I walked out the front door and slowly worked my way to my car. My legs were heavy, my eyes stung, and my face was dry from the tears. I opened my car door and sat down. I put my head down on the steering wheel and the tears poured. I was losing my best friend to cancer, and my boyfriend was leaving the state. I couldn’t understand why such horrible things were happening to me or the people I loved.
I was completely numb and everything was going wrong. I had to try to keep my head straight and be strong though. I couldn’t even imagine what Alexa was feeling right now. She had to be terrified and angry. I took a deep breath, turned on my car and drove.
~
When I got to the hospital, I walked straight to the front desk. The woman sitting there looked like she hadn’t slept in days. She was probably in her late twenties and her blonde hair was cut short and choppy. She looked up at me with little interest.
“Did you need help?” she barked.
“Well, I’m here to see a friend of mine and…”
She cut me off quickly, “Name?”
“Uh. Alexa,” I stammered. The woman was horribly rude and I had never felt so disrespected.
“Uh. I need a last name,” she shot back.
And that was the final straw for me. I couldn’t believe how horrible this woman was being. “First of all,” I looked down at her name tag and smirked, “Brenda. There is no reason to talk to me like a pile of shit. This is a hospital and most people aren’t visiting this hell hole for the fun of it.. How dare you be such a disrespectful, bitter, heartless bitch.”
She looked at me, eyes wide and jaw dropped. She was clearly speechless. “I... I’m… I apologize, miss,” she stuttered.
I smiled sweetly at her, “It’s okay Brenda. I would hope you don’t continue to treat people this way after this.”
“I didn’t. I didn’t realize. I’m so sorry,” she looked away clearly ashamed.
“The last name is Levado,” I finally said after I felt I had made my point.
She started pecking away at her keyboard and paused, “It looks like she is in room 4119.”
“Thank you very much, Brenda. It was nice to meet you.”
“Nice to meet you too,” she smiled and still had a slight look of embarrassment on her face.
I walked away quickly toward the elevator. The walls were covered with beautiful paintings and plaques. I tried to look at them on my way to the elevator to try to take my mind off of what was to come. It didn’t work, to say the least. I tapped the “up” button for the elevator and waited impatiently. After about a minute, the door finally opened. My heart was racing, my stomach was in knots, and I had a very intense urge to puke.
I went to the fourth floor and began my search for her room. Unfortunately, my stalling was cut horribly short and the room was only nine rooms down from the elevator. I stopped in front of the door and tried to collect myself. I leaned up against the door, trying to breathe and didn’t realize the door was cracked open just slightly. The next thing I knew, I was falling through and finding myself on the floor. This was not one of my smoothest moves.
“Aidriana?” Alexa looked at me confused.
I picked myself up and my eyes met hers. She looked worn and exhausted. The dark circles around her eyes were prominent and her skin was chalky and white.
“Um, hi, Alexa,” I said awkwardly.
“What are you doing here?” she asked with a ring of joy.
“I got worried and went to your house. Your mom was a hysterical mess when I showed up.”
“Oh. Yeah. She tends to do that when I get sick,” she responded
“Alexa, why didn’t you call me?” I asked, offended.
“I wasn’t ready to yet,” she admitted, looking away from me. Her eyes were rimmed with tears.
I walked up to her bed and leaned down to hug her. She began to cry and I followed shortly after. We stayed like that for what seemed like hours. We talked about what was happening and she told me how there were no words to explain how she felt. I tried to seem strong for her but I was breaking down quicker than I even thought was possible. I finally left her so she could rest. The drive home was a blur and I couldn’t remember how I got home. I didn’t remember driving at all.
When I walked into my house, my parents were screaming at each other. They stopped long enough to meet my eyes. I didn’t bother wasting my time saying anything to them; I just merely shook my head in disapproval and rolled my eyes. I turned toward my room and started walking away.
“Aidriana, wait!” my mother called in my direction.
“What?” I barked at her.
“Hunny, we really need to talk to you,” she said looking guilty and regretful. I wondered if this day could possibly get any worse.
“Whatever, mom, can you just get to it? I’m really not in the mood right now.” I looked at them and realized how pissed I really was. My mother began to speak and when I decided she didn’t deserve to, I cut her off and began to tell them what I already knew.
“Aidri…” she began.
“You know what, just stop!” I said losing my temper. “Let me just take a quick stab in the dark at your ‘news’,” I air quoted at them sarcastically. “As bad as this day has already been, I’m guessing that you selfish assholes decided it was time to get that divorce.”
“Aidriana Elise! Watch your mouth,” my father scolded.
“You people are unfucking believable! Here let me send myself to my room for you since you have both been completely worthless lately anyways!” I walked down to my room, leaving both of my parents with their jaw hanging open. I walked into my room and Brooke barged her way in as I was about to close the door. “Brooke, hunny, I’m really in need of some time alone. Can you come get me in the morning to play, please?”
“Sorry sissy, I just needed to tell you something quick. It’s my bed time,” she grumbled.
“I didn’t realize it was so late, sweetie,” I said softly. I couldn’t be mean to her; I kept reminding myself that it wasn’t her fault. “What did you want to tell me?”
