suspicious.
We’re both going to die, he said, as if it were obvious.
Out of instinct, I looked around for danger, yet saw nothing except more rocks. What makes you say that?
He gave a jaded look in my general direction. Vlad won’t carry out my jailers’ demand no matter how much he loves you. When he doesn’t comply, they’ll kill me, and by extension, you.
Mircea must know what the second demand was, and it sounded as awful as Maximus had predicted. What do they want him to do?
Another humorless laugh. You don’t know? Then far be it from me to spoil the surprise.
Look, you need to tell me where you are, I said, my agitation growing as I thought about Vlad being confronted with whatever this was. Even if Vlad does do it, you and I are of no use to your captors after they get what they want.
Oh, I agree, he said, voice as casual as if he were choosing between white wine or red. But even if I told you where I was, you and Vlad aren’t powerful enough to rescue me.
Take a chance, I persisted, hitting him where I knew it would hurt. You want to impress Vlad? Now’s your chance. Show him you’re not afraid to fight for your life despite the odds.
His lips curled in a way that was all too familiar. Under other circumstances, I might have liked you, Leila.
Come on, Mircea, I said. You’re many things, but you’re not a coward, so prove it. Fight to live instead of waiting to die.
Fine, he said so suddenly that I was startled. The good news is, all my captors know where I am. The bad news is, I don’t. But I can tell you where to find some of them, and if you can keep one alive, I have every confidence that Vlad can torture the information out of him.
Fine, I said just as quickly. I didn’t trust Mircea in general, but I did trust that he didn’t want to die, and we really were his best chance at surviving.
Now, I said, steeling myself for what was to come, tell me where we can find these necromancers.
Chapter 27
Several hours later, I was surprised to hear the unmistakable sound of a helicopter approaching the house. I exchanged a concerned glance with Marty, who’d stayed in the living room with me. Leotie and Ian had retired to their rooms a short while ago since dawn wasn’t very far away, and of course, Maximus was still downstairs with Gretchen. He’d had a very busy night since she had risen in a bad, blood-crazed mood. Maximus had to be counting the seconds until dawn knocked her out.
“Does Vlad have a helicopter?” Marty asked me.
“No,” I said, going to the window. Sure enough, someone’s helicopter was landing on the pad near the house. “Maybe Ian was wrong and Cat and Bones aren’t overseas anymore.”
“They are, trust me,” Ian called out from his room.
I ignored that, grabbing a coat and going outside. Marty followed me, now carrying two large silver knives.
“Put those away,” I hissed. If Ian was wrong and this was Cat and Bones, they wouldn’t be happy to find armed uninvited guests staying at their home.
“Not until I see who this is,” Marty replied stubbornly.
The single pilot had a full-face helmet on, so I couldn’t tell anything from that. Then the passenger door opened and Vlad jumped out. His hair blew wildly around his face from the still-churning rotors, and his long, dark trench coat flapped behind him like beating wings.
His features were so hard that they could have belonged on a statue, and he’d barricaded his emotions behind an impenetrable wall. Worse, when I met his gaze, there was none of the love he’d expressed earlier over the phone. Instead, his gaze passed over me as if I didn’t merit further notice. It flicked over Marty with even more disregard, although his mouth curled when he saw the knives.
“Only two?” he asked.
Marty stiffened at the implication that he’d failed to adequately protect me. “Had I known that it was you touching down, I would’ve brought more.”
I winced. The two of them had never been very fond of each other, but that hadn’t been a problem before. Yet with Vlad’s current mood as well as Marty’s stretched nerves, a pissing contest between them now wouldn’t result in anything good.
“I didn’t realize you owned a helicopter,” I said, trying to distract from their growing tension.
“I don’t,” Vlad replied, thankfully turning his attention back to me. “This is on loan from Mencheres.”
I faked a laugh. “You said you’d been here before. Guess you remembered that this place had a helicopter pad. Glad you thought ahead and borrowed the chopper. Flying sure beats having to drive slow on these narrow, winding mountain roads. Come on, I’ll show you our room,” I said, taking Vlad’s hand.
His demeanor might be icy, but it didn’t surprise me that his flesh felt anything but cold. He could fool some people with this I-care-for-nothing! act, but not me. He only felt this hot when he was unleashing his incredible abilities, in the throes of passion, or really, really upset.
