"Mr. and Mrs. Matheson?" she asked.
James replied, "Yes that's us."
The nurse smiled at him politely, "My name is Ruth and I am going to help you deliver your baby today. Now there is nothing to get excited about right now. Your water has broken and it does appear that you are having some slight contractions, but you are not fully effaced yet so this may take some time."
James was not comforted by the nurse's smooth tone.
"Wait, she isn't ready to have the baby? Is that what you are saying? She is in pain right now. Can't you do something about that? Ruth, my wife is having a baby and you tell us we have to wait?"
Sheila turned to James and very calmly said, "James, sit down and be quiet. Listen to what the nurse has to say and deal with it."
James sat down and looked at Sheila; he loved her so much and didn't want anything to happen to her or their baby.
"Mr. Matheson, may I call you James?" Ruth asked.
"Yes," he replied.
"James. We will do everything we can to make your wife comfortable and we will also do everything in our power to speed this process up, but nature has it's own course sometimes and we just have to wait it out. Now, you need to concentrate on making sure your wife is breathing through these early contractions and make sure you are doing everything you can make her comfortable too and not piss her off" with that said, Ruth smiled and left the room.
James looked at Sheila and told her she loved her.
She returned the sentiment and reached for his hand.
"James, I know you are worried about me, but it is going to be okay. They know what they are doing and we just have to let them tell us what to do."
Her face pinched as she started to experience another contraction. James stood up close to her side and took her hand. They breathed through the contraction together until it subsided. Sheila smiled at James and it was then that he realized he wanted to be no where else in the world at the moment.
The labor progressed over the next couple of hours and by that evening Sheila was fully effaced and pushing for the doctor. It took a little over an hour of pushing, which seemed like forever to James. He could see the pain on Sheila's face and knew that she was the strongest person he had ever met. The nursing staff was great through the whole process and at eight fifteen, Miranda Jane was born. She was the most beautiful creature James had ever laid eyes on. Her little hands and feet, her pouty little face was perfect. Sheila cried when she held her for the first time and James knew he would never forget the look in her eyes when she turned to him and told him she loved him. That baby in her arms was his and that was more than he could have ever asked for. He loved Sheila so much at that very instant, that it was hard to believe that there would be any room in his heart for his newborn daughter.
James found that there was more than enough room in his heart for Miranda and her younger sister, when she joined the family three years later. James and Sheila had been blessed with two beautiful little girls. It always amazed James that you could love something so small for no reason. Yes, they were his children, but for no other reason than that; he would lay his life down for them. They had become his life; his girls meant the world to him. They were living their dreams out and James' thoughts of Karen and his conflicted heart troubled him very little as their family grew and they shared wonderful memories together.
****
James always smiled when he thought of his daughters and how they were growing up so fast over the years. Miranda was now five and sweet little Kayla was going to be two next month. James fought off the dark thoughts that threatened to take over his mind and tried to focus on the happier thoughts of his girls.
As James pulled into the parking lot of the medical building, the music on the radio had changed from a raucous honky-tonk jam about country girls to a slower, more soulful song about life and living for the moment. Tim McGraw sang Live like you were Dying with emotion that touched your soul.
The words grabbed James and made him fight back tears as he pulled into an empty parking space.
"…and I loved deeper and I spoke sweeter and I gave forgiveness I'd been denying, and he said someday I hope you get the chance to live like you were dying…"
A message of hope, meant to challenge him to live a better life, caused James to break down in his car again. James sobbed against the steering wheel, his chest heaved as the tears flowed freely from his eyes. He knew what he was going to find out in the doctor's office and it scared him to death. James was not prepared for the news, he was sure no one could ready themselves. James shut off the car, cutting the song short and leaving him sitting in the silence of the falling rain. The sound was like a roar in his head, it almost made him wish the radio was back on; even if it was that awful song.
His head hurt.
The pain had only subsided to a dull, constant ache after taking the medicine at Leah's. Ignoring the pain, James reached for his keys and cell phone before exiting the car. He turned his collar up against the rain and moved across the parking lot to the office building behind him. It was dark now and all of the parking lot lights were illuminated. The rain refracted the beams of light and shadows danced in and around the cars. Each vehicle sat like a quiet beast; eyes dark; metal monsters asleep waiting for the turn of a key and the roar of its engine. James hung his head in an attempt to shy off some of the precipitation that had saturated the day. The rain fell at a steady interval and pelted the asphalt, creating ripples in puddles that covered the surface of the lot. James dodged the larger puddles and made his way through the parked cars to the entrance. Inside the large, warm lobby James shook off the rain from his coat and made his way to the elevators.