“Well Katelyn got in trouble today,” she said as she swung her hands back and forth.
“What kind of trouble, Brooke?” I asked.
“Really bad trouble sissy. They took her away earlier.” she explained.
“Who took her away?”
“Cops,” she whispered.
“What!” I shrieked more angrily than I had intended. Brooke cowered a little at my tone. “I’m sorry, sweetie, I need to go talk to mom.”
I began stomping all the way upstairs to find my parents sitting down, talking very quietly. I stared some very sharp daggers in their direction, tried to remain calm, and finally started talking to them.
“Why is it, that neither of you ever tell me anything?” I yelled.
“Sweetheart, I’m not quite sure what it is that you are talking about now,” my mother responded softly. I could tell I had gotten to her.
“Katelyn? Your daughter? Ring a bell, mom?”
“Aidriana, the sarcasm is not necessary,” my dad snapped at me. He was clearly irritated.
“Brooke told you, I’m guessing,” my mother said.
“Yeah, it’s sad that I had to hear that from a 4-year-old,” I said bitterly.
“I’m sorry hunny. There has been a lot going on. I didn’t really think about it,” my mother guiltily admitted.
“How exactly do you forget something like that?” I shouted at them. They both looked at me remorsefully. “Why is she there this time?”
“Drugs. It’s always drugs,” my dad answered sadly.
I said nothing more to either of them and walked away. Our family was a broken mess and I was horribly disgusted with everyone. I walked to my room to find Brooke sitting on my bed sniffling.
“Brooke, sweetie, what’s wrong?” I asked.
She looked at me with devastated eyes. “I just don’t understand.”
“Understand what?”
“
What’s wrong with Katelyn? I’m mad at her,” she stated simply.
“It’s a little complicated. I know you’re mad but she isn’t trying to hurt you,” I tried to explain.
“How do you know?” she asked.
“Because she’s sick. She isn’t trying to upset you, she just can’t help herself anymore,” I said softly.
“Thank you, sissy. You’re the best.” She ran over and hugged me. “I love you so much.” She smiled at me and hugged me tighter.
“I know, Brooke. I love you too.”
~
The next day was much like the day before. Nothing had changed nor was anything better. I talked with Ethan more about the move, but things were a little awkward between us. I couldn’t help but to be mad about the situation.
Alexa was only getting worse. School went by so fast that day, but the haze I kept experiencing kept coming back. I felt like pieces of my life were being skipped over. By the time I got back home, I was physically and mentally drained. Nothing felt real. I was beginning to wonder if I was going insane. I was scared, but I didn’t bother talking to anyone when I got home. I went straight to my room and fell asleep.
Chapter 3
The days were passing much more like minutes. It was already the middle of November and I had been visiting Alexa in the hospital for over a little over two months now. Every day for about an hour after school I would sit with her and we would talk about life or reminisce about stories from our childhood. I could see the cancer eating away at her. She was rapidly losing the fight but they had very little they could do for her.
They offered Chemotherapy but said she had less than a five percent chance of it helping. They also explained that it would more than likely make her sick every time she had a treatment and that she would lose hair. After that compelling explanation, she decided that she would rather live the little amount of life she had left in the most comfort that would be possible. She said she couldn’t bare going through all of that to find out it didn’t work. The color of her skin was looking more transparent. The bags underneath her eyes were a bruise purple. I was scared for her. She was scared for herself.
Like every other day, I was visiting, but today was different. She was quiet compared to usual, tense even. The wear of stress and uncertainty masked her face. She was scared even more than I had ever seen her. After a half hour of awkward conversation, one worded answers and a lot of ‘what did you says’, I finally broke the silence.
“So would you like to tell me what’s bothering you?” I asked quietly.
She looked at me and drew in a deep breath. “Aid, they gave me a guess for how much time I have left.”
I sighed, “I figured they would have to sooner or later.”
“It’s not good.”
“I know,” I frowned. “Spill anyways.”
“Five months, maybe a little more, maybe way less.” She seemed to be handling this extremely well for knowing she may only have less than a year to live. There was more and she didn’t want to talk about the rest. She looked almost guilty and definitely pained. This was no elephant in the room, it was an ocean and it was suffocating her.
“I’m so sorry Alexa,” I said sadly. “You know I’ll be here for you in any and every way I can.”
“I know,” she smiled.
“You’re not off the hook quite yet, sweetheart,” I stopped her from trying to change the subject.
“Hmm?” she said acting confused.
“There’s more. I know you and that’s not all.”
“How the hell do you always do that?”
“Intuition is an amazing thing,” I smiled.
She laughed softly and paused, “Yes, there is more. Though I wasn’t going to tell you yet,” she admitted.
“Oh and why wouldn’t you sooner than later?”
“I’ve only known for a little over an hour,” she explained as a single tear trailed down her face.
“If you’re not ready to talk about it, tell me in a few days. Or whenever you feel is the right time,” I said sympathetically.
“No, I need to tell someone,” she hardly got out. She was losing her composure now, which meant it was bad.
“I’m listening.”