It also didn’t surprise me when he immedia
tely pulled away. “Later. I need to speak with Maximus first.”
Oh no, he didn’t. He might want to continue to wrap himself in bad attitude and fake apathy, but I wasn’t going to let him. “Maximus is busy,” I said. “He changed Gretchen into a vampire yesterday, and she woke up mad as hell on top of being ravenously hungry. You’ll have to wait until dawn to talk to him.”
Both his brows went up on hearing that Gretchen was now a vampire, then that sculpturelike hardness reclaimed his face as he looked over my shoulder. “And who is that?”
I turned, seeing Leotie outlined in the open door of the cabin. “My umpteenth-times-over great grandmother. I have a lot to tell you, Vlad, so if you want to hear it in time to talk to Maximus at dawn, come with me. Besides, it’s freezing out here.”
It was, not that any of us were in danger of catching a cold. Still, I wanted to get him alone so we could talk about how he was really feeling. As if he knew what I intended, Vlad stared at me long enough for me to formulate several convincing arguments if he refused.
But at last, with an arrogant wave, he gestured to the helicopter behind him. “The pilot’s leaving soon to return Mencheres’s helicopter to him. Before he does, see to it that he has someone decent to eat, Martin.”
Marty bristled at being ordered around like a servant, but I grabbed Vlad’s hand and started walking toward the house. I’d apologize to Marty later for Vlad’s rudeness. Right now, I had to seize my opportunity to break through his walls before he reinforced them—or built them any higher.
“Right this way, dear.”
After the briefest possible introduction to Leotie, I had Vlad alone upstairs in the cabin’s master suite. Granted, the walls weren’t thick enough for this to be a truly private conversation, but sometimes the illusion of privacy was all that mattered. To boost that illusion, I locked the door behind us.
He gave me a sardonic look. “If I wanted to leave, a feeble lock couldn’t stop me.”
“No, nor can it keep anyone out who wants in, considering we’re in a house full of vampires,” I replied, shrugging. “Still, like a tie on the doorknob, this is a ‘Do Not Disturb’ sign for the rest of them.”
His snort managed to be both elegant and contemptuous. “A tie on the doorknob? As if you brought me up here for sex.”
I hadn’t, but if that was the quickest way to break through his worrisome new walls . . . “What if I said I had?” I asked, holding his stare as I walked over to him.
His eyes were pure, burnished copper, the only green in them coming from the natural band around his irises. “Then I’d say you were a poor liar, as you always have been.”
“Maybe I need to feel you that way to forget everything else for a little while,” I said, challenging him by pushing his coat off his shoulders. “After all, I’ve had an awful day and I know yours was way worse.”
“You know?” His gaze turned steely. “You think I’ve never killed a good man before? I’ve killed thousands of them.”
Was he really going to act as if Samir was just another casualty in one of the countless wars he’d fought in? I wasn’t buying that. I’d seen how Vlad acted when he lost someone he only cared about in general terms because that person had belonged to his line. It had looked nothing like this.
“When you thought I was in denial about Maximus raping me, you told me I couldn’t keep lying to you or myself about it, or the pretense would destroy me.” I held his face in my hands in much the same way he’d held mine all those months ago. “Now I’m telling that to you. Stop lying about what this is doing to you, Vlad. If you don’t, that lie will grow until it poisons you.”
He still said nothing, and his shields remained just as high and impenetrable. My jaw clenched. Why was it so hard for him to admit what we both already knew?
“Or are you blaming me for this?” I suddenly asked. Was that what he didn’t want to tell me? “If you are, it’s okay,” I went on hastily. “I can handle whatever you’re feeling, even if it’s holding me responsible because this more than anything proves your point about your enemies using your love for me against you. I’d probably be mad, too, if I were you, so—”
“I don’t blame you,” he interrupted, brushing me away to pace the short distance that the length of the room provided. “I didn’t have to publicly announce my love for you by marrying you, yet I did, so all the blame for this falls on me.”
“Not all,” I said softly, my heart breaking. “Samir died because of me. That makes it mine, too, and if it hurts me and I only knew him a few months, I know what it’s doing to you.”
“Oh, but you don’t,” he said, and my subconscious felt momentarily seared as a crack formed in his walls, allowing a sliver of his feelings to escape. All too quickly, it was gone, and despite not being able to decipher what he was feeling, that brief flash proved that he was nowhere near as detached as he was pretending to be.
