“Vicky, calm down, we were both tired is all.” Yeah, I’m sure you were both very tired, I say sarcastically in my head. She continues, “It won’t happen again, I've got to keep my head in my studies.” I laugh while walking out the door.
“Lain, you can study and still get fucked at the same time.” I respond, being my crass self; leaving her sitting there, beet-red.
~*~
After class I text Blake to see what he is doing for the rest of the day. It is as if we have an unspoken wall up between us; a wall that says, ‘You can’t be with me, but you’re not allowed to be with anyone else either.’ I think many people can relate to that wall, at least once in their life.
Me: Are you busy?
Blake: Heading home now.
Me: Want to meet at Billy Joes?
Blake: Yeah, I’ll meet you there.
After getting into some skinny jeans and a tank top, I get into my car and make my way to Billy Joe’s, thinking about my growing feelings for him. I smile as memories come flashing back of all our time together. I never thought that I would ever meet a man that I could actually see myself settling down with, but Blake changes all of that. Walking in, I see him sitting at the bar drinking; when he sees me, he gives me a sexy smile, setting off butterflies again deep in my stomach. There really is no coming back from this. He gets up, pulling me in for a bear hug, before I sit down on the chair next to him. “How’s your day been?” I ask him, ordering a glass of water because Alaina has told me that I really do need to settle down on the drinking. “A little crazy, nothing new,” he responds, looking away from me.
I don’t know why, but I feel as though he’s not telling me something. “You okay? You look a little stressed?” He glances over to me, looking deep into my eyes.
“I need to tell you something, I didn—“ He gets interrupted by the door swinging open loudly. I see Alaina standing in the doorway with fear smeared all over her face.
“Lain, babe what's wrong?” I ask, standing from my seat and making my way over to her. I have never seen her this freaked out. “Vick, a car's been following me, I saw it today on campus then just now while I was out on my run. It was following behind me so I kept my pace normal, hoping they didn't know I noticed them.” I stop in my tracks and I feel as though ice is running through my blood for a second. “Do you think? Do you think this has to do with your parents?” Alaina’s parents disappeared when she was eight, which resulted in her coming to live in West Beach. However, there is so much more to it; Alaina used to tell me about a man that said he wanted her when she was of age. I don’t know what sort of activities her parents were into, but I get the feeling it was dangerous.
“I don’t know, maybe. Why now though? Why after all these years will he be coming after me?” I look to Blake and see him looking around the room. “I don’t know. I don’t see why else I would be getting followed.” Blake gets up out of his seat, making his way outside before coming back in. “Black Mercedes? Still here across the street, I'm going to call Zane.” Alaina starts to shake her head in horror, and if we were under any other circumstances, I would laugh. “No please don't, I don't want to be that annoying girl after a one night stand.” “Babe, you will never be ‘that annoying girl after a one night stand’. You need hooker heels for that,” he assures her, smiling his cocky smile at her while he walks off , dialling Zane. “Vick, people are going to begin to find out about my past.” I grab onto her hand; it’s something we always do when one or the other is in distress.
“I know, it’s going to be okay though, you are not going anywhere.” She is not; I will do everything and anything in my power to stop her from having to run; and if she does end up having to run, I’m going with her. There is no way I can live without this girl. “Lain? It’s going to be okay.” She shakes her head, bringing her fingers to her mouth.
“No. No, it’s really not Vick, Zane… I feel things for him, things I shouldn’t and—” She stops for a second to gather her thoughts, “—He’s never going to want anything to do with me when he finds out about all my shit.” I think she is wrong, I think Zane likes her just as much as she obviously likes him. Lucky for some relationships, they can be black and white; not mine though, oh no; mine has all sorts of colours splashed in and mixed together, causing fucking pain to even look at. She starts pacing just as we here a loud rumble of bikes shaking the walls of the bar. The door flies open and a very angry Zane comes strolling in. I see the look he gives Alaina, and it is interesting to see such an emotionally shut off man, have a soft spot for my friend.