She whispered something far too softly for me to hear her. I looked at her and shook my head, “try again,” I laughed.
“I’m,” she paused for what seemed like days. The suspense was killing me. “Pregnant,” she finally confessed.
And that, I was not expecting. My jaw was hanging down to my ankles, eyes bulged out. “Holy shit bricks,” I exclaimed. She looked disgusted with herself. “How?”
“Well one night we were making out and the next thing I knew he was...”
“Oh my gosh, no! I know how people get pregnant Alexa! I didn’t mean literally tell me how; I meant how are you pregnant when you told me three months ago you were a virgin? You haven’t had a boyfriend. I don’t think I’ve even seen you hold a boys hand before! How far along are you?” I questioned and then it dawned on me, “Oh my God, who is the father!” My mind was reeling and I was suddenly having extreme thought vomit. Everything was hitting me faster than I could even begin to keep up or sort them out.
“I’m about ten weeks along and Ryder.”
“Ryder? Who is Ryder?”
“Ryder is my unborn child’s father and he is also your boyfriend’s best friend.”
“What! Eww! Why?” I was losing my grasp on this fast. “Since when have you been with him? I’ve never even seen you talk to him before!”
“It kinda just happened. He asked me out a few months ago. Ethan didn’t even know and you know how close those two are,” she explained frantically.
“Why didn’t you tell me?” I exclaimed.
“I was going to but then I got sick and I just figured it didn’t matter anymore. He was here last night to see how I was. He’s been here every night since the day they made me come here.”
“How is that possible? He’s been visiting you all that time! How did I not know that?” That is when another thing dawned on me, “He doesn’t know yet!” I gasped.
“No, he doesn’t. You don’t and didn’t know yet if he ever asks you!” She hissed.
“So what’s going to happen with this?”
“I have no idea,” she said softly. Her eyes began to water again. That was it. That was the pain on her face. She didn’t know what would happen with her baby. I didn’t know either. She was more worried about her unborn child than she was about herself anymore.
It was getting late so I decided I should go before Ryder showed up. I waited until the following night to wait for him to leave the hospital. I stood outside of the hospital door, leaning very nonchalantly against one of the large cement pillars.
It was about seven thirty when he finally came waltzing through. He looked pretty relaxed considering the news he had heard just the night before. He didn’t notice me so I let him pass before I tapped the back of this right shoulder. He turned slowly and his eyes were wide when he finally realized it was me.
“Aidriana?” Ryder said in surprise.
“Yes that’s my name. Don’t wear it out,” I smirked.
“What are you doing here?” he questioned.
“I could ask you the same,” I laughed. “You look awfully guilty for just walking out of a hospital.” He didn’t say anything, just stared at me. “I’m visiting Alexa, to answer your question. And if I’m not mistaken, you’ve been doing the same.”
“Shit,” he blurted. “What did she tell you?”
“Everything,” I smiled.
“Shit,” he repeated.
“Why were you guys hiding your relationship from us?” I asked confused.
“I don’t really know. We were both scared what you and Ethan would think, what everyone would think,” he admitted.
“Well that’s stupid,” I said bluntly. “I’m happy for you both. Though I wish the circumstances were simpler.” His eyes grew sad after
I mentioned that. They almost looked cold, a little lifeless even. “You know you have to tell Ethan about this right?”
“I know,” he sighed.
“He’s going to be more hurt if you don’t tell him yourself. He’s going to be surprised like I was, but I think he will be happy you two found each other.”
“I love her,” he whispered, choking up. The pain on his face was more apparent.
“I can tell.”
We said nothing more to each other. That night, he finally told Ethan. Ethan called me squealing like a school girl. I laughed at his extreme response to the situation. We talked more about them, but the more we talked, the more we both started feeling sorry for them. They had just started and their end was in close view. It was completely inevitable. It was going to break Ryder because there was a good chance he was going to come out of this completely alone. The likelihood of that baby living was slim to none.
~
My parents went to court a week later. My dad didn’t want an argument so he gave up everything to keep the peace. My father is a very good man but a part of me wished he wouldn’t have rolled over so easily, at least for Brooke’s sake.
I also went to see Katelyn. She’s pissed because my mom and dad are refusing to bail her out. I couldn’t feel sorry for her though. She wasn’t even trying to get better. If she didn’t want to keep getting caught, she would put some effort in to getting help. She can’t keep blaming everyone else for her problems.
The visits with Alexa were becoming harder for me to deal with. She seemed to be doing worse every day and she looked almost unrecognizable. She didn’t deserve this but it seemed like the nicest people always get shit on the hardest in life.
She finally told her mom about the baby. She was mad to say the very least but in her defense, Alexa was only 16. It didn’t take her long to cool down considering the condition Alexa was already in. Mandy did pull me aside to tell me that she is somewhat happy about the pregnancy. We all knew Alexa was going to die. The baby could be the only thing left of her daughter, if it even survived this.
Ethan went to visit the new house he was going to be living in also. He’ would be back in a few days but it already felt like it had been a lifetime apart. I didn’t know how we were going to go for weeks without each other. He really didn’t want to leave now that Alexa was so sick. He was afraid she would pass right after he left.