“Mrs. Lovell. There is a secret that I have kept until now. And it concerns you.”
Rose felt a tightening in her throat. In an instant she knew it was about Carolina Jane. The only thing she and Captain Wyatt had in common between them. She glanced out at the hills and back at him.
“What I didn’t tell you that night. What I couldn’t tell you that night…was that Theodore McGuire fathered Matilda Jane’s child.”
Rose’s heart sunk to the ground and she couldn’t speak. Her mind raced. Of course he couldn’t tell that. It was his sister’s husband.
“Did Ava know?”
“Of course not. Why do you think I came to you? McGuire and I fought it out once I found out. But I couldn’t tell my sister.”
She felt his pain even in his harsh words.
“I came upon McGuire mishandling Matilda Jane in a back alley. He wanted her to get rid of the child. We fought. Matilda Jane wanted to give the child to Ava but McGuire said he’d deny it all and he threatened her. Matilda Jane knew Ava and I had been at the orphanage, so she trusted me.”
“I’m so sorry.” Rose said.
“Sorry isn’t going to help now.” He spit out the words.
Rose gave him her back. She knew more was coming and wondered if she could hear it and not die.
“You want my daughter back?”
The deep voice behind her confirmed what she already knew.
“Yes.”
“Ava knows now?”
“Yes of course she knows. She’s my sister. How could I keep it from her that her lying, cheating husband has a child. It’ all she has left, Mrs. Lovell. And I intend to do what I can to help her get the child back.”
Rose understood. It was Ava’s husband’s child.
Even though papers had been signed, Rose knew she had no right to Carolina Jane. Just like the two women in the Bible. When two women claimed a child was theirs, the judge said we will cut the baby in half and give each of you a half. The real mother shouted she would give the child up to the other woman. The judge gave the child to the women who did not want her child dead, even if it had to go to someone else.
Why Rose thought of that right now was beyond her, but the story was there in her mind.
“Why didn’t you tell me that night?” she could not face him.
He came around and stood in front of her. Rose looked away.
“I don’t know. I couldn’t hurt my sister. She’d been hurt enough already.”
His voice wavered and Rose wanted to…she wanted to bang her fist on his chest and next minute to hug him like a child and tell him it was okay.
Instead she walked away from him because she could no longer hold in her grief. She knew what she had to do. But how in the world was she going to do it? She needed time alone and hurried away, stopping under a tree and gazing out not seeing a single thing. Grief had darkened her sight on a bright sunny day.
Captain Wyatt stayed where he was, pacing and jamming his hands through his hair enough times to keep himself from going over there and picking her up and carrying her to the house. He had broken her heart. The same way his was broken so long ago. And the sight of her shoulders shaking was his undoing.
Several long strides later, he did exactly that. Without a word he came up behind her, swooped her up and carried her sobbing to the house. She shouted in his ear to be put down, but he ignored that.
Ducking the doorway, he didn’t know what to do now. Where was her room. His boots clicked heavy over the wooden floors and he checked each doorway until he found a bed and gently laid her there.
“I’ll be back tomorrow.” He said, stalked out the door, jerked the reins off the rail and galloped away. She hated him and he didn’t blame her.
Chapter 66
The way the horseman flew by their house, Elsa knew something was wrong. She called Haw in from the fields and said. “We have to go to Rose.”
Haw didn’t question his wife, just pulled up the cart, drove over and knocked on the door.
Rose didn’t answer. The house was too quiet. Elsa stepped in calling her name, and then hearing the sobs went straight to her.
“There, there. What is it. Did that man hurt you?”
Rose tried to control herself. “Yes, but not in the way you may hink.” She blubbered.
“He…he came for Carolina Jane.” She sobbed again. “The child is not mine and I cannot keep her, but oh Elsa how am I going to give her up. She’s all I have in the world.”
“There, there. Haw and I will pray for you lass.”
Rose let herself be held and put her arms around Elsa. “I wish my father were here.” She cried. “He would know what to do.”
“Your Father is here and He does know what to do.” Elsa whispered.
Rose could feel her tears plopping on top of her head and cried all the more.
* * *
After a time Rose heard the soft soothing sounds from the other room of Haw and Elsa as they talked to her child. She must have fallen asleep.
She forced herself from the bed and pushed tear-soaked strands of hair away from her face. There was nothing to do but face what came. Hadn’t she learned that from her mother enough times?
The minute she walked into the room her little one threw her arms out and said, “Mama.”
Rose couldn’t get to her quick enough and pulled her into her arms crushing her against her chest. “Mama’s here. Mama’s here.” She plopped down in the rocker and noticed that Elsa and Haw shot out the door saying they were going for a walk.
“Oh aren’t you pretty after your long, long sleep. I bet you want to go outside don’t you?” Rose smoothed the dark hair away, the blue eyes gazing into hers.
If her heart had not been broken before, it was now.
Before she could think another thought a slice of courage cut through. She had to be strong. Had to be firm or else the child would suffer. And that was one thing she would not do. Cause her child to suffer.