After she explains everything to Zane, I notice the boys shuffle around on their feet a bit. I glance over to Blake; he mouths, “Are you okay?” I nod my head before going back to my seat, leaving them all to talking. I can’t stop thinking about what Blake was about to tell me. I peer over to the crowd in front of me while I am drinking my drink, when I hear a growl come from Zane. “Drop it Ade,” Oh dear, trouble in biker paradise? “Pack your shit Alaina, you have two hours.” She glares an evil glare at him and says “Snappy much?” before storming off. Yep, I have nothing to worry about as far as Alaina goes; she’s a natural with bossy dominant men, obviously. Once Zane has left the building to follow her, I swing my chair back around to face the bar. “I’ll get a Sauv, please,” I say to the old bartender. So much for drying out. The rest of the boys sit down at the bar as well, ordering drinks. Blake comes and sits down next to me. “Come, I need to talk to you,” he takes hold of my hand, taking me to a corner in the bar. I look over to the boys and see them looking at me knowingly, Harvey gives me a small smile and it looks like a smile of pity. Once we reach the booth, I look over to Blake and go to sit opposite him. Something is telling me, this cannot be good. “What are you doing? Come here,” he says, pulling me over to where he is so I am sitting across his lap. “What is it Blake? Just spit it out.”
Deceit and lies
One hundred thoughts are bursting through my mind. Does he have kids? Is he married? Does he lock people in his basement while performing sexual acts on them? You never know in this day and age, people are into some kinky shit. “Before I say what I’m about to say, I want you to know something. I had no idea I was going to have these kinds of feelings for you; you came into my life at full speed, causing me to crash off my track that I’ve been driving for so long,” he squeezes me into him before continuing. “I’m fucking sorry Vicky.” I look down at him from his lap. “Are you married?” He shakes his head. Well, at least I don’t have to kill him. “Zane was asked to take Alaina into protection, so a few months ago we set up this plan,” I swallow roughly, not wanting to look at him. “The plan was that I was to start seeing you in order to get to Alaina. I am fucking sorry Vicky, the feelings for you though—” I stand, pushing his hands away from me, beginning to walk backwards as he walks towards me. “You fucking used me? All of everything was a fucking lie?” I feel so embarrassed, how easy was I? I gladly and easily opened up to this man, thinking he was truly attracted to me. “Vicky, stop, as I said before the feelings I feel for you are very fucking real.”
“Fucking stop, Blake! Your word means nothing to me now; you lied, embarrassed me and shat on me. Forget it, just leave me alone and don’t contact me, ever.” I walk out of the bar, trying not to cry. I have never cried over a man before, but as they say, there is a first time for everything. Getting into my car, the strong face that I kept on while walking out of there begins to crumble before my very eyes; and a single sob slips out of my mouth. Bringing my hands to my face, I let go; every good feeling that this man has made me feel has just been ripped away from me and replaced with hurt, deceit and lies. I am shattered; he obviously meant a hell of a lot more to me than I gave him credit for. I hear a knock on my window and I look up to see him standing there. “Open the fucking door Vicky,” he tries yanking my door open. Great, now he has just seen you crying fucking tears over him. He looks manic with his pupils dilated; probably feeling a little guilty for what he has
done to me, nothing more and nothing less. I can’t even be angry at him about the way I feel towards him; he has always made it clear that we were never going to be anything more. “Vicky, I fucking swear to fucking god, if you don’t open this door now, I’m going to smash your fucking window. Please baby, please don’t cry.” I wipe the tears away from my eyes, start the car and floor it the fuck out of there. I know I will never ever want anything to do with him after this.