Dr. Wilhelm Greene and associates had offices on the fourth floor of the medical building. James was surprised at how young Dr. Greene turned out to be and how grounded he was. Being one of the best neurosurgeons on the east coast almost entitled him to have an air of arrogance and overwhelming ego issues, he came highly recommended by James' general practicioner. But Will was different; James knew that from the first moment he had met him.
It had actually been at a golf outing, James was one of three guys that needed a fourth to play through and Will happened to be just that guy. They had struck up a conversation, due to the fact that the other two guys playing with them were more interested in the beer cart and the beer cart girls. They talked of casual things and learned that they had a lot of things in common. They talked about politics and they talked about their jobs. James volunteered that fact that he liked to fish and Will happened to be a surf fisher. They shared fish stories and compared notes on different locations for the best fishing. The round of golf went quickly, both of them scoring way over par but not caring.
It was while after they met that James went to Will about the headaches he had been having. James hoped that he might have some insight into the pains. Will recommended that he come in and they would run some scans. That had been five weeks ago. James and Will had been fishing and had golfed twice more, it had turned out that they really enjoyed spending time together. James had gone in for the initial visit and some preliminary blood tests. After some more discussion, Will had ordered James to have some CT scans done.
That was three days ago.
James had received the call yesterday that Dr. Greene needed to see him and at James' first availability, he was to come in. James scheduled the appointment for the next evening and now here he was thinking about his family and listening to Elvis sing Love Me Tender as he rides the elevator to the fourth floor.
****
Family life suited James and Sheila very well. The addition of the two girls into their lives had made their marriage that much stronger and their love for each other seemingly immeasurable. They had moved from the small house on Baker Street, to a much larger home over in the Griffin Heights section of town. Sheila had quickly moved up the ranks in her firm and was being compensated nicely for
her daily contributions to the law firm. James had been with the high school for almost four years now, and enjoyed what he was doing. The house was a little out of their range but the money from the sale of his parent's house had helped.
James' dad had been in failing health for a couple of months and when the decision was made to not allow him to live alone anymore due to his mental lapses, James asked if he could move in with them. They had just purchased the new house and Sheila was very agreeable to allowing James' father to live with them. He had been retired for a couple of years now, due again to his failing mental health. It had started out as simple forgetfulness like where he put the keys or what he had for dinner the night before. The symptoms had quickly escalated to the point where he was forgetting lessons and missing classes, let alone not showering or shaving and wearing two different shoes to school.
James hated to see the decline that he father had experienced over the last couple of years, and was grateful to Sheila for allowing him to care for his father in their home and not having to put him in a care facility. It was hard with two little ones and Dad around, but they made it work. Sheila had taken to working from home three days a week, so she was home to care for the girls and watch over Dad, leaving only two days a week where the girls went to child care and a nurse had to come to the house to care for James' father. It wasn't that he needed constant medical care, it was far from that. The man was as healthy as a horse. He just needed some guidance when it came to bathing, remembering to eat, or just simple reminders of where he was and what he was doing.
James noticed times where he father was lucid for days at a time; playing solitaire on the home computer in the den, or taking walks with James and the girls. With those times of completeness, came times of absolute chaos. James' would find his father in the basement crying, calling out for James' mother Regina or his dad would sit for hours at a time and stare off into space. James found that conversations with his father became difficult at times. The same questions were asked again and again, his father would become confused about topics or what they had been discussing. He grew irritated and agitated when he couldn't come up with a word or thought he was trying to express. James' father was always sweet to the girls and Sheila so it was never a concern to James about having him live with them.
James' two daughters continued to amaze and astound him on a daily basis. He loved to watch them interact, Miranda now four and Kayla a little over one year old. His girls meant the world to him and he couldn't understand how anyone would want, or need, anything else out of life. He had it all, the nice house, the loving wife and beautiful children. James was giving back to his father by being able to care for him. James felt at peace for once in his life. His thoughts of Karen had faded to brief lapses of memories past; he felt that it was okay to be happy and content with his life. There was no longer a need to wonder about a lost love; he didn't feel that urge he had before to seek out that one thing in life that he may have missed out on.
****
The elevator deposited James out unto the fourth floor and to the medical offices of Dr. Wilhelm Greene and associates. That was what the sign said, but anyone who is or was a patient of theirs knew that Will ran this show and this was his practice. James made his way over the reception area and checked in with the young lady behind the desk.
"Please have a seat Mr. Matheson, Dr. Greene will be with you as soon as he is finished with his current patient" she stated very quietly.
James responded with a nod and brief smile, and then proceeded to take a seat in one of the oversized leather chairs that filled the waiting area.
James felt suddenly at ease; as if the news Will had for him was going to be inconclusive and he could go home and try to rest. The pain that silently rumbled through his head flared again, making him keenly aware of his situation and his happy thoughts left as quick as they came. James was paging through a magazine when Will came to the doorway and greeted him warmly.