She stood and firmly made her way out the door and walked, talking to her child, explaining things. The older couple were far away, still in sight but leaving her alone. If Captain Wyatt meant to come back tomorrow for her, what could she possibly say or do to change his mind? Maybe Ava could come here to live, she reasoned, or I could go back to Charleston.
Two mothers? She whispered. How foolish. She scolded herself. She would have to give the child up to save her from knowing two women each wanting her affection. Rose would not do that. She firmed her mind and her heart. She would be ready when Captain Wyatt came tomorrow. And she would do it with honor, knowing the sacrifice would be worth it in the end. What she would rather do is state her case, throw a fit, saying she had been promised the child and Matilda Jane had signed papers saying she was hers.
Rose wondered if she could sign papers saying she wasn’t hers and tears came rolling down again. When CJ looked at her Rose saw the blue eyes noticed she was sad. “I’m just crying because I’m happy, she lied to the little one. So happy because your father and your mother had you. You are here because of them. And I’m just so…so happy God let me have you for a time.”
Rose couldn’t believe she was actually saying those words. It had not sunk in yet that she would not be a mother anymore. How could she not be a mother? She was already one. That love would never leave her. Ever. She would always know she was Carolina Jane’s mother no matter what happened. She hugged her closer and swirled around, so she would laugh. It was amazing to realize that a child this young could see a mother’s sorrow.
In time, her heart strangely became calm. She knew it was not from her own will but from God’s somehow. Knowing what she must do, she walked out to the McKensie’s and told them she was going in the house to pack CJs things. Elsa insisted on coming and sent Haw home to his work. He could come for her later.
The evening was spent sitting on the floor, Elsa, Rose and Carolina Jane. Playing. Rose wanted to rush to her art room and sketch CJ playing with h
er little toys, sitting on the brightly colored rag run and smiling. But she didn’t want to lose a minute with her. The child was innocent of what was about to happen to her. Rose couldn’t think of her being in Captain Wyatt’s care alone. She must go with him, and stated that to Elsa.
“Of course you must. The little lass would sob her way across the Atlantic without her mother near. You must go. I will insist upon it.” Elsa knew the whole story now.
Rose’s felt fear crawl up into her mind again. Would Captain Wyatt allow her to accompany him back to Ava? Would Rose come back to Ireland or want to stay in Charleston. How would CJ fare with her new mother? Would she need to stay a week, a month or longer to be sure CJ would be all right with Ava? Could she leave her behind and come back to Ireland?
Too many questions. Finally CJ was put to bed late. Rose lay her down and patted her back until she slept. She did not want to leave her alone in the room, until Elsa came for her and gently reminded her, they needed to get the child’s things together.
Rose reluctantly left her sleeping daughter and began gathering up her toys, reminding herself if she really loved CJ she would do whatever it takes to make her happy.
Then a thought occurred to her. She could refuse to let the child go. Could say that Matilda Jane had signed papers and that she was her mother. And let Ava figure things out for herself. After all Mr. McGuire was not a nice man. Why would she want his child?
Rose brought her thoughts back into line. Yes, she could do that. God would let her, but did she want to? Would being selfish help CJ. She knew it would not.
Elsa saw her dilemma. Second thoughts?
Rose nodded.
“That’s all right. You need to consider all sides.” Elsa assured her.
But both kept packing. The house silent and the windows dark. Rose pulled the curtains closed.
A knock at the door, frightened both women at once.
“Haw has come. He stayed away as long as he could.” She said and took Rose by the shoulders. “I’ll be back tomorrow, if you want me. But I won’t come unless you send word. I’ll have Haw come down in the morning.”
“Thank you Elsa.” Rose hugged her for a long minute. “I’ll be all right. I’m going to ask Captain Wyatt if I can come with her.”
“Don’t ask…insist on going Rose.” Elsa patted her arm and walked out the door with Haw.
Rose listened to the wagon wheels roll over the rocky soil.
It was time to sleep. She’d had enough for today. Her eyes were swollen and burning. Once in her gown and in her bed, she picked up her mother’s Bible and let it open, praying for a word from the Lord. It fell open to the middle. Psalm 46: 10. Be still and know that I am God. Rose shut the book and laid it back on the table. That was all she needed tonight. To know that God was God and somewhere in all this there was a plan. And Rose had no idea where she fit into it.
Chapter 67
At first sign of light, Rose was up. She could not waste a single hour of the time they would have alone. Carolina Jane was woken early and bathed, Rose talking to her the entire time, telling her of her love for her, how one day maybe she would know the mother of her first year.
At least she knew Ava would be a good mother, had so wanted a child. Rose tried to think of herself as a cog in the wheel, because if Captain Wyatt had not brought her to Rose, the child could have been adopted out and sent away. At least Ava would have her husband’s child. There was good in this. But it was going to cost her everything.
When the sounds of wagon wheels approaching caught her ear, she went to the door. It was not Haw, it was Captain Wyatt.
He had brought a small wagon to take Carolina Jane’s things. Her heart melted like snow on a hot day. He had come too early. She resented his presence. Even though it was noon, it was still too early.
Nevertheless, she opened the door at his loud rapping.
“I know it’s early. I have to catch my ship. I’m sorry…”
“We prepared last night.” She said. “Have you eaten breakfast?”
