Island Paradise
Salubrious Farlight
Copyright 2012 Salubrious Farlight
License Notes
Table of Contents
Title
About the Author
The pirate dangled from the ledge by a length of vine. The flowers sprouting from the green rope tickled his nose. Pollen was not his friend. It wasn't before, and it still wasn't now. One hand swung languidly out over the air, while the other held firm to the spindly green. He was not concerned. He glanced at his boots, annoyed to see them scuffed with dirt. He shook his head, glanced at the placement of the sun, then released the vine.
***
The sun floated overhead in an ocean of blue. The breeze, fresh with sea air, caught the edges of the blanket, flipping them up playfully. A man, dressed in finery, sat on one side of the blanket. A lady, clothed in a chaste gown, occupied the other. Between them rested a wicker basket and a few china plates, white with light blue about the edges, covered with fruit, bread, and cheese.
The man smiled and lifted a goblet in salute to his companion, swirling the dark liquid within. As he brought the vessel to his lips, a thud sounded from far below the promontory on which they dined. His eyebrow quirked and the lady giggled at the sight.
With a wave of his goblet-beholden hand the man said, “What do you suppose that was?” He scratched at a spot on the hem of his coat where a bit of his drink had spilled.
“Why, probably just a monkey. They're about these parts all the time and seem quite clumsy, if you ask me,” said the lady.
“Yes, monkey. Very reasonable.” He sipped from his cup, leaving a hint of stain on his lips.
“That shade looks fantastic on you,” said the lady.
“What, this?” said the man, gesturing at his purple shirt. He spread his hands wide. “This is but one of many. My wardrobe is full you know.”
“Have you ever owned a monkey?” said the lady, glancing over the man's shoulder.
“No,” he said, “but I did buy a parrot once. It didn't work out so well.”
“Why ever not?”
“It had a filthy mouth. The other animals got tired of it. The cat shot it and the dog cooked it for dinner.”
“Really? The cat and dog?”
“Oh yes. Someone has to do the housework, after all.”
“I suppose,” said the lady quietly. The man lifted a triangle of cheese from a plate and stuffed it in his mouth, smiled while he chewed.
“Ughn nah ud fuffn,” he said. Crumbs rolled from his lips.
“What? I can't understand you.”
He spit the wad of cheese into his hand. “I said, this is good stuff.”
“That's disgusting!” said the lady.
“Yeah well, I guess I was done with it anyhow.” He threw the wad over his shoulder where it arced gracefully and disappeared past the edge of the cliff. He took the napkin from his lap and dabbed at his mouth, then batted his eyelashes.
The lady also dabbed her mouth then smoothed her dress and stood. “I believe we should be heading back.”
“Aww, do we have to?”
“Yes, we really must. Now, be a gentleman and tidy up all this.” She waved a hand at the lunch refuse before her.
The man sighed, rolled his right shoulder, and began stuffing the varied eating accoutrements into the basket.
***
The pirate opened his eyes. The moon was full, hanging ripe in the sky while clouds occasionally scudded across. A strange scent cloyed at his nose and he glanced down, finding a crumbly wad of cheese laying on his chest. He brushed the cheese off then reached down further to dust the toes of his boots.
He noticed his arm moving strangely so he gave it a jerk, popping it back into socket, then rolled and pressed on the ground, sitting up. The promontory rose above him to one side, dense jungle to the other. The vine to which he clung earlier could just be seen hanging from the side of the promontory. With a grunt, he stood up fully and began working the dust and dirt from his clothes. They were threadbare and in some places no better than rags, but it didn't hurt to try. He aimed in the direction he believed the village to be, as well as he could remember, and pushed into the jungle.
***
The man hovered before the lady's door. A hallway stretched to either side with plush red carpet. “No, you most certainly may not,” she said, and shut the door with force. The man shrugged and wandered a few feet down the hall to his own door, pulled from his coat a key, unlocked the door, and stepped in. He pushed the door shut behind and leaned against it for a moment, admiring the way the moonlight filtered through the lace covering the open window to cast streaks of silver into the dark room, before he crossed to the bed in the center with a small swing in his step.
He sat on the edge of the bed and fumbled with his boots in the dim moonlight before pulling his coat off then flopping back and sighing.
***
The pirate crept to the window, staying low. The man lay inside the room, on the bed. The pirate began to reach one hand through the window, across the sill, when a knock came at the room's door. The pirate spat and withdrew his hand.
***
The man started to drift in and out of sleep. Not really meaning to. A knock sounded at the door which roused him. He stood and crossed to the door, opening it. There, painted by the moonlight, stood the lady.
“To what do I owe this pleasure?” said the man with a bow and a smile.
“John, there's a spider in my room,” she said.
John still smiled. “You came to tell me about a spider?”
“Look don't gloat, just go take care of it. Please.”