"Still raining out there?" he asked, trying to keep the mood light.
"Yeah, it has been steady all day" James replied.
Things had changed in their relationship over the past week or so and James suddenly no longer wanted to be here or hear what Will had to tell him. He had once felt their friendship was a solid one, but he had learned otherwise.
Will led James down the hallway, past all of the exam rooms, to Will's private office. This was not your ordinary doctor's visit. James was not here for a check up or follow up exam, he was hear to find out about the results from his CT scan and latest blood work.
As Will ushered James in to the warmly lit office, a stark contrast to the harsh fluorescent lights of the hall, James settled on the fact that the news was very bad and this is why Will wished to see him right away.
"How have you been feeling James? Has the pain gotten any worse?"
James offered little response, just a deep shrug of his shoulders and nod of his head, No.
"That is understandable. Let's just get this over with and send you home to those beautiful girls of yours" Will stated.
James shrugged the comment off.
"Sheila has to work late and that the girls are at her mother's, so there's nothing to go home to tonight."
James did not feel bad lying to Will; he couldn't stand the truth about their relationship right now. Sheila was not working late, she hadn't "worked" late in a long time and the girls were not at her mom's. Sheila had left James three days before. He had gotten home from his CT scan and found the note.
It was brief, but her quick statements said all she needed to say.
"James, I took the girls to my sister's with me. We will be staying here for a little while. You have changed. We have changed. You are not the man I married and I am not the woman you married. I hope we can work this out for the girls, but with her in your life, I do not see it happening."
She had not signed the note; her quick sweeping words cut James deep.
They had been fighting; home life was not the greatest these last few weeks. James had allowed himself to get absorbed in everything else, neglecting his family and wife. He had not intended to tell Sheila of his recent medical issues, she was a worrier and that would have made things worse. He played the headaches off to stress, and he just went through the motions at home.
"I have to work late" he would tell her or "another seminar across town this weekend."
Between the two of them, the girls had spent a lot of time at their grandmother's house.
As he took a seat, Will's cell phone rang; he looked at the number and apologized. He told James he needed to take the call and it would only take a second. James let his mind wander again as Will answered the call.
He had done things all wrong, he had hurt too many people in his life and now had come the time when he may never be able to make those things right again. Sitting in Will's office, it hit James square in the face; the realization that all he had done over the past months and the impact it had on his family. James slumped forward and held his head in his hands.
James noticed that Will's conversation had become heated and the doctor was trying not to raise his voice.
"No you listen to me," Will exclaimed, trying not to shout, "Those boys are my sons and she had no right to do what she did."
James could not help but listen and wonder what it was in Will's past that had caused him to do the things he had. He realized that as good a friend as he had become, he knew very little about Will. For a brief instant James felt sorry for Will; not knowing what he had been through. On many levels James could not judge him for his actions, even if they involved his wife and family.
"No, No, NO! That is not what we discussed. You need to fix this problem immediately!" Will terminated the call and slammed the phone down on his desk.
He turned to James, "I am really sorry, that was very unprofessional of me."
"No need to apologize. We all have issues that we are dea
ling with" James replied.
Will nodded in agreement, "Yeah, I guess we do."
A wave of pain surged in James' skull, he winced from the pain.
"James, are you okay?" Will asked with guarded concern in his voice.
"I am fine Will, it is just that my head hurts and I just want to get home" James replied, "so, what is the verdict?"
James just put it out there, laid it all out and waited for Will to respond.
The neurosurgeon hesitated, as if he were weighing what to say.
"James, listen," he started, "you know we ran a battery of tests on you, including CT scans, the works."
James nodded, but stayed silent.
"James, I do not know how to tell you this, but you have a tumor" the doctor blurted out.
James sat stunned, aware of the words Will had just said, but unable to respond.
"James, it is a large tumor, and by all medical standards inoperable" Will stated.
James sat stone still, staring directly ahead of him. The news did not surprise him, but he felt shocked just the same. It was as if the final blow had just been dealt.
"It is cancer. And based on your blood work and T-cell counts, it may already be spreading so we are going to want to do more scans."
Will continued, "Now before you start to lose all hope here, there are treatments we can try," Will was stammering, he could see the blank look on James' face.
James could not and did not react, he sat staring at Will, hearing the words coming from his mouth but not comprehending. James had assumed this was, in fact, what he had been suffering from. He had researched brain tumors and a majority of the symptoms he had been experiencing were linked to some sort of tumor or legion of the brain.
"James, talk to me," Will begged, "I know this is a lot. I want to do everything I can to help you. I wish I could get in there and remove it, but it is, from what we can tell, a very aggressive astrocytoma. Most likely a Grade IV glioblastoma. This type of cancer has a rapid growth rate and affects 42% of adult brain tumor patients. Even with that, we still do have options, we can…"