“Yes, I have. At the McKensie’s down the way, he tipped his head in their direction.
“What?”
“They stopped me this morning and would not let me pass until I came in and ate.”
“And heard their counsel?” A small smile came to her lips.
He nodded and twisted his hat in his hands. Round and round it went.
“Here let me take that for you.” She reached out and he gave it into her hands. “I have packed a trunk for her.”
“And for you as well, I hope.”
“Then you want me to come.” She felt the constrictions in her throat release with a puff of air.
“Mrs. Lovell, I know I have wronged you, by keeping the secret. I don’t know what else to say to you.”
“It’s enough that I can go and see to her . . . her transition from one mother to another.” Rose couldn’t help herself. Did he see the harm he had done to the child as well as to her. Then reminded herself, didn’t he just say he had wronged her. She struggled with her emotions and forced herself to get back on task.
“Here is her trunk.” She led him to the child’s room.
He hefted it and carried it to the wagon. And came back in. “And where is yours?”
“There, but I wasn’t sure I was going, so I have a few more things to put in it.”
Did he have to rush so?
Within the hour the cottage was shut up tight and locked. She wondered when she would see it again. She had planned never to leave this place. And always had thought Carolina Jane would grow up running these hills.
She carried her child close, memorizing every nuance. The way her blue eyes turned ever lighter in the sunlight. The darkness of her hair, the softness of her skin. The sweet fingers wrapped in her skirt as she tried to stand and declare her first independence.
Captain Wyatt chucked the horses and they began the long trip back to Charleston. He was so quiet, Rose snuck a look or two, but he never glanced her way. CJ was asleep in her arms and she could not put her down, even though her arms ached. They would ache even more in the days ahead, she knew and cuddled her closer.
Looking down at pure innocence and worrying what would happen, and the fact that Captain Wyatt did not speak, she felt hot tears scald her face. There was nothing she could do, but let them fall. Any notion of holding back her emotions was gone.
A good hour passed in silence. Then he glanced at her. She could see from the corner of her eye. She’d been careful to avert her face.
He pulled back on the reins and stopped. She feared to look at him, so she kept her face to the hills and waited for him to get down. She needed to go to the woods herself and assumed the same of him. He tucked the reins on a post and got down, and walked into the woods. He came back and to her side of the wagon.
“Take your walk. Hand her down. I’ll keep her.”
She nodded and ducked her head, knowing every emotion she was feeling was plastered on her face. She handed CJ down. He helped her down with his other hand. Not a word was spoken between them. Rose wondered if he had any feelings at all.
She hurried to the woods, glad to be relieved. It seemed water was flowing from every place in her body. When she returned his back was to her and she saw him shoulder the child and pat her back. Carolina Jane was not happy. Rose hurried to her.
“Mama’s here.” She soothed and took her back.
“Look, Mrs. Lovell, I’m not happy to do this.” He looked down at her, his hat shading his eyes.
“I know.” Her voice low.
“If there were any other way. I’ve thought about it.” He turned adjusted his hat, then headed for the wagon. “We have to make good time. My men sailed around to Dublin to save time as it is.”
“I know. The perishables will spoil.”
She followed and handed CJ to him and she began howling. CJ never howled. Rose felt his hand at her waist as he pushed her upward. The baby, heavy now, was handed u
p once again and the little head laid on her shoulder and whimpered. How under God’s heaven was she going to hand her over to a stranger. That last sentence a prayer from a heart heavy with wondering if God even heard her.
The last part of the trip was the hardest. Rose knew now she was not going to fare well on the ship and dreaded the voyage. And spring storms were the most violent.
As they got closer to Dublin, Rose began to recognize the city, it’s streets familiar to her.
“Captain Wyatt you will want to avoid that road. It is muddy and a wagon is easily rutted.”
“Which way then?” He spoke looking straight ahead.
“There.” She pointed. Then heard her name being shouted.
“Stop, please.” Her head twisted around. It was Captain Riley. He came running up, sidestepping people.
“Mrs. Lovell. You are in Dublin again.”
“Yes. Captain Riley, Captain Wyatt, my husband’s friend.” She made introductions over the noise in the streets.
They tipped their hats at each other. “I’m afraid we are in a bit of a hurry.” She apologized.
Captain Riley nodded and waved them on their way.
“Who was he? He looked familiar.”
“He captains the Blarney Stone. I met his wife and daughter the day they landed on their maiden voyage to Charleston.” She said quietly.
“From Ireland, then?”
“Yes. But his wife and daughter were lost in the earthquake. He brought Carolina Jane and I over.”
“And no doubt proposed marriage?”
Rose could not have been more surprised. She gave no answer.
“And you refused him.”
She was burning mad now. “Captain Wyatt, that is none of your affair.”
“Ah, so he did ask.” He pulled up on the reins as they neared the livery stable. “I’ll turn in the horses and the wagon and we’ll walk down to the dock.”
He jumped down and took care of business and then helped her down, baby first. Thankfully CJ did not awaken.
“My crew will come back for the trunks. You’ll be needing the small bag for the child?”