“Well if you need my help Julia, I'm always happy to oblige,” he said with another bow. Together they walked down the hall. With a gallant sweep of one hand he opened her door. And screamed. Poised on the bed, illuminated by the oil lamp by the bedside, stood a gigantic spider, as big as half the length of the bed itself.
“Is there some problem?” said Julia, crossing her arms.
“When you said spider I didn't know you meant this!”
“Are you going to take care of it?”
“Maybe I'll just send it a letter.”
Julia gave John a shove.
“Alright, alright, I'm going.” He took a step then stopped. “Wait a minute. What am I suppose to hit it with?” Julia pulled a knife from the folds of her dress and handed it to him. “If you already had this on hand, why didn't you go poke it? Nevermind, nevermind. I'll go take care of it.”
He extended the knife in front of him and crept towards the spider. The spider turned to face him and chittered.
“Oh come on,” he said. “It's not supposed to look at me. How can I sneak up on it if it's looking at me?”
“You're a big strong man,” said Julia. “I'm sure you'll think of something.”
“Hmmm,” said John. “Hey spider, look that way!” He pointed to the side with his left hand and threw the knife with his right. The knife spun end over end, hitting the spider. And bounced right off.
“Drat,” said John. The spider lunged. Something whistled past John's ear. There was a wet smack and the spider landed on the ground, sliding into John's feet. Protruding from the top of its head was a high-heeled shoe, the heel embedded deep within. John stared for a moment then turned to Julia.
“Somebody had to do something,” she said. She walked to the spider, retrieved her shoe and wiped the heel on John's shirt then slipped the shoe back on. “Now, if you would, please get rid of that thing.” She flicked a few fingers at the spider dismissively and turned.
John approached the spider and nudged it with his toe. After it didn't
move, he nudged it again for good measure, then reached down and gathered a few legs in each hand, keeping his fingers clear of the spiny bits, and lifted. It was heavy, but surprisingly not as heavy as he expected. He crossed to the window, opened it, and tossed the spider out.
***
The pirate crouched beside the building, steadying himself with one hand. A few moments after the man and the lady left the man's room a commotion sounded from the direction of the lady's window, so he quietly inched his way beneath. He heard more rustling and commotion, then the window above him swung open and he tensed. A large spider fell on his head. He slapped it away and ran into the night.
***
The sun crested the horizon and spread its rays across the land. The light flowed into the room and across John's bed, his face. He blinked and rolled over, mumbling something. A loud knock came at the door then the door swung open.
“Wake up John, it's morning!” said Julia. John mumbled again. Julia stalked to the bed and pulled the covers off. “I said wake up!”
“Oh come on,” said John. “The sun's not even... oh, there it is.” He stretched then swung his legs out. “It's a good thing I don't sleep naked, you know.”
“We need to get going,” said Julia. “The governor is waiting.”
“Yeah well the governor can just keep on waiting, until he learns how to get up at a respectable hour.”
“And what, pray tell, would be a respectable hour for you?”
“How about noon.”
“But then you'd miss breakfast!”
“Breakfast, lunch, it's all relative.”
“Oh just get up. And get dressed!” Julia tossed the pants that were draped over a nearby chair at John, then stomped out of the room while calling, “I'll be waiting in the hall.”
***
The pair walked into the dinning room. A large table dominated the space, ringed by hand-carved wooden chairs worked from dark mahogany decorated with plush cushions set into the wood with fasteners. At the far end of the table sat the governor, white powdered wig fixed firmly over his head, flanked by two servants. He smiled and waved. Gems glittered on his fingers. “Welcome! Come, sit, the food is delicious.”
The table was covered with a baked ham, toast, eggs, and pastries. It seemed a bit much to feed just three people, but the governor was doing his best to work through it.
Julia and John crossed to the table and took up seats on either side of the governor. They nodded politely.
“I trust you slept well?” asked the governor.
“Well enough,” said Julia.
A door on the far side of the room swung open and a chef ran through screaming. Behind him chased another monstrous spider. The governor dropped his fork and gaped at the creature.
“Oh geeze, not again,” said John.
“Do you think maybe you could handle it this time?” said Julia.
“I handled it last time,” said John. “Well, almost.”
“Somebody do something!” yelled the governor. The two servants ran for the opposite door.
John carefully lifted a gleaming silver knife from the table and began to circle around towards the spider. Julia took off her shoe just in case. The governor pulled the edge of the table cloth up, covering himself, hoping to become less conspicuous.
The spider turned to face the governor. “He smells your fear,” said John.
“Really?” squeaked the governor.
“No, but I thought it'd be fun to say.” Julia shot John a look. He sighed and continued circling, trying to gain a position on the spider's far side, away from its head. The spider crept a few feet closer to the governor, moving as though it was gliding, and the governor squeaked again.
John charged the spider then leapt, plunging the knife deep into its thorax. The spider lurched back and emitted a loud skreeing before running back through the open door.
“Well,” said John, straightening his pants and coat, “it looks like I took care of that.”