Blake
“Fuck!” I yell as I see Vicky take off onto the highway. I fucking feel like shit. I should never have agreed to this fucking parade, she deserves so much better than what I could ever give her. As much as I want to pursue her, need to pursue her, I won’t do it. The girl means that much to me that I do not want to fucking damage her by just being with her. Walking back into the bar, I am re-tracing my tracks in my mind; trying to figure out the exact moment that I fell completely in love with Victoria Abrahams. Fuck. I stumble in, smashing the door open. I see the boys all staring at me. “Don’t, I just need a drink.” I say to them, and Ade pulls out the chair next to him. “So,” Ade says, picking up his drink; I really hope he doesn’t say anything smart. Ade is fucking lethal, but I will gladly give him a go right now. “Did you tell her you loved her?” He asks, peering at me over his glass. I drink mine in one hit before tapping the bench for another. “Nope, there is no point. She deserves better.”
He turns to me with disbelief written on his face.
“That’s some bullshit brother, and you know it.” I laugh.
“You a relationship expert now? Mr I have not had one single girlfriend in all of my 28 years?” He laughs while drinking the rest of his drink.
“Touché, brother.” Ade is complicated. He is the biggest out of all of us and the most ruthless, and that is saying something, because the rest of us don’t walk around with pussy pouches on. But Ade? He is on a completely different level of dangerous. He hasn’t once had a girlfriend; he has his casuals, and he treats them as exactly what they are, garbage. But they always come back, they all want to save him, or attain the unattainable; no one has ever caught his attention, except for Kalie. “What happened with Kalie?” I ask with a smirk. I haven’t actually bought this up with him before, but I’m feeling reckless, so why not.
He flinches briefly, then smiles. “Nothing, I did the deed and that was that.” I laugh, looking back to him. “Something tells me there is a lot more to it than that, when she left me she was all ‘I still want my V card, but I will suck your dick though’. Gotta say, chick was on a mission.” Ade stands from his seat, looking at me with absolute disgust and murder in his eyes. “She fucking what?”
I laugh again, and stand up in front of him. Ade is my brother, I grew up with him and Zane, we fight like brothers but I love him nonetheless. “She sucked my dick brother; she was balls deep in that shit while I was licking Vicky’s sweet spot. She was fair—” The first fist goes flying into my face.
“You piece of fucking shit!” Harvey and Felix pull him off me from the floor, and I laugh.
“She was fair fucking game Ade, you were too busy with the slut spread out in front of you to care,” I continue, spitting the blood out of my mouth onto the floor. He’s breathing in and out at a dangerous speed; I get up and grab my drink. “Are you done?” I ask, watching his face calm and his eyes settle.
“Don’t ever, fucking speak about her ever again, understood?” he replies. I look at him and narrow my eyes, I know without him saying anything that she is different; I am intrigued.
“She’s different,” I say with a knowing expression.
“Drop it Blake, I fucking mean it.”
Harvey looks to me and shakes his head. “Kalie is a touchy subject, don’t go there brother, I tried.” I nod my head in understanding before sitting back down to finish my beer.
“Are you seeing her now or what?” I ask, no one tells me anything. Or maybe I have been too caught up with my own shit; between Vicky, my sister, and Zane’s mission he has me on, I haven’t been able to take a breather. He shakes his head, setting his mouth into a hard line.
“She was a one night thing. I should never have done it; it’s hard to turn down the sexiest chick you have ever seen when she’s begging you to put your dick in her. I was weak.”
I smirk at him. “She was fucking fine though, don’t shoot, I’m just sayin’.” I throw my hands up quickly. He chuckles, “Brother, she’s fucking outstanding.”
When I get home, I drop my shit in the games room and grab a beer out of the bar fridge. Sitting on the sofa, I think over all the shit that has happened lately. I know I have fucked it for Vicky and me, and it couldn’t fucking hurt more if someone stabbed me right in the fucking heart.
Vicky
Getting home, I go straight up to our dorm and sink into my bed. I have cried enough tears for him; fuck Blake Rendon. I feel like I have been saying that a lot lately.