“I know you’re upset,” I said, going over to him. “If you weren’t, you wouldn’t be trying so hard to keep yourself closed off. You need to stop. This is the ‘for worse’ part of our wedding vows, and I signed up for that, too. If we’re going to get through this, we need to do it together.”
“You think you want me to tell you what I’m feeling, but you don’t.” As he spoke, green rolled over his gaze. “Still, since you keep insisting, fine. More than anything else, I feel relieved.”
I gasped in surprise at that, and his mouth twisted.
“I don’t expect you to understand because you’ve never killed anyone except in self-defense. It’s very different to take a life when you don’t have your own survival as motivation. Take away anger or revenge as motivating factors, too, and it’s not only different, it can be difficult. Add in truly caring for the person, and it’s not only difficult; it takes a special degree of coldness that most people don’t have. I have that coldness, Leila. I’ve had it for centuries, and time has taught me that when I have to do something necessary yet unpleasant, it’s best to get it over with as soon as possible.”
Then his voice roughened and he began to pace again.
“Yet that’s not why I’m relieved that this part is over with. It’s also not why I was in such a hurry both to leave and then to come back. It was because every hour that I was away from you, I knew you could be tortured or worse in order to incentivize me to do as Mircea’s captors ordered. That is why what I feel most now is relief. I can see with my own eyes that you are unharmed, and my relief over that supersedes everything else, including any feelings I might have for a lost friend.”
I was openmouthed as I processed all of this. My turbulent emotions must have shown on my face because he let out a derisive snort.
“As I said, you didn’t really want to know what I was feeling. Perhaps next time, you’ll simply take my word for it.”
Chapter 28
“No,” I whispered. “It’s the truth, so no matter what, I want it.”
“Oh?” He whirled, yanking me to him, his hands as hot as brands on my back. “What about this truth? I only care about keeping you safe, no matter who I have to kill. Yet that kind of selfishness makes me the very monster that my enemies have often accused me of being, so did you truly want to know this about me?”
Just as quickly, he shoved me away, his mouth curling with a cruelness that belied the flood of emotions that were starting to break down his walls. “Or instead, are you as horrified as I knew you would be when I tried to spare you this knowledge?”
I stared at him, trying and failing to articulate my thoughts through my own storm of emotions. No, I wasn’t horrified by his brutally practical mindset when it came to killing Samir. I should have realized the same hardness that had allowed Vlad to overcome centuries of tragedy would also keep him from being crippled by grief now, even if he would mourn Samir later, as he’d implied.
But I was afraid of what this meant for Gretchen. Vlad had just confirmed my worst suspicions about what he’d do if he knew I could transfer the spel
l onto her. He’d see it as my life versus Gretchen’s, and to him, the choice would be obvious.
But if we found Mircea, we could all win, and now we had a real chance of doing that. All I had to do was keep Vlad from finding out about the spell transfer option in the meantime. Once we had Mircea safely away from his captors, I’d tell Vlad, but until then . . .
I went over to him, moving with deliberate slowness so he could read the emotion in my eyes when I spoke.
“I told you before; I know you’re the dragon instead of the knight. And I don’t care. At your best or at your worst, I will always love you, Vlad.” I slipped my arms around him and stood on tiptoe so my face was closer to his. “If you can’t grieve for Samir until this is over, then I’ll grieve him enough for both of us, but no matter what, I’ll never stop loving you.”
He bent down, bridging those last few inches between us. “Good,” he growled against my lips. “Because I refuse to live without you.”
He kissed me, hard, hungry, and demanding. At the same time, all his walls dropped and the instant crush of his full, unfiltered emotions would’ve made me stumble if his arms weren’t around me. Relief and rage, lust and love, desperation and need, bitterness and vengeance; all of it flooded into me, until I felt like I was drowning beneath the deluge.
I kissed him back, suddenly clawing at his clothes with an urgency that might have been mine or his. I couldn’t tell. All I knew was that I needed him, couldn’t stand to wait a minute longer to feel his skin on mine, or to have our bodies be as fully entwined as our emotions now were.
Very soon, I was naked on the bed, the bare, scorching length of his body on top of mine. I was too consumed with desire to stand a delay, so I opened my legs with more demand than invitation. He moaned into my mouth as I rubbed against him, inciting him to lose the last of his control.