“It's a miracle,” said Julia.
“What?” said John.
“I meant, hooray!”
The governor fainted.
***
The moon had begun to ascend over the horizon. The pirate stood behind a tree near the mansion, peeking around. The sound of voices floated to him, one high and lilting, the other deeper and full of bravado. The man and lady walked into view from the side of the building. It appeared they were taking an evening stroll to enjoy some fresh air. The pirate began to follow them, staying in the creeping shadows.
He heard the man say, “Would you look at that moon? It's almost as pretty as you.”
The woman replied, “That's sweet John, but a bit clumsy. Can't you think more poetically?”
“I could but why spoil the mood?”
The woman punched his arm.
The pirate could smell the woman's perfume, which meant two things. First, the breeze had shifted slightly, and second, her perfume must be strong, for him to be able to smell it. Perhaps she hadn't bathed in a few days and was wearing perfume to cover her stink. That did seem to be the custom here. Not that he was ever much for bathing. Always on the water, seldom in it. It was a point of pride.
The woman took the man's arm and squeezed. “John, I have to excuse myself for just a minute.” She turned and hurried back toward the door of the mansion. The pirate pressed himself deeper into the shrubs and shadows.
After she had passed, he made his way toward the man. The moon rose large behind the pirate, making his features indistinct. The man turned as he heard the pirate shuffle close. “Who's that?” he said. The pirate lifted a hand and slid it into a tattered pocket.
“John, who are you talking to?” the lady's voice came from behind. The pirate stiffened then made for the trees at the edge of the pathway, plunging through.
***
“That was odd,” said John.
“Who was that?” said Julia.
“I'm not sure. He didn't say. He didn't say anything, actually. You're back soon.”
“Oh, I remembered I wanted to give you this.” She slipped her hand into her dress and extracted another knife, handing it to John. “Just in case there are any more run-ins with spiders while I've nipped off for a moment.”
“Why are you giving this to me now? Why not before?”
“You didn't need it before.”
“Why not?”
“Because I was there, of course.” Julia smiled and started back for the mansion.
***
The pirate stomped through the jungle. Well, stepped. He couldn't really stomp in the condition he was in. Some bits might shake loose. He let his hand wander back into his pocket, fingering something cool and hard within. Off to the side he heard more skittering. Must be another spider, he thought. He gripped the thing in his pocket more firmly. The sooner her took care of this the better.
Not that he cared so much about the island or its people. He was long past such concerns. But he wanted to rest. He put in his time, and it was time for him to continue on. Having to deal with such nuisances like walking around again was simply disturbing.
Every time he tried to get close, though, that woman kept getting in the way. Interrupting him. She didn't pose a threat or anything, but he had to take precautions. He didn't want anyone else to know. The fewer people that knew, the less chance there was of his rest being disturbed yet again.
Lost in thought, he hadn't been paying attention to where he was going. He stepped between two palm trees, brushing vines to the side with his arm and took another step forward, into empty air. He grabbed at a vine as he started to fall. He was really getting tired of this.
***
“Why are there so many spiders about?” wondered Julia aloud.
“That's a good question,” said John. It was evening and the pair walked through the town's dusty market. People bustled around finishing up some last-min
ute transactions before heading home. From behind, a mass of skittering sounds came into focus, accompanied by sounds of dismay. John and Julia stopped walking and John hung his head. “You know, I think I'm just about ready to leave this island paradise.”
“I couldn't agree more,” said Julia, turning around. John turned too. As they did, a new skittering arose behind them. The sounds now came from both front and back. Julia pulled out yet another knife.
“Where do you hide all those?” said John.
A flood of spiders flowed onto the lane before them, followed shortly by another flood behind. From the side came some muffled shouts. John glanced briefly in that direction, to see a man covered in a brown robe and hood pushing his way through a knot of people trying to go the opposite direction. The clicking and clattering of the spiders drew his attention back.
Julia reached down and pulled off one of her high-heels, holding it in one hand while holding the knife in the other. When one spider from ahead got too close, she threw the shoe, the heel sinking deeply into its abdomen, causing the spider to swerve and race off into the jungle. “You really have to teach me that,” said John.
“I don't think your feet are dainty enough,” said Julia. John spun and threw his knife at a spider coming close from the other direction. It hit hilt-first and bounced.
“Drat! You don't happen to have any more of those, do you?” said John.
Julia reached into her dress and pulled out yet another knife, pressing it into John's outstretched hand. “On second thought, I don't even want to know,” he said. From the corner of his eye he saw the robed man loping towards them at an unsteady gait. Just then the spider leapt from the throng.
John thrust upward, mostly out of reflex, gutting the underside of the spider then flung his arms out, tossing the spider away. Another spider leapt and he dodged, causing the spider to miss and land on Julia. John turned and stabbed the back of the spider. “Why are we standing here and fighting instead of running away?” he yelled.