I walk into the bathroom to take a couple of painkillers. Not the bad kind, the good, safe kind. Opening our pill cabinet that sits behind the mirror, I see tampons, which reminds me of my period; I begin to add the days in my head, figuring out when I would be due for my period. ”Oh my fucking god!” Putting my hand over my mouth, I drop all the pills on the ground. There is no way, I just finished my period the day I was driving to Coronado, and surely you can’t get pregnant that quick? I’m on the mini pill too; I know the mini pill is not as effective as the full contraception pill, but it is the only one that doesn’t make me feel like I want to rip everyone’s heads off. I pick up my keys from the bench and make my way to the store; I have always dreaded the day that I would need to buy a fricking pregnancy test. Please be a false alarm.
After the walk of shame, buying a pregnancy test off the young, snotty uptight bitch from behind the counter; I am currently back home and sitting on the toilet waiting for a single little line to appear on the little window. I look down at my phone, seeing three minutes have passed, so I pick up the stick that holds my fate and look down.
“FUCK! “Fuck, fuck, fuckity fuck!” I scream. After the anger disappears, I begin to cry for the second time today. Putting my hands over my face, I slide down the walls, until the cold tiles are under my ass. You get piles that way, Vicky. I do not care at the moment; I don’t care about fucking piles or fucking anything. I need to talk to Alaina but I know she has so much going on right now; I don’t want to stress her out with my shit as well. Picking myself up off the floor, I make my way to my room, flop down on my bed and cry myself to sleep.
The next morning I wake up with a seedy stomach. I sit up in bed, cradling my stomach, and make it to the toilet just in time. “Gross,” I wipe my mouth, making my way to the bathroom sink to wash my mouth out with mouthwash. Looking into the mirror, I try to push out my tummy to make it look big. Fuck! I am going to get fat. My mom didn’t put on any weight with me and my brothers, but my aunt Wilder? Man, she went full whale; I could go either way. My thoughts make me begin to cry again— pull your fucking self together, Abrahams. You don’t cry; remember?
Flushing the toilet and washing my hands, I go out to my room; I put on trackpants and a tank top before making my way to my first class. I usually care what I look like in public, but seeing as people are going to start talking about me soon enough, they may as well start now. I walk into class and pull out a seat next to Hailey; I have known Hailey for a couple years, she is a good person, and that’s all I really care about in a friend. “Vicky?” she whispers next to me, looking worried. “Are you okay?” she asks. I look to her with my puffy red eyes and nod. “Yeah, I’m good.” I say in a raspy voice, it feels raw from all the crying. She looks away, but I know she does not believe me. I turn my head to the back of the room where I know Jesse usually sits; when he sees me you can see he wants to say something, but he knows I’m upset so he just leaves it, which is a good thing considering I’m not really in the mood to talk right now. After class, I quickly pack up my bags and scramble out that d
oor so fast, before anyone can start asking me 101 questions.
Slamming the door to our apartment and locking it, I make way into my room; ready to once again cry my eyes out and feel sorry for myself. My phone vibrating in my pocket distracts me from my moping, and when I see its Alaina, I know I am going to have to put on a happy face for her. The girl has a sixth sense when it comes to reading people. “LAINY!” I say, with complete fake joy. I am always happy to hear from her, but right now, I just want to be alone. “I need to get drunk and get beautiful, or at least attempt it. And I need to be felt up by some sexy hot stranger.” I giggle at her words; I wonder what Zane has done now. His list is growing mighty long. “Well, as far as greetings go, I think that one's my favourite. I’ll come pick you up now?” I am going to attempt to enjoy my one last night of not looking pregnant.
I almost want to cry all over again at the thought of having cankles.
“Thank you! I could kiss you right now.”
“I might take you up on that, see you soon.” Hanging up my phone, I get into some better clothes, because if Alaina saw me in what I am wearing right now, she would know that there is definitely something going on.
I know you hate me
The drive to the clubhouse is not long; before I know it, I am pulling into the gates. I look over to the doors and see Alaina storm out like someone just stole her toys, not like her at all. She curls her finger to one of the pretty prospect boys, making his shoulders slump in defeat before getting onto his bike. Once we hit the highway, my curiosity gets the better of me. “Are you good?” I ask her, glancing to her in the passenger’s seat.