After she had left, I began trying to move my arms and legs against the restraints again. My muscles were weak and considering I had been laying here on and off for months at a time, I wasn’t quite sure how long it had been since I had actually stood or walked for that matter. For all I knew, I could have been up and moving around weeks ago but I wasn’t sure when the last time I had tried to escape even was. Time had a funny way of blending together at this place.
When Patricia came back nearly three hours later, she was with a securing guard and had a wheel chair with my name on it. I could see the keys in the man’s hand and they jingled as he moved toward me. He went to unlock the bolt holding my leg restraints to my bed first. Adrenaline surged through my veins and as he unlocked the actual restraints on my ankles, my inner fight intensified. I was losing to the other half. As the key twisted, the bolt holding my arm restraints to the bed clicked loudly. My other personality gave the final nudge and I was pushed into the background.
Ariana was back and I was stuck inside, watching in fear, and helpless to keep “her” from doing anything to irrational. The guard gripped the cuffs on my arms and pulled me upward.
“Your family is here. We will escort you to them. The cuffs will remain on during the visit,” the man explained. “We will also secure you to this chair for security purposes.”
Patricia appeared to be fearful as she looked into my eyes. When the smile crept on to my face, horror enveloped hers. “Oh, no,” she whispered.
“Wrong answer,” I said ruthlessly as I threw my entire body weight into the security guard. The IV that had been in my arm ripped out leaving my arm bleeding and sore. The guard never saw it coming and his hands slipped off of my restraints. He lost his footing and his head crashed against the ceramic tile. He lay there unmoving and silent. “I’m sorry. Patricia, but I won’t be doing any sort of cooperating today.”
“Oh, Ariana, please don’t do this! You’ll only make this worse on yourself!” she screamed.
“Too late! My fate was sealed the moment I killed Alex!”
“Jesus! Ariana, what have you done?”
“I can’t stay here! Aidriana was my only escape! I was happy there and no one could just leave it alone. Alex begged for her life and I tortured her. Eli took an even worse path! I needed to kill them. Ryan was an accident! I just want to be with him again. Aidriana had him and you damn people can’t just set me free! I’m not right, Patricia! Inside of my head, I’m not, and you know it! Either you kill me or let me fucking go back!” I screamed back at her.
She had tears running down her face as she cast her gaze upon me woefully. “I can’t kill you, Ariana,” she whispered.
“Then induce a coma and keep me from coming back to this hell!” I shrieked. “Please don’t make me stay here!”
“Ariana, you’re not making any sense! That life isn’t real!”
The guard began to stir as he began to regain consciousness. I looked over at him irritated. “I don’t care. Do it or I will force them to kill me. I will not live this way! I would rather live in a life of fantasy than live a life of pain and guilt. I will never forgive myself for what I have done to Ryan!”
“What about Eli? What about Alex? Don’t they matter?”
“No,” I admitted. “They don’t.”
The man began to rub his head and I could see the realization of what had happened clearly asserted on his face. A siren suddenly began to sound above us. I looked at him wildly. The weakness in my extremities was apparent from the lack of movement over the last few years but I stammered toward the door to get away from that man.
“Stop!” the man yelled.
I did no such thing and didn’t plan to. “She” was calling the shots and there was no doubt, I was either going to go back to the fake life I had been knew and understood or I was going to die very soon. There were no compromises, no other routes, and no changing “her” mind.
My body moved slowly out of the door and I had one last agenda before leaving this place or dying. I needed to see my sister. Brooke would be devastated but she would have been even more mad if I didn’t at least try to find her. As I left, I heard Patricia shuffling around in a drawer in the room I called my prison. I didn’t stay long enough to find out what exactly she was looking for.
I wobbled through the hallway, somehow managing to escape when the area was completely empty, and could hear the guard yelling behind me. He must not have been able to pick himself up yet but I knew he would sooner or later. I didn’t care though and I began yelling my baby sister’s name.
When a young girl ran out of a room ahead of where I was stammering, I knew right away that it was her. She was taller than I had expected for an eleven year old and unmistakably who my appearance as Aidriana had been based on. She looked exactly as I had growing up in my fantasy life. Instant feelings of adoration and love filled me. Other than Ryan, she was the only person in this life Ariana could truly admit to loving. When her eyes locked with mine, she froze. She smiled at me and even thought I didn’t personally know her, I felt the same love in the background. The smile on my face was shared by both personalities but when Brooke’s smile suddenly disappeared and her eyes widened, I felt truly afraid.
The sudden pinch on my butt cheek forced out a small yelp and I instantly thought that maybe I had been shot. The thought left me quickly when I realized that there had never been any firing of a gun. The drowsy feeling hit quickly and I fell to the ground.
“Doctor Kaitz, what are you doing to my sister?” Brooke shouted hysterically.
“Brooke, please stay calm sweetie,” she said serenely. Her voice remained steady and calm. “Ariana has become a hazard to both herself and others. I had no choice but to sedate her.”
Brooke’s somber gaze was full of disappointment and inarguable pain. My sister, obviously the same in both lives and whom I loved dearly, would always be angry with my life choices. Tears assaulted my eyes as the tranquil feeling of sedation was winning. I knew she would be the last thing I would see before the drugs took me. I smiled at her realizing my ultimate freedom in the fantasy world I called home.
I turned to Patricia and smiled wider. “Thank you for not killing me,” I slurred as my vision began blurring around the edges.
“I can’t promise anything to you sweetheart, but I will do what I can. You surely are my most intriguing patient, Ariana.”
I let out a weak laugh and struggled to keep my heavy lids open. I turned back toward Brooke and smiled again. “Brooke, come give me a hug.” She timidly made her way over to me and slumped to the ground next to me. She held me in a tight embrace as I drifted into the darkness.
The darkness remained for only a second. Just like that, my mind was on rewind, bringing me back beyond the realization of my life, and unaware of the insanity locked inside. Unable to grasp who I really am, I lock myself into the safety of my mind, where my horror story can replay like a cruel movie. I’m stuck yet again, and the constant reminder of my violent undoing waits silently at the end.
My name is Ariana Elsie Masterson, a killer, and I live a fantasy to escape the insanity that is truly who I am.
About the Author:
Ashley N. Pearce is a Grand Valley State University graduate with her bachelor’s in Criminal Justice. She lives in Michigan with her son, Aiden. She spends most of her time with her son but enjoys the little time she has to write. She loves to read and play the occasional video game.
You can find her at
https://www.facebook.com/AshleyNPearce2
https://anpearce.blogspot.